“I caught the little girl.” Barely, and he’d almost gone off the ladder himself. “The mother...if she’d waited fifteen seconds. I told her to wait and she didn’t, Cait.”
“You saved her little girl.” She squeezed him tighter. “You did everything you could.”
“I was yelling at her to wait. And then...she jumped. I thought maybe there was a chance she’d survive. People fall three stories and survive, but she didn’t.”
“I’m sorry, Gavin.”
Her arms around him helped. She was so calm, and her firmly spoken belief he’d done everything he could eased some of the tightness in his chest. After a long moment, he kissed the side of her neck and pulled away.
“I’m going to take a shower.”
“Okay.”
Once he’d washed away the grime and smell, he toweled off and pulled on his favorite pair of sweatpants. He went into the bedroom, intending to crawl into his bed and stay there until sleep finally came, but Cait was waiting for him.
“I knew you’d come this way. Come sit down and eat first.”
“I’m not really hungry.”
“I know. It’s not much, but you need something in your stomach.”
He sat on the couch, noting that she’d already changed the television channel from the local station, which might show the news, to a random cable channel showing repeats of a crime drama. And when he looked at the paper plate sitting on the coffee table, he actually smiled.
“What is that?” he asked, looking at what appeared to be a slice of toast smeared with peanut butter, with sliced bananas spread over it.
“It’s a light meal, but with good stuff to help you get your strength back while you’re sleeping. My mom always made it for us when we were sick or too upset to eat.”
“What about you?”
“I ate mine while you were in the shower. Now eat.”
He did as he was told, and was surprised by how good it was. He’d had peanut butter on English muffins before, but the banana twist was new. And she was right. It did settle his stomach a little, having food in it. She’d also gotten him a small glass of milk, and he drank it all.
Then, instead of going and crawling into the big bed, he laid down on the couch and put his head in Cait’s lap. She stroked his hair and he closed his eyes, letting himself relax under her touch.
When her phone chimed, he was surprised to realize he’d been on the verge of sleep. He thought it would be hours before his mind calmed enough to let him drift off.
She reached across him to the coffee table, and he watched her flip the switch to silent before she leaned back and resumed stroking his hair.
“It might be Diane or Carter,” he said, unable to keep his voice from sounding flat. “Your mom might need you.”
“You need me.”
He closed his eyes, holding back the words. I love you.
He didn’t want to say them now, in this moment. Today was dark with loss and sorrow and guilt. When he told Cait how he felt about her, he wanted nothing but happiness on that day.
Maybe he’d take her back to the beach, he thought drowsily. Walking the rocky beach had been one of their favorite dates and it was a perfect excuse to go back. He could picture her with her hair blowing in the ocean breeze. Her cheeks rosy from the cold, but her eyes sparkling with joy.
I love you, Cait.
I love you, too.
Chapter Seventeen
Cait’s phone rang at the usual time, which was shortly before she would leave for work. Unless he was busy, Gavin always called her in the mornings. To keep her company while she drank her coffee, he said.
“Good morning,” he said when she answered. “It was probably too late to call when I had a chance last night, but how was your shift yesterday?”
“Busy. Pretty much nonstop.”
“At least you don’t have to shovel snow.”
She didn’t have to shovel, but a weird March snowstorm had definitely kept EMS on their toes. It had been a heavy snow, due to the warmer temperatures, so they’d been chasing back injuries and cardiac calls all day. “It seems stupid to shovel. It’s going to melt, anyway.”
He snorted. “I can’t even count how many hydrants we shoveled out yesterday. It was somewhere in the area of not-sure-I-can-lift-my-arms-this-morning, so I’m just hoping I can climb into my truck.”
“Poor guy. Do you want me to make you breakfast?”
“You’re not working?”
“No, we switched things up to accommodate a few sick days across the shifts, so I’m off today.”
“I was going to soak in the tub, too.”
She didn’t blame him. Soaking in that tub was heaven, and the only thing missing when she did it was Gavin. “Is that a refusal or an invitation?”
“Oh, it’s an invitation. Or more like a desperate plea worded badly.”
“I’ll be there in a little bit, then.”
“My day’s looking better already.”
She was smiling when she hung up. It had been a week since the fire, and Gavin was mostly himself again. She still caught glimpses every once in a while of his sadness and guilt, but she probably would for a while. At least he was laughing again and he’d sounded okay before his shift started yesterday. Going in Tuesday had been tough, and she’d had to resist the urge to call him periodically throughout the day.
But he was enjoying life again, and that’s all that mattered to her.
I love you, Cait.
She was very sure Gavin didn’t remember saying those words, or that he’d said them in his sleep. And he didn’t remember her whispering “I love you, too” back to him.
But Cait remembered, and everything had changed. Now when Gavin looked at her, she knew he loved her and she knew she loved him. There were no hypotheticals anymore. Unless it all went horribly wrong somehow, he was going to be the man she shared her life with.
But first they had to do the I love you thing while fully awake and lucid.
And two hours later, when they were naked and up to their shoulders in hot water and scented bubbles—because she liked them and he assured her he was man enough to handle smelling like fruit—she had to admit it was a very nice life. No matter how much time they spent together, even fully clothed, she never got tired of him.
“I love your tub,” she said. “I think it’s ruined regular bathtubs for me forever. I just settle for showers at home now.”
Gavin blew at the bubbles over her shoulder, which never failed to make her laugh. He always tried to blow the bubbles away from her breasts so he could see her nipples, even though it never worked.
“You know,” he said, and then paused to kiss the side of her neck. “This could be your bathtub, too.”
She didn’t catch his meaning for a few seconds, but when the words sank in, she stilled. Or maybe she wasn’t catching his meaning. He couldn’t be asking her to move in with him already. It was too soon.
Sure, she spent as much time with him as she could. And she’d spent the night a few times. Rushing to get home in time to get ready for work was tough on the rare nights she fell asleep in his bed on a work night, and she’d been thinking about the possibility of leaving a few things at his place. Not a lot. Some toiletries, underwear and a uniform, probably.
But moving in with him? That was a big step.
“It makes me nervous when you don’t talk,” he said, and he tried to be teasing, but she could hear the nerves.
“I’m just trying to wrap my head around what you’re talking about.”
“I’m talking about you moving in with me.”
“It’s a big step.” She wished they weren’t having this conversation in the tub, with his naked body cradling hers and his breath tickling the wisps of hair that had escaped from the messy knot on top of her head.
S
he wanted to see his face. And she wanted to be able to move and think clearly. Her current state of languid relaxation wasn’t ideal for making a huge life decision.
“I know it’s a big step,” he agreed. “But I like waking up with you. I like sharing my day and making meals together and I want to come home to you instead of calling you. Not that I don’t like talking to you on the phone, but I like talking to you like this a whole lot better.”
She did, too, but there was so much to consider. And not only her mom and Carter, though Gavin would probably assume they were first and foremost in her thoughts.
Living together changed a relationship, and she liked what they had right now. Maybe it was selfish, but she liked her time with Gavin being free of things like bills and arguing over big purchases and a million tiny aggravations that added up. Other than a stroll through the mall on a rainy day, they hadn’t even shopped together.
You didn’t just move in with somebody you hadn’t even gone grocery shopping with.
She knew they’d have to navigate those changes as their relationship progressed and it would be a part of making a future together. She just wasn’t sure she was ready to make those changes yet.
“I like this, too,” she finally said. “But I don’t want to rush into that kind of decision and mess things up between us. Do I get to think about it?”
“Of course you do.” He chuckled, his breath warm against her chin. “There’s no pressure. I just wanted to throw it out there.”
She knew him too well to believe it was just a random idea he was tossing out on a whim. But she appreciated that he was willing to give her the space she needed to consider it. And that he didn’t question whether or not her need to think about it was because of her mom, even though he probably suspected it.
His hand skimmed over her arm before sliding over to cup her breast. “How about we get out of the tub and, after we dry off, I’ll take you out to lunch. I’ll dry your back and you can dry mine.”
“I don’t know. Are you sure you have the strength to thoroughly dry me off after shoveling all that snow?”
He growled and nipped at her shoulder. “Oh, I’ll be thorough. Don’t you worry about that.”
* * *
Gavin stood on the doorstep of Diane’s house, waiting for somebody to answer the door. Maybe he should have felt at home enough to simply knock and then walk in, but he didn’t feel comfortable doing that yet.
When her brother opened the door, he grinned. “Hey, Gavin.”
“Hey, Carter. Long time, no see.”
They’d been together that morning, playing some basketball. The kid wasn’t a regular, by any means, but sometimes he managed to drag his nocturnal teenage self out of bed in time to shoot some hoops.
“Come on in. Mom and Cait are in the kitchen arguing about something.”
“Maybe I should wait outside,” Gavin said, only half-joking.
But Carter gestured for him to get in the house, so he did. He couldn’t hear any yelling or crying, so hopefully their disagreement wasn’t too bad. He’d grown up with a sister, so he knew mother-daughter fights could be really unpleasant to witness.
But then Cait was walking toward him, smiling, and he figured no tears was a good sign. “Hi, gorgeous.”
She kissed him hello, but it was a quick peck on the lips in deference to her younger brother being in the room. Gavin felt the quick rush of pleasure he always felt when he first saw Cait after being away from her, even for only a day.
He wondered if that would ever stop happening, and really hoped it wouldn’t.
“Everything okay?” he asked, and he tipped his head toward Carter when she looked confused. “I heard there was an argument in progress.”
“Oh, that. It wasn’t really an argument. I forgot to tell her you don’t like onions because it never really came up in conversation, and now her life is ruined.”
He chuckled. “I’m not a fan of onions, but it won’t kill me to eat them. Or I can pick them out and hide them in my napkin when she’s not looking.”
“She made a New England boiled dinner, and even though I told her she didn’t have to, she just finished picking and straining every last bit of onion out and putting it in a separate dish.” She laughed at his expression. “Don’t worry about it. She likes you.”
That was good news, so he shrugged off his worry about Diane being upset. “Did your brother tell you I kicked his ass on the basketball court this morning?”
Carter snorted. “As if. I ran you so ragged on that court, you probably couldn’t lift your foot high enough to reach my ass even if you could catch me.”
“Kid, I’m faster than you while wearing gear that’s half your weight.”
The friendly trash talk came to end when Diane walked out of the kitchen. “I thought I heard your voice, Gavin. I’m glad you could make it.”
“Thank you for inviting me. It smells delicious.” He pulled a candy bar from the pocket of his coat and held it out to her. “Cait told me these are your favorite.”
“They are and thank you. That’s so sweet.” Then she gave him what Gavin thought of as the affectionate-but-slightly-admonishing mom look. “You don’t have to bring a gift every time you visit, you know.”
He did if he didn’t want his dad kicking his ass and, unlike Carter, his old man could actually do it since Gavin couldn’t fight back. “It’s the least I can do when you’re letting me share meals as good as yours with you.”
Diane blushed and waved a hand at him before going back to the kitchen. “Carter, pour the drinks, please.”
Carter rolled his eyes, but disappeared after his mother. Gavin turned to Cait, who was watching him with a bemused look on her face. He grinned and after shaking her head, she did, too.
“I think charming mothers is your superpower,” she said quietly.
“Just one of them.” He raised his eyebrows at her. “I have a few.”
He caught her hand and tugged her forward for another kiss. Since he’d been waiting all day for it, he let his mouth linger on hers, but not for too long. If it was time for Carter to put drinks on the table, one of them would pop out of the kitchen any second to tell them it was time to eat.
“It sounds like you and Carter had a good time this morning,” she said, taking his coat to the closet near the front door to hang it up.
“He fits in well with the other guys. I like having him there.”
“And he likes being there.” She smiled. “It’s good for him, too. He’s always in a good mood when he gets home.”
Gavin nodded, even though he didn’t want to talk about Carter. Or onions or anything but the question burning in his mind.
It had been a week since the day he’d brought up the subject of moving in together and, other than catching Cait looking at him thoughtfully sometimes, it felt to Gavin as if the conversation had never happened.
Not that he’d expected an instant answer, especially since he’d brought it up while they were naked in his tub, but he’d thought they’d talk about it a little. It wasn’t just a matter of them both being on the same page as far as their relationship went. If she was considering it, there would be details to work out. Financial discussions. Closet space. Which brand of toothpaste they’d finally compromise on because having two separate tubes sitting side by side on the vanity was dumb.
The fact she’d said nothing at all made him wonder if she was as invested in making a future together as he was. And rather than rock the boat, he was keeping his mouth shut. Until she was ready to be his full-time, having her part-time was better than not having her in his life at all.
But as they sat down for dinner, Gavin felt restless and the vibe was slightly off. He wasn’t sure what, if anything, had happened while they finished putting supper on the table, but Diane and Carter were going out of their way to avoid speaking to each other
all of a sudden. And it wasn’t his imagination because Cait’s gaze kept bouncing back and forth between the two.
And Gavin was a little put out by how much like “company” he still felt. He knew it had nothing to do with the hospitality and everything to do with his frustration at not knowing where he stood with Cait, but he couldn’t help it.
They made it almost all the way through dinner before things started going sideways. Carter’s mood had been going downhill and the more sullen he got, the more upset Diane got. Her cheerful tone was obviously forced and Cait was doing a lot more moving food around with her fork than eating.
“The carrots are mushy,” Carter mumbled, and Diane set her glass down with such a thump they all jumped.
“Feel free to leave them on the plate, then,” she said. “Don’t be rude in front of guests.”
So much for almost being part of the family, Gavin thought, taking another bite of his dinner. The carrots were softer than his mom usually made them, but they were far from mushy. And her seasoning was perfect, though he recognized now wasn’t the time to tell her so if he ever wanted Carter to speak to him again. He kept his mouth shut and chewed.
“Whatever,” Carter mumbled and, judging by the way his body jerked, one of the women kicked him under the table. He’d bet on it being Cait.
“They’re planning the company picnic for next month,” Diane said when the next few minutes drew out in uncomfortable silence. “I told them you’d both be there.”
“Great.” How Carter packed so much unpleasant tone into one word was beyond Gavin, but he had a knack for it.
Luckily, it looked as if everybody had eaten all they had appetites for and Gavin could start counting the minutes until he and Cait could get out of there.
Diane ignored Carter and smiled at her daughter. “Unless you have a date planned with Gavin for that weekend, of course.”
It was the word date that finally did it. To his mind, it implied a casual relationship and it felt as if Diane was trying to maintain a distance or disconnect between him and Cait. He was tired of it.
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