by Hart, Eve R.
A symbol.
A reminder.
A promise.
Our bond was meant to be. It was forever and I truly believed that.
I wouldn’t trade any of the bad shit I’d been through because it got me here.
I finally saw the value I had.
I saw it every time I looked into Silas’ eyes.
Jessica
“I always wished you were my daughter,” Elaine said through tearful eyes as she held my hands in hers. “And now you will officially be part of the family, like I always imagined.”
“Maybe not quite this way,” I said with a pointed look and a smile.
“Well, who could have ever thought,” she said with crazy eyes but a beautiful smile.
Reagan came into the room and told me that there was someone that wanted to see me for a moment.
I was confused but gave a small shrug as I told her to let them in.
Reagan ushered everyone out before doing just that.
I could say I was definitely surprised to see Axe step inside the room a moment later.
My mouth opened, then closed, and fell open again. No words came out but I was pretty sure the shock was noticeable on my face.
“Hey,” he said as he stopped a few feet away from me.
“Hi,” I said a little too loudly.
There was a tiny up curl of the corners of his lips.
“I, uh, I wasn’t sure if I should invite you. I didn’t know if it would be weird. It doesn’t feel weird though. Does it to you?”
“No,” he said with a shake of his head. “It feels right to be here.”
We’d always had this strange relationship. While I knew we’d never work out, there was a part of me that cared deeply for him. I was so happy when Allison came into his life. She was perfect for him. There was no denying it. Instead of hiding his darkness, she was able to bring it out in a way that worked for the two of them. I didn’t really know the details and I didn’t want to.
I could only guess that Allison was the reason he knew to be here. Though it could have been Reagan because she sometimes didn’t know how to keep her mouth shut. I loved her for it though. I was really glad that I had the Paragon Ladies back in my life again. It took me a while to reach out because I felt so shitty about how I’d needed some distance while I was figuring things out. But they were awesome and made me feel like they understood.
Holy shit. Why was I crying?
“Are you smiling at my tears?” I asked him like I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
“Yeah,” he said and I couldn’t tell anything by the tone of his voice. I never could. “It’s beautiful.”
“Wow, you have managed to get even more fucked up,” I said it in a joking way. But seriously, what the hell kind of comment was that?
“No,” he said with a shake of his head as he stepped closer to wipe away the wetness from my cheeks. “That’s not what I mean.”
“Then what do you mean?!”
“It’s beautiful because you feel. We spent years together, pushing away everything. We didn’t talk about it though we both knew there was fucked up shit in our heads. A lifetime of things we couldn’t erase.”
“Well, yeah, it was for the best. For me at least. I didn’t want to be that person and I couldn’t be something better if I relived every horrible thing that happened to me.”
“But don’t you see, we were both numb?” he asked and his head cocked to the side as he pinned me with narrowed eyes. “You’re crying because you feel. Which gives me hope that when you laugh now, you do it with every single part of your body. That you love like you’ve always wanted to.”
“You always did see too much,” I told him with a small smile.
“I always wished this for you but I never knew how to give it.”
“Maybe you weren’t supposed to.”
He didn’t respond but his small smile told me that he’d already figured that part out years ago.
“You’re a good man,” I told him as I touched his face.
With a nod, he leaned down and lightly kissed my cheek. Then he stepped back and turned to walk away.
He looked over his shoulder when he reached the door.
“And you’re going to be the most amazing mother,” he said low and oddly a little emotional as his gaze flickered down to my stomach. I didn’t even have a chance to respond before he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.
My mouth hung open and my hands automatically went to my belly.
No one knew. Not even Silas yet. I was waiting until tonight to surprise him.
Then again, it was Axe. And that was pretty much the only explanation there was for the man.
The thing was, when I saw what I already confirmed on the pregnancy test this morning, I had this peaceful feeling wash over me. And I already had it in my head that I was going to make sure this kid had an amazing mother. I even believed that I could pull it off.
Change was good sometimes.
Sure, it was scary and there were times when you got thrown into something that felt more like a setback than anything. But I was here. My choices had taken me away from Silas but they had also brought me back to him. And I truly believed that was the way it was supposed to be. I didn’t know if I would have gotten the love from the same man if things had turned out differently. So all the bad shit didn’t matter anymore. All the poor choices and really messed up situations, they got this life to a good end.
Some might have said that forever started today. That it truly began on the day you stood next to the one you loved and vowed your every breath to them with meaning.
I say forever started the day Silas came back into my life when I thought it was the end.
Yeah, he was a killer.
But he was also a savior.
And he was my forever.
Silas
Holy shit!
I’d like to tell you that I wasn’t freaking out, but I was.
Full-on panic mode right now.
And while you might think that I’d had quite a few months to prepare for this, it didn’t become real until right this second.
The moment I got to hold my son in my arms for the first time.
All I kept thinking was I was going to screw this up.
Before I found love in Jessica, I never even considered having kids. It wasn’t anywhere in the realm of possibilities for me. And sure, I wasn’t a working killer now, but at one point I had been. How was I supposed to raise a kid with a past like that? What did I have to offer him? To teach him? I knew I couldn’t fucking teach him how to be a contract killer. Yeah, I got how wrong that was now. Like really, truly got how fucked up that would be.
Oh, and we couldn’t forget that he was going to grow up and wonder how mommy and daddy met. That was a story I couldn’t share with him. I couldn’t tell him that kind of truth. And obviously, I wasn’t good at the whole lying thing. I mean, I could do it well, but that didn’t mean that I liked it. Or that feeling that ate away at me constantly.
“Silas,” Jessica said my name and I snapped my head up to look at her. “We’re probably going to mess this up. We’re going to make mistakes. We’re going to feel clueless on what to do. We’re probably even going to drop him on his head at least once.”
She sounded so calm. I didn’t get it. And that smile, fuck, it was so soothing and beautiful. Just the thing I needed right now even though her words were not helping me at all.
“And we’re going to constantly be asking ourselves if we’re doing it right,” she went on. “But I think that’s the way it’s supposed to go.”
“That is the worst motivational speech I’ve ever heard,” I told her with blinking eyes.
“Yeah, I know. Look at it this way,” she smiled again. That soft, sweet smile that made me feel like everything was going to be okay. “I love you. You love me. And we loved this little guy even before we met him.”
“Yeah,” I agreed with her.
�
�And we will do everything we can to protect him and show him how much he means to us.”
“Right.” I looked back down at my son with a sense of calm settling in my soul. “That I can do.”
-The End-
Acknowledgements
First of all, let me just say, holy cow! This book has been forever in the making. Thank you all for waiting and keeping these two characters in the back of your head.
I have to give a shout out to the amazing woman that not only keeps me sane, she also keeps me grounded and real. I would not be as polished as I am without Chloé that is for sure. I also have to give mega thanks for her honesty and guidance with this one.
Without Jordan I would probably be a mess. Not even kidding about that one. She is the biggest cheerleader and her positivity keeps me going.
Beth, Sanjana, and Brittany, these ladies are the coolest bitches (in a good way). I would feel lost without them sometimes. They always seem to know just when I’m going under a little too far and pull me out. Lol.
I couldn’t forget about my hubby, for sure. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. He’s the best, no joke. He understands when the characters are screaming in my head and need to be released. And makes sure I have the time and space I need to get them out. He’s my rock, and my biggest supporter.
A super mega thank you to my patient ARC readers. I have the most awesome ARC team. I can’t thank you enough for everything.
About the Author
Eve R. Hart does her best writing while downing coffee and munching on chips and salsa. Her days are filled with lightsaber fights, saving the Lego city, and tea parties with her kids. By night, she switches out her cape for heels and writes steamy love scenes.
She lives on the coast of North Carolina with her husband and three children. When she needs a break from everything she loves nothing more than to sit down and play video games with her husband. She also enjoys cooking, baking, and singing Disney songs while driving.
Find Her
Facebook: www.facebook.com/EveRHartAuthor/
Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/EveRHartAuthor
Email: [email protected]
Other Works
Steel Paragons MC
Moon Hill Chapter
Loch
Diesel
Tank
Axe
Bocca
The Coast Chapter
Knight
Brand
Ky
B-ry
Lake
Cable
Mouse
Iron
Charming
The Tainted Saints Series
Clean Hack
Standalone Stories
Masked Desires
