by Colet Abedi
To see the desire in his eyes.
To feel it hard against my stomach.
His hands move up the waist of my dress and lightly skim over my nipples, and I moan in longing.
Literally, moan.
But when he tries to bring his lips down to mine I turn away.
“Please. Just let me go,” I whisper.
And he does.
Just like that.
***
“Here you go. Two Pinot Grigios and a bottle of flat water,” the waiter says to Danielle and me as he sets our drinks down at the table.
Once my drink is set down, I pick it up and take a long, satisfying sip.
“So are you going to tell me what the hell happened between you and Michael or am I just going to have to guess and come up with my own deductions?” Danielle asks as we sit across from each other at an Italian restaurant close by the office. “And just so you know, I have a really overactive imagination.”
I lift my finger up indicating I need another second to swallow another sip of wine before I answer.
“Careful or you’ll be smashed in no time,” she warns, picking up her glass of wine.
“And?” I ask her.
“You’ll get sacked.”
I pick the glass up again and chug the contents before motioning to the waiter that I’d like another.
“Abby!” Danielle cries out in horror.
She pushes a glass of water in my hand.
“Drink this!” she orders me. “And answer my question.”
I slump over the table and put my head in my hands. I think about lying, making up some story but then to what end? What’s the point?
“I’ve been in love with Michael my whole life,” I confide, wrapping my arms around myself. “And I’ve just realized this job might be equivalent to Chinese water torture for me. So I need to quit.”
Danielle is suspiciously silent, so I look up and find that she doesn’t seem at all surprised to hear my words.
“There’s more to this story. And I want to hear it all.”
So I tell her. Everything. Every detail. Everything.
She knows more than Georgie now.
After I’m done, she watches me with contemplation.
“Well first off, you can’t quit.”
“I’ve given him my one month’s notice because he said that’s what was in my contract.”
“That’s total rubbish, Abby!” Danielle rolls her eyes. “One month? I’ve never heard of such a thing.”
“What?!”
“He’s lying to you.” Danielle shakes her head. “But I’d bet my life, he’s probably gone in now and added some stipulation in your contract, after the fact, so you’ll never know. Did you get a hard copy of it?”
I shake my head in shame.
“He—I just didn’t,” I tell her lamely. “I told Mrs. Lions to mail it to me sometime. I had no idea I’d ever be in a situation like this. Trust me, the lesson is learned.”
“Even if you could find a way out, I wouldn’t let you go,” Danielle says. “Selfishly, I need you… I’m getting married in three months time for fuck’s sake. You can’t leave me.”
It’s hard not to smile at Danielle’s indignant face.
“I mean, honestly,” Danielle mutters. “How could you think to leave me like this? I’m already a nervous wreck as it is, this would only turn me into more of a bridezilla and then Tom might decide to leave me.”
“That would never happen.”
“Every single time I open one of my wedding folders around him, he leaves the room and says that I’m giving him hives,” Danielle says seriously. “I think he might be catching on to how crazy I really am.”
I burst out laughing and it doesn’t take long before Danielle joins me.
“Okay,” she says when she catches her breath. “And it’s not just about me, I promise you.”
I roll my eyes.
“Too late.”
“I’m serious.” Danielle laughs. “From everything you’ve just told me, I think you might be reading this all wrong. With Michael, that is.”
“How so?” I ask, picking up my second glass of wine. Danielle’s withering look makes me put it right back down.
“Abby, I swear to you… I’ve never seen him lose his temper like that. Like ever. He’s so cool. Even in school. He’s never lost it. And over a woman? I never thought it would be possible and honestly, I was starting to worry about him. And with you of all people? You couldn’t hurt a fly.”
“Maybe I just bring out the worst in him,” I mutter.
“No way.” She shakes her head. “You know that’s not true. There’s something between you guys. I swear I’ve noticed it, but you get so shy and nervous that I didn’t want to bring it up to you.”
Danielle’s words give me hope.
But then I remember Friday night and I quickly squash that emotion.
“Look.” I sigh. “It doesn’t matter what you think or what I want. He told me what he wants—which is nothing. He basically told me that what happened between us was a mistake.”
“That’s just boys being stupid.”
“Michael is not a boy,” I say with another sigh.
Danielle lifts her brow.
“Abby,” she says calmly. “All men are boys.”
I can’t help but laugh.
“That might be the case, but it still doesn’t change anything.”
“Just give it a minute, Abby,” Danielle urges me. “Play it cool. And don’t rush into any hasty decisions. You like your job. You like the work and it’s a great company. This situation between you two will pass.”
Maybe it will pass for him, but I’m another story altogether. I don’t voice my thoughts to Danielle because I don’t want to disappoint her. She’s successfully guilted me into not leaving her right before the wedding.
I’ll just have to wait and suffer through my feelings.
“We’ll see,” I finally say. “I’ll stay until you’re back from your honeymoon. It will give me time to look for a new job and just give me more experience.”
“I’ll fight that battle later,” Danielle says triumphantly.
She lifts her glass up.
“I have a feeling things are going to get very interesting around the office.”
When we get back to the office after our long lunch, I’m relieved to find out that Michael has left.
There is a sticky note on my computer with the following message:
Cancel everything for the week. I’m going offline and can’t be reached.
– Michael
I take the note and show Danielle who seems to think that Michael disappearing is a good sign— that he must be confused about what happened between us. I don’t know if I believe her, but I am grateful I won’t have to face him for a few days.
With Michael’s absence, I fall into a rhythm at work. After spilling the beans and revealing my secret crush to Danielle, the two of us have grown closer. We have lunch together every day and go to drinks after work a few times. I like her a lot. She’s easy to talk to and carefree and she makes me laugh. Georgie joins us at lunch on one occasion and he and Danielle quickly bond.
Michael doesn’t check in with me at all.
I know he’s reached out to Danielle a few times because she told me he’s been calling in, but he’s avoided me at all costs. I’ve forwarded messages and sent daily email updates, but he hasn’t responded. I can’t say it doesn’t hurt. Danielle thinks he took off to his home in Africa, but she’s not sure. He hasn’t offered up any information, and she doesn’t ask.
I should be happy to have space from him. But I find myself staring at his office door and wishing he was inside to torment me. I find myself longing for our flirtations, for those looks of his that make my heart catch on fire. I find myself craving his energy. Michael’s a force of nature, and even though he drives me crazy, I realize how much I like just being in his space. His world.
And at night…
If he’s with a woman.
If he’s okay.
And if he misses me as much as I miss him.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Truth or dare, Abby!” Corinne, my friend from secondary school, shouted at me in a drunken stupor.
I was sitting in a circle of fifteen or so people at a party some university students were throwing. Parents were out of town, and it had quickly become wild and out of control. Kids were partying hard and everyone was having the time of their life.
“Truth,” I said shyly.
People from the group started shouting out a list of obscene sexual questions for Corinne to ask me but she waved them off in pleasure.
I waited in dread as she paused for a dramatic effect.
“Who was the last person you hooked up with?”
The room immediately fell silent as all eyes focused on me.
My body burned in humiliation. I knew I should have taken a dare, but I had been too scared about what they might make me do.
“Ummm…” I stalled for some time, thinking about how I should respond.
Secondary school had a way of making you feel insecure about every decision you made in your life. And there was nothing cool about my situation.
“The truth!” Corinne shouted out, riling everyone up.
“Truth! Truth! Truth!” the group began to chant.
The screams grew in a frenzy around me and before I knew what I was doing, I blurted out the truth.
“Never!” I shouted out to the group. “I’ve never even kissed anyone!”
The room went dead silent. Again.
I couldn’t bear the looks of surprise and shock. Or the laughing gazes of some of the girls who thought it was pathetic I was seventeen and had never even had my first kiss, even though I was in Sixth Form.
It was too much.
I ran out of the room and pushed my way through the maze of partygoers.
I made my way to the backyard where there weren’t that many people and found a secluded area where I could hide from everyone.
But before I could relive the humiliating experience that I was sure would haunt me for the rest of my days, I heard the sound of a lighter. I turned to find a tall man hidden by the night shadows, standing alone in the darkness smoking a cigar. I hadn’t noticed him when I came around the corner.
I was annoyed I wasn’t alone and was about to leave before I heard...
“Is that you, Abby?”
My heart froze.
I would recognize that voice anywhere.
“Michael?” I asked in surprise, wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans.
“It’s me.”
My stomach danced in joy that he was here.
“What are you doing here?”
“I tagged along with some friends.” Michael stepped out of the shadows to walk toward me.
He looked too good to be true.
His rugged looks were so much more appealing than any of the guys I went to school with. He was older. Seasoned. With a maturity that made him even better looking. There was a knowing look in his eyes.
About life.
And fun. Everything that was exciting…
Everything I craved.
“Does the smoke bother you?” he asked politely.
I shook my head. My body and brain were in chaos at just the sight of him. I couldn’t believe he was actually standing in front of me.
He put out the cigar even though I really didn’t mind it, then took a sip out the drink he had in his other hand.
“Is everything all right?” he asked as he studied my face.
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“You seem flustered.” He knew me so well and must have been picking up on my energy.
“A little,” I admitted the obvious.
“Only a few things could throw you off,” he said with a knowing smile. “You’ve either had too much to drink, which thankfully doesn’t seem like the case, or you ran into a guy you like…”
Just now I did, I thought to myself.
“Not quite,” I said to him, my voice shy.
“Then?”
“We were playing truth or dare.”
Michael’s eyes darkened in anger.
“Did something happen?”
“No!” I rushed out. “I opted for a truth question and it was kind of embarrassing, so I had to leave.”
“Why embarrassing?”
“I don’t really want to talk about it.” I bowed my head, not wanting to look him in the eye.
“Now I’m intrigued.”
I was so embarrassed yet, my body was humming in excitement because of his close proximity.
“You can say anything to me, Abby.” His voice was gentle. “I promise I won’t tell anyone your secrets. You know you can trust me.”
I looked up at him and the kindness I saw in his eyes was nearly my undoing. Later, when I would relive what happened a million times over in my head, I would remember the telltale signs of him being smashed—signs I should have noticed but had been too blinded to see.
The glassy look in his eyes.
The slight sway in his movements when he stepped closer to me. At the time, I had been too enamored to see it. Too thrilled to be in his company.
All I cared about was being in his world.
“So what truth did they ask you?” he asked again.
“They wanted to know when I had last been intimate with a man,” I whispered to him, embarrassed to be repeating it.
My reply threw Michael. Like he couldn’t believe someone would even ask me a question that was so sexual in nature.
I watched him take a step back from me. I felt his eyes move over my body as he studied me from head to toe.
Something around us shifted.
Like he was looking at me for the first time.
Not as a child…
But all grown-up.
There was a glimmer in his eyes, like he was intrigued by what he was seeing.
“And what was your answer?”
I looked up at him and watched how his eyes darkened, his gaze roaming over me in a way I had only dreamed about.
“Never.”
I should have known.
When he put his cup down, I should have seen the signs but in my innocence, I had no idea what was coming for me.
“It’s pathetic, I know.”
“Not pathetic,” he replied, shaking his head. “It’s sweet. And innocent, like you.”
I shrugged my shoulders uncomfortably, taken aback by his compliment.
“Would you like it to be different?” His voice was husky.
“What?” I asked, not following his question.
“Your level of experience.”
“Of course I would!” I said, hoping I sounded mature and worldly. “But the opportunity has to be there.”
“I won’t believe you if you tell me you’re not popular with the guys.” Michael complimented me again as his gaze swept over me appreciatively. “You’re too beautiful to go unnoticed.”
Michael thought I was beautiful?
I was like a flower blooming under the rays of the sun. I wanted to shout out in joy. Michael Sinclair finding me attractive was everything I had ever wished for.
But I couldn’t tell him I found the guys in my form immature. Lacking. Especially when I compared every single one of them to him.
“They’re just not my type,” I finally said.
“What’s your type?”
You, I wanted to tell him. You are my type. But I didn’t dare.
“I’ll know when I see him,” I said instead, staring boldly into his eyes.
Michael watched me for a long moment like he was weighing something in his head. I waited, holding my breath for his next move.
“What would you say if I could solve your problem and give you exactly what you want?” His voice was enigmatic, hypnotizing me.
“You?” I asked in conf
usion until reality slowly started to dawn on me.
“Yes,” he replied as he pulled me close into his body. “Definitely. Me.”
I didn’t stand a chance.
One second I was the sad girl who’d never been kissed…
And the next, I was a woman awakened to a desire I would long for, crave, for every day after…
His full, sensual lips came down on mine, coaxing them softly, slowly teaching me how to respond to his gentle touch. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me against his hard body as continued to kiss me so sweetly.
He slowly pulled his lips away as I clung to his jacket.
It was the best moment of my life.
“That was my first kiss,” I whispered innocently to him.
Michael rubbed his cheek against mine, breathing me in, causing butterflies to flutter around in my stomach.
“There’s more to it.” His voice was possessive, knowing.
“More?”
Whatever it was, I wanted it.
Something about the way I asked the question made him lose whatever control he was holding on to, and within seconds I was introduced to the full force of his passion.
“This. Is. More.”
Before I knew what was happening, he lifted me up, pushed me against the brick wall of the pool house and proceeded to show me what sexual desire really meant.
His tongue swept into my mouth. He lifted my hands above my head as his lips captured mine, staking ownership on my soul. His tongue teased me, tormented me, turned my body on in ways I didn’t even understand.
“Do you want more?” His words were husky, causing goose bumps to run all over my body as his lips continued to ravage me.
“Yes,” I responded, barely able to think.
He took a shuddering breath and finally stepped away, giving us both distance to try to breathe normally again. Michael closed his eyes for a moment, like he was fighting for control.
When he opened them, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
“Now you know.”
Dreaming about Michael Sinclair all weekend does not help my mood come Monday morning. I do everything in my power to block any thoughts about him during the day, but at night when I fall asleep, I’m at the mercy of my free will.
I’m so wound up I decide to go to the office early and work on filling Michael’s schedule with meetings and events that will keep him out of the office as much as humanly possible.
