“Thanks, but I’m just going to go. I’ll put something boring on and hope I nod off on the couch or something.”
“Reach out if you change your mind.”
Gavin saw the concerned look Lydia gave him as he walked toward the door, so he mustered up a reassuring smile and waved goodbye.
He’d walked to Kincaid’s—not wanting the temptation of his truck if he tried to drink Cait’s memory away—and he thought about calling a cab, but maybe the fresh air would do him good.
It was a chilly night and he kept a good pace. It wasn’t as if his thoughts were good company, anyway. Just a constant loop of beating himself up for losing Cait and then trying to figure out some way to fix it. It couldn’t end this way.
Gavin refused to believe there was nothing left but awkward interactions when they crossed paths on the job. He could fix it. He just needed to figure out how.
He was jogging up the front steps, pulling his keys out of his pocket, when he realized somebody was sitting on the top step.
He stopped abruptly, wondering if he was going to have a problem, before he realized it was Cait.
“Jesus, Cait. It’s freezing. How long have you been sitting here?”
She pushed back the hood of her sweatshirt and stood up. In the light, he could see the signs she’d cried recently, and his heart twisted in his chest. “Not long. Your truck’s here, so I thought you were home but I buzzed and got no answer.”
“I was at Kincaid’s. You should have called. Or sent a text.”
Her mouth twisted in a sad smile. “I didn’t want to give you the opportunity to tell me not to come over.”
“Never.” The word popped out of his mouth without thought because it was the truest thing he’d ever said. “I’ll never not want you here with me.”
Her eyes welled up again and he jogged up the last few steps so he could pull her into his embrace. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed, her face pressed into his coat.
He held her close, feeling her body shake. He kissed her hair as their arms tightened around each other even more. “I’ve missed holding you.”
Cait nodded against his shoulder and it felt as if the crushing weight that had been suffocating him was lifted. This was all that mattered.
“Let’s go inside,” he said after a few minutes of holding her. “You must be freezing.”
“Not anymore,” she said, using the sleeve of her coat to mop at her face as she pulled away.
Once they were inside his apartment, they made quick work of taking off their coats and boots, and Cait grabbed a paper towel to wipe her eyes again.
“We need to talk,” she said.
“Can I hold you while we talk?” He didn’t want to let her go and some part of him felt that as long as they were touching, they could talk through anything.
She walked straight into his arms, though this time she rested her face against his chest instead of burying it in his shoulder. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“My life’s broken, Cait,” he admitted, since he knew there was no more holding back from her. “Without you, it’s not whole anymore. And slapping emotional duct tape on the cracks isn’t going to heal them. Those pieces aren’t going to knit back together no matter how much time I give them.”
When she pulled back to smile up at him through her tears, he felt hope for the first time since she walked out of his door. “Emotional duct tape?”
“That’s what it’s felt like since you left. Like my heart and my life are breaking apart and I keep slapping duct tape on the cracks, but it’s not enough.” And with her looking up at him with those dark eyes, he went all in. “I love you, Cait.”
“I love you, too.”
And just like that, he could breathe again. The ground was no longer shifted under him and everything would be okay. “From now on, no matter what, that’s all that matters. We love each other and we can figure out anything else together.”
“You were right before,” she said quietly, “about me being a crutch for my mom and enabling her to lean on me when she didn’t need to. I didn’t want to face it, I guess, and rejecting that meant rejecting you and I’m so sorry.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry because whether it was true or not, that’s your relationship with your mother and I had no place butting into it.”
“You did, though. If we’re going to make a life together, there are no places or butting in because we’re totally each other’s business and sometimes taking care of somebody means helping them face truths they don’t want to. I’ll do better at being taken care of.”
“I want to make a life with you. I want to take care of you and I want you to take care of me. And together we’ll take care of our families and, when the time is right, take care of our own family.”
“I want that, too. I don’t think I knew how much until I thought we were over. I thought I lost you.”
The thought of her hurting almost killed him. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you never feel like that again.”
She smiled, and this time there were no tears or shadows in her eyes. This was his Cait and he had her back. “Never?”
“Never.” He ran his thumb across her bottom lip. “Do you trust me?”
“Completely.”
“I’m going to love you for the rest of my life, Cait.”
Epilogue
Two months later
“See? I told you the secret to the neighbors not complaining about the noise is to invite the neighbors to the party,” Gavin whispered in Cait’s ear.
“I’ve never seen so many people in this backyard before.”
“We’ve got a lot of people who love us.” He shrugged, which she felt since she was tucked under his arm, leaning against the fence. “And the neighbors.”
Their parents had insisted on a joint family event to celebrate Gavin putting an engagement ring on Cait’s finger after a romantic walk on the beach, but they’d managed—with his dad’s help—to contain the two moms to a barbecue. Diane’s backyard was bigger, so it and the small cape were full of family—including their coworkers—and friends. It was noisy, but Cait was loving every minute of it.
Gavin’s hand strayed down her back toward her ass. “How long do we have to stay?”
“Until the end. Can you imagine us getting out of here without either of our moms noticing?”
“Didn’t you have a bedroom here?” He bumped his hip against hers, making her laugh.
“One, I’m not having sex with you in my mother’s house. And Michelle and Noah are staying in my old room.”
Across the yard, she saw her sister chasing her young nephew, who’d managed to snag a cupcake from the table. Her brother-in-law hadn’t been able to get the leave time, but when Michelle had told her there was no way she was missing her engagement party, Cait had burst into tears. They’d had a good cry together via FaceTime and were closer now than they’d been in a long time.
“I guess I’ll make it until we get home,” Gavin said, his voice heavy with exaggerated sorrow. “And there is cake.”
“I know which bakery your mom ordered the cake from and, trust me, we want to stay.” She tugged at his hand. “Come on. Let’s go mingle before you talk me into doing something we’ll never live down.”
It wasn’t easy to keep track, but Cait did her best to make sure they talked to everybody at their party. Derek, who’d fit right into the Ladder 37 crew, was there with his kids. Grant was also there, of course, but this time he’d brought Wren with him. She was a pretty blonde who was reserved, but seemed friendly.
“Grant wanted her to meet everybody, but Kincaid’s isn’t really her thing,” Gavin whispered to her as they watched Grant handing Wren a soda.
“He looks happy.” It was harder to tell with his girlfriend.
“Not as happy as I am.”
>
She slapped his arm. “Not everything’s a competition.”
“Wrong,” Scott said as he walked by them carrying a plate of food. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about, but everything’s a competition.”
“And someday you’ll win one,” Aidan called from a few feet away.
“Cait!”
She heard her mom calling her name and finally spotted her on the back deck. She was sitting in a lawn chair next to Gavin’s mother and, if she had to guess, she’d say the two women had nailed down 70 or 80 percent of her wedding plans since setting out the fruit punch.
“I’ll be right back,” she said to Gavin, who was deeply involved in a six-way argument with the other guys about who’d done a better job of manning the grill.
As she walked, she watched the two women with their heads together, over-talking each other in their excitement. Yeah, she thought. Definitely wedding plans.
She didn’t mind. Her mom was happy. Carter had achieved average teenager attitude. They still had rough patches and Cait still got phone calls. But she’d learned she could talk them through things and rarely had to show up in person. Gavin encouraged them constantly and now that they only called her when they really needed her shoulder to lean on, he was a lot more patient about it.
She knew the family therapist was a huge help, but she also suspected Carter showing up to Saturday morning basketball had also made a difference as he and Gavin grew closer. Nobody could ever replace Duke, but having a solid brother-in-law in his life would help.
“What are you two whispering about up here?” she asked when she reached them. After pulling a chair up next to her mom’s, she sat.
“Okay, we know it’s a little early yet,” Gavin’s mom said, “but we were talking about wedding gowns and we might have been looking at them on our phones and...”
“We don’t know what kind of wedding you plan to have,” her mom finished. “I know you don’t like dressing up, but you’re not going to do the courthouse thing on us, are you?”
“I always thought I’d be happy to have a small wedding and maybe wear a skirt or something.” Cait laughed when their faces fell in unison, and then she looked across the yard to her future husband. He was looking back at her and he winked. “But I remember the look on his face when he saw me in that red dress on Valentine’s Day and I want to see that again. I want that look on his face when he sees me at the end of the aisle.”
“Oh, thank goodness,” Gavin’s mom said, while her own mother actually clapped her hands together.
“Mom, you know what suits me better than I do. You two can dress shop to your heart’s content and once you’ve narrowed it down to a few choices, we’ll have a girls’ day out—us and Jill, if she can make it, and maybe Michelle by FaceTime—and try them on before we splurge on desserts and wine.”
“You’re definitely going to be my favorite daughter-in-law,” his mom said, and they all laughed.
Tony’s kids went running by, screaming and waving water guns in the air, with Carter on their heels.
“Carter,” Cait called, stopping him in his tracks. “Tell me you didn’t put water in those.”
He just grinned and took off after the kids again, just in time to hear a high-pitched yelp from somewhere in the yard.
“It’s just water,” her mom said when Cait started to get out of her chair. “Let Carter be a kid with the little ones for a while. People will dry.”
Thirty minutes later, the moms decided it was time for cake. Gavin’s mom smiled at her, before holding up her hands in an I don’t know gesture. “When I said I ordered the cake, what I really meant was that I ensured that ordering the cake was checked off the list by giving the name of the bakery and the number of guests to Grant.”
“Oh, no.”
Sure enough, Grant was looking pretty smug as he and Aidan carried the huge sheet cake out to the table they’d set up for it in the yard. Cait met Gavin there, sliding her hand into his as she looked at the cake.
Grant—no doubt with urging, if not outright help from the other guys—had blown up the Snapchat photo of Gavin checking out Cait’s ass and had it printed on the surface of the cake. He’d removed Carter’s original caption, though, and now it read SHE SAID YES.
“This is why you never put a firehouse crew in charge of the cake,” Gavin said when the laughter had died down.
“I love it,” Cait said, pulling his face close enough for a kiss.
“Never mind,” he said when she broke it off. “Good job, crew.”
There was more laughter, and then cake and more laughter. Cait couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so happy, but she was ready for the party to start winding down. It had been a long day and unseasonably warm, and she was looking forward to a nice soak in their tub with her future husband. Or a quick shower and straight to bed. She was okay with either.
“What are you thinking about right now?” Gavin asked, turning his body so nobody could see the hand he ran down her back to cup her ass.
“Getting naked with you.”
His eyes lit up and he put his free hand on his stomach. “I don’t feel so good, so we should go. Right now.”
“I’m an EMT, so you’re in good hands.” When he laughed, she raised her eyebrow at him. “I’m pretty sure I can think of a way to make you feel better.”
“You think so?”
She cupped his face in her hands. “Do you trust me?”
Heat flared in his eyes and he grinned. “Oh, yeah.”
“You keeping smiling at me like that and people are going to think we’re up to no good.”
“I can’t help it. I’m the happiest fucking guy in Boston right now.”
She slid her hand behind his neck and kissed him until cheers and a few whistles broke out in the crowd around them. “And we’re just getting started.”
* * * * *
To read more from Shannon Stacey, visit www.ShannonStacey.com.
AUTHOR NOTE
The processes and organizational structures of large city fire departments and emergency services are incredibly complex, and I took minor creative liberties in order to maintain readability.
To first responders everywhere, thank you.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thank you to the Carina Press team for all of your hard work in bringing my stories to readers. And a special thank you to my editor, Angela James, for helping me make those stories the best they can be.
Read on for a sneak peek of the next book in the BOSTON FIRE series
UNDER CONTROL
coming September 2018 from Shannon Stacey and Carina Press.
What would have been a random incident with an attractive stranger becomes something more when a charity event brings them back together. They’re from different sides of the tracks—literally—with friends, family and careers to consider. But as Derek and Olivia are discovering, chemistry doesn’t allow for plans, and love doesn’t bother with logistics.
Chapter One
Nothing made a guy feel conspicuous like walking down the hall of an office building in full turnout gear.
Or he would if anybody actually noticed him, Derek Gilman thought as he shifted to the right to avoid running into a woman looking down at her phone. How people navigated the hallways with their eyes glued to their screens was beyond him.
One guy actually looked up from his phone as he brushed by, and then did a startled double take. “Should I be evacuating?”
“You can evacuate if you want,” Derek said, “but there’s no reason to. We’re just doing some high-rise training.”
Which was a fact everybody in the building was supposed to have been made aware of before they arrived. They didn’t have much in the way of glass skyscrapers in their neighborhood, so the crews of Engine 59 and Ladder 37 had schlepped across Boston on
what should have been a day off to hone their skills.
Remembering to bring everything they needed from the apparatus was apparently not one of their skills, and, as the newest guy on the Ladder 37 crew, Derek had been sent to retrieve the paperwork Rick Gullotti—their lieutenant and the guy in charge of paperwork—had forgotten.
A woman stepped out of an office ahead and turned, walking ahead of him in the same direction. She was notable for two reasons. One, she wasn’t looking at a cell phone. That in itself was enough to make her stand out in this crowd.
But it was her looks that captured Derek’s attention. He only got a glimpse of her profile before she turned, but she had delicate features and dark blond hair drawn up off her neck in a loose bun. Her navy suit looked as if it had been tailored specifically for her body, and the jacket flared slightly, accenting the curve of her hips. Her legs were long, and his gaze lingered on her calves before sliding up to the soft spots behind her knees that were playing peek-a-boo with the hem of her skirt.
And he’d never realized how sexy the click of high heels on a marble tile floor could be. When he was a kid, he’d hated the sound because the high heels usually belonged to an angry teacher he was following down the hallway to the principal’s office. But following this woman as she walked down the hallway with long, confident strides was a hell of a lot more enjoyable.
Of course, she reached the elevator just as the door opened and a man stepped out. Because he’d slowed to leave enough space to appreciate the view, Derek knew there was a good chance the door would close before he reached it, and there was no way in hell he was taking the stairs if he didn’t have to.
“Hold the door, please,” he called as the woman stepped in and pushed a button on the panel.
She looked up at him and he saw the hesitation in her body language. She didn’t want to, but he watched the fact he was a firefighter register, plus it would be rude to pretend she hadn’t heard him after making eye contact. He smiled as she hit the button to hold the doors.
“Thank you.” The button for the lobby was already lit, so he stepped back as the doors slid closed.
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