by Hart, Eve R.
Knowing them was the best part of my youth. I hated that I had to leave them behind but I felt like I had no other choice.
Suddenly, that night filled my mind. I’d pushed those images out of my head for twenty years. Now was not the time for it to all start bubbling over. Honestly, never was a good time.
We didn’t get a choice in who our parents were. Sometimes the system would work and catch situations like mine, but most of the time, kids like me were left to live in horrible conditions. Some people just had no right having kids, not that I was planned or wanted. I was sure of that.
It was one of those nights where Silas was working at his desk doing homework. Since my room was across the tiny alleyway from his, Irenna was in his room so we could hang out. Yes, that sounded so sad and it was. Don’t get me wrong, I was over at their apartment as much as I could be. But I had to be home by a certain time or else I would get in trouble. Not the kind of trouble like normal kids. My parents didn’t care that I was home for safety reasons. They simply wanted me locked away in my room so I wouldn’t disturb whatever they had going on. I was smart enough at nine to know that I didn’t leave my room after I was shut up in it. I’d seen my mother strung out too many times and I hated the feeling that I got in my stomach every single time. So I chose to not see it, even if I knew in my head it was there. And I knew that if my dad was in a mood, I’d be the first thing he took it out on. Maybe it was shitty to leave my mom to deal with his wrath, but at the time, I’d been through it enough to know that I didn’t want to have anything to do with it. Though, sometimes it was hard to ignore the screams that went on from the other side of my door.
That was why I’d been so thankful for the Newman family. They showed me kindness despite what I had to deal with. And they also gave me the best kind of distraction when shit was going on in my home.
That night, like any other night, Irenna had been writing big letters on a dry erase board and I was using my notebook paper to write back. That was how we communicated at times like this. She knew, just like I did, the quieter I was, the better. I was trying to hide my giggles because Silas was always looking up and rolling his eyes at us. But his smile, that was what got me. I knew he didn’t really hate the fact that his sister was in his room. And he didn’t hate the fact that I smiled every time he did it. I suspected that was why he did it so often.
That was the night the fun ended.
My dad walked in and caught us. The harmless fun was like the worst kind of evil to him. How dare I have any friends or comfort in life? That was the way he saw it. He ripped the broken blinds down, covering the window and cutting off my vision of the family I so wished I was a part of. He beat me until I gave in and said I was sorry. Then he made threats that if I ever saw them again, he’d ruin their lives. I had no choice to give him what he wanted, so I told him I’d never see them again. It felt like the worst kind of betrayal as I spoke those words to him. But I knew I had to survive. And in order to do that, I had to believe those words so he would also. In my mind, I had to act as if they weren’t there. I had to forget about all the love and kindness they’d shown me. I wouldn’t put them in danger because I was afraid that if my dad couldn’t get the satisfaction that he desired out of me, then he’d turn on them. I so desperately never wanted anything to happen to them. They were good people. And wonderful. Loving and all the amazing things that people could be. All the things my dad made me believe that I didn’t deserve. I had been wrong to take what I had, but it had felt so nice.
Later that night, once the sounds on the other side of my door had gone silent, I peeked out of my blinds. The room across the way was dark and I shouldn’t have expected anything different. It was late and I knew they were asleep. I wrote a quick note and stuck it between the blinds so they would see it. I prayed that my dad or mom wouldn’t find it before Irenna or Silas did. Then, I packed what I could into my backpack that was pretty much falling apart.
I took off into the night with no clue what to do. I just knew I had to run. I had to find something far away from my parents and make a life where I didn’t live in constant fear.
It turned out that the streets were a lot harder than I would have ever thought. I quickly realized that I had traded one bad situation for another. I spent years trying my hardest to live in the shadows. I needed to be as visible as I had been before, which was not at all. Was it better? I couldn’t say for sure, but at least I was free from my parents. And more importantly, the Newman’s were safe. Without me there, my dad had no reason to go after them. He had no reason to harm them or attempt to ruin their life in some way. Silas was destined for great things, or so I believed. And Irenna, she was bright just like her brother. I knew there was more for both of them out there and it would have been wrong of me to mess that up in any way.
It wasn’t easy but I made it through. And part of making it through was learning how to outsmart the system. Especially, when the main ways to survived involved stealing and selling the only thing I had to offer. Both weren’t legal but it got me through to the next day.
Yeah, I was sure Elaine wouldn’t be so proud of me now.
When I was eleven, I was caught for shoplifting. I was just trying to get something to eat. I went from having the shit scared out of me because I thought I was going to jail, to being put into a group home for troubled children. So yeah, the system was supposed to save me that time, but it was just a little too late. And as it turned out, that wasn’t the right answer either. I quickly learned that no one gave a shit about a kid like me.
So I ran.
Then ended up being caught again and tossed into another group home. This cycle went on until I found something better. I realized that as an adult, I wouldn’t be given the same leniency as a child. If the cops got a hold of me, it would be jail. I wised up and found someplace that I could fit in.
I rubbed my head again.
This was the worst time to take a trip down memory lane. I felt like I couldn’t stop it. Somehow this whole thing had blown a hole in the side of that box I kept locked up tight in my brain. Everything was flowing out and filling my mind with the things I wished I could just run from.
I’d been doing it a long time now, that running thing.
Only as I sat here in this room with an annoying humming noise coming from the lights while I waited for the detective that was determined to make my life hell to come back in, I realized something big.
That I was tired of running.
-15-
Silas
“I’ve got an idea, but you’re not going to like it,” Hunt said and I didn’t like his tone. He was calling and I knew it had to be for a reason. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to be happy with whatever it was.
“Whatever it is, I can already tell you it’s not a good idea.”
“When have I ever failed?”
“Really?” I sighed and with much reluctance, gave into curiosity. “What is it?”
“I’m going to kidnap her when she comes out of the police station.” Yep, he was right, I didn’t like that idea one single fucking bit. “Hear me out.”
“I don’t think I want to. This has got to be the worst idea you’ve ever come up with. I mean, I know you can do some crazy shit and get away with it, but this…” I shook my head even though he couldn’t see it.
He wasn’t reckless. He didn’t come up with stupid plans and make a mess of things. He was usually much better than this. Then again, this was his deal and maybe I had to just trust him here.
“You know how you always give me shit for the cars I drive?” he asked not sounding a little bit amused. And it was true. He drove boring, everyday cars. The kind Mr. Office Man would drive. Or a family with two kids. Yeah, safe and good on gas. Not flashy at all like the ones I had. “Well, you won’t be making fun of it now. How many other blue sedans are out there? Too many to think of.”
“Yeah, I get what you’re saying. But how the hell are you going to pull that off. And why? Oh, and w
hy the fuck would you even think of something like that?!”
“Calm down. From what I gather, you’re in no condition to get upset.” There was no humor in his tone.
“Huntsmen,” I said through gritted teeth.
“You’ve created a mess,” he said and I couldn’t even argue with him there. “Let me clean it up.”
“Fine. But I’m going to need to know all the details.”
“I wasn’t up there, but I’m guessing they think she knows what happened. I don’t know her well enough to have any clue if she’s going to tell them something or not. But assuming they let her go, they aren’t going to be done with her either way. If she talks, they are going to have follow up questions. If she doesn’t, there’s a chance they could know she’s lying. So they aren’t just going to let her walk out of there and go on about her life.”
“She lived with the Paragons for years, you really think she’s going to talk?”
“That’s a good point. All the more reason to go with my plan,” he said pointedly. “I’ll grab her, make sure it’s seen, maybe even caught on tape. They’ll more than likely think it was someone associated with the dead guy. And no, I don’t need you to give me details. I know how to cover my tracks. I’ll get her out of the city safely.”
“And if they chase you?”
To that, he grunted. Like how could I even doubt his skills?
“A city with this many people. I’ll lose them easily enough.”
“Right,” I said flatly. “But did you think about what this will do to her?”
“She’ll be alright.”
“So fucking sure of yourself,” I mumbled but I knew he understood me. “How exactly are you going to get her in the car?”
“Tranq her then put her in the trunk. It has to look real.”
“No,” I said with a growl. “You are not going to tranquilize her.” Though I wasn’t all that thrilled about the trunk part either. But I understood that it had to look believable and I hoped he wouldn’t leave her there long.
“Well, that’s going to make this more difficult then.”
“This is really the best thing you can come up with?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” I said with a sigh. “Then what?”
“I’ll bring her to you. Do you think you can get to the cabin on your own?”
“You do realize that I was shot, cut the hell up by going through a glass door, and fell off a balcony, right?”
“You sound like you’re whining.”
“Yeah, I’ll get there,” I said sucking it up. I wasn’t sure how the hell I was going to do it but I had at least a few more hours to figure it out. Or so I hoped.
“I’ll switch cars at some point after I get out of the city,” he told me. “I’ll explain everything to her then.”
“Just better hope that she doesn’t pop that emergency latch in the trunk and run on your ass.”
“She won’t. I’ve already cut it.”
“I have no words for you,” I told him and couldn’t seem to keep my head from shaking even though I knew he couldn't see it.
“I know what I’m doing.”
“I know you do and that’s what worries me.”
“I could just walk away. Let you handle this on your own,” he said and I knew he was just baiting me.
“There’s no way you could do that. You have to see a job through once you start it.” That was the thing about knowing him so well, I could easily call him on his bullshit. “Do me a favor, don’t leave her in the trunk the whole time. Figure something else out.”
“Fine,” he said like he’d already thought of something. “So I’ll see you in a couple of days then?”
“Don’t fuck it up,” I said and hung up.
I didn’t like it but it looked like I had no choice but to go with it. I hoped she didn’t hate me after this. That was just something I would have to deal with later.
I started to wonder if my obsession with finding her had turned toxic. If I really thought about it, I knew the answer to that. It had gone that way years ago. Ever since the moment I started searching for her. Ever since I walked into that gun range looking for a way to work through my aggression and frustration. Ever since I let the old man talk me into my first job. It was all leading to where I was now. Which was maybe not someplace good. All those alleys I’d searched. All those missing person reports I combed through. All those kids I did my best to save. Hell, even Nadya became a piece of this fucked up puzzle all because of the girl I couldn’t save when I was sixteen.
Was I a monster? Sure, when I walked down that dark alley that night I’d been looking for Little Jessie, even knowing that I wouldn’t find her there, I hadn’t planned on taking anyone out with me. But when I saw what that scared girl was about to do and the fact that she would have been right around Jessica’s age, it flipped something inside of me. I couldn’t walk away without trying to save her. But did I really save her? I took her off the streets only to turn her into a killer. I didn’t know what I had to offer, so I showed Nadya the only thing I knew. How to shoot. How to go undetected. How to kill a man and not have it come back on you.
It was wrong. It didn’t matter that I saw some kind of disconnect with her. That I recognized something inside her that I saw in myself. That she could end a life and not be affected by it like normal people. Was I the bad guy because I prayed on that? I supposed in a way I was.
Then again… if her life hadn’t taken that turn she would have never met the one man that could reach her heart. And she wouldn’t have had the skills to fight by his side and help save the club he loved so much.
So was this the way it was all supposed to work out?
Clearly, I’d never really get the answers that I wanted. Life wasn’t like that.
But here I was, this was where my obsession had led me and there was no way I could simply give it up now. I had to think of it in a positive light. Jessica was in danger. The cops had her and I was sure they could get her on something. There was no other choice but to get her out. After all, it was sort of my fault that she was there.
“If I overheard right, you’re planning to escape me,” Grace said as she shuffled into the room.
I let out a huffed laugh and gave a small shrug with my good shoulder. That was about all I could do at the moment. Which meant that this escape she thought was coming wouldn’t be without a little help from her.
“I don’t think I’ll be slipping out without you noticing,” I told her with a small smile.
“Are you going to tell me your plan or just leave me hanging?”
“I don’t know what you want from me,” I said with a sigh.
“I want to know what happened. Who are you? And what’s your connection to Jessica. I might not have known her long, but I know a good soul when I see one.”
My jaw clenched with frustration. It was hard to be mad at the old lady, but she was really trying my nerves at this point.
“You killed him, didn’t you? And that was your intention when you went into that place.”
I blinked at her to-the-point statement.
“What would happen if I were to tell you yes?” I asked because I was pretty sure she hadn’t made up her mind on if she was going to turn me in or not.
“I’d say good riddance.” She gave a firm nod of her head. “But that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. I have to know that you aren’t going to harm her too.”
“Well, in that case, take a seat. I have a story for you.”
-16-
Jessica
What felt like hours later, the detective entered the room again carrying a bottle of water and a bag of chips. Once he set them on the table, I made no move to touch them.
“How about you tell me what you do know about Mr. Ramos?”
I looked blankly at the detective.
“I met him when I was working in a bar. His bar, as it turned out, but I didn’t know anything about him until he came in one night to check o
n the place.” My fingers came up and I rubbed circles on my temples. “He offered me a job at one of his other establishments and I found out it was nicer than the place I was at. I honestly had no idea about him. I took the job and not long after that we started seeing each other.”
“And the whole time, you didn’t suspect something?” he asked like I was the dumbest person on the planet.
“No, I didn’t,” I told him with the truth in my eyes. I didn’t until I overheard something, anyway. “He was always sweet and caring. Sure, he worked a lot and sometimes he traveled, but I didn’t think anything of it. Should I have?”
He tossed a folder in my direction and I hesitantly flipped it open. There were pictures and more pictures. Dead bodies and surveillance images of Ray. Him at his restaurant. Him having lunch with some older woman. Him walking with one of his bodyguards.
“That’s his wife, in case you were wondering.” His finger landed on the image where Ray was eating with the older woman.
She wasn’t that old, I guess, but it was kind of hard to tell from the shot. Maybe in her early forties.
I was still getting over the shock that he had a wife. That part I hadn’t figured out. I must really have been a true blonde because I did not see that coming. Not even after everything that I’d found out about him.
“You’re telling me that you didn’t know that your boyfriend was one of the biggest heroin suppliers in the state?” I shook my head and shrugged. “A woman like you…”
