by Tina Reber
Erin’s laughter lightened me right up.
Cherise leaned over toward Erin, doing the girl version of a fist bump. “I’m totally all over white woman sass myself. Damn, girl. I like you. Adam, I totally approve. You keep this one. That one over there, she’s nothing but trouble. But this one, she’s a keeper.”
Good, then you’ll all get along. “Glad to hear it.”
It was hard to keep my hands off of Erin throughout dinner while she charmed the pants off my friends. I skimmed my hand over the top of her thigh, keeping low enough to let her feel my desires without being a perverted ass. Just watching her squirm while she tried to form sentences was providing me with unlimited entertainment. Even Nate Westwood and his wife Katie were hanging on Erin’s words.
After dinner, the lights dimmed and the DJ’s music filled the room. All eyes were pointed at the dance floor.
Jesse’s groomsmen were tanked, making the first dance into a joke. Chucking the finger at each other and cursing with little kids watching? Assholes. My wedding would be classier than this, although Erin wouldn’t want to put on pretenses. She’d opt for elegance.
Erin would dance with her father.
He’d twirl her in a circle, adding his love and suave footsteps to her joyous smile and laughter. Her dad was a class act. Her mom was gracious and warm and had me envisioning how beautiful Erin would become later in life.
My mom would be beyond ecstatic. While we slow danced, she’d tell me how proud she was of me while her eyes welled with tears of happiness. I’d make sure to have tissues on hand.
Marcus would be my best man.
I squeezed Erin’s hand in mine, feeling drunk those possibilities when she lovingly brushed the edge of my jaw with her fingertips and smiled. Picturing Erin as future wife material was effortless, although the fact that I was picturing her like that at all was a bit unsettling.
Didn’t matter. As soon as I had my first opportunity, I seized it. I pushed my chair back and stood. “Come with me. I want to introduce you to someone.”
Erin placed her hand in mine, giving me her trust. I weaved us through the maze of tables and bodies, finding a corner of the wooden floor I could call my own.
I spun Erin to face me and pulled her to my chest. The cling of her gorgeous dress, the fresh citrus smell of her hair—I was lost in it all.
“I thought you were going to introduce me to someone?” She gave me that sultry look I’d come to know and enjoy so well.
I pressed her body up against mine and swayed us to the slow beat. “I am. I hope you like him.”
Her hand snaked over my shoulder, resting on the back of my neck, lightly caressing the hair under her fingers. It was ownership, which I willingly surrendered to. It also, though I know she didn’t intend for it to be that way, sent a clear message to Nikki, who was trying not to watch us from the opposite side of the dance floor. “He’s a good dancer.”
I focused on Erin’s lips. “I’ve got moves you haven’t seen yet.”
“Oh really?” Erin kissed the edge of my mouth. “I look forward to you showing me each and every one.”
The want was too much; my restraint crumbled to pieces. Her mouth tasted so damn delicious, teasing her tongue with mine was all I could think about.
“People are staring,” she whispered.
“I don’t care.” I didn’t know if it was the music, the atmosphere, or the mood of the day, but it was overpowering. “Let them.”
“Nikki is—”
“Don’t. Don’t even mention her name.” I pressed Erin closer, swaying her hips with mine. She had to know being here in my arms—there was no other woman I would rather be holding. Even my fingertips pressing into her bare back felt desperate to get that through to her. Erin tucked her face into my neck; my eyes slipped closed, enjoying the feeling her lips softly whispering out each of the words in the song.
So this is what feeling completely happy felt like.
This is what breathing easy was all about.
Those three words were there on the edge of my tongue.
I placed a soft, lingering kiss on Erin’s skin instead.
I’d have to tell her soon. It needed to be said that all of me loved all of her. Her curves, her edges, her perfect imperfections—just like the song. She needed to know that’s what was inside me, pressing on my heart.
Our bodies naturally moved together with each passing beat, separate but whole somehow, as though I was holding on to the other half of me.
The song ended, breaking into a thumping tempo, which quickly killed the mood. That was until Erin started grinding her ass into my cock. I held her hips, imagining her repeating each of her moves while I was buried deep inside her.
I didn’t need an alcohol buzz to push the rush through my veins. Erin was twice as heady and lethally potent, swirling me into a stupor. That’s it, baby. Let go.
She grabbed my ass and owned me, making me a slave to whatever she needed. The power shift flowing between us heated my blood. Her back pressed to my chest, I slid my hand up the column of her throat, taking the power back. We were surrounded by a packed dance floor and sweaty bodies, but Erin smiling shyly over her shoulder at me commanded my complete attention.
She was getting tied up tonight.
I’d pound into her so fucking hard she’d lose consciousness. Sometime before that I’d tell her I’d fallen in love with her.
That’s it, baby. Slide on me again. Who knew all it took was a bit of Usher and that Timberlake dude pumping in the air to light my girl up.
We needed to get out of here.
I needed her naked and to be doing this dance inside her—as soon as possible.
The next song started but I towed her off the dance floor.
“They’re cutting the cake,” she said.
“Fuck the cake.” I needed the door.
“Don’t you want any dessert?”
I weaved through the tables, focused on getting my suit jacket over the back of my chair. My keys where in the pocket. “I’m having you for dessert.”
“Oh really?” She laughed.
Cherise passed us with two plates mounded with desserts and slid back into her seat at the table. She knew how to turn Marcus on. All it took was a pile of sugar and a fork.
One of the servers placed cut cake at our seats. Much to my displeasure, Erin sat down. Okay, sips of water, the taste of sweet icing flavoring that mouth of yours for me, and then we’re out of here.
I swiped a nip of icing off her slice, smeared it on her bottom lip, and licked it off while kissing her. Icing was my new favorite thing. I’d take my slice to go. “I’m hitting the men’s room. Then we’re out of here.”
I ignored Cherise’s questioning eyes. She should know a man on a mission when she saw one.
A TRICKLE OF sweat dribbled down between my breasts from dancing. My chest heaved after Adam left me breathless.
Icing. Mmm.
My tongue searched for any remaining sugar.
Cherise had me pegged in her sights from the other side of the table. “Mmhmm,” she murmured, taking another bite of something that was coated in chocolate.
A tinge of embarrassment rushed over me, wondering how others perceived our little public display. The way she was nodding at me, it could have been one of several perceptions.
“Told ya,” Marcus drawled, clearly speaking to his wife.
“I’ve seen it with my own eyes now,” she added.
My cheeks were warm.
“So Erin…,” Cherise leaned up on the table, “you falling for our boy Adam? Because I got to tell ya, he’s a good man.”
“Cher,” Marcus groaned.
She shut him down with a glare. “I was just going to say that he’s been through a lot and I’d hate to see his heart get broken.”
Marcus rolled his eyes, clearly not supporting his wife’s intervention. It was quite the dynamic, seeing as Cherise was a tiny thing compared to the linebacker of a man she was married
to.
I’d hoped Adam would come back soon before they accused me of something. I couldn’t see him anywhere through the crowd. “I think if anyone’s going to get hurt here, it will probably be me.”
Cherise’s eyebrows rolled up on her forehead. “How you figure?”
I’d think that was obvious. “Ex-girlfriends, enamored fan girls… He has a lot more options for variety than I do.” I took another bite of my cake, savoring a renewed taste of the memory of vanilla icing before the other thoughts took me down. “I see winos and crackheads with gunshot wounds. It’s not like my dance card has a waiting line.”
Her long fingernails twirled in my direction. I was thirty years old and I’d never treated myself to a professional manicure. “See now, that’s the thing. He isn’t like that.”
I met her head on, knowing her scrutiny was coming from her love for Adam. It was respectable. “I know.” Nikki was still watching me from the other side of the room. “I don’t think his ex got that memo though.”
“Psht. That girl needs to get a clue. That trip’s been over for a long time. She needs to move the fuck along.”
“Cher,” Marcus warned low again.
She just ignored him, cutting into her cake with the side of her fork. “He’s different with you. I ain’t ever seen him like this. I gotta say, I’m liking it. ’Bout time he found his slice of happy.”
“Word,” Marcus agreed.
“I’m telling ya,” she answered.
Part of me had wondered how this evening was going to play out. Adam had forewarned me about Nikki being here but his partner’s wife was a bit unexpected. At least his friends looked out for him. That said a lot, actually.
“Adam tell you about Sadie’s birthday party?”
I tried to read her since it was appearing as though I should know what she was talking about. “Sadie?”
She dabbed her mouth with her napkin. “Our daughter. She’s turning two and we’re having a birthday party. You should come. Adam’s a great godfather, so he’ll be there.”
“He’s her godfather?” My mind flashed to a church scene, picturing him smiling fondly.
She nodded. “He didn’t tell you?”
“Mmn, no.”
“Well, it’s not this Sunday but next Sunday. Two o’clock. Make sure he brings you. We’d love to have you there.”
Mmm. Okay.
“I’ll tell him,” she added. “Those two have something special. Sadie lights up like he’s Santa or something when he’s around her. Adam’s great with kids. Who knows… you keep this good vibe going with him, you’ll be having your own babies before ya know it.”
Babies? Oh fuck. My bite of cake hit like a bowling ball in my gut when I swallowed.
“Cher, getting ahead of yourself,” Marcus droned low.
“I don’t think so. He’s your partner; you going to deny that boy’s in love? You seeing what I’m seeing?”
“Yeah, but… not sure that’s any of our business.”
“Psht. Adam is my business. He’s your business, too. Someone’s got to make sure he stays the course. And look at her. Sweet and gorgeous and smart. The two of them will make beautiful babies.”
Babies???
I don’t want to have babies.
Babies made women insane.
Damning fingerprints.
Broken collarbones.
Perforated kidneys.
Buying ethylene glycol by the gallons. Why?
No.
No, no. no.
I won’t be a statistic.
It was hard to breathe.
Cherise going on and on about it; her insanity was shining through bright and clear.
Adam would want children. Wouldn’t he? “I don’t even know if that’s what he wants.”
I started sweating again without even moving. I needed air. Cold, refreshing air, preferably at sixty miles per hour while holding my head out of the window as I sped in the opposite direction of this table.
“Here he is. Ask him,” she said.
Adam slid into his chair next to me. “Ask me what?”
“You want kids, right?” she asked bluntly.
He was totally caught off guard. “I don’t know. I guess.”
Her eyes were like laser beams. “What do you mean, you guess? I know you do.”
He was uncomfortable, being put on the spot like that.
“Well, yeah, I guess. Eventually.” He stared at me as if I was the one who’d lost her mind. “Where did this all come from?”
I gestured across the table, wishing I could shrink down and hide under the tablecloth. I needed to escape. “Where were the bathrooms?”
Adam pointed. “Down the hallway on the right.”
“Excuse me please.” The doorway was promising all sorts of air on the other side. My high heels had me leaning forward, quickening my steps.
I didn’t really need to pee, but hiding in a stall for the rest of the evening was starting to sound promising.
I made it three steps inside the ladies’ room before I almost ran over the bride.
I pulled up quickly before falling over a pool of white taffeta.
She was standing in front of the bank of sinks, cursing and crying, using wads of paper towels to wipe the mess of cake and icing off her face. Cake was everywhere: her hair, her nose, and down the front of a very poufy gown.
The tradition of smashing cake in each other’s faces was disgusting. It was so disrespectful, like saying “here, bitch, fuck you” and defiling hours of beautification with no mutual consideration.
The way she was privately distressed, I’d say she agreed with me.
“Do you need help?”
Her bottom lip wobbled. “Would you?”
I yanked a wad of paper towels from the container, not really knowing where to start. I picked a spot near her neck. “He got you good.”
“Bastard,” Ellie groaned. “Shoved the whole piece at me. I told him not to, but…” She sighed. “My dress is ruined.”
I had no idea how to remove red icing from white either.
Ellie gave me a weak smile. “Thanks. You’re Erin, right? Adam’s new girlfriend?”
I tossed a chunk of cake into the garbage. “Yes. Sorry we’re meeting like this. I hadn’t had an opportunity to meet you before.”
“It’s okay. I’m just glad for the help. My maid of honor is drunk off her ass. My mom is gonna be so pissed when she sees these stains. Two grand in the mutha-effin toilet.”
“Maybe if we get some club soda some of this will come out.”
Ellie swiped at the black smear that had now turned gray. “It’s no use.”
I pulled a chunk of icing from her dark hair. “Do you have another outfit you can put on?”
“No. I thought the whole point was to have my husband take me out of this dress later.” She smacked the garbage can lid as she disposed of the last of her wet paper towels. “Fucking A. I am so mad. How could he do this to me? Take note, being married to a cop isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Ask Nikki. She learned that the hard way.”
My brain almost imploded. “They were married?”
“No, well, almost,” Ellie said, squinting at me. “He didn’t…? They had a date set but… I probably shouldn’t be telling you this.”
“No, please. Go on.”
“Apparently Adam was having fun on the side with some fan or something. I’m not sure of the details, just what Nikki told me.” More cake hit the sink. “Woman to woman, just be careful, okay?”
Oh my God. My stomach churned, burning acidic torment up into my throat.
“But that doesn’t… Oh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. You know what I mean. You must have been shitting yourself that night they pulled you over.”
I didn’t know how to answer. I feared anything I’d try to say would come out as a scream. Washing the icing stains from my hands was a good diversion, though hiding in the bathroom had turned into a huge mistake.
&n
bsp; “You know all the guys in the unit are sorry about what happened to your relatives. Weird. Jesse said they almost had that car pulled over, too.” She tisked. “If Adam and Marcus hadn’t tried to pull them over—”
The bathroom lighting seemed to dim. “Wait, what?”
“Jesse said they were told to pull back but I guess Adam knew the driver or something and kept going after them. Once a car gets out onto the Schuylkill it’s just a matter of time.”
A pain shot through my forehead. “Adam knew the guys that killed my aunt and uncle?”
“Yeah.” She nodded. “You didn’t know that?”
Her words disappeared behind me.
This new information twisted in my gut, driving my feet to move. I hit the hallway and stopped, unsure of which way to go. I had my purse under my arm and enough cash for a taxi. Adam was in the other direction, scorching my mind as the source of this increasing misery.
Left or right—either choice left me hurt in the end.
I don’t want to do this anymore.
The secrets. The lies. Settling for a piece of a man’s heart instead of the whole. What he’d already given away to another would never be mine.
I should have prepared for this. I knew it was coming, but I tricked myself. Told myself that if I ignored it, it would just simply disappear.
The irrational hopelessness doubled me over.
Inviting someone in always left me broken and doomed to making concessions with what I wanted out of life.
My mother was seeing a grief counselor now just to cope—cope with the tragedy that he’d somehow had caused.
He knew.
Son of a bitch! He knew!
He knew that night he ran out of my living room!
What was this? Was this relationship appeasing his guilt?
Anguish flamed over me.
Watching him from afar as he smiled and laughed, so carefree and unaffected, while I crumbled inside. I couldn’t face him. Not yet. Not when I wanted to scream and cry and throw up. I needed to gather my thoughts.
I found a settee at the end of the hallway. Seeing Nikki’s smug face when she came out of the ladies’ room was the final straw. My hands shook as I searched for a taxi service. Cell reception inside the building was poor. The little icon on my screen swirling in a circle mirrored my emotions. My eyes stung.
