“No! It’s more like I love you so much that I don’t want to do this to you. I’m a mess. I haven’t figured out anything about my life.”
“Sirena — what makes you think I have? I’m a grown man who follows a guy around and picks up after him so I might have a chance to sing him a few songs. Before you came into my life, I wasn’t even brave enough to open my mouth and tell the man I knew how to sing or write a song. I tried to work up the courage to do it on my own for years. Before you helped me, I couldn’t even do it. You know what that tells me? We’re better at figuring things out together than we are apart.”
“True,” Tasha concedes. “You helped me fill out all of those scholarships and financial aid forms — even though English is your second language. You were better at it than I was.”
“I don’t think our dreams have to be going in totally different directions We can reach them traveling side-by-side on different paths. We just have to support each other.”
For the first time during this conversation, Tasha looks hopeful. “Really? Do you think we can pull this off? I want so much to be like Tara and Aidan. They did it. They do it every day, and they are the most in love couple I’ve ever seen in my life. They have different dreams and different talents, but they’re always supportive of each other. We could be like them, right?”
“That would be great, wouldn’t it? I’m sure Aidan would help me work around your school schedule. He wants you to be as successful as possible. I think we can do this, I really do. I’m not willing to give up on us. If it means I need to stay home and just write songs that’s what I’ll do.”
“I don’t want you to do that for me or for us. If we’re going to do this, I want us both to be successful,” Tasha insists.
“Tasha, I like writing songs and managing Aidan’s equipment. If I have to wait awhile to be a performer, it’s not a big deal. I put it off for years by my own choice. Waiting my turn so you have a chance to go to school won’t make any difference.”
“As long as you’re not changing who you are just to be with me, I’m okay with that. Te amo, Jude.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
TASHA
AS WE PULL THE RENTAL car into the parking lot at the hospital, there’s a throng of reporters waiting by the front door and a bunch of curious people standing around trying to figure out why they’re there. There’s an outside chance they have nothing to do with Jude or me, but I recognize some of them from the funeral.
Jude parks the car in a dark corner. “Why are those leeches here? Don’t they realize this is a hospital?”
I shrug as I respond, “I don’t know. Maybe it’s a coincidence?” I grab a shopping bag from the backseat and grab a couple of baseball caps I purchased on a whim from a street vendor.
Jude smirks when he reads the saying. Last I checked, Elvis has left the building. "Somehow this seems fitting for the circumstances, doesn’t it?”
I put my sunglasses on and try to hide my hair under the baseball cap as I say, “I don’t know if this will work, but it’s worth a shot at least. Hayden and Pennie deserve to eat real food for a change, and the cheesecake is worth running the gauntlet.”
Jude nods as he fishes an ‘I heart Tennessee’ T-shirt from the bag and sheds his usual plaid cotton shirt. “Okay, I’m game. Let’s do this thing.” Jude opens the glove box and grabs a neon orange camera on a florescent yellow lanyard and hangs it around his neck. At my questioning glance, he looks at me and says, “It’s a force of habit, I keep it around in case my cell phone battery dies. My mom gave it to me for my high school graduation.”
“Sometimes, you are way too adorable,” I gush as I kiss him on the cheek. “I can’t wait to meet your mom.”
Jude and I try to stroll across the parking lot like any other visitors to the hospital, but it soon becomes evident it won't be possible. We’re soon met with a chorus of voices as the reporters crowd around us and try to separate us. They shout questions at us as if they are miles away instead of inches from our ears.
“Tasha! Hey, Tasha!”
“Ms. Keeley? May we have a comment?”
“Hernandez, is it? Are you going to marry her for the rights to her music?”
“Our sources say you’ve been at this hospital several times. Are you sick again? Do you have a comment?”
“How long do you have to live?”
“Do you have anything to say to your fans?”
“Do you have cancer again? Is this the reason you’re retiring early?”
“There are reports that you are gravely ill and you've been forced from the music business — is this true?”
I’ve been traveling with Aidan long enough I should know how to deal with these people — but what I should do and what I actually do are often two different things. In this case, the absurdity of it all suddenly gets to me.
“First of all, back off. This is a children’s hospital. Parents, grandparents, friends, and family members are trying to get in and out to see their kids. Y’all are being ridiculous. Yes, I know I’m from New York — but we’re in Tennessee so I get to talk that way. Let’s get away from the doors, shall we?”
I walk about fifty feet to a large open area and they follow me like little ducklings. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to the idea that people are interested in my life off the stage. This is pure insanity to me. I climb up on a little brick wall and sit down on the edge. “I have to say I’m a little disappointed in all of you.”
The members of the paparazzi look around at each other as if they’re trying to figure out why I might say such a thing.
“No… Really. I’m guessing there are probably more than a dozen of you here today, right? I have no idea why you’re here — but the other day when Aidan and I held an event to highlight the need for donations to St. Jude’s, six of you showed up to our event to cover it. That’s it. Only six. Now, I don’t have to tell you St. Jude’s means the world to me. The medical staff at this hospital saved my life and they didn’t charge my family a dime for the care. In the grand scheme of things, it was a lot more important for you to cover what we said the other day than for you to camp out here and ask me about why I’m visiting a friend in the hospital. Although it’s none of your business, I’ll answer your questions. No, my cancer is not back, thank goodness. I’m visiting another friend who is fighting cancer. There’s no story here. Go home. If you want to write a story, write a story about how phenomenal the doctors and nurses who help fight pediatric cancer are. That’s the story.”
“Are you gonna tell us about your friend who’s fighting cancer? Are they near the end?”
“That’s enough! Your question is so far out of bounds, you should be ashamed to ask it,” Jude bellows. “Ms. Keeley is finished responding to questions. Have a good night.”
Jude places his arm around my waist and starts to escort me toward the front door. We are just a couple of feet from the door when Howard, one of the more persistent paparazzi, places his hand on my arm. “Tasha, some guy told me to give this to you.”
Jude narrows his gaze and asks, “What guy?”
Howard shrugs. “I don’t really know. I didn’t recognize him, but I figured he was one of your road crew. He had an Aidan O’Brien jacket on. I thought he was just in a hurry to get somewhere. He seemed to know we’re friends and felt comfortable using me as a go-between — at least that’s what I thought. Did I do something wrong?”
I take off my baseball cap and let my hair down, pulling it off my neck with a sigh. “No, Howie, it’s all right. It’s been a hellishly long week. Things are a little topsy-turvy in my world. Thanks for passing it on.”
Howard grins at me. “No problem, Tasha, but if you have news of anything, please give me a call. It’s been a lean month, if you know what I mean.”
Jude takes the envelope from me and tucks it into his back pocket. “We’ll deal with this later. We have some cheesecake to deliver. It'll go bad in this heat.”
Howard perks up and a
sks, “Can I quote you guys on that?”
I shake my head. “Howie, you and I go back a really long way. You know I love you, but I’d really rather you didn’t. This person means a lot to me and I wish you wouldn’t expose them to all of this. They need to save their strength to fight cancer. After they win their battle, if we do something together, I promise I’ll introduce you.”
Howie steps aside gallantly and lets us through the door. “Ms. Keeley, you might be young, but you’re one classy broad.”
I curtsy as I grin. “Why thank you, Howard. Despite your profession, I think you’re a pretty all right guy yourself.”
Jude shakes his head with a bemused expression. “Have you guys ever noticed you're the same kind of weird? I think you've been friends for too long."
I glance back at Howie as we walk away, "I don't know, I guess so. I can't remember a time he wasn't around. He's kind of a fixture. Usually, his questions are relatively tame and he at least tries to print decent pictures of me. I don't mind him much. There are others who are much worse."
Jude hugs me to his side as we make our way up the elevator. “That was pretty smooth, Sirena. You handled the paps like the star you are. You didn’t even bat an eyelash. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you handle that stuff every day of your life.”
“You think so? I was so nervous, I thought I would throw up. I guess all the time I spent on stage as a kid paid off, huh? Maybe I should call my mom and say thanks. I don’t know what I’m thinking. This is the second time recently I’ve been grateful for all the weird stuff I went through as a kid.”
“I still don’t know if I would recommend something so drastic — a call to your mom might be more traumatic than talking to the paparazzi.”
I involuntarily shudder. “I know you meant it as a joke, but sadly it’s true.”
When we walk into Hayden’s room she’s hunched over her iPad. She looks up at me and squeals, “Oh my Gosh! You were epic!”
“I just had barbecue chicken for dinner. I’m not sure that was so epic,” I comment, looking around the room as I try to figure out what she’s talking about.
“No! Just now with the paparazzi I was watching you on TMZ’s Internet channel. You handle the media so much better than lots of stars. You had them eating out of your hand. I bet you lots of them go back and do a story on St. Jude’s now because you made them feel so bad about skipping your presser the other day.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Presser? Look at you and all your showbiz lingo —”
“Hey, I work on the yearbook. I’m not only a band geek. I think being a journalist would be really fun.”
“I agree, it does sound fun. The paparazzi can be annoying, but the truth is most of those guys — at least the ones with manners — are nice. They have a job to do — as unpleasant as it is.”
“How did they even know you were at the hospital?” Pennie asks. “Did you tell anybody you were coming here?”
I look over at Jude. “I didn’t tell anybody, did you?”
“I left a message with the receptionist at Silent Beats to give to Stella to let her know we would be away from her house for a couple of days.”
“Why didn’t you just call Stella?”
“Stella told us not to call her directly because she’s in recording sessions this week.”
“Oh, you’re right. I forgot.”
“She probably didn’t even pick up her messages, so I have no idea how anybody would’ve found out we were here. The whole situation is strange. Even if they’d figured out we were here, how would they have known you’re thinking about retiring?”
Hayden’s eyes widen as she says, “I swear Mom and I didn’t tell anybody. I didn’t even tell Juliann. She’s my cousin and one of your biggest fans — but I never said a word, even to her.”
“Relax, Hayden, I know you didn’t squeal on me. I trust you guys. The information could’ve come from anywhere. I’ve got scholarship applications plastered from coast-to-coast and I’ve applied to half a dozen nursing programs in the Pacific Northwest. I’ve got three in Portland alone. Lots of people see those, and not everybody follows the same rules of confidentiality.”
Hayden looks glum for a moment as she says, “I was hoping you might go to school somewhere close to me.”
I smile as I set out the boxes of food on Hayden’s bedside table. “I know you were, Hayden. I appreciate your support. I wish it were possible — unfortunately, I can’t be at two places at once. I want to stay close to where Aidan’s company is located so Jude doesn’t have to relocate.”
“So, when are you going to tell everybody about your plans? You can’t keep it a secret forever.”
I sigh as I respond, “Yeah, I know. I guess I’m waiting until I get accepted into a program and get some scholarship dollars behind me. I don’t want them to award money based on who I am.”
“That makes sense, but I still don’t understand why you have to apply for scholarships. Aren’t your songs doing amazeballs now? I thought you guys get paid for that kinda stuff.”
“We are — but I’m just one of several musicians on the hits with Aidan,” I explain. “He’s a really great boss, but nursing school is righteously expensive.”
“Speaking as a parent of a college kid, I think you should use every single word of any sob story you can come up with. Make it a darn Hallmark movie with your own soundtrack if you must. College is far more expensive than we ever dreamed. We thought we were prepared, but every time we turn around there’s a new fee, charge or class Jayne needs to take.”
“Don’t you think I would be taking advantage of my status?” I point out with a shrug. “I’m worried my fans might think I’m abusing their trust. Even worse, what if they think I’m just riding on Aidan’s coattails after he was so good to me? In a way, I would be doing that. I’d hate to take advantage of the situation Aidan’s put me in.”
“So what?” Pennie asks me as she waves away my questions. “How many times over the past few years have you had to sacrifice your privacy and your chance at a normal life so you can entertain fans?”
I look down at the floor and roll my shoulder. “More times than I’d like to admit. It was especially difficult after America’s Next Star. I felt like I didn’t have any life at all. The paparazzi followed me everywhere. It was especially embarrassing after I won but then nothing spectacular happened in my career because Five-Star never followed through with all of their promises to promote me.”
“See? My mom is right. You’ve already paid the price in advance, so you might as well take advantage of your notoriety now and let people know what you’re up to. I bet they’d be excited about the fact that you want to be a nurse and give back to the profession which helped save your life when you were a little girl. I know I’m a fan and I think it’s super cool you want to be a nurse who helps kids like me with cancer. I think tons of other people will think it’s great too — especially girls who are always told that pop stars are supposed to be vacant and stupid. You can prove them all wrong.”
“You know, I think Hayden’s right,” Jude remarks quietly. “There should be more to being a star than what you wear and who you date. If you give people an opportunity to follow your journey in college, you never know who you might inspire.”
“You’re right. When I was being tutored, one tutor told me girls like me should just forget about math because we would never be any good at it. I was able to give him examples of stars like Danica McKellar, Mayim Bialik, and Pauley Perrette. Not only did it shut him right up, those women showed me what was possible,” I say with a conspiratorial grin.
“I love NCIS, but Mom says I have to wait before I can get tattoos like Abby. I think it’s cool Pauley has a degree like her character,” Hayden adds.
Jude grins at Hayden. “I watch that show all the time. You have great taste.” Turning back to me he says, “I think Hayden’s on to something. I’m sure Aidan and Tara would be supportive of you sharing your story. Both of them
are big advocates of overcoming obstacles and following your dreams. Your story fits right into their approach to life.”
I chew on my fingernail as I think about what Jude suggested. “I don’t know. Aidan’s sad about losing me — even if it is for a really good cause.”
Jude puts his arm around my shoulder as he says, “Sirena, I understand that you can’t go on tour with Aidan, but do you have to give up everything music related? Can’t you still sing on his albums and work around your school schedule?”
I’m silent for a few moments as I think about his proposal. “I don’t really know. I probably could. I don’t know how much time I’ll have to spend studying. Aidan’s flexible so I suppose it’s theoretically possible. I guess I built it up in my mind as an all-or-nothing proposition. I didn’t really think about doing both things.”
“It sounds like you guys are will figure it all out. I won’t lie, college is a tough adjustment for some people. Be sure to let Aidan know if it’s too much for you,” Pennie advises. “If it’s not working, don’t try to be everything for everyone.”
“I’ll try to find some balance, Pennie. I’ve spent far too much of my life trying to make everyone else’s dreams come true,” I pledge.
Jude walks up behind me and embraces me. “I’ll do my best to make sure she keeps that promise.”
Hayden giggles. “Jude, don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. Becoming a mega-superstar is hard work.”
I salute Hayden. “Okay, we have our marching orders. We want you guys to keep fighting to get well. We’d like to see you at a concert the next time we come to town.”
Hayden’s eyes twinkle with mischief. “Can I have front row seats and back stage passes?”
“It’s a deal!” I vow, hoping I get to keep my promise.
Abruptly, Pennie hops up from her favorite recliner chair and places her arm around my shoulder as she escorts Jude and me out the door. Once we’re in the hallway, she hugs me and declares, “Tasha, if the nursing school thing doesn’t work out and you decide not to be an extremely gifted musician, you might want to think about being a cosmetologist.”
Jude’s Song (A Hidden Beauty Novel Book 7) Page 15
