Rowan’s lips dropped to my ear, making me shiver. “Just so you know, Tess, I was hoping you’d be more than just my plus one at the wedding.” He leaned closer, his breath warm on my ear. “I want you there with me. Officially. If that’s okay with you, of course.”
Swallowing hard, I looked up at him in surprise. There wasn’t a heartbreak bad enough in this world to keep me from saying yes to him when he was smiling at me like that.
Even though I was terrified at the prospect of trusting another man and even though it ended horribly for me the last time I did, I still nodded up at Rowan.
“Okay,” I whispered, my heart thrumming wildly in my chest.
His grin left me breathless and his next words made the butterflies in my stomach take flight. “It’s a date.”
“A date,” I confirmed, unable to contain my own grin.
Rowan’s hand found its way into mine, our fingers lacing together like they’d been made for each other. I held my breath as his lips leaned toward mine anticipating how delicious they would taste. But I never got the chance. The ill-timed crash of a beer bottle robbed me of the moment I’d been waiting for.
The next thing I knew I was pressed against the wall, Rowan’s taught muscles shielding me. I could feel his heart hammering against mine as his hands wildly roamed my body.
“Are you okay?” he breathed.
“Rowan, I’m fine. Someone just knocked over a beer bottle.”
I pointed toward the porch where the sound had come from. With the open windows the sound had drifted inside, but it hadn’t been loud enough to warrant such a reaction. Rowan’s chest heaved as he struggled to control his breathing, his eyes still searching the area for some unforeseen threat.
I was about to assure him that everything was fine when the sound of raised voices on the porch caught his attention. Rowan looked out the window and swore under his breath. “Stay here,” he ordered before nearly ripping the door off its hinges as he raced onto the porch.
Chapter 13
Rowan
Heart pounding, fighting flashbacks, I barely made it to the porch before being swallowed whole by the nightmares that plagued me. I’d wanted to aid Colton in a confrontation between Byron and Charlie that was looking like it was about to get ugly, but Brooks and Ivy beat me to it. And thank god for that. It was all I could do to make it into a rocking chair on the front porch. At least if I collapsed there, people would assume I’d just had too much to drink.
Smoke filled my lungs and suddenly I was back there. Fire and brick and sand rained down around me. Everything burned. My lungs. My eyes. My throat. My ears were ringing so hard I felt dizzy. I could feel the ground shudder beneath me, but I still didn’t know which way was up. I didn’t know which way would get me to her.
“Rachel! Rachel!”
I heard her screaming. The sound pierced my heart like a bullet over and over again.
I wanted to curl into a ball. I was going to be sick.
Please no. Not here. Not where everyone can see.
But then I felt cool hands on my knees. Tess.
Tess was here. I was here . . . we were safe.
“Rowan?” Tess’s voice was as soft as a whisper as she knelt in front of me, her calm green eyes anchoring me. “How about you walk me home?”
I nodded, taking a deep breath before gathering enough energy to get me to my feet. Tess looped her arm through mine like she knew I needed the support and together we made our way down the steps. Thankfully the argument between Colton and Byron had broken up peacefully. My family and Charlie and Byron were all going their separate ways; some home and some back into the bar. Ivy caught my eye, her look asking if I was okay. I gave her a nod. I knew I was in good hands with Tess. It seemed Ivy did too from the wink she gave me.
I took a deep breath, focusing on the feel of Tess’s arm in mine.
You can do this, Rowan.
One foot in front of the other. That’s how I’d gotten through the last year. That’s how I’d get Tess home tonight.
I found the more distance I put between myself and the bar the sturdier I felt. I didn’t know how much Tess had seen, but I was grateful she was the one who’d found me in the middle of my flashback. Somehow, I’d have been more embarrassed if my family had found me than this beautiful stranger. I couldn’t explain it. Just being with Tess made everything better. She didn’t judge or prod. She knew how to just be near me.
When we got to her house, she slipped inside to grab us two water bottles. I was sitting on her front steps when she came back outside.
“I called a cab to take you home,” Tess said, handing me the water bottle as she took a seat next to me.
“That’s probably a good idea.”
An awkward tension filled the air as we each drank silently.
“Does your family know?” Tess asked.
“Know what?”
“About your PTSD?”
I tried to wave off her concern. “Back at the bar? That was nothing.”
“Rowan, that wasn’t nothing.”
“It’s fine. I’m dealing with it on my own.”
“So your family doesn’t know?”
My shoulders sunk. “I try not to worry them.”
A deep exhale escaped Tess and suddenly, her hand was clasping mine. “You’re a doctor. You should know better.”
Her voice was kind, soft, honest. And she wasn’t wrong. I’d been trying to deal with this on my own for so long I think I’d forgotten how good it could feel to let someone in. And why not Tess?
“You’re right,” I finally said, my heart stumbling over the compassion I saw in her gorgeous green eyes.
“You said you injured your leg in Libya.” Tess hesitated. “Is that where this stems from?”
I nodded. “Airstrike. I was one of the few survivors.”
Tess sat quietly for a moment waiting to see if I’d say more, but even just those few words were hard for me to get out.
Finally, she spoke. “Remember all those odd jobs I told you I had back in Chicago?”
I nodded.
“Wounded Warrior was one.”
I felt my lips quirk up. Of course it was. I wasn’t surprised. The girl was all heart.
“I actually learned a lot about what people returning from war zones go through and how it affects them and their loved ones.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. My favorite part was connecting them with emotional support pets when they were ready. I loved it so much that it inspired me to start my own business to help aid their program.”
“That’s incredible, Tess.”
“Well, it should’ve been, but my business partner screwed me over.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too. But that’s not the point. I just want you to know that you’re not in this alone. There are a lot of people struggling with this and there are programs that can help.”
My eyes met hers and I felt myself falling, but not in a bad way. I knew this time there was a net to catch me. Tess was that net. The woman was incredible. Not only had she rescued me from my panic attack at the Porch, but instead of turning away from me she was offering me a lifeline.
Had this angel of a woman been sent here specifically for me?
I couldn’t think of any other explanation as her warm fingers threaded with mine. Tess gave my hand an encouraging squeeze and I swore it felt like she’d reached into my chest and jump started my heart.
I gasped, a million words on the tip of my tongue as her touch tore away layer upon layer of heartache and loneliness.
“Tess . . . I—”
The beep of a car horn made us both jump. I turned to see a cab waiting at the curb. We both stood. I took a large sip from my water bottle and fiddled with the top, suddenly nervous. “Tess . . . if you don’t want to be my date to the wedding, I completely understand.”
Her brows furrowed together. “Do you want me to be your date?”
“Yes,” I said without
hesitation.
A smile curved her pretty lips. “Then I’d love to go to Ivy’s wedding with you.”
Relief flashed through me so quickly I had to take a step back. Of course that was right as Tess was leaning in for a hug. Nearly stumbling over my own feet as I overcompensated and collided with her in an awkward embrace. I’d been trying to kiss her cheek but missed, my lips landing on her ear instead.
“Oh, g-goodnight,” she said, obviously startled by my completely unsmooth move.
Hells bells, this is worse than junior high!
“Goodnight,” I mumbled, quickly heading for the cab before I did anything else stupid and Tess changed her mind about being my wedding date.
In the cab I closed my eyes, trying to erase the stinging memory of our awkward goodbye, yet I couldn’t help the smile that pulled at my lips. After all we’d been through tonight, somehow, I still felt lighter.
Asher lounged on the dock of the boathouse, his legs dangling in the crystal blue water as the occasional sailboat drifted by.
The sun was high, surrounded by fluffy white clouds. Next to me, Colton reclined over the side of his anchored sailboat, occasionally lifting his glass of bourbon to his lips. Ice clinked around in the glass as he moved it. I sank back on a soft deck cushion, staring up at the sky with my feet propped up on the bow.
It’d been a lazy, quiet afternoon—possibly the best kind. It also felt like the calm before the storm. Soon our home was going to be crawling with wedding vendors and decorators. I knew all the commotion wouldn’t leave much time to connect with my two younger brothers.
Colton, Asher, and I used to hang out here all the time, occasionally sneaking bourbon when Colton was still too young to drink it. Most of the time, we just came out here to hang out and chat and get away from the rest of our family for a little while.
My brothers and I hadn't even made any concrete plans to come out here this afternoon. We’d all just somehow wound up in the boat house with a bottle of bourbon—just like old times.
Today, both our parents were out. Our mother was with Brooks and Ivy, taking care of more wedding errands while our father was at work, as usual. So that left my two younger brothers and I with time to catch up. It was just the distraction I needed after the way I’d left things with Tess last night.
Asher heaved a deep sigh, pushing himself up onto his palms to look over at us, his legs still dipped into the cool water from the dock.
“Something wrong, Ash?” Colton asked.
“No. But you know I’ve never been good at sitting still. I don’t know what to do with myself,” he stated dully.
It was clear to me that Asher was already wishing he could head back to the city. Life in Bradford Cove had always been too slow for him. He hadn’t even been able to stick around the bar last night. When I’d asked him where he’d disappeared to, he’d grunted and just said ‘work’, claiming that Wall Street never sleeps. But I had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with the bet Ivy made him at the bar last night.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think my sister was on a mission to get us all wedding dates! Lucky for Asher, he wasn’t the dating type. That boy had one true love—his job.
Though I’d previously considered myself a bit of a workaholic, Asher put me to shame. But I wasn’t so sure that was something to be proud of. I could see bags under my little brother’s eyes and I knew they weren’t just from our late night at the bar.
All of us had gotten a bit too carried away last night. Which was probably why we were out here seeking quiet and a bit of the hair of the dog.
Colton grunted. “Drink some more bourbon, Ash, time will slow down.”
Asher rolled his eyes. “Not everything is about bourbon, Cole,” he said before taking a big swig of the drink.
The twenty-nine-year old financier wasn’t his usual picture of class as he took a swig of bourbon straight from the bottle. His hair was mussed and he hadn’t bothered to shave this morning, a rarity for my posh little brother. It led me to believe ‘work’ wasn’t the only thing keeping him busy last night. That would be par for the course for Ash, the player.
“I guess it’s nice to relax with you two for a bit though,” Asher said. “It’s been so long. This reminds me of the old days when we would come out here to escape Dad.”
For a while, the three of us were bathed in silence and our thoughts about our father.
Then Asher asked, “Do you ever think it’s strange that we all moved away from home?”
I listened as he rambled on, all of his words stringing rapidly together. He’d always been a fast talker and a fast mover. That’s probably why he did so well in finance. Moving to Manhattan had been the right call for him.
“Is it really that weird?” Colton murmured, draping one of his arms over his face. “I mean, we all left because Bradford Cove wasn’t right for us. Row wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to be an artist.” He paused and looked directly at Asher, “And you wanted to be a ladies’ man.”
Asher just smirked. “No denying that.” He chuckled. “But let’s not forget that you didn't leave to pursue your artistic dreams, little brother, you left because your heart got broken.”
Colton pushed himself upright and glared at Asher. “Really, you had to go there?”
Asher just cackled and slowly climbed to his feet. Walking over toward us, he pulled himself up onto the boat and joined the rest of us on the bow. I poured us all another round and we sipped in peace for a few minutes before Asher got bored of the quiet atmosphere. “I guess the real reason we all left was because none of us wanted to take over Dad’s business.”
Colton frowned. “Do you think he’s ever going to get over that?”
I shrugged. “It used to bother me more than it does now.”
“What do you mean?” Asher asked.
“Life is short. We have to follow our own path.”
“Row . . .” Colton said, his voice loaded.
My heart sank as I shifted my head toward him, squinting through the light peering in through the roof of the boathouse.
“What?” I asked in an equally brusque tone, trying to convince him to change the topic before he’d even really started it.
Asher, also sensing what was to come, began to squirm anxiously in his seat. If he didn't already wish he was back at work in NYC, he definitely did now.
“When I was packing up some things in Connecticut to come out here, I came across a postcard . . . it was one from you and Rachel right after you got engaged.”
“That was a while ago,” I muttered, closing my eyes as I downed a large swig of bourbon. But I couldn’t keep them shut. The darkness in my mind was full of too many painful memories. I opened my eyes and stared down the length of my brother’s boat instead. Even though the large sailboat was secured, it bobbed in the gentle tide of the inlet making it feel as untethered as my soul.
I quickly pulled Tess’s words back into my mind. The echo of her voice lulled me into a temporary reprieve. If I concentrated hard enough, it was like she was here with me, filling me with that easy way of hers that drove the darkness away.
“Was it really that long ago?” Colton asked.
My heart throbbed once in my chest, feeling heavier than a rock behind my ribs.
“Feels like another life,” I muttered, wishing he would drop it.
Asher gulped his bourbon, eyes shifting between Colton and me.
“I just want to know that you’re doing okay,” Colton pressed, refusing to give up the conversation like everyone else in our family would. “You always said Rachel was your soulmate. You followed her to Libya to work in those refugee camps together. Then she was lost in that airstrike . . . and . . . damn, Row. It’s just brutal.”
Brutal didn’t even begin to explain how it felt to have the woman I loved get ripped away from me.
We’d only just gotten engaged. When she got her assignment in Libya I still had work to do in Venezuela. We made a plan. Three months, then we
’d put in for a new assignment together. But the distance proved too much. I’d chased her down the first chance I got.
“We had one night together in Libya before the bombs started falling the next morning,” I said, my heart hammering like it was only yesterday. “The dreams are the worst part of it. That space between night and morning when I forget where I am. It forces me to relive it again and again. Bombs falling, people screaming, smoke, fire, roaring her name over the warzone . . . then . . . nothing. Now I wake up in my bed, panting and covered in sweat, just like I did that day in the hospital in Benghazi with a body full of shrapnel and nothing left to live for.”
“Row . . .” Colton started.
“What?” I barked out too bitterly.
But what is there to say?
It was that terrible event that broke my heart and sent my career to a screaming halt. It wasn’t my injuries that held me back. They healed. But I still couldn’t imagine working in the medical field again, nor could I imagine ever giving another woman my heart.
Asher had gone silent, refilling his glass so full that bourbon almost trickled over the edge. He tilted his head back and generously drank it down. He hated when we spoke about things like this. He’d much rather talk about work or his bank account or the revolving door of women in his life.
“Rachel was amazing in every sense of the word,” I said slowly.
It’d been so long since I’d had the heart to say my late fiancée’s name out loud that it felt strange on my tongue and that only made my heart want to cave in more.
I always avoided bringing her up as best I could, not wanting to feel that wound ripped open again, but I was beginning to realize it didn’t matter. Some wounds were terminal. I knew that better than most.
“I’m sorry, Row,” Colton said, quietly. “I don’t mean to dredge up old wounds. It’s just we’ve never talked about it and I want you to know I’m here if you ever want to.”
I sighed, gazing out at the water. “Some days are harder than others,” I admitted, “but life goes on. You have to put one foot in front of the other. I’ve spent way too much time standing still.”
Palmetto Passion: A Sweet Small Town Family Romance (The Bradford Brothers Book 1) Page 11
