"Katherine," he said breathlessly but seemed to be still sleeping. My heart always skipped a beat when he called me Katherine.
He didn't seem to wake up as I continued to stroke him slowly. I lifted my shirt, positioned my hips over his cock and lowered myself down onto him. My pussy was wet and it lubricated his cock as I slowly glided up and down his shaft. I leaned back against his legs and took him in deeper. I placed his hands on my hips and felt his grip tighten. I leaned over and kissed him.
"Stay with me," he whispered.
I started to cry and finished what I had gone there for. We both reached orgasm and he let out a deep grunt. As I got off of him, he seized my hand in an effort to get me to stay. I pulled my hand from his and raced out of the room, grabbed my coat and left. I whimpered as I drove back to Katie's. When I got back to her house, I headed into the guest room, but sleep was hopeless. I lay awake thinking about Brian and what I’d done. After awhile, I walked out to the kitchen and sat down at the table and cried. The sun was beginning to rise.
''G'mornin' Kath," Mark said as he crossed the kitchen to the refrigerator wearing just a t-shirt and boxers. I looked up at him and forced a smile.
He looked a little worn out and I quietly chuckled to myself. I guess Katie's still got the touch, too.
Katie wasn't far behind. She smiled at me and knew something was up. "You went to him last night, didn't you?" she asked in an almost motherly kind of way seeing I’d been crying.
I nodded as I stared blankly out the window. Mark had gone back to their room because he knew we wanted to talk again. "I basically raped him. I went to him, got what I wanted out of him and left. I'm no better than those guys in college. I couldn't help it. I heard you and Mark last night and I wanted Brian so bad I couldn't control myself."
"What you did was not rape," Katie said sternly. "I'd bet he responded to your presence by pulling you closer. I'd also bet that he didn't consider it rape either. I don't ever want to hear you talk like that again! You're way better than those monsters who beat and raped you in college." I could hear annoyance in her voice.
Just then there was a knock at the door. We both had a good idea who it was. I looked at Katie with tears in my eyes as she walked to the door.
"Brian. You're here awful early," she said.
"Where is she?" He looked over her shoulder.
"She's still—“ Katie started, but I interrupted her.
"I'm right here.” I placed my hand on Katie's shoulder to let her know it was okay, I was ready to talk to him. If it was possible for a man to look radiant, at that moment, he did. He smiled and the morning sunlight made his green eyes sparkle and dance.
My heart raced at the sight of him and I wanted him so badly, but I resisted. "We need to talk."
"Can we talk about this at home?" He rubbed his hands together to keep them warm.
"No. Here is just fine.” His brow furrowed, but he got the point from the tone of my voice.
"Why did you leave our bed last night, Kathy? I wanted to hold you and you left.”
"I never should’ve gone there. It just makes this harder to deal with." I blinked a few times to fight back the tears.
"Kathy, I love you with all my heart and soul. We’ll work this out. Didn't Katie give you my letter?" He shot a look over my shoulder to Katie still standing in the background listening.
"How can we work anything out when I can't trust you anymore, Brian?”
"Can I come in? It's really cold out here."
Katie gave me a nod and headed back to the kitchen. I took him by the hand and led him into the den. The guest room was off the den, and while I wanted to take him straight to bed, I didn't. I was crying but dried my eyes before I turned to face him.
"Yes. Katie gave me your note. It was beautiful, but there are still the issues of honesty and trust between us. These are two of the most important things in a relationship to me." I made a point not to sit down next to him just yet. "I do love you, Brian. Probably more than you’ll know, but I don't trust you right now."
"You can trust me Kathy." I saw him fighting back tears. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for deceiving you and I’m ready to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I want you to trust me again. I want to see the look of longing in your eyes when you look at me."
I wanted him even more now, but again I resisted and I kept my gazed fixed on the floor so he couldn't see what was really in my heart. "You have a son. You need to focus on his needs. He needs his father. I don't want to get in the way."
"He's fine with his mother right now. I’m part of his life. He knows I am his daddy. Stop changing the subject." He sounded annoyed and angry. "Did you read my letter, I mean truly read it?"
"About a hundred times." I could no longer contain my tears. "That's what makes what I am about to tell you so difficult." He looked at me blankly. "I've uprooted myself from the only secure life I'd ever known. I came here to be with you and start a new life. I’m on the right track for the first time since I graduated college. My life is here now. I've got a blossoming business and I've made new friends. I have enough money saved now to find a home of my own—“ I trailed off and swallowed hard.” I think that’s what I need to do."
"You can't be serious."
"I am serious, Brian. You need to make things right with Jennifer for Adam's sake. I think it'll be best if I find a place of my own to live and give you your space. Your son needs you. Jennifer needs you."
"Are you listening to yourself right now? I don't need space, I need you! Yes, Adam needs me, but you can't look me in the eye and tell me you don't want me in your life anymore. I'm sorry I never told you about him and I'm sorry I told Jennifer about you not being able to have kids.
“She doesn't know why, she only knows you can’t. I’m very angry with her for doing what she did. I told her she’d meet you when the time was right and she took it upon herself to meet you without my knowledge. I need to make things right with you before I deal with her."
"Make amends with Jennifer. Be with your son. They need you more than I do." I felt an ache in my heart. I refused to make eye contact with him because I knew if I did, he would see I did need him, but I didn't want to get in the way of him and his son.
We talked for a few more hours and when he’d said all that he wanted to say, and everything I wanted to hear, I was ready to forgive him. Deep down I was ready long before he came to Katie’s, but I needed to hear his words. There was a knock on the door and I heard Katie’s voice on the other side.
"Everything okay in there? You two have been in there a long time."
I walked to the door, opened it and smiled. "Things are better than they were a few hours ago." I gave her a quick hug. "Can you give us a while longer?" She gave me wink and pulled the door closed.
I turned to Brian. "I want you in my bed."
He smiled, picked me up and carried me into the guest room. He was so gentle—even more so than our first night together—and I could feel the love and passion in his touch and in his kiss.
I know I made the right decision, I thought as we slowly and passionately made love like it was our first time together.
CHAPTER SIX
Things were going great again for a while after our "snag" in November. We celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year together and we grew increasingly more attracted and in love every single day.
Brian was bonding with Adam and I was getting along pretty good at being the doting "stepmother." We were together and happy and when the two of us had some alone time together, we spent most of it in bed. We couldn't get enough of each other.
Everything was perfect again. My accounting practice was thriving, I hired two new full time accountants and Ron gave Brian more responsibility at the shop. We learned to cherish our alone time and took advantage of it as often as possible. Then the other shoe dropped.
Brian came home one evening looking as if his whole world had just come crashing down. It hadn't—yet. Ap
parently Jennifer had lost her apartment and had to move in with her parents since she couldn't afford another place of her own.
She'd been living with them for about a month when her dad got a promotion at his job and sprung news on the family they were moving to Texas.
Brian was devastated. He told Jennifer she could stay here with Adam as long as she wanted, but she told him she wanted to go to Texas. She was tired of the Michigan winters and wanted a warmer climate; this was a perfect opportunity for her.
"We can visit them as often as you want," I told him as I hugged him tight.
"It's more than that, Kathy. I was just starting to make real breakthroughs with Adam. We were bonding as father and son and now this." He fought to hold back his tears. "I don't want to lose him, but I don't know what else I can do." A look of happiness suddenly came over his face as he hugged me. "Marry me and we can move to Texas, too."
"You're kidding, right?"
"No. This would be great. A complete fresh start for us! I want you to be my wife."
"I don't want to get married again. I’m happy with the way things are, and what fresh start? A fresh start for you maybe. I've already had my fresh start, Brian. My life is here, I can't uproot myself again. I'm at a point in my life where I’m content and now you want me to turn things upside down? What about my business? I can't close up and leave all those people hanging." I was angry, but I also didn't realize how selfish I was being.
"What the hell has gotten into you?" he asked with an angry tone I'd never heard from him before. "We don't have to get married. I thought that's what you wanted. I thought you supported my decisions as far as Adam was concerned." The look in his eyes frightened me.
"Don't look at me like that. I do support you Brian, you know I do, but this is a big decision and I'm not ready to move again." Now it was my turn to fight back tears.
"Maybe I should just go by myself then. Obviously if your life is here, it's not with me so it shouldn't matter to you either way whether I’m here or not." His words cut through me like a sword.
"How can you possibly believe that, Brian? I love you! I wouldn't have divorced Bill and moved in with you if I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with you. I just don't want to get married again and I don't want to move to Texas. We have plenty of money saved between us; we can fly out there every weekend if that's what you want."
"Weekends aren’t enough for me!" he shouted and I backed away from him. "I want Adam in my life every day, not just a couple days a week!"
I walked away from him and went to our room. I fell to the bed and began sobbing. I was losing the one person in my life who meant everything to me and it was all because of my selfishness.
I didn't want to move to Texas, but if it meant being with Brian, I would have to do it or lose him forever. I heard him walk into the room and felt him sit on the bed next to me.
"I'm sorry I shouted, I didn't mean to scare you.” He caressed my back. "I don't know what I’d do if I lost you. You and Adam are my life right now. I don't know what I'm going to do." I could tell he was fighting back tears again.
I rolled over and sat up on the bed. I kissed him gently on the lips and pulled him into a tight embrace. "You do what you need to do, Brian. If you want to go to Texas, we can have a long distance relationship. I'm just not ready to move again."
"Are you sure about this?"
"Yes. I don't want to stand in the way of you and your son.” I cried into his shoulder. "I know we love each other. I can fly out to see you on the weekends."
He pulled away, took my face in his hands and kissed me. "You're the most wonderful woman in the world, but I can't do it. I can't move to Texas and leave you here alone. Weekends with you aren't enough for me, same as weekends with Adam aren't enough."
I looked him straight in the eye. "Fine, then let's make this a clean break. I won't let you not go to Texas because of me. That will make your decision easier."
"You're kidding right?" The smile left his face. He could tell from the look on my face I wasn't kidding.
"When are you leaving?" My voice was emotionless. Inside, my heart was breaking, but I couldn’t let him know.
He stood up and turned to leave then paused. "Why are you doing this?"
"Because I love you. I don't want to be selfish. I was acting selfish downstairs, thinking only of myself and not you. This is what's best for both of us. You need to find a woman closer to your own age, Brian. My beauty won't last forever and I don't want to put you through that.” I held back the tears and broke eye contact with him.
"You know it's going to happen. There's twenty plus years between us, and as much as you say you love me now, that’ll change in time. Adam needs you in his life, I’ll only be in the way. I can't give you more children, either. I know you say it doesn't bother you now, but I don't want you to regret not finding someone who can give you another child."
"I can catch the next flight out tomorrow.” He looked defeated. "I wish you'd reconsider—”
"Reconsider what? You know this is right, my life is here, and your life is with Adam. Let's make our last night together memorable." I caressed his cheek. He pulled me to him and we kissed passionately.
I could feel restraint in his body as I pulled him closer. "Make love to me, Brian," I whispered into his ear.
Without further hesitation or restraint, he began removing my clothes and laid me back on the bed. I grabbed at his belt as he kissed down my neck to my breasts. He stopped long enough to take his own shirt off. I gently kissed each of his nipples, making his whole body tremble under my touch. Taking his scent deep into my lungs and savoring every touch, I felt him caress my legs and kiss down my thighs.
I helped him remove his jeans before I pulled him down to me. I tangled my fingers in his hair and kissed him hard. I felt his cock inside me, thrusting deep and both our bodies moved in unison. As he held himself up on his hands, I could see he'd been crying again. I closed my eyes, wrapped my arms and legs around him and pulled him in closer while I caressed his back and shoulders. I could feel his passion and his heat as we made love.
I tightened myself around him and we both exploded with deep orgasms. He collapsed to the bed breathless. He kissed me then got up and went to the bathroom to clean himself up and I followed. I reached over to turn on the shower. As he stood looking at me through the mirror with tears in his eyes, I motioned for him to come to me.
We both stepped into the shower and made love again. We got out, toweled off and got into bed where we fell asleep in each others' arms. The next morning I woke to Brian packing.
"Need any help?"
"No. I'm about done. I gotta leave for the airport in about half an hour. I'm picking up my dad on the way and giving him my truck to use as long as he wants it." His voice was shaky with emotion.
"I'll make you some breakfast before you go."
Brian set his suitcases by the door, walked to the table and sat down. He stared emotionless at the table.
"It's your favorite: scrambled eggs with cheese and onions.” I put a plate down in front of him and gently caressed his hair.
"I'm gonna miss this, no one makes this as good as you.” He forced a smile and started eating. We sat silently while he finished his breakfast then took our plates to the sink.
He poured himself some more coffee and offered to refill mine. I put my hand over my cup and watched him stare blankly at the coffee pot as he sipped his coffee.
It was that moment it dawned on me he wouldn't be home tonight, or tomorrow night or any night ever again. I jumped out of my chair, threw my arms around him and hugged him for what seemed like an eternity. He broke our embrace and kissed my cheek as he turned to leave.
"Have a safe trip. I love you." I knew it probably wasn't the best thing to say since I’d forced him out of my life.
He turned, smiled and blew me a kiss. As he grabbed his suitcases, I saw him wipe another tear from his eye. He opened the door and was gone.
&nbs
p; * * * *
I moved out of Brian's house two weeks after he left even though both he and Ron had told me I could stay there as long as I wanted. I couldn't do it. Everything in the house reminded me of him. The lingering scent of his cologne in the air made it hard to stay. I found a small apartment right up the street from my office and moved in there.
Ron had started dating Rose from Rose's by the Road so I saw him on occasion when he came to visit her or take her to lunch at the diner. I'd ask him about Brian, but he was always pretty vague. I guess he was happy we were no longer together.
I’d drive by Brian's house everyday hoping I’d see his truck in the driveway and this was all simply a horrible dream. Ron had moved the camper from his place to Brian's. Every time I saw it I began to cry as I remembered our first night together and all the times we snuck away in the afternoons when I was still doing Ron's books.
"I've gotta stop doing this to myself. Brian's gone and it's my fault," I said aloud as I drove past.
* * * *
When Brian left in January, a part of me died. Even now, almost nine months later, I still cry myself to sleep every night thinking of him and hating myself for forcing him out of my life.
I was working late one night and realized I hadn't eaten anything yet, so I closed up and went over to the diner. I sat at a booth in the corner when the waitress came over with coffee.
"How's things t'night, ma'am?"
"Fine, thanks.” I didn’t recognize her and thought she must be new.
"My name's Marlene. I'll be by in a few minutes to take your order." She smiled then handed me a menu.
"Just coffee for now, please."
Ron and Rose came in after Marlene retreated to the kitchen. Rose waved, but Ron kind of gave me half a smile as they walked to the opposite end of the diner and took their seats. Rose kept looking over at me and smiling softly. I knew she could sense something was wrong. She leaned over, said something to Ron then got up and walked over to me.
In Need of a Tow Page 5
