by SJD Peterson
Chapter Five
HAVING CHECKED and double-checked that the bindings around Joshua’s ankles and wrists weren’t too tight, Nash stepped back and admired his handiwork. His boy was tied to the spanking bench, facedown with his hands and feet resting on the floor, his firm ass at the perfect height for caressing, striking, and fucking. Nash had taken extra time in tying Joshua to the bench, not only to be sure he didn’t cause Joshua any unnecessary pain, but also to give Nash time to get in the right frame of mind. He had to work to block out the ugly scars that covered Joshua’s torso and legs and see only the man beneath the roadmap of torture. It wasn’t as hard as Nash had thought. Not to say it was easy, but Joshua was much more than his past.
So much more.
Nash was ashamed that he’d forgotten that, but no more. He ran the tip of his index finger down from the base of Joshua’s neck to the crack of his ass. Nash smiled wryly when his touch caused Joshua to shudder and goose bumps to bloom across his flesh.
“Cold?”
“No, Sir. It tickles.”
“Enjoy it now. I won’t be so gentle in a moment.”
“Whatever pleases you, Sir.” Joshua tensed, obviously remembering he wasn’t supposed to respond.
Once again, Nash cut Joshua some slack for his infraction, given he’d recovered quickly and realized his mistake. Nash had other things to concentrate on, like the flat tone of Joshua’s voice. He was saying it for Nash’s benefit, not his own or because he believed it. How could Nash not have noticed it before? What other clues to Joshua’s manipulative ways had he missed?
No matter. He noticed this one and planned not only to find all the clues but to solve the entire mystery. With purpose, Nash measured his steps, deliberate as he walked across the silent room to the cabinet. He opened it and studied the contents. It was for show. Nash already knew he was going to use the short bamboo cane, but was doing this for Joshua’s benefit. Give him time to wonder, let the anticipation grow. Nash tested several implements on his leather-covered thigh. He kept Joshua in his peripheral sight, the even rise and fall of his back quickening ever so slightly the only indication that Joshua’s excitement was growing. He returned the flogger he’d been testing, took a lube pack and condom from the shelf, then grabbed the cane before closing the cabinet doors.
He moved close to Joshua again. “Your mind is mine.” He ran the tip of the cane down Joshua’s back. “Your body is mine. Mine to strike, because it pleases me.” He skimmed the cane along Joshua’s taut ass and the muscles reacted, flexed. “Mine to stroke and to fuck, because it pleases me,” Nash whispered.
Joshua took in a breath sharply as the cane tickled against the sensitive skin of his ass, but made no other sound. He kept his body still, freely giving himself over to Nash’s will.
Nash nodded. Confident that Joshua was comfortable and finding a calm headspace, Nash moved around Joshua without speaking. He randomly touched the inside thigh of one leg, his back, his arms with the cane.
“There is only me, Joshua. No anger, no confusion, nothing beyond this room that can touch you. Think about what you want to be, what you can be when you give yourself to me.”
Joshua’s back gently rose and fell with each breath. Head turned to the side, Joshua rested his cheek on the leather bench, his lips parted as he breathed evenly. He was the picture of relaxation, but the flush of color along his skin as well as the occasional involuntary twitch of a muscle betrayed the illusion. Still, he was beautiful. Nash moved to stand near Joshua’s bound legs and gently brushed the cane against the backs of Joshua’s thighs and ass. Slowly but steadily, he swung the cane, not really putting any strength behind it, tapping, warming his skin. A low sound rumbled up from deep in Joshua’s chest as the contact of the cane increased. It was a content, peaceful sound. Nash continued a slow buildup, restraining his strength, keeping his strokes light but quick. He moved in a cyclical pattern, down Joshua’s left leg, across his ass, up his right leg, and then followed the same pattern in reverse. Before long, the constant repetition painted a wonderful pink color across Joshua’s flesh. As the color rose, so did Joshua’s pleasurable sounds. The melody grew louder, becoming guttural as it peaked, and then complete stillness and silence. Joshua was flying. Nash continued his pattern, slowly lessening his strokes until they were whispers of touches before stopping altogether.
JOSHUA’S SKIN tingled; there was no longer any real pain as the cane made its rounds, just warmth, heating his skin. As the strokes continued, Joshua’s focus narrowed. He could feel the bamboo as it caressed his skin briefly before sliding away. Then nothing. It was as if he had entered a state of suspended animation. Time, place, even his physical body ceased to exist, and he floated. There was no sound, not the whisper of his breath nor the beat of his heart, just complete and utter silence. There were no smells, no sights, nothing but a swirling of strangely muted colors dancing around him.
How long Joshua floated, he didn’t know, nor did he care. For the first time in his life, he understood what true peace was. Not just peace like what could be achieved with a quiet, warm bath or a deep dreamless sleep, but a peace Joshua felt in the pit of his soul. He floated and just was.
A carefully measured sound was the first thing he became aware of, and he tried to ignore it. A strange pressure pushed at the cloud of color that surrounded him, increasing as it attempted to invade at random intervals. Joshua winced, momentarily frightened when a loud roar filled his ears, until he realized it was the sound of his own beating heart and the air moving in and out of his lungs. A tingling. A heaviness to the cloud, and then the slap. Joshua gasped when, in a blink, he fell back into his body, and he was aware of someone stroking the skin of his thighs, the sensation almost too much to bear, as if all his nerve endings had come alive at once. Panic began to surge through Joshua’s system, and then he heard Nash’s low, familiar voice.
“I’m here. Come back to me, Joshua.” His voice was calm and soothing. The whispered touch of Nash’s fingers was replaced by a stronger, deeper touch along the insides of his thighs, sending sparks dancing along his skin.
Joshua took in a deep breath, blowing it out as the tingling sensation increased. He swallowed, licking his dry lips.
“That’s it,” Nash purred. “Come back to me.”
Nash’s warm breath tickled the side of Joshua’s neck as he whispered in his ear. “Open your eyes, Joshua.”
Even the filtered light through his closed lids seemed harsh, and he squeezed his eyes tightly against the unwanted stimulus.
“Open your eyes, Joshua,” Nash urged quietly against his ear.
Slowly, Joshua blinked open his eyes, and it was as if the last switch on an electrical panel had been flipped and all of Joshua’s systems were back online, firing at once. The air rushed out of his lungs in a whoosh, and he gasped at the intensity of the sensations racing through him.
“Oh God,” he moaned, the sound raw and gravelly from his dry throat.
Nash’s warm lips against his ear set off a chain reaction. The tingling raced down his body, and Joshua became keenly aware of the straps tightly wound around his ankles and wrists, the even tighter band surrounding his painfully throbbing cock, and the heaviness in his balls as they drew up snug against his body.
“Tell me what you need,” Nash encouraged.
“Oh God… Sir?” he panted, not even sure what he was saying. He was so fucking turned on, it felt as if he would burst.
Nash nuzzled his neck. “Tell me.”
“You… fuck…. Sir! Take me.” He was babbling; he knew he was but couldn’t help it. He needed to come, now!
The growl that erupted from Nash was a deep, animal sound, mingling with Joshua’s desperate, needy moans and whimpers and filling the room. “Christ,” Nash groaned, moving quickly to position himself behind Joshua’s spread and bound legs.
“Please, please….” Joshua panted harshly and then cried out when a slick finger stabbed into him. Joshua’s focus narrowed to the
thick digit sliding in and out of his ass, the way his passage clamped down on the invading finger, trying to pull it farther into his body. Then there was another sliding alongside the first. “Thank you, Sir,” Joshua grunted. His body trembled, and sweat rolled down from his temple. “Oh, God, Sir….”
Joshua whimpered when Nash pulled his fingers free and then sighed in relief when he felt the sheathed head of Nash’s cock pushing against his entrance. Joshua tried to relax as Nash slowly entered him, inch by excruciatingly slow inch, but his body was thrumming with need, clenching and jerking. The burn was hot, and Joshua gasped, damn near unable to pull air into his lungs as it turned into white-hot heat. Joshua’s heart stopped beating, and his breath stuck in his lungs as Nash continued to push deep.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Nash cursed, buried deep in Joshua’s clenching ass. Nash stilled but Joshua could feel the trembling within Nash with the effort it took not to move. “Ah, fuck, Joshua,” Nash gasped. “I have to move. Please tell me I can move.”
Joshua heard the urgency in Nash’s voice but he couldn’t speak; the sensation of being full and the burn that was fading to a sweet ache robbed him of his voice. He raised his head and looked over his shoulder, met Nash’s black eyes with his own heated gaze, and nodded.
Nash groaned and moved, languidly at first, only pulling out a little before pushing back in deep. “Ah, fuck,” he gasped again.
The steady pace didn’t last long. It couldn’t. Nash grabbed Joshua’s shoulders in both his hands, fucked Joshua hard and fast.
His eyes rolled up, heart hammering. “Sir…. Sir, please, Sir!”
A hand slid beneath his body, the ring around Joshua’s cock fell away. “Come for me, Joshua. Let me feel you come on me.”
“Sir!” Joshua screamed as his orgasm ripped through him. White dots danced behind his eyes. He was still coming, only barely aware of Nash slamming into him one last time and roaring his release. Completely spent, Joshua slumped onto the bench, let it hold him, melted into it. He was floating again and stopped thinking beyond the warm sated feeling surrounding him. With a smile on his face, Joshua closed his eyes. He trusted that Nash would watch over him, care for him, bring him back again.
~*~
Last night I had the most amazing experience in my life. It was like all the fucking stars aligned just perfectly. Nash took me somewhere I’ve never been, somewhere I hoped was real but was beginning to think was a stupid dream. I’d had glimpses of that kind of peace, wanted it so fucking much but….
It didn’t last.
It never does.
I should be happy, over the goddamn moon that I’d finally experienced what I’d been searching my whole miserable life for, and I was for a brief moment.
Then I woke up. Reality came rushing back, the magic of a dream popping like a pin to a balloon.
You see, I’m terrified most of the time. Afraid of what I’ve done, what I’m doing, or what I may have to do. I’m a junkie—pain and peace are my drugs, yet I thrive on turmoil while craving the peace and desiring the pain. How fucked-up is that?
I’ve become the one I hated.
I might have been able to draw the fantasy out a bit longer, but I made the mistake of looking in the mirror. I knew better. I avoid looking at my reflection. My self-loathing is so great I fear I’ll lunge at my own image.
Shattered glass.
Cut myself.
Blood flowing.
Love, hope, freedom lost.
Today I must play my role again. The perfect sub. Say all the right things. Stand perfectly.
A friend is what Nash told me I needed.
I don’t have any friends.
Never have.
Chapter Six
THE DENIM jeans were stiff, the new shoes tight as was the stupid polo shirt. Joshua looked like a poser, and more importantly, he felt like one. It hadn’t helped that his “Daddy” had to give him a ride to meet his new little friend for lunch. Jesus H. Christ this was a first. He also had no clue why Nash insisted he had new clothes for his play date. It wasn’t only the clothes but the amount he’d spent that was ludicrous. Nash could have saved a shit-ton of money by going to the thrift store, and they would have been far less stiff.
Oh well, nothing Joshua could do about it now as he was standing outside the restaurant. He took a moment to get his irritation under control. He pulled at his new clothes and soothed down his windblown curls with a shaking hand. He was definitely nervous. Why, he wasn’t sure. He knew Denny—a little—and he seemed like a nice enough person, but Joshua couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that he was somehow being set up. For what, he wasn’t sure. There was no reason he could think of, so perhaps it was simply his fucked-up head making shit up. He took a deep breath and tried to look like he wasn’t freaking out as he opened the door and made his way inside. The aromas of basil, oregano, garlic, as well as warm yeast from freshly baking bread, one of his favorites, hit him and his nerves eased marginally as his belly growled. He’d barely taken two steps when a hand landed on his wrist, and Denny popped up next to him.
“Joshua, hey, great timing. I just got here myself.”
A waiter passed by with a large tray of food. “Have a seat wherever you like.”
Joshua scanned the area. All the window seats were taken, as were most of the center tables. “Wow, this place is crazy busy.”
“Always is. They have the best pasta in town.” Denny went up on tiptoes next to him, apparently looking for something as well. “C’mon. I see one at the back.”
Joshua followed him. He had no choice in the matter. It took everything to keep up with Denny as the little man easily dodged and weaved through the narrow passages between the tables. At the back of the room, Denny slid into a booth with his back to the door, allowing Joshua to sit on the opposite side and have a clear view of the room.
Joshua cocked his head and studied a smiling Denny. “How did you know I don’t like sitting with my back to the door?”
Denny grinned and shrugged a shoulder. “Took a guess. Figured with your brooding disposition and twitchy nature, you’d be more comfortable when able to see what was happening around you.”
“Brooding disposition? Twitchy? How the hell do you know what kind of fucking disposition I have? You don’t know me,” Joshua said defensively.
“Whoa there, hotty man. I meant no disrespect.” Denny held up his hands as if to ward off an attack. “I’m a sub. It’s in my nature to pay attention to others around me. I’ve seen you at the club. You seem to always be frowning, even when you try to smile.” He nodded toward Joshua’s hands. “Your knuckles are white, shoulders tight, and you keep blinking.”
Joshua unclasped his hands and shook them. “Sorry I snapped at you. This whole thing of meeting for lunch and making small talk with someone is kind of new for me.”
“Dude, that has got to be the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Denny’s sincerity caused Joshua to bristle again. “Don’t pity me.”
“I don’t,” Denny insisted. “Want me to give you a shoulder massage? It might help with some of the tension.”
Denny started to rise, but Joshua stopped him with a gesture of his hands. “No, that’s quite all right. I’ll be fin… I mean, I’m good.” He rolled his neck, the tension causing it to snap and pop. “Besides, I’m not sure the patronage would appreciate it.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” Denny winked. “If I got my hands on you, I’m sure it wouldn’t have a family-friendly rating.”
“You’re quite the little tease, aren’t you?”
“Part of my charm.” Denny batted his long lashes at Joshua.
Joshua wasn’t the least bit impressed, nor was he flattered by Denny’s wanton behavior. “At least you have that,” he snapped, then instantly felt guilty when Denny’s face fell. This was Joshua’s issue, and despite his discomfort with the idea, he had no right to take it out on Denny. “Hey, I didn’t mean that. I’m a bit shaken, but I shouldn’t
be taking it out on you. You’re right. I am twitchy, because, honestly, I’m not sure why I’m here.”
“You mean besides the food and all?”
Joshua looked at Denny and sighed. “Yeah, besides that.”
“Well, from what Master Malcolm has told me, you don’t have a lot of friends here, you being from out of town and all. He thought you and I might get along.” Denny smiled. “I kind of like the idea. I am friendly with some of the guys at the club, but I really don’t have that many… actually, I don’t have any close friends. I’m a bit flighty and tend to get on people’s nerves after a while.” Denny looked at him for a long moment, his eyes serious and his mouth set in a straight line. Then he suddenly beamed and laughed, a delighted sound that could have been infectious if Joshua hadn’t been so tense. “Anyway, we really are quite the interesting pair.”
“Aren’t we, though? You’re flighty, I’m twitchy. I’m brooding, and you’re a pain in the ass.” Joshua leaned back and grinned. “Sounds like the perfect recipe for world domination.”
“Only if you take the lead. I’ll forget the plan an hour from now.”
Denny smiled and bounced in his seat as he played with his napkin, his clothes, his hair, and the salt and pepper shakers. In constant motion. Joshua could see how that could wear on someone’s nerves after a while. Denny didn’t seem aware he was being scrutinized. His eyes, like his hands, were everywhere.
Finally, Denny appeared to calm. He cocked his head, reminiscent of a puppy, and stared at Joshua for a few motionless seconds. “Umm, you have a problem with topping—I mean, leading?”
“Leading, no. Topping?” Joshua grinned slyly. “That depends on who it is bending over for me.”
Denny literally started to vibrate, and the bouncing intensified.
Joshua couldn’t help but laugh. “Simmer down, Flighty. Hate to burst your bubble, but I have a contract that says I can’t dip my dick in anything or have a dick dipped in me without prior written consent by the big man in charge.”
