by Jacob Wenzel
“Of course not, but you can do the calculations.”
“Yes, of course, William showed me how. That's why they're jealous, calculations?”
“You're also a lot more talented, and much prettier, but the real reason they hate you is that you and your William have real love.”
“So do you and your William.”
“But I'm also smaller than them, so they don't feel threatened by me.”
“I don't understand people sometimes.”
“No one does, in that way, they're like parallel worlds. Now let's go shopping. Your store is over there.”
“My store?”
“It's a store that only carries clothes in your size, and in styles you're likely to wear. How many credits do you have?”
Sally showed Luci the card the MedTech had handed her, the number 1500 glowed gently on its surface.
“That's a good start.” Luci said, “Let's get you some clothes.”
“Bob made me some clothes, how many do I need?”
Luci laughed, “Honey, you're a human woman, you can never have enough clothes, and Bob really doesn't understand fashion, that jumpsuit has to go.”
Luci led her to a shop that had the sign “Sally and Cili's Place” over the doorway.
“Who's Cili?”, Sally asked.”
“She's another wife, who wears the same size clothes as you, although her taste is much different, if any of the outfits make you laugh, she'll probably like them.”
Sally was overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of clothing in the store. “I couldn't possibly wear all this, she said.
“No, of course not, but remember, there are other Sallys who shop here too, just choose something you like.”
Sally found a dress with a floral pattern she liked, “This is pretty, it reminds me of Oahu.”
“Try it on.”
Sally stripped off her jumpsuit, but Luci stopped her. “A modicum of modesty is appreciated in this world, use the dressing room. They're really prudish here.”
“Luci, I don't understand this modesty thing, what's wrong with nudity?”
“I agree, but I think some people are afraid that it's going to arouse them.”
“If nudity is commonplace, as it was in my village when the weather was warm, arousal comes from being near the person you love.”
Sally was wearing only her panties, and realized she was being stared at by the salesclerk, who's mouth was hanging open, and who was bouncing up and down, and pointing toward the back of the store. She hadn't noticed the clerk before and walked over to her. Sally looked at her, she found herself experiencing an almost instinctual desire for a rock. Luci dragged her back to the dressing room.
“Luci, what's wrong with the people here, why do I feel the need to pick up a rock?”
“Think about it,” Luci whispered, “where have you seen faces like theirs before?”
Sally was thinking when Luci whispered, “The pointy ears, the long incisors, the fur, where have you seen those before?”
Luci started giggling, and Sally burst out laughing, “They look like some of the small food beasts, the ones William calls rabbits, I felt the urge to hit her over the head with a rock. That's rude, I know, but I couldn't help it, I guess I'm still a cavewoman at heart.”
“The people here evolved from rodents, specifically, rabbit-like creatures, it's hard not to laugh, but it is really rude, I'm sure we look like apes to them.”
Sally liked the dress, and then, with advice from Luci, and even some tips from the rabbit girl (whose name was Gosbrie, and who turned out to be very nice). She chose several more outfits, and was about to check out when someone touched her gently on the shoulder. When she turned around, she saw an elegant looking older woman with long gray hair tied back in a ponytail. Sally's first thought was “Grandmother”, but her grandmother had been dead for several years. Then realized she was looking at an older version of herself. She reached out and touched her own older face, tracing the contours of the wrinkles, wrinkles that spoke of a lifetime of joy and wonder, but with an underlying shadow of sadness. She felt moistness on her hand, and realized that the older woman was crying, and in turn, was touching her face.
“You are so young, just starting, aren't you? You are going to see so many things, and have a remarkable, wonderful life.” Older Sally said, speaking haltingly in the language of Sally's clan.
“Can you tell me?” Sally said in her old language, it felt strange to be speaking it again.
Older Sally spoke now in English, “There are so many paths from where you are, to where I am, I could not begin, but you will choose a good path.”
Sally sensed that something was troubling the old woman, “What's wrong?”
“This will be my last time here, I'm so happy I was able to see you, my first time.”
“Your last time, why?”
“It's time to go away.”
“Are...you.. dying?”
“No, dear, nothing like that, Bob says that William and I both have many more years to live, but we have to take another very long trip, one from which we will not be able to come back to here.”
“Tell me, please?”
“No, I mustn't, if you knew, it could cause you to take a different path, and, believe me, you'll want to take the one I have taken. It's a good path, no, it's a great path, and a very important one. There will be difficult parts, but they will be worth it.”
“Not even a hint?”
“Patience, Dear, you will know, in time.”
Sally heard William's voice, “Sally, we have to go now to catch the jump window.”
She looked over, she saw William in his late seventies, balding, but still very handsome, smiling at them both. Old Sally kissed her on the cheek, old William kissed her on the forehead. Then they turned away. Sally watched the old couple as they walked away, holding hands.
The silence that ensued was broken when Luci said, “Wow, that was something.”
Sally just stood, looking out at where the old couple had been.
Luci continued, “I've never met another me that was over fifty,” she paused as if waiting for a response from Sally, but none came, so she continued, “Bob says that when I'm older, I'll have more important things to do than shopping, but he won't tell me what.”
“Yes, Bob's like that.” was all Sally said.
Luci showed Sally how to pay for her purchases, and how the amount on the card had been reduced to reflect the new balance.
“I think I'd like to go back to the Winnebago, now.” Sally said quietly, “maybe we can do some more shopping tomorrow.”
“I think so too,” said Luci, “we got a late start today, and this must seem very strange for you.”
As they walked toward the exit, a creature a little shorter and slightly more rat-like than Gosbrie ran out from a kiosk toward Sally, another similar creature was trying to stop him, “Don't do it, Drek, in two hundred years, no one's been able to sell one to a Sally.”
But Drek was not deterred, “There's got to be a first, watch this. Hey, Mrs. Terwilliger, take a look at this.”
“It's Ms. Exni-Slodge, please.” Sally interrupted.
“Why, yes, of course, Miss Exni..., Sally, What I've got here is the latest Macro-Phone, the only phone that can call from anywhere in the Macroverse to anywhere else in the Macroverse, anytime, you can talk to any other Sally, or any of the other Mrs. Terwilligers, Clara, Cili, or even Luci here, wouldn't it be great to keep in touch, even when you're away from the mall.”
“Can I call my father?”
“Hey, sure, why not, we can even set you up with a family plan, and give you two thousand free minutes, and free holo-calls on weekends. Can I sign you up, what do you think?”
“I think”, said Sally, “that I would like to sauté your thighs with some shallots, and stitch your fuzzy little hide into a new handbag.”
Drek did not respond, he just stood there, shaking as Sally and Luci walked away.
“That
was a little harsh,” Luci said, “I loved it.”
“He probably would be better roasted. I've never actually sautéed anything.”
As they walked back out to the Winnies, Sally asked, “Why can't we keep in touch?”
“Sally, I think you can figure out the answer to that.”
“I think it must be, that it must be because, within a short time of separating, our timelines begin diverging, so that while, right now, it's just you and me, in a short time, as we make choices, each one of us becomes thousands, and then millions of different Sallys and Lucis. Many of those timelines will begin merging with timelines other than this one, and the past becomes blurred, and we're no longer sure who we're really talking to. Only when we're together, here in this world, can we maintain a coherence, and avoid a sort of hyperdimensional entropy.”
“That's pretty much it, although I was just going to say that it gets too confusing.”
That evening, during dinner, Sally told William that she had solved what, in William's world had been an age old question, but in her world, had only recently been asked, the question of what separates Man from the animals.
“And what is it?” William asked.
“Cooking.”
“Cooking?”
“Yes, we cook them, but they don't cook us, it's a pretty clear distinction.”
“Good point.”
That night, in a dream, Sally's father spoke to her. She dreamed about him occasionally, but this was the first time he spoke in English. He was quietly reprimanding her for being rude to the phone salesman, sure, he wasn't quite human and would probably taste pretty good, but he was still a sentient being, and all sentient beings deserved to be treated with kindness and respect. She awakened, feeling a mixture of regret for her behavior, and joy at seeing her father. She knew he was just a product of her mind, but she always had a pleasant feeling afterward. She noticed that William seemed to be having a rather pleasurable dream himself, and woke him gently while climbing on top of him. Afterward, she slept peacefully in his arms until a little after sunrise.
In the morning, after a shower and breakfast, Sally felt she was ready for more shopping, and she and Luci headed toward the mall. They were joined inside by someone who Sally thought might have been an alternate her, but turned out to be Cili. The resemblance was remarkable, but just a coincidence, since Cili was from William's world. If they were, in any way related, it would be pretty diffuse over the fourteen thousand years’ difference in the dates of their births.
The three of them discussed how they had met William, Luci knew all about Sally, but Cili had not heard the details before. Cili explained that she and William had started dating as undergraduates, but that she almost lost him, and didn't know why, until a friend had suggested that she bathe a little more frequently, so that being near her was not so much “like standing downwind from a crotch-farm”.
“What's a crotch-farm?” Sally asked.
“There's no such thing, but I got the point. I hadn't even realized there was problem, it's the way I was raised, the way my mother and older sisters were, I was just used to it. I started bathing, shaving, and using deodorant, and William proposed.”
Luci told how William had landed in her world, in a rural area, was caught away from the Winnebago by a group of scouts who started calling him “giant” and “monster”, and chased him until he fell down an embankment and fractured his tibia and fibula. A local farmer had come to his rescue, managed to get him into the back of his truck, and hauled him to a hospital. “The rural hospital didn't know how treat someone so large, and transported him into the city, to my hospital. At first, I was fascinated because, here was a giant without all the usual health problems of gigantism, I thought that by studying him, I might be able to help other giants. But the more time I spent with him, the less I was interested in him as a patient, and the more I was interested in him as a man. When he trusted me enough, he started telling me about the Winnebago and his travels, I was smitten, and, I guess, so was he, because when I took him back to the Winnie, which he'd hidden in the woods, he asked me to go with him.”
“And you learned English?” Sally asked.
“No, as different as our worlds are, our languages are virtually identical, with only one difference we've been able to find.”
“What's that?”
“The animal that, in English, you call a tiger, we call a 'Thofnian Milk-Weasel', though no one knows why. Weird, isn't it?”
“Especially, since I have one.” Sally said.
“You have a tiger?” Cili asked.
“He's my pet, my father gave him to me shortly before he disappeared. William said that tigers are not native to North America, and it's driving him crazy trying to figure out where my father got it.”
“There were Siberian tigers in Alaska a hundred thousand years ago.”
“Cili, that was a bit before my time, and William says that Fluffy's a Bengal. He has some theories, but he's really just guessing.....I want to go back to the Macrophone kiosk.”
“Why?” asked Luci, “so you can tell Drek about a new recipe you have?”
“I want to apologize, what I said was very rude, and no-one, no matter how tasty they appear to be, deserves to be treated like that.”
Luci said, “I don't know, he was pretty pushy.”
“He was just doing his job, and I threatened to eat him.”
“You didn't.” giggled Cili, “Although if I weren't a vegan, it might be tempting.”
As they approached the kiosk, Drek dove behind the counter. His coworker said, “Can I help you?”
“I want to talk to Drek.”
“I'm not sure that's possible, he's afraid of you.”
“I want to apologize to him.”
Drek poked his head up from behind the counter, his ears drooped, and his nose twitched uncontrollably as he said, “Apologize? No human's ever apologized to one of us before.”
Sally reached over the counter and stroked his ears, he squeezed his eyes tightly shut, and stood up before opening them.
Sally said, “I'm sorry for what I said, but I've never been in a place like this, or seen people who weren't, well, human. Where I came from, any creature that wasn't human was really stupid, and it was okay to eat them. When I came by, I was really missing my father, he disappeared when I was ten, and I let out my frustrations at you, who did nothing to deserve it. It was really rude of me, and I'm sorry, I would never eat another sentient being. I'm sorry.”
“Thank you, and I'm sorry about your father. We're trained not to care about you humans, just to sell you as much stuff as possible so that you'll treat more of our sick and injured, there are so many waiting, my own sister lost a leg to cancer, and we've been saving for two years to pay for a new one.”
“Why don't you bring her to our Winnebago, and we'll get her fixed up.”
“But we can't pay you much.”
“You don't have to pay us anything.”
“You would do that? Thank you.”
“I owe it to you, as rude as I was. Bring her out to us after you get off work. We'll get her fixed up, and I'll make you a nice salad. We're in space nine-oh-two.”
“Do you put cheese on your salads? I like cheese.”
“If you like. What's your sister's name?”
“Driga. Drek, Driga and Droco. We're triplets.”
“Now tell me about those phones.”
“Phones?”
“Yes, Drek, you sell phones, remember?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Can I really call anyone on it?”
“Anyone who also has one.”
“In any Universe, at any time?”
“In any Universe, yes. Time, however, is tricky.”
“Tricky, how?”
“Say you want to call Cili, here, who already has one, after you both leave here. If you both only make jumps straight across to parallel worlds, no problem, but if you travel back in time, you might be calling her bef
ore she meets you, or before she gets a phone, in one case, it's awkward, in the other, it's pointless...” his voice dropped to a whisper, “My job is to sell you a phone, so I'm not supposed to be telling you this, but the only wives who really use these are the Claras, who are constantly chatting, and whose timelines stay parallel. You wouldn't get much use out of it.”
“That's too bad, I was hoping to give one to my brother if I see him again.”
“Where is your brother?”
“Fourteen thousand years before William's present day world.”
“Not a chance. The only way to communicate that far through time is to have Bob relay the message, and that requires that Bob have a node there. Does he?”
“Not any more. Thank you anyway.”
“No Problem, Sally, and again, thank you, I get off work in six hours, I will bring Driga to space nine-oh-two.”
“Thank you, Drek.”
Sally went with Luci and Cili back into “Sally and Cili's Place” so that Cili could find some new clothes, this was her first trip back to the mall in eight months, and she felt the need for a fashion change. As Luci had said, Cili picked out clothes that Sally would never wear, some of the colors and patterns almost hurt her eyes, and she had to turn away to keep from laughing at some of Cili's choices. Luci took her to the shoe department and she chose two pairs that were comfortable. They then went to “Everything for Luci”. While Luci was trying on clothing, Sally chatted with Cili, “Have you been to the edge yet?” Sally asked.
“Oh, yeah, we did that about three years ago.”
Sally realized that while she and Cili were similar in appearance, Cili was considerably older than her, perhaps fifteen years. She was the same age as her William, and they had been traveling for a number of years now. Sally was ten years younger than her William, and they had just started.
“What was it like? Asked Sally.
“Spongy. Spongy and sweet.”
“What do you mean, 'Spongy'?”
“As we started making our final jumps, the ground on each world kept getting softer. Eventually, we couldn't land, or we'd sink in.”
“What did you do?”
“We stayed in the air for three worlds in a row. On the last one, gravity was really light, and bits of... well, ground kept floating off. William took a sample of one clump and analyzed it. It turned out to be meringue. Like on a pie. We tasted it, it was sweet, but not the best I've had. Bob did a subsurface scan, and determined, that two hundred kilometers below the surface, the planet had a lemon core. That was it, the world at the edge the Macroverse is a big lemon meringue pie. Who knows?”
