‘Why should I?’
Her head came around at his question and she looked at him. A frown slowly pleated her forehead as she thought about her answer. ‘Because I can’t be trusted. My judgement is flawed.’ She shrugged and turned to face the water again. Her voice was too matter-of-fact for the agony behind the words she spoke. ‘I’m so brittle I feel like I could fly apart.’
‘Terri, you’re suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.’
She didn’t acknowledge him.
He tried again. ‘You need to get help so you can recover.’
Her gaze stayed on the horizon.
‘You have so much courage. I’m asking you to use some now.’ He watched her profile for any sign that he’d reached her. ‘For me and for Allie. We need you. I need you.’
‘Allie.’ She shook her head and her chin trembled for a tiny fraction of a second. ‘I don’t know if I can be whatever it is that you need, whatever it is that she needs. You can’t trust me to make good decisions.’
‘I can trust you. I do trust you. It’s you who doesn’t trust you. And you should. You have wonderful judgement. Your thinking is just a bit scrambled at the moment because of your experiences.’
‘You make it sound easy.’ She shook her head. ‘But it’s not. I’m empty. You and Allie deserve more than I can give you.’
‘Not true, darling. We deserve you. You’re the person who saw what my daughter and I needed. You’re the person who brought us together after months of grief.’ He felt as though he was fighting a battle with no weapons, nothing to hold onto, nothing to let him see if he was making headway. He was losing her. ‘I know it’s not easy. I hear your pain, I felt your heartbreak when you cried in my arms.’
‘Stop. Luke-’
‘I know I can’t understand what you’re going through. But I know this, I’m here for you’ He swallowed, feeling the crushing pain in his chest. ‘I love you, Terri.’
Her hands came up to cover her face and her shoulders began to shake. He’d reached her but in doing so he’d given her more pain.
He pulled her into his arms and laid his cheek on her hair as he absorbed the tremors that shook her.
‘It’s okay, darling, it’s okay.’ He murmured the words over and over, knowing how very far from the truth they were.
At last, her sobs quietened.
‘I feel broken.’ Her voice was still thick with tears.
‘You’re in pain, darling, but the bits of you are all there. We’ll find help and you can put them all back together again.’
‘I feel so bad.’ She took a deep shaky breath. ‘What if I can’t be fixed? What if this is me? What if…I can’t be a doctor any more?’
‘Then you can be anything you like.’ He stroked her hair. ‘Be my wife.’
He felt shock ripple through her. He hadn’t meant to say the words, not yet. But it was what he wanted. After a moment, she tipped her head back and looked at him.
‘Marry me,’ he said.
‘Oh, Luke.’ Her face screwed up in pain. ‘I w-want to accept your proposal s-so badly. But I c-can’t. It wouldn’t be fair.’
Pain squeezed his chest. ‘To whom?’ he asked softly.
‘To you, to Allie.’ She looked into the distance. ‘Maybe even to me.’
‘Can you tell me why not?’ He smothered the fear that clawed at him and held onto one tiny skerrick of hope. She hadn’t refused him outright.
‘Because I don’t think I know who I am any more. I need help to find out.’ Her eyes came back to his holding a plea for understanding. ‘What if I’ve changed? I’m not sure I can handle the weight of your disappointment.’
His spirits swooped but he made himself give her a nod of reassurance. ‘Then let’s find you some help and see where it takes you. I want to marry you, Terri. The offer is there, no expiry or use-by date. And no pressure.’
‘Thank you.’ Her face was sombre.
He tightened his arms around her in a quick hug. ‘In the meantime, I have more news,’ he said dragging up the first change of subject that occurred to him. ‘Ah, make that I have lots of news since I haven’t told you what led up to it. Allie and I have been talking about staying in Port Cavill. We’ll be house-hunting at the weekend. We want you to come.’
‘You’re staying? And you’ve talked to Allie about it?’
‘Yes and yes. Um, I’ve been meaning to tell you,’ he teased gently. ‘But when I’m with you, I get sidetracked with other things.’
‘Luke, that’s wonderful.’
‘I thought so.’ He grinned at her. ‘So how about it? Will you come with us? You’ll know about workable room layouts and Allie tells me you have better decorating ideas than I do-you know, colours and that sort of thing.’ He dragged out his best hopeless male look.
‘I-I think I could manage that.’ A relieved smile lifted the exhausted lines on her face.
His heart swelled with love. More than anything, he wished he could take away her sorrow and self-doubt. All he could do was wait, be there for support and encouragement.
And hope that when it was all over, he had a place in her life, her future.
Her heart.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Two months later.
‘NOT there, Dad.’
Luke looked up from the bucketful of damp sand he’d just deposited at the intersecting corners of castle wall. ‘What’s wrong with here? I like it here.’
Allie giggled-a lovely warm happy sound. ‘It’s all wrong. It needs to be back further. We’ll ask Terri.’ She looked around to see if her consultant was back yet. ‘She’ll know how it should be.’
Luke suppressed a smile. Allie was right, Terri would know.
She’d been involved in every step of the house-hunting and under her inspired guidance the house had been decorated to suit a family. A perfect home for his family. Him-self, his daughter…
All it needed was a wife. And the perfect candidate for the post was coming through the tree line at the top of the beach, carrying a picnic basket.
‘Okay, time for a break, workers,’ Terri called. ‘Come on. I’ve got sandwiches, watermelon, fruit juice and biscuits and fresh coffee.’
‘Now you’re talking.’ He loped over to shake out the mat they’d brought down earlier. As soon as he’d laid it Terri and Allie lowered themselves into neat cross-legged positions. He sat beside Terri, his arm resting on his raised knee.
‘Dad’s put the corner thing in the wrong place, Terri.’ Allie accepted a thick salad sandwich.
‘Has he?’ She looked at him under her lashes. ‘Tsk. It’s hard to get reliable serfs these days. So perhaps you can have two walls. You’ll just have to get your dad to cart more sand.’
‘Cool. That’s what we can do, Dad.’
‘Mmm, why didn’t I think of that?’ He sent a smouldering look Terri’s way as she passed the plate of food to him.
She grinned and helped herself to a sandwich. ‘Well, if you’d put the turret where you should have in the first place…’
He tugged the hair in the centre of his forehead. ‘I’ll try to do better, mistress.’
‘Glad to hear it.’ She exchanged a laughing look with him and his heart turned over. She was beautiful.
He was very proud of her. He wondered if he realised how far she’d come in the past two months. A spiral of excitement corkscrewed through him.
Day by day, she was relaxing a little more, gaining resilience, losing the haunted, frail look.
At the hospital, she was doing marvellous things. They’d discussed her hours and he’d pressed for her to come off the shift roster. But she’d been more than pulling her weight with running health clinics, reaching out to disadvantaged members of the community, organising preventative health initiatives.
In his life…He hadn’t been pushing for intimacy in their relationship, knowing that he had to leave the pace up to Terri. Last night they’d made love. A thrilling heat ran through him at the memory of pleasure
beyond anything he’d known. If he spent the rest of his life worshipping her with his body he would be a very happy man.
After lunch, he cradled his coffee mug and watched Allie at the sandcastle. She had been joined by another couple of children and the three of them were working diligently.
‘She’s doing well,’ Terri said.
‘Very.’ He swallowed the last of his drink and put the mug aside. ‘Those breath exercises you taught her have been terrific. She’s chasing me to make sure she does them.’
‘Good for her. She’s been one of my best pupils.’ Terri laughed self-deprecatingly. ‘But, then, I might be a little biased.’
The words gave him a warm glow. Terri cared, wanted the best for Allie and for him.
God, he loved her so much. He…
‘Marry me.’ He heard the words leaving his mouth, saw the twist of anguish flash across Terri’s face.
In that one spontaneous moment he’d ruined everything. Why couldn’t he have waited? Too late, he wished he could call the words back. He felt sick. She was going to say no.
‘Luke…’ She stopped, closing her eyes, gathering herself.
He should help her, say it was all right, say it didn’t matter…that they’d still be friends.
But he couldn’t do it-not even to spare the woman he loved from the agony of having to refuse him. His face felt numb as he waited for the sentence that would rip his heart out.
‘You’ve been wonderful and I wouldn’t have got this far so quickly without your support.’ Her throat worked and he could see she was struggling to say the words. ‘There’s something that I have to tell you, something I’ve been hiding…even from myself.’
She looked at him and the sadness shadowing her eyes clawed at his gut. ‘When I lost my baby…the placenta was ripped from the wall of the uterus…Luke, I don’t know if I’ll be able to have children.’
A family with him.
She wanted to have a family.
With him.
She looked at him solemnly. ‘I can’t marry you unless you know that. I don’t want it to come between us down the track.’
‘I don’t care.’ He caught her by the upper arms and pulled her into his embrace. ‘I don’t care. It’s you I want. Only you. If we had children together that would be wonderful, too. But it’s you I want.’
With his face buried in the crook of her neck and his eyes squeezed shut, he took a deep breath. ‘I’ll sorry if it turns out that you can’t have children, but for you, darling, not for me. You’d be a wonderful mother.’
He pulled back and looked at her. ‘I love you. Marry me.’
Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. ‘Yes. I love you and I’d love to marry you.’
‘Yes!’ He leapt to his feet, tugging her then scooping her up to twirl her around.
‘What are you guys doing?’
‘Allie.’ He laughed then sobered. He’d started preparing his daughter for this possibility but had he done enough? ‘Allie, sweetheart, we’re going to get married.’
‘It’s about time,’ she said and her face split in a huge smile. ‘I suppose this means you’re too busy to come and carry sand.’
Marion Lennox
Marion Lennox is a country girl, born on an Australian dairy farm. She moved on-mostly because the cows just weren’t interested in her stories! Married to a ‘very special doctor’, Marion writes Medical™ Romances, as well as Mills & Boon® Romances. (She used a different name for each category for a while-if you’re looking for her past Mills & Boon® Romances, search for author Trisha David as well.) She’s now had 75 romance novels accepted for publication.
In her non-writing life Marion cares for kids, cats, dogs, chooks and goldfish. She travels, she fights her rampant garden (she’s losing) and her house dust (she’s lost). Having spun in circles for the first part of her life, she’s now stepped back from her ‘other’ career, which was teaching statistics at her local university. Finally she’s reprioritised her life, figured out what’s important, and discovered the joys of deep baths, romance and chocolate. Preferably all at the same time!
Sharon Archer
Born in New Zealand, Sharon Archer now lives in county Victoria, Australia, with her husband Glenn, one lame horse and five pensionable hens. Always an avid reader, she discovered Mills & Boon as a teenager through Lucy Walker’s fabulous Outback Australia stories. Now she lives in a gorgeous bush setting, and loves the native fauna that visits regularly…Well, maybe not the possum which coughs outside the bedroom window in the middle of the night.
The move to acreage brought a keen interest in bushfire management (she runs the fireguard group in her area), as well as free time to dabble in woodwork, genealogy (her advice is…don’t get her started!), horse-riding and motorcycling-as a pillion or in charge of the handlebars.
Free time turned into words on paper! And the dream to be a writer gathered momentum. With her background in a medical laboratory, what better line to write for than Mills & Boon® Medical™ Romance?
***
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City Surgeon, Small Town Miracle Page 32
