‘What you see is what you get, Grace,’ I say, holding out my hands.
‘Is it?’ she says, and her blue eyes won’t let me look away. ‘There was a lot said back at my father’s house that caught me off-guard. Most of it I found hard to believe, like you had things in your past that didn’t fit with the man I thought I’d seen in you.’
‘There is nothing else. That’s everything there is to know, the good and the bad. I wish I could, but I can’t change the worst of it.’
‘We’ve all done things we’re not proud of, Mickey. God knows I have. I don’t want to dwell on them. I want to look to the future and I’d like you to be a part of it… if you want to. I just can’t afford to make the same mistakes again. I need to know I can trust you.’
‘It’s funny,’ I say, after her eyes release me from their spell. ‘I’ve been thinking a lot about the future too. You’re right. You have to settle up with the past and then leave it behind so you can move on. And there’s something I’ve come to realise.’
‘What’s that?’
‘The only good decisions I’ve ever made have been after really bad things happened. Sure, I thought I’d made it up there in the real world as someone recently put it. But it was all an illusion because I didn’t stay focused on what really mattered. When it all fell down, I blamed everyone else. In the end it was all down to me.’
‘Now you’re the one being too hard on yourself,’ she says and rubs my arm.
‘Maybe. What I’m trying to say is I may not always get it right in future, but now I think I understand what’s important. Whatever happens, going forward I want the decisions we make to be shared. I want us to always be honest with each other. No secrets, no hidden agendas… Grace, I would love to be in your future and I want you to trust me.’
‘So why didn’t you call me?’ At first I think she’s joking and I smirk innocently, but the frown remains on her face and I shift awkwardly in my seat.
‘You told me not to.’ I say and she just nods back at me. ‘I would have done, if you hadn’t said.’
‘Michael Field.’ Now she’s shaking her head in playful exasperation. ‘Do you always have to do exactly what you’re told?’
‘But…’ I continue my pointless protest, ‘I was thinking about you all the time, I was desperate to know how you felt about me and if there was anything I could do or say that would help. I didn’t want to make things worse. Believe me I wanted to be there for you, but your words kept repeating in my head. You said you didn’t want me to contact you.’
‘You’re right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said it,’ she says, and then adds: ‘And you shouldn’t have believed me. Always doing what other people tell you keeps getting you into trouble.’
‘Fair comment,’ I say. I’ve never really thought about it but she’s absolutely right.
‘Why is that?’
‘I don’t know. Laziness? It’s usually the easy option. I tend to go with the flow.’
‘The problem with letting other people determine what you do is that you’re still responsible for it. The path of least resistance can have just as awful consequences.’
‘You’re right. It’s about time I started making my own decisions.’ Her face lights up with her beautiful smile when I add, ‘The first one is this: I’m never going to let you down.’
‘I love you Mickey.’
‘I love you Jasmine,’ I reply with a wink.
She smiles and leans across the table before stopping momentarily.
‘I’m sticking with Grace,’ she says.
‘Amazing,’ remains unsaid on my lips, silenced by her passionate kiss.
THE END
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
My sincere thanks go to Leila Dewji for her editorial wisdom; to my fellow authors: Jacqueline Andrews, Michael Tappenden – for the many delightful days of Critters critiques and Kaf1 lunches – Josie Aston, Dominic Canty – for the tireless support and encouragement through my frequent and, at times, torturous plot diversions – and Fred Nath for the unique insights of a novel-writing brain-surgeon; to Angela Docherty, whose strength and tenacity are an inspiration, and the many generous supporters of New Ways (newways.org.uk); to the Beagle Club who listened graciously to my musings every Saturday morning; to all the many other friends who gave invaluable feedback on the early drafts; and, finally, to my wonderful family who have been so supportive of this ex-banker who unexpectedly decided one day to resign the job and follow a dream to write stories.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
After a happy childhood, growing up on the Hamworthy peninsula of the beautiful Poole Harbour in the county of Dorset, Steven progressed from the local grammar school to an international bank, then based in Poole, with the promise of travel and high finance. Alas, it was to be another fourteen years before he would make his first overseas business trip… to Jersey in the Channel Islands! But in the years that followed, working for several City institutions, he travelled far and wide managing relationships with large institutional clients, before settling into the compliance role of Money Laundering Reporting Officer. In recent years he has divided his time between his love of writing and consulting on financial crime. He lives in Kent with his wife and their beagle Ella.
Mickey Take: When a debt goes bad... Page 35
