Anna had forgotten that her actions had affected more than just her. They had affected Em…Ms. Edna…and maybe even Jake. “I make my own decisions. I wanted to sleep with Jake, and so I did. And you know I had other reasons too, for leaving Patience. It was not all because of Jake.”
“I know…I just don’t like thinking about the other, so I just blame everything on Jake. He doesn’t deserve it, I know, but life isn’t fair, and he was an ass.”
Anna knew that Em was saying underneath her words that she knew life wasn’t fair because of the trauma Anna had experienced as a young girl. They rarely talked about it. The memories were too overwhelming for Anna, and Em had recognized early on, that it was best to be a silent supporter.
Leaving the painful subject, better known as her childhood, she decided to get back to the question Em had asked. What was she expecting out of this thing with Jake? They still had lots to discuss, but even if they didn’t, she couldn’t have a fling with Jake. It was just a night filled with great sex—something Anna had needed. She’d needed it more than she would have ever thought.
“No, it’s not a fling. It was just a one-night thing, nothing more. I came here for your wedding and to sell my house. Not to get swallowed up in some reckless relationship. But…I did agree to see him again tonight.”
“Reckless?”
“Do you not remember how the guy was on the ball field, or the way he now drives? Yes, he is definitely reckless, and I don’t need that in my life.”
“Well, anyway,” her friend said, as if dismissing it, “whatever you decide is your choice. But you need some reckless, if you ask me. You are too uptight, and I’d rather you have hot sex than consume alcohol. Whatever you want, you better hurry up and decide, especially if you’re seeing him again.”
She and Em hadn’t really gotten to talk about what had happened the night of the bachelorette party. Em had been busy with work and the wedding, and Anna had really just not wanted to talk about it. Em had known that and kept their talk away from the whole Cara lashing.
“I’m really sorry about your party, Em. I was never a good drinker, and when I saw her I just snapped.”
Em waved her off. “Don’t be silly. I would’ve reacted the same way if it was Tommy. I keep putting you in situations where you are thrown for a loop and I am the one who needs to be sorry. I can’t believe I failed to mention Tommy and Cara are distant cousins…I think on his mom’s side. I messed up.”
“It’s fine now.”
“I’d say so. After I picked you up at Jake’s the morning after the party I thought y’all had had some big falling out, but just look at you two. I’m the one about to get married, and you’re the one off having crazy, wild sex.”
* * * *
The sky looked like purple and orange streamers stretched across the almost darkness. It was vast and open. It was a perfect night for baseball…or softball.
Kids eagerly snatched up their bats, gloves, and balls. They were ready to play. A young girl, probably around the age of five, was learning how to play catch with her dad. Both child and dad beamed with every catch. Watching the two brought back the memory of his parents and how they each had, in different ways, supported his love for the game.
Being drafted out of high school gave him the headlining story in the Patience Gazette. His mother stayed on the phone most of the day—receiving congratulations for her oldest son’s accomplishment, while he’d spent most of his day staring at the diamond that started it all. The place he’d played his first tee-ball game. He wanted to live up to that little boy’s expectations again. That little boy was innocent and had looked at baseball as being simple. Win or lose, he loved the game. But he had to admit winning was so much sweeter.
He was reluctant to leave town because of his mother and Bradley. But his mom refused to let him give up his dream. She was the pure example of strength and courage. After all, it took those two things and more to overcome the death of a husband and raise two rambunctious boys.
God, how she would have been saddened at the man he was today. Of course, she would have comforted him after his injury, but she also would have slapped him silly if she could; for going out every night, getting plastered, and not remembering the girl or even the night before, after her death. That’s what he’d needed: a good slap in the face, but everyone around him was too afraid. They wanted to give him time. He didn’t need time. He needed his mother back.
Losing her was worse than the night he touched home plate for the last time in his Major League career. While it was his dad who had introduced him to the game of baseball, it was his mother who’d nurtured his love of it, supported him, and convinced him not to settle for anything less than what he dreamed of. And, he’d wanted to play baseball for the Atlanta Braves since his dad took him and Bradley to their first big league game.
Like any other seven-year-old, he was in awe at the size of the field. He didn’t want popcorn, cotton candy, or even a souvenir he could take home and brag to all his friends that he’d gotten to see a real game. All he wanted was the game. He didn’t think he said a single word the three hours it took for San Francisco to beat Atlanta by two runs. From that day on, he’d planned to play short-stop for Atlanta. While he never got to play short, he got to play third base for the same franchise that included most of his idols. And just like them, he thought he was living out his glory days.
Nothing could have been further from the truth. He was cocky enough to think some kid in the cheap seats would see him—number twenty-five—and beg for that number to be on the back of his baseball jersey.
Using his good leg, he pushed his body off the concrete building used for housing the concession stand. There was no more time for riding the road back down memory lane. He had a much-anticipated date with his lover. Wow, did it feel good to finally be able to say that.
“Whatcha doing, sweetness?” he asked as he walked up beside her.
She stopped midstride. “Where’d you come from?”
“Concessions. Ms. Rachel Bell makes some damn fine burgers.” After a rush of kids passed, he asked, “You ready?”
“For what?” she questioned.
He only smiled.
“Kids? We’re going to watch a little league game? That’s what you really want to do for our second date?”
“Don’t let these five-year-olds fool you. They can pound the ball just as good as a ten year old. The only thing with this age group is their attention spans. One minute they’re making a good throw to first base, and the next they’re throwing dirt above their heads while sitting on the base.”
“I bet they’re so cute.”
“They drive their coaches crazy is what they do, but yes, they are very cute.”
That was why he didn’t coach little kids. He helped the ones who took baseball seriously and let the patient men handle the ones who were only there because of their parents. It was sad to say, but there were a lot of parents who pushed their kids because they had never gotten the chance to play…and actually be any good at it. He’d seen it when he was a little leaguer, and noticed, now that he was back, things hadn’t changed much.
With his hand on the small of Anna’s back, he guided her through the crowd to the small field in back of the park. He expected her to pull away from him, but when she didn’t, he thought maybe she was now looking forward to their dates. She seemed happy to be with him.
Hoping he wasn’t pushing his luck, he grabbed her hand as they climbed the bleachers to the very top.
“Do you come here often?” she asked.
“What, come watch the youngsters play?”
“Yeah?”
“I try to catch a game here and there. I usually come when I start to think of my career and how it started on this same field when I was five years old.”
“Have you been thinking about it lately?”
“Yeah. I mean, I always think of baseball. It’s hard not to, but some days it hits me more.”
She place
d her hand on his knee. “You miss it.”
He placed his hand on top of hers and brought his gaze up. Their gazes collided. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t, but I’m learning to cope with the loss.”
“I get it. And I’m really sorry, Jake.”
“I know,” he said…even though he didn’t understand what she got when it came to coping with loss. Unless maybe she was referring to the death of her mom—which made complete sense. “Why don’t we table all this talk about the past and watch these future hall-of-famers show their stuff out here on the diamond?”
It was bottom of the first with the home team batting. The first Braves player was a young boy named Jared. It was his first year. He had the attention span of a gnat, but he always seemed to get a hit. The coach had to pick the kid up so he was actually facing the plate, then arrange his legs, and pull his elbow up. He had two strikes, and on the third pitch, he hit the ball as hard as he could. It didn’t go far, but the crowd cheered. “Go Jared, run…ruuun, baby,” the mother screamed. It was the same response she had every time her son tapped the ball. “That’s my boy,” she announced, as if everyone didn’t already know. Jared was tagged out before he reached first base, but he didn’t care. By the priceless look on his face, just tapping that ball was enough to keep him coming back year after year to play.
Lance was the next to the plate. Unlike, Jared, Lance had been playing a couple years. He already knew how to position himself—just the way Jake had taught him. After hitting the plate a few times, he pulled back his elbow and zeroed in on the baseball. On the first pitch, he fired the ball clear to the fence. Most of the opposing team’s outfielders were young and inexperienced, and had no chance of throwing out the speedy boy, now rounding second.
“That kid’s really good to be…how old is he?” Anna asked.
“That there is Lance, and he’s six. He’s a good kid. I worked with him a little before the season started.”
Anna eyed him. “Do you do that with a lot of the players?”
“Just the ones who ask. For your information, I don’t have this big ego where I think I can teach everyone to be a ballplayer.”
“That’s not what I meant. I just wondered if you gave lessons to lots of the kids. You do know what you’re doing and all.” She turned back to face the field, but he could see her watching him from the corner of her eye. “You’re no Jeter, but I guess—”
“Watch it, Kelly,” he warned. “Don’t be talking that crap,” he added, looking around at all the people sitting around them. If there hadn’t been so many kids around, he would’ve used some much harsher words.
She laughed.
Damn it…she knew he loathed New York. “It’s not funny.” He pouted.
She bit her bottom lip, trying to hold in another laugh, but failed. When she finally collected herself, she said, “I’m sorry. That was wrong.”
“Ya think?” He scooted away, putting a couple of inches between them.
“Jake,” she playfully tugged on his arm, “you know you can’t stay mad at me all night.” She inched closer to him, while he only kept moving farther away from her. He didn’t stop until he was almost sitting right on top of the older man next to him, who was giving him the stink eye. “What are you going to do now?”
She was right, but he still held his ground by staying silent.
“What if I made it up to you?”
Now, she was talking. He could think of a few things she could do to make it up to him. “I’m listening.”
“What if I kissed you?” she suggested.
He turned to face her. “I think I’ll forgive you for a kiss.”
She leaned in and gave him a kiss on his cheek. “How’s that?”
“Not what I was thinking, but it’ll be enough for now.”
Jake had to explain to Anna that just like with his softball team, the little league games only went for six innings. After the last out was made, the home team walked away with a fourteen to ten win. The crowd cheered as the two teams lined up to give high fives to one another.
Just as he did every other time he’d come to watch a game, he slapped each kid on the butt and congratulated them on their good game. A few hellos were given to both him and Anna, and after chasing after a few of the kids around the bases, he and Anna were left alone.
He leaned his back against the chain link fence. “Are we going to talk about last night?”
A rosy color crept up Anna’s neck. “What do you mean?”
“Sweetness, have I brought up a pleasurable moment you would love to hit rewind on?”
“Jake Lawrence.”
If she could tease him, he could do the same to her. “What? It was pleasurable, wasn’t it?”
“There are kids around. You should be ashamed,” she scolded.
“The closest kid is two fields away. You wouldn’t be trying to avoid this subject, would you?”
For a second he thought she was going to slap him. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case. “Maybe I just feel it’s wrong to talk about sex at a park when any kid can approach. You are pretty famous around here, and anyone can just walk up.”
He chuckled. “If that’s what you say. You want to know what I think? I think you enjoyed it so much that you’re a little embarrassed. You did, after all, do a lot of moaning and oh, Jakes, but that’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I tend to have that effect on women.”
“You are so full of yourself, you know that? Maybe all that moaning was just a way for me to not hurt your ego. Maybe sex with you wasn’t as good as you think. You ever think of that?”
“Now I know you’re lying.”
“Um…can we talk about something else right now?”
“Sure. How about we discuss you coming back to my place and enjoy round two of our lovemaking…or would it be round three if you count this morning?”
“I’m sorry about your mom, Jake.”
“Wow, where did that come from?” That was sure out of the blue. And not what he wanted to be talking about. He turned to position himself on the fence, facing the field.
“Just something I should’ve said a long time ago,” Anna admitted.
Just thinking about all he and Bradley had lost literally caused his chest to ache. He stared down at the cleat indented clay. “It was hard, and I wish I would’ve handled it better, but I didn’t, and that is something I am going to have to live with. It was a storm of emotions I wasn’t prepared to face and feel. I pretty much gave up on my life and dug myself into this hole nobody could get me out of. I was saturated with grief. I don’t even remember much of what happened or what I was doing.”
It was for this reason that he’d needed something to keep his mind busy. Anna’s house was the solution.
“You had a right to be beside yourself with grief. It’s natural, Jake. You can’t keep beating yourself up about it.”
He wished everyone would stop giving him a pass. He didn’t deserve it. “I gave up, sweetness. On everything that mattered to me. I left baseball, my friends, and my brother, for God’s sake. Bradley was hurting too, and what did I do? I became a drunk he had to go pick up after last call every night. I am the eldest. I should’ve been a better brother to him. I should’ve taken care of him instead of the other way around.” And it wasn’t only him being a disappointment. While he was at it, he might as well admit the rest. “Did you know I could’ve returned back to the game that next season? I hurt my knee pretty bad, but if I would’ve finished my treatment and rehab, I could’ve gone back. I could still be playing this game.” He gestured to the small field they were standing on. It was the field he’d once played on and still loved. “I was going to, in the beginning, but then my mom died, and…I was just lost.”
“No, I didn’t know. You want to tell me about it?” she asked.
And when others had asked him that very question, he, in a nice way, said hell, no, but it wasn’t like that with Anna. In that moment she wasn’t just his lover, she was that teenage
girl he considered his best friend. Taking a much needed breath, he started, “My team was ahead by one in the bottom of the sixth. Jonsey hit a bullet to centerfield, and there was no way I was settling on third base when I knew I could make it home.”
“You always were one of those annoying players who thought they were God’s gift to baseball. You know fans cuss you through the television, don’t you?”
He smiled. “Yeah. But they sure do cheer when we players come through for them in the end.”
“Did you know when you were running around the bases how bad your knee was injured?”
“Even above the noise of thirty thousand fans, I could hear the pop. I immediately knew I’d blown out my knee. A knee doesn’t just snap for any reason. I remember the pain being excruciating. How I kept running I don’t know. The trainers told me I should’ve dropped to the ground instantly, but I guess I was too stubborn to give up and allow a pinch runner to run for me. So even though it meant a collision at the plate, I knew my team needed the assurance run.”
“You sacrificed your body and career for the game. I know that’s the kind of teammate you are, but you do know how stupid that was, don’t you?”
“It’s part of the game, sweetness.”
“But do you not understand you scared the living daylights out of me? I sat there, watching your life change in between bases, and wasn’t able to stop it.”
That took him aback. For a moment he stared at her blankly. “Were you there?”
“Not in the stands, but I watched from my home. And that made it worse, because if I had been there, I could at least have made sure you were okay. At home, I was forced to listen to the commentaries and your manager downplay it. I know they didn’t want to say too much before tests were run—but damn it…I was sick about it, Jake.”
“Oh, honey.” He stroked the side of her cheek. “I’m sorry you had to witness that. I didn’t think you watched me play.”
Forgiving Patience Page 21
