by Hart, Eve R.
It was a lot to take in. But then again, I wasn’t exactly thinking right now.
I was feeling.
Something I hadn’t really done in so fucking long.
I’d been numb. A man on a mission and so blinded by it that he’d become nothing.
Just nothing.
I still walked.
I still breathed.
I still lived.
But was I really living?
I didn’t think so, at least not the way I felt right now.
“Silas,” she breathed out, her head falling back in a silent plea to kiss her neck.
See, even I knew what her body was begging for. I knew because I’d been here before with too many women to count. Too many fucking times to think about.
But this was new.
Different.
Something I craved and almost… needed more than the next breath that my lungs demanded.
Only, that was crazy, right?
Was this really all wrong?
It didn’t feel like it was. Yet I couldn’t deny that I was scared. And so was she. We were both clinging to this thing because we didn’t know what was to come. I was scared that I’d lose her. And not in the same way I’d lost her years ago. This was something new. Something more, maybe.
Her hands were on my pants, her fingers working the button free of its hold. I did nothing to stop her. And as she tried to free them from my body, I lifted enough to allow her to do so.
There was no denying how much I wanted her right now. How much I fucking needed her. My cock was straining against the fabric of my tight underwear. And by the way her eyes glazed over as she stared at my lap, it hadn’t gone unnoticed.
The light of the setting sun was gone now, the world dark around us. The lights inside the cabin gave just enough light for me to see her. The look of desperation in her eyes. And fear. And something else that I didn’t think could even be explained.
She slid the rest of the way off my lap, standing only long enough to remove her pants and undies. I rid myself of my trunks before she climbed back onto my lap. Then I didn’t hesitate to unclasp her bra. Her arms moved as if she was expecting it.
My arms wrapped around her, crushing her body into mine. I wanted to feel everything. I wanted nothing between us at this moment.
I didn’t care if it was fucked up. And maybe a little bit wrong. If I lost her tomorrow, I wanted to remember this and I wanted it to mean more than anything that had come before.
Her eyes held questions.
She was thinking the same things I was.
“Yes,” I told her right before I captured her lips with mine.
She rose, kissing me harder, and then I felt her heat nudge the tip of my hard cock.
I didn’t hesitate to grab her hips and guide her down.
She felt incredible. Hot. Wet. Tight. It was like I could feel her pulsing around me as she took every inch of me in.
She was mine.
Maybe it was only in this moment but I had to let her know how much it meant to me.
Her eyes penetrated mine as she began to ride me.
It was like neither of us could look away.
My name fell from her mouth in breathy little pants. My hands slid down to grip her waist and I held on like a man clinging to life. As her head fell back, I couldn’t help but to capture one of her peaked nipples in my mouth.
“Silas, yes.” Her fingers raked across my scalp before she fisted the stands, holding my head to her chest in a way of telling me she didn’t want me to stop.
A fire started at the base of my spine. I couldn’t hold on much longer. She felt too fucking good.
My hands hooked around her shoulder, my fingers digging a little too much into her perfect flesh. I bucked up into her as she rode me and she began calling out my name to the stars in the sky.
There was something about this moment that I just couldn’t explain. It had nothing to do with the sounds of the night creatures waking. Or the stars and trees that provided the perfect backdrop to this whole thing.
She whispered my name again and it was like I understood what she was saying with just that one word.
I held on for the whole ride, taking in everything about her.
Was this love?
Was I that desperate for this to mean something that I was so quick to call it that?
Was I so hungry to feel something that I was clinging to every little feeling that rose up?
If I looked deep inside myself, I knew that Jessica was the end to it all. The end to a life of living in this numb, sad world that I’d built around myself.
And she was also the beginning.
Her head snapped up and her eyes met mine, shining with a hint of wetness.
Her name tore from my throat in a deep growl as we came together. It was hard not to realize how much of a fuck-up this could be. But that was the thing, it didn’t feel that way at all.
If anything, it felt entirely right.
-29-
Jessica
“Good morning, Miss Fowler. I’m Special Agent Carl Underwood. Thank you for coming in.” The man in the decent suit and tie reached out warmly to shake my hand. “Right this way.”
I followed him through the building and onto an elevator. The moment the doors closed behind us, I felt trapped. There was no way out now. I couldn’t abandon this plan and run off.
The whole ride to the city I kept thinking that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad spending the rest of my life hiding.
But that wasn’t the life I really wanted.
Even if I got to be hidden away with Silas forever. It really didn’t sound all that bad.
Only I couldn’t do that to him. As much as he might not have realize it, he needed his family. And I felt it deep inside that I needed them too.
So I was going to do whatever it took to get over this huge bump in my road.
The agent led me off the elevator and into a room that was much like the one I’d been in at the police station. Only the fluorescent lights seemed brighter here and the walls were crisp white. It didn’t have that grungy, overly used feeling like the other one.
“Take a seat,” he told me softly and I did, noticing that there were already a few folders sitting on the corner of the table. “I’m not familiar with this case but I spent the night going over everything.”
“If it’s not your case then how is it that you can help me?” I asked in a tone that was soft. I really needed some kind of assurance that everything was going to be okay.
“Let’s just say that I had some information that was bigger than this case. And there isn’t much left to do here with Mr. Ramos being dead and all. Unfortunately, he won’t be able to pay for his crimes though.”
He flipped open one of the folders and pulled out a photo.
“Do you know this man?” he asked as he slid the photo across the table in my direction.
I leaned forward and studied the serious man in the photo.
“No,” I said as I shook my head and leaned back in the chair. “I’m sorry, I don’t recognize him.”
And I really didn’t.
“This is one of our agents. He is undercover working the Ramos case. From these notes, the agent was close to shutting him down but unfortunately, he hasn’t checked in with his handler. Not even after Mr. Ramos’ death. We aren’t sure if Mr. Ramos somehow found out he was an agent or there’s something else going on.”
“I—” I started then snapped my mouth shut.
I didn’t know this man but I knew of him. I’d heard Ray talking about killing an FBI agent. That was how this whole thing started.
“I didn’t know him. I didn’t even know about anything Ray was involved in. Don’t ask me how I was so blind, I’m still trying to figure that all out myself.”
The agent smiled at me in a sad sort of way.
“You know something?” he asked.
“Nothing that is really going to help you. But I came home early one day and Ray
was in his office with another man. One of his bodyguards, he was there that night when they all were shot.” I took a deep breath and shook my head. “Anyway, I overheard Ray saying that he’d found out there was someone from the FBI acting as one of his crew and that he needed to know if there were any more. I had no clue what he was talking about since I didn’t know… about any of the things he was into. But Ray had said something… well, it was pretty clear that he’d killed whoever it was. He— he had blood on his shirt.”
“And that was how you found out about what Mr. Ramos did?”
I shook my head.
Then I went on to tell the agent how I didn’t know anything other than the fact that Ray was a killer. I knew he was into something bad, but I hadn’t found out how bad until everything was over. When he asked me about the shooting, I told the same story I had before. I left Silas out. I always would.
“So, what you’re saying is that Mr. Ramos hit you so hard that you lost consciousness?” he asked and there was something in his tone that was telling me to say yes.
“Yes.”
“And when you regained consciousness, everyone was already dead and the police were entering the premises.”
“Yes, sir. I panicked seeing all the bodies. I didn’t know what happened and there was a gun next to me so I grabbed it. I don’t even think I was aware that I had. I don’t even know how to shoot a gun.”
All those years living with an outlaw motorcycle club you would have thought I’d learn. But I never really wanted to. I was handy enough with a knife. Or anything else really, as long as I could get my hands on it, I could turn it into a weapon. That was all I had to defend myself on the streets, and so, it just kind of stuck.
“Thank you for coming in today, Miss Fowler,” he told me with a friendly nod. “I’ll have all of this squared away by the end of the day. It seems that you aren’t any help to the case at all. I appreciate you clearing that up.”
“Thank you?” My voice came out a little higher like I couldn’t believe that was it. Was I really free now? Could I get my life back?
Okay, yeah, like I wanted whatever I had back. My past was just one big mess.
But I was free to move forward.
“I’ll make sure that you’re able to return to the residence you shared with Mr. Ramos if you’d like to collect your things. Shouldn’t be a problem since it looks like he put it in your name a few weeks ago.”
“I’m sorry, what?” I asked looking at him like he was crazy.
He opened up another folder and thumbed through until he found what he was looking for. Then he slid the paper across the table to me. I looked down at the copy of the deed for the condo and it was clear as day right there in front of me, the place was mine. Complete with my signature at the bottom, though I’d never signed such a thing. I could tell right away it was forged, but I couldn’t deny that is was done by someone who knew what they were doing. It was scarily close.
“Who is this?” I asked pointing to a name next to mine.
“Mr. Ramos had a few aliases. I’m assuming that’s one we don’t know about.”
“Oh, okay,” I said still in a state of shock.
I couldn’t understand why he would have done this. Why would he put the place in my name? I’d probably never get the answer to that question. Maybe that was for the best because knowing my luck, there was some super shady reason behind it. I was definitely getting rid of that place as soon as possible. I didn’t want my name tied to anything having to do with Ray Ramos once this shit was straightened out.
“Like I said, I’ll make sure the crime scene is released by the end of the week so you can go back.”
“That’s okay,” I told him with a shake of my head. “I don’t want to go back there.”
I’d left that go-bag I had ready under the bed. There hadn’t been a chance to grab it. At the time, I thought I needed all the things in there. Now I realized that they were simply things. I still had the memories so I didn’t need to hold onto the pictures to remember.
“I’ll walk you out,” he told me and I didn’t hesitate to get to my feet.
He shook my hand after we stepped off the elevator. He wished me a good day with a warm smile on his face.
It was pretty fucking strange.
But I knew well enough not to question it.
It was clear there were other forces at work here, or at least a few strings being pulled. I needed to tell Silas to thank his friend. If it weren’t for him, I knew it wouldn’t have played out like this.
I nearly ran down the block to the coffee shop where Silas was waiting for me.
His face turned from scared to relieved the second he saw me.
He’d wanted to go with me. He didn’t want to leave my side even knowing it could be dangerous for him. I wouldn’t let that happen. I told him it would be fine and I needed him to be around for when this was all over. He didn’t like it, but he let me go on my own and promised to wait here until I was done.
‘No matter how long it takes,’ he had whispered to me and then kissed me before letting me go.
I rushed into his arms not caring that there were a good number of people around. He wrapped me up tightly, crushing my head against his chest like he couldn’t believe that I was really there.
“How did it go?” he asked me.
“Good? It was weird. The agent was nice. He determined that I knew nothing that would help the case and told me I was free to go. Oh, and that he’d get the whole thing cleared up for me.”
“Really? Just like that?”
I shrugged.
“It was all so very strange,” I said. “But it’s over and we should really thank your friend.”
“Yeah,” he said softly, his eyes going a little hazy for a second. “I plan to.”
“Oh, and apparently I have a condo to sell,” I added, still in shock about the whole thing.
“What?” he asked sounding confused.
“Never mind, it’s not important right now. We’ll take care of it later.”
“Um, okay.” He looked down at me for a long moment, both of us lost in each other’s gaze.
“Silas,” I whispered softly.
“Yeah?” He blinked back into focus.
“What do we do now?”
His smile was beautiful as he looked down at me.
“Whatever you want.”
“I like the sound of that,” I told him and then buried my face in his neck. “We should get out of here, I’m sure people are staring.”
He chuckled but didn’t say anything. His arm was around me as we made our way out of the coffee shop and to the car.
“Pick a direction,” he said after I got myself buckled in.
“What?” I asked in a tone that said I thought he was crazy.
“A direction.”
“North,” I said with a small shake of my head and a playful roll of my eyes.
“Alright,” he said as he pulled out onto the street.
We weren’t going back to the cabin.
Even if I’d been paying attention on the way here and could tell we weren’t going the way we had come, I knew he had something else planned.
“Silas, where are we going?”
“North,” he answered like that was all he was going to give me.
“I don’t even have any clothes. Everything is back at the cabin.” I nearly screeched the words thinking about how I only had the panties I was currently wearing.
“No worries, we’ll stop and get some stuff.”
Three hours on the road and we pulled off to grab something to eat. I’d been a nervous wreck this morning and hadn’t even been able to handle any kind of breakfast. Now that I could breathe, my stomach was very vocal about how empty it was.
“I haven’t eaten at a place like this in a long time,” Silas said as he pulled up in front of the roadside diner that looked like you’d gain twenty pounds just by breathing in the air.
“It smells so good,” I said
with excitement in my tone.
Being with Ray, well, there wasn’t a lot of this kind of food around. Everything was fancy. Even the places he got take-away from.
I ordered a milkshake right away and even asked for an extra cherry on top.
Silas smiled at me, the kind of smile that seemed like he wasn’t even aware he was doing it.
He was really happy sitting there with me in a dirty, rundown diner in the middle of nowhere.
And I realized that I was too.
“I think we need matching shirts,” I said to him as I nudged his side with my elbow.
He looked up from paying the lady at the counter to see the array of shirts hanging there with the diner’s logo on them.
The lady looked at him with a raised brow.
“We’ll take two,” he said and gave me the side-eye.
Then we were off again.
That night in the cheap motel room— that I had insisted on, by the way— he slipped into his shirt and I laughed at how snug it looked on him. I definitely remember him saying he wanted a large. I checked the tag and saw that it was a medium. I had a feeling the lady had done that on purpose. I mean, it fit him, like perfectly, in the way that it was like a second skin.
I so did not mind it at all.
“Is this look working for you?” he asked with a sexy smirk on his face.
“It’s doing something,” I said and tried really hard not to crack up.
Then I was airborne, my back landing on the bed a second later.
Silas jumped on top of me, using his arms to hold his weight from crushing me.
“Let’s start a new life right now,” he said with a smile. One that wasn’t weighed down by darkness like it had been.
“What?” I asked him, my head cocking to the side in confusion.
“A new life, together. Today.”
“Like that was supposed to make any more sense, you didn’t even speak in complete sentences.” I giggled.
No, he didn’t have to explain it to me, I understood it so well that my soul was humming at the thought.
I wanted to scream yes! at the top of my lungs. I wanted to give him everything. I so fucking wanted to tell him I was all in.
