‘Can you tell me why you think that?’
Allie flicked her silent sideways glance, her eyes tortured beneath the lake of brimming tears.
‘Your dad’s very worried about you,’ Terri said softly. ‘He loves you very much and he wants to help you. I think he’s sad because he doesn’t know how. Maybe if you talked to him-’
‘You don’t understand.’ The soft tortured words were ripped from a deep anguished place and tears spilled over to stream down Allie’s cheeks. ‘I don’t deserve to be happy.’
‘Oh, Allie.’ Terri reached for the slender shoulders, drawing the crying girl into an embrace. ‘Tell me what you mean, sweetheart.’
Terri rocked her gently and waited.
‘D-Dad was w-with me when Mummy died. It’s m-my fault.’
‘Oh, sweetheart,’ Terri murmured as she rubbed the girl’s back and listened to the story of guilt and anger and unresolved grief that tumbled out. Interspersed with sobs and hiccups, it wasn’t easy to understand, but she didn’t interrupt the flow. Finally, Allie wound down.
‘It’s not your fault that your mum died.’ Terri squeezed her gently, her heart swelling when Allie’s arms crept around her waist and clung. ‘You’re grieving and your thoughts are all jumbled up, aren’t they?’
‘It f-feels bad.’
‘I know, sweetheart. I know.’ She stroked the girl’s hair and pressed her lips to the top of her head. ‘Have you tried to talk to your dad about this at all?’
‘No,’ came the whispered response. ‘I can’t tell him.’
‘He’ll understand, Allie.’
‘He’ll be angry.’
‘Never. He might be sad for not seeing why you’ve been so unhappy. But he’d never be angry with you for the way you’re feeling now.’
Eyes framed by spiky drenched lashes lifted to cling to hers. Panic and a tiny growing spark of hope swam in the blue depths.
‘Your dad will be back in a few minutes. What say we tell him together then?”
‘Y-you’ll help?’
‘Of course. In the meantime, how about I check you over? Sit forward for me so I can listen to your chest.’ Terri recorded Allie’s obs while she kept up a steady stream of chatter and questions to keep the girl’s mind occupied.
Terri knew the moment Luke slipped quietly into the room. All her senses quivered with awareness. ‘Here’s your dad now.’
Allie’s smile dimmed and Terri suppressed a sigh. She waited until Luke was standing on the other side of the bed. ‘Allie told me some things she’s been worrying about, Luke. She’s going to be very brave and tell you about them.’
‘Allie, that’s great, sweetheart,’ he said softly.
‘Allie?’ Terri prompted after a pause.
The girl plucked at the sheet, her eyes averted. Luke’s eyes filled with baffled hunger as they settled on his daughter.
The silence felt thick with accusation. Terri’s stomach clenched painfully. In her eagerness to help, had she made a monumental error? Would professional counselling have been the wiser course?
But she was so sure they didn’t need an intermediary; they just needed to start. Terri bit her lip as she debated what to do next. Her instincts told her it would be better if Allie could tell her father herself. Much more therapeutic. But perhaps the stress was too much for the child.
‘Allie, darling…I know you’re unhappy.’ Luke’s voice was gentle and coaxing. ‘I know it’s not easy but I want you to know that you can tell me anything, anything at all. I won’t be cross with you.’
Terri’s throat blocked with tears and pride for the man as he tried to connect with his daughter. His words were just right. So honest and brave and perceptive. No defences. No armour. He’d lost people close to him and yet he was still prepared to put his feelings on the line for those he loved.
Perhaps this was a lesson she needed to learn. She’d thought she’d lost her physical courage in the landmine explosion. But maybe she’d never had what really counted-the raw emotional courage she was witnessing now between father and daughter.
Allie’s head stayed bowed, her shoulders rounded.
Luke’s eyes were soft with hope and love. ‘I promise I’ll listen and between us we’ll try to find a compromise.’
There was a long tense silence. Terri held her breath and willed Allie to answer.
Luke glanced up and she gave him a tiny nod of encouragement. His throat moved as he swallowed, then he looked back at the top of his daughter’s head.
‘And even if I can’t make it better,’ he said, ‘I will always love you, Allie.’
‘How can you?’ The girl sucked in a slightly wheezy breath, her arms wrapping tightly around her thin body. Terri’s heart ached at the sight of the defensive movement. Then, in a tiny, unsteady voice, the girl said, ‘Mummy died because of me.’
‘No!’ The last vestige of colour drained from Luke’s face. He laid his arm on Allie’s shoulder. ‘No, baby.’
‘Yes!’ she whispered.
‘Oh, Allie.’ His face twisted. ‘Why, sweetheart? Why do you think that?’
‘You could have fixed her b-but you were looking after me so she d-died.’ Tears streamed down Allie’s flushed cheeks and her words came out haltingly between spasmodic sobs. ‘She’d still be alive if it w-wasn’t for me.’
‘No, Allie. I’m sorry.’ Luke could hardly get the words out through the constriction in his throat. Why hadn’t he intuitively understood the cause of his daughter’s anguish? He was her father, for God’s sake. ‘I wouldn’t have been able to fix your mum.’
‘B-but I get sick,’ she said. ‘You always f-fix me.’
‘Sweetheart, your mum’s sickness was different. The cells in her blood multiplied and multiplied and we couldn’t find a way to stop them.’ He sat on the edge of her bed, wanting to gather her into his arms but not wanting to push while she was so defensive. ‘I’m sorry, Allie. I didn’t realise you were feeling this way. I let you down.’
‘No.’ With a choked cry, Allie suddenly launched herself at him. He hugged her close, her thin arms wrapped around his neck tightly. The frail body against his shook with great sobbing shudders.
He breathed deep. His child, his baby, had thrown herself into his arms. The stamp of this small person’s scent affixed itself on his soul all over again.
It had all been made possible by one extraordinary woman.
He lifted his head in time to see Terri swiping her hands across her cheeks as she turned to leave.
‘Terri?’
She hesitated a moment then lifted brimming eyes to meet his. His chest swelled at the unsteady smile she gave him. He owed this woman more than he could ever repay. He wished he could reach out and draw her into the circle of his embrace with Allie.
‘Thank you,’ he murmured.
She nodded, nudging a box of tissues along the bedside dresser until it was within easy reach for him. ‘I’ll let the switch-board know that I’m taking your calls until further notice.’
His heart was full as he watched her slip out of the room, shutting the door behind her.
He held Allie until her sobs subsided. In a small silence he grabbed a couple of tissues and proffered them.
‘Thanks.’ She blew her nose with unselfconscious vigour, then sighed. After a moment, she said, ‘I miss Mummy.’
The wobble in her voice tore at his heart.
‘I do, too, Allie.’
‘We left her.’
He frowned. ‘When we came here?’
‘Yes. W-we left her behind.’ She tilted her head to look at him. ‘We left all the places she loved.’
‘She loved it here, too,’ he said. With his thumb, he wiped the moisture from her cheeks. ‘Remember last time we were here together? She taught you how to snorkel.’
‘Yes. But it’s not the same.’ Her voice was thick with unshed tears. ‘We left her garden.’
‘I know, baby, I know.’ Luke understood immediately. The garden had been Sue
-Ellen’s pride and joy. She’d lavished love on her plants with the same generosity she’d lavished it on her family. He swallowed as a quick stab of grief pierced his heart. ‘You know Mr Owens is looking after it for us.’ He laid his cheek on the top of her head. ‘But it’s not the same as us being there, is it?’
Allie’s hair rubbed his skin as she nodded. ‘He won’t love it as much as w-we would.’ Her voice shook anew.
‘I know.’ He gave her a quick tight squeeze. The silence was comfortable, soothing. He rubbed her back in slow circles, enjoying the closeness after so many months of friction.
‘T-Terri said maybe we could get a plant.’
‘To remember your mum by? Would you like that?’ How brilliant. How elegantly simple. Bless Terri and her insight.
Allie’s head, cuddled against his chest, nodded.
‘I think that’s a great idea. We can go to the nursery and you can pick something out.’
‘I already know what I want to get. A pink rose like the one we had by the front door.’ She lifted her eyes to his, the lashes spiky with tears. ‘The climbing one.’
‘Okay. We’ll get the very best pink climbing rose in the nursery.’
Allie rewarded him with a radiant smile, a glimpse of the healing process that had begun. The moment was precious. ‘Can Terri come, too? When we get it?’
Luke quelled a pinprick of apprehension. Terri. Both he and Allie wanted more of her in their lives. It seemed like a potential disaster. He didn’t want Allie to get hurt.
For him the want, the need, was on a very different level. In an instant of uncomfortable clarity he realised he was projecting his fears for himself onto his daughter.
He didn’t want to get hurt. Didn’t want to risk losing someone else that he cared about. Didn’t want to put his heart on the line.
He stifled a sigh. He was afraid that his options for choice in the matter were well gone.
‘Can she, Dad?’
‘Of course. If she wants to.’ He shook off the shiver of disturbing self-awareness. A family outing with Terri might help to take the magic out of her presence, give him a bit of perspective where she was concerned. ‘We’ll talk to your granddad, too, and see where we can put the rose.’
‘Somewhere special.’
‘Somewhere extra-special.’
‘Thanks, Dad.’ She reached up and hugged him spontaneously again. The lump in his throat got bigger. ‘I feel better.’
‘So do I, Allie. So do I.’
He had his daughter back. Right now, this was what counted. Allie relied on him to make sensible choices.
For her and for him.
A short time later, Terri filled out a biochemistry form requesting urea and electrolytes and slipped it into a laboratory collection bag with a tube of blood.
As soon as she’d finished, her mind strayed towards the room at the end of the emergency department where Allie had been moved once she’d been stabilised. How were Luke and his daughter? When Terri had left them half an hour ago, Luke had had his hip perched on the edge of the bed and Allie wrapped in his arms.
A cocoon of paternal protection.
A beautiful snapshot of love between parent and child.
Terri swallowed. What sort of parents would she and Peter have been? Her hand ran down the flatness of her abdomen. She already knew he’d had no time for her pregnancy. The changes in her body, which had so delighted her, had left her late husband cold. She tried to imagine him enfolding a child, their child, in his arms.
That picture wouldn’t come.
Suddenly she needed to see Luke with Allie, to see that affirmation of pure, unconditional love. Her feet carried her past the curtained cubicles to the door of Allie’s room.
There they were. She rested her fingertips lightly on the glass of the window and felt the tension in her chest ease.
They were going to be okay, this father and daughter who had each carved a niche in her heart.
As she watched, Allie’s arms came up to wrap around Luke’s neck. The scene in the room blurred. Terri lifted her hands, pressed her fingers to her eyelids as she willed away the unexpected rush of moisture.
The moment between parent and child was infinitely precious. They’d been through some very tough times, but they would get through it together and be even closer on the other side.
As though he’d felt her presence, Luke’s head lifted and looked straight at her. Her pulse gave a treacherous leap.
He smiled crookedly, tilted his head in an invitation to join them.
Terri swallowed then opened the door.
‘Hi,’ she said softly. Her smile felt wobbly.
‘We’ve got something to ask you, haven’t we, Allie?’ Luke’s voice was husky.
‘Yes.’ Allie grinned. Her cheeks were tinged with pink and the strain had faded from her eyes. She looked like a normal happy ten-year-old. ‘Please, will you come to the nursery with us when we chose the plant for Mummy? Please say you will. Please.’
‘Of course. I’d be honoured. When’s the big day or haven’t you got that far in the planning yet?’
‘There’s no school tomorrow.’
‘I think Sunday week perhaps.’ Luke touched his daughter on the nose. ‘Terri and I are rostered off then and it’ll give your granddad a chance to decide where he wants the garden.’
Terri blinked in surprise. He knew her roster that far ahead? She stifled a foolish glow of warmth. He probably knew everyone’s shifts-it wasn’t as if they had a huge medical staff.
‘Sunday week, then,’ she said.
Luke smiled. ‘We’ll let you know what time.’
‘Okay.’ She slid her hands into the pockets of her coat. ‘I’d better get back to work. I just wanted to look in and see how you were.’
‘We’re good. Aren’t we, Dad?’
‘We are indeed.’ His eyes were filled with light and warmth and something more. Something that made Terri’s heart lurch. ‘I’ll catch up with you before you go off duty, Terri.’
‘Sure,’ she managed. ‘I’m off at five, all being well.’
‘I know.’ His slow smile sent a hot shaft of excitement sizzling along her diaphragm.
‘It’s a pleasure, Edith,’ Terri said as she opened the door to let her last patient out. ‘Keep off that foot as much as possible and we’ll see you again next week.’
‘Next Friday. Thanks again, dear.’ Leaning heavily on her walking frame, the woman hobbled a couple of steps then stopped in the doorway. ‘Oh, Luke. How are you?’
‘Good, thanks, Edith.’ His smile seemed tense to Terri’s eye but he stopped to exchanged pleasantries with the elderly woman. ‘If you’ll excuse me, I need an urgent word with Terri, with Dr Mitchell.’
‘Of course, dear. We’ll chat another time.’
‘Absolutely.’ He nodded. A muscle rippled in his jaw as though he was keeping his emotions on a tight leash while he chatted with Edith. He stood aside so she could move through the door. ‘You can count on it.’
As soon as the patient had gone, he shut the door. The latch snicked loudly in the silence and he stood for a moment with his hand on the doorknob.
Terri’s mouth went dry. ‘Luke. Is there a problem with Allie?’
‘No. No. Just the opposite.’ His voice was gruff as he turned.
Terri found herself scooped into a tight hug. For a split second she froze as sensations tumbled into her brain. The feeling of his solid body aligned with hers, the heat and strength of his arms wrapped around her. The fresh essence of him, faintly tangy, masculine and clean. She flattened her hands on his back, feeling the hard ridge of muscle on either side of his spine.
She shut her eyes, savouring the contact as her knees turned rubbery. The embrace felt wonderful and for a magical instant his touch erased her sorrow and filled empty places in her spirit. In his arms, she felt more whole than she had for a long, long time.
After a moment, he held her at arm’s length, his eyes burning down into hers.<
br />
‘Thank you.’ His throat worked as he struggled to speak. ‘I owe you more than I can ever repay.’
‘Oh, Luke.’ This glimpse into his vulnerability was wrenching. Terri ached for him. She reached up to cup his cheek.
He brought his hand up, held her fingers more firmly to his face. The very faint roughness of his clean-shaven jaw tingled on her skin. Her heart squeezed.
‘You saved my daughter’s life and you’ve performed a miracle by getting her talking to me.’ His head dipped and his lips touched her palm for a tiny thrilling moment.
She sucked in a quick breath at the caress, reminding herself that it meant nothing. Luke was naturally demonstrative and this moment was an emotional one for him. His love for his daughter and his relief at their reunion was spilling over into his actions. But her stubborn heart somersaulted wildly, refusing to listen to common sense.
‘You’ve given her back to me, Terri.’
With her senses so overloaded with physical awareness, she struggled to bring her mind back to their discussion. Allie. ‘You never lost her, Luke. She loves you very much. You know she does. She’s just confused right now. You were the person she asked for when she was brought in today.’
‘Was I? Thank you.’ His grip tightened on her hand briefly when she tried to withdraw her fingers. After a moment he released her and a grin lit up his face. ‘She hugged me.’
‘Yeah, she did.’ Terri’s smile felt quivery. ‘I saw.’
He sobered. ‘My poor baby. Thinking her mother’s death was her fault. I didn’t see it. I still don’t know how she could have believed it.’
‘Children have their own view of the way the world works.’ She curled her fingers into her palm, as though by holding tight she could lock the sensory memory of his skin on hers. Maybe part of the reason she had been able to tap into Allie’s feelings was because of her hyper-sensitivity to the girl’s father. ‘They sometimes feel responsible for things in a way that an adult wouldn’t consider.’
‘Yes.’ He paced away from her, lifting one hand to his forehead. His fingers furrowed through his hair, leaving endearing tufts standing in their wake.
Terri allowed her gaze to stray over his broad shoulders. The soft woven fabric of his white shirt showed off his powerful torso to perfection. With the sleeves rolled up to elbow level, she could appreciate his muscular forearms. She smiled wryly. She’d always had a weakness for nice arms and hands.
City Surgeon, Small Town Miracle Page 24
