by Roxie Spears
So she cared about Hans! He was one of them, another voice in his head said.
Gerald paced his room in confusion. It was almost four AM and his head was spinning. He thought about that brief conversation with his brother, how it made him feel like the loneliest person on the planet. No one deserved to feel this way, he mused bitterly. The sky was a lively navy blue, on the brink of a smooth dawn. Gerald thought it would be convenient or better, relaxing, if he went out on a walk.
The air was colder than what he knew. Gerald ran down the fire escape, hands deep in his pockets, grunting with lack of sleep and irreparable exhaustion. There was no body. The average man would probably be afraid to walk around at those times, but Gerald wasn’t the average man, in fact he wasn’t man at all.
Being a freak, he thought, came with some perks.
He faced the lake for what felt like an eternity. He stood on his tiptoes and let his lungs inflate with the cool night air. Then he pulled his jacket together, wishing he was in full werewolf form right now. A nightly mist escaped his lips as he breathed, crossing the road and walking alongside the river. It wasn’t long before he reached the coastline; his beloved sea -- the place where he belonged. His realization was novel. Gerald wasn’t expecting to love something so much, especially something as wild as the sea.
Despite his nature, Gerald was far from wild and free. He hated to be tied down, that was for sure. But perhaps, he thought, he was only compensating for his own imprisonment. Physical strength wasn’t the determiner of absolute freedom, but far from it. The fact that Gerald was different from everyone only meant that he often felt lonely and isolated, an island on his own. He thought about his childhood and the fact that the kids in school made fun of him because he was weird. Weird and hairy. Too hairy, he thought to himself, a smile creeping up on his face.
The cold wind slapped him, and he had no choice but to grow his fur, just a little bit. Part-shifting was a privilege, one that allowed for partial power and full disguise. Gerald’s breathing slowed down as he warmed up and started strolling pleasantly along the coastline. He was suddenly reminded of Beth.
His phone call with Logan had gotten him thinking about her. Was “nice” all she was? Come on, even Logan didn’t believe you on that one, he shook his head.
There were little distractions where he walked, and at that time, but his mind was everywhere. He waited for seagulls but it was still too early for that. It was almost like he was blocking out all thoughts of Beth, and he didn’t really know why. Just the idea of being intimate with someone absolutely scared him, because they were all human. And if they weren’t human, well, that was an even bigger problem.
There was just something about Beth. Gerald smiled at how he used to see her almost every day for an entire year, but he never thought of her. She even looked different at the time. Funny how she was just a dull figure in his life, this woman with a lovely face serving him coffee in the morning, throwing in a good word or two, save for the occasional sarcastic wit. But he had to admit, her presence, although vague and seemingly ineffective at the time, made a world of a difference. Gerald didn’t know anyone in this town, and he still kind of didn’t, but just seeing her for a few fleeting moments everyday made him feel less alone.
As Gerald walked he saw a vague figure in the dark. He squinted, recognizing that it was a woman standing by the railing, looking out to the ocean. She was wearing a long skirt that fluttered in the wind and she stood with her back straight. When he drew closer, he realized it was Beth.
He looked around him, startled, suddenly realizing that he had been walking for quite some time. He wondered if he had somehow ended up on Beth’s side of town -he thought that he must have -and so the only logical thing to do at the time, he thought, was to approach her.
“Hey,” he said, the sound of crashing waves drowning out his voice. “Hey!” he yelled this time.
Beth turned around, startled. She brushed the hair from her eyes as the wind hit the back of her head. It surrounded her face now, and she stood with her back to the railing, observing. “Gerald?” she said, taking a step forward. “I can’t really see your face, how do I know it’s you?”
“And not some creepy stranger jumping out at you in the dark?”
Beth smiled and approached him, her face falling into the orange gleam of the street lights. Gerald grinned, a warmth radiating through him. He shifted back to human form, not wanting to freak her out with the fur and all.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him, crossing to the other side of the street.
“Couldn’t sleep, what are you doing here?” he asked her.
“Couldn’t sleep, either. Didn’t expect to run into you here, on my side of town,” Beth said with a glimmer in her eyes.
“What, you live here?” he asked.
“Oh, like you don’t know?” She drew in closer. “Have you been following me?”
“Oh, no. I don’t do that,” Gerald said, crossing his arms. They stood facing each other, Beth kicking one rock across the street, watching it tumble down the sidewalk, hitting a puddle. “I go for a lot of walks during this time, watch the sunrise, then head back home.”
“And when do you go to work?”
“I just change and head to the dock.”
Beth’s lips curved to a smile. “And do you never sleep? Or is that just a werewolf thing?”
Gerald sighed, trying to suppress a grin of contentment. “Didn’t we already agree never to talk about this?”
“Hey, I already told you, I’m not gonna tell anyone. Or do you still not trust me?” she gave him a look.
Gerald rolled his eyes and looked away. Behind Beth, the sun was starting to rise. The sky was a vibrant, eager grey, its sun obscure but close. Her face was clearer now; recognizable, a halo beginning to surround her head. The ocean crashed behind the railing and behind her, waves rising to their peak and then falling prematurely, followed by a spray of droplets. The sea continued to do its thing while Gerald admired the full picture in front of him. He took it in; he took Beth in, a small part of him itching to take a photo. She was just standing there facing them, one eyebrow slightly raised than the other, challenging him. A layer of frizz floated above her head, but she didn’t bother to fix her hair. Beth was just Beth, with her work aprons and peculiar style. Right now she wore what seemed to be a night gown and a knitted green and yellow sweater over it. She sported a pair of boots, too. Gerald’s eyes traveled further down, falling on a pack of cigarettes hanging from the pocket of her nightgown. Frankly, Beth seemed like the type of woman who didn’t give a fuck.
The wind blew harder, pushing all of Beth’s hair over her shoulders. She pushed it back, a faint attempt in the face of the roaring morning gust.
“Do you like going on walks?” Gerald asked, breaking the silence and persistent eye contact.
“I do, I really do. How come I’ve never bumped into you?”
“Because it was too dark, maybe,” he replied. “Is it safe for you here?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know, after what happened last time… do you feel safe in this town?”
“If you’re asking if I still feel safe going out at night then yes, yes I do,” she raised her eyebrows at him rather challengingly. Gerald hesitated, feeling as though he had wronged her somehow.
“I don’t mean it that way… I just want you to be safe.” He kicked at another rock, but it didn’t move a great distance.
The sky was now a shimmering silver. The sea surface became uncomfortable, almost blinding to the eye. Everything was overwhelming now, yet oddly calming at the same time. Gerald stared out and so did Beth, who walked towards the railing again. He closely followed, and they stood side by side, their feet hooked onto the rails.
The sun brought some warmth with it, one that diffused and mingled with the air, spreading out and engulfing them. The breeze was just as cold, but the view was beautiful enough to serve as a distraction.
Silence with Beth was comforting. Gerald hadn’t felt a human connection in a long time. In fact he hadn’t properly connected with someone beyond shallow greetings, nods of acknowledgement and talking about fish. At this moment, he felt grateful, grateful to be alive and well and miles away from war. Finally, after a long stretch of this comfortable silence, he turned to Beth.
“Well, think I’m gonna go now. Sleep is calling.”
“Oh, so you’re not gonna change into your overalls and head straight to work?” she asked him.
Gerald flicked his wrist and glanced at his watch. “Nah, got some time. I’m feeling tired and ready for bed for the first time in a while.”
“Alright,” Beth said, extending her hand out to him. He took it and held on, letting go slowly, like he didn’t want to, not one bit, not at all. “Think I’m gonna stick around here for a while. Watching the sunrise is like, my thing.”
Without saying another word Gerald spun around and headed north. The walk home felt like a much longer, more tedious one, mainly because he was exhausted. His body was giving up on him; all he could dream about was gravity pulling his body down invitingly, swallowing him for these scarce hours before he had to get up for work again.
He should’ve kissed her, he thought, scratching his head with wonder. Everything felt easier to do in retrospect, but in the moment he just froze. She was inviting, to say the least, her welcoming smile pumping warmth through him. Gerald was a complicated man, but she was even more puzzling, with her nagging questions and persistent round-eyed stare. Beth was truly something new, but Gerald often tended to avoid that. He tended to avoid the tides of change because they scared him; raven-haired Beth was like a monster tide, washing over him, yet there was no resisting her. If only he could bring himself to close his eyes and turn his palms up towards the sky. Only then would he truly be happy.
Chapter 7
Beth’s alarm tone crept into her dreams. Her eyes snapped open and she rolled off the bed, startled, drooling at the corner of her mouth and wondering what time it was. “Shit, shit, shit!” she yelled, stumbling across her room. She hurled herself into the bathroom, her weary reflection staring back at her. She then proceeded to splash her face with water, feeling her eyes burn immensely, eyelids almost adhering to each other, refusing to open.
She grunted in dismay as she slipped into her uniform, wondering if Gerald was doing the same thing right now, as well.
As she arrived at the diner she felt heavy. Another day of serving fishermen and rude sailors. It was true, she thought; sailors really do swear a lot.
“Gerald?” she said as soon as her gaze landed on him. She recognized him from a mile away, pulling up at the diner.
“Morning,” he smiled, looking just as exhausted.
“Nice eye bags you got there,” she beamed, feeling an urge to caress his face. She refrained for obvious reasons, but by now the tension was evident. She wondered if anything was ever going to happen with this man, but the mystery, she thought, was something she could live with.
“Did you manage to get any sleep?”
“A little bit. Stayed a bit by the pier after you left, then walked home.”
“I slept like a baby,” Gerald said.
“For two hours?”
He nodded, pushing the door into the diner and sitting at his usual table by the window. He seemed to appreciate the view of the street, inspecting the moving currents of people heading to work. He knew he would join them sometime soon.
Beth’s eyes strayed to a seemingly annoyed customer, so she sprinted towards him, took his order and burst through the kitchen curtains. Her legs felt like they were about to give way and her eyelids were heavy with sleep, but the sunrise was worth it. Come to think of it, she hadn’t properly slept in a long time, but she had grown used to it. Under eye bags and tired bones had become a normal part of life. Without them, she wouldn’t be herself.
“Hey, can I take your order?” she asked Gerald, who looked too engrossed in the menu.
“I’m thinking of ordering something new today.”
“Oh, someone’s feeling adventurous.”
“I’ve never been in a better mood.” He paused for a moment, inspecting. “Can I have a hot dog?”
“It’s eleven AM.”
“That’s right. Can I get a nice, big, spicy hotdog with lots of mustard on it?” Gerald asked again. Beth couldn’t help but smile. His face was bright, almost radiant. He tapped his fingers on the table, eyeing Beth as she jotted down his order and walked back to the kitchen.
Did I just wink at him? she asked herself. Her eyebrows were furrowed as she shuffled across the diner, holding the notepad to her chest. She wondered why he was in such a pleasant mood, and if it were somehow tied to her. Last night’s meeting stirred in her heart, reminding her of sentiments she hadn’t felt in a while; Gerald’s face in the rising sun, the way that his big green eyes glowed with impending dawn. The way that his lips twitched into a smile as he witnessed the ocean, the sky and her.
Then she remembered that night in the alleyway. That same gentleman she had seen by the pier was also a man ready to kill. He was a man who had seen too much in his lifetime, who had fought too much; he had canines like a lion’s and the ability to transform into one. Beth wondered what he would look like in his full form, but she shook her head at the thought because it made her uneasy.
As she carried Gerald’s order to his table she smiled to herself; this past hour at the diner had been a game of hide and seek, of gravitating to and from his table, watching him from afar, studying him, getting to know him. He looked up at her, folding the newspaper and setting it aside.
“You still read newspapers?” Beth asked him, seeming quite surprised.
“It feels like the appropriate thing to do in West Haven,” he said, grabbing the hotdog and taking one, large, full bite. He devoured it, and Beth was reminded of his animalistic tendencies all over again. “Mind sitting down with me?” he asked her.
She looked around, scanning the place. Her boss wasn’t there, yet, and she knew Lenny would cover for her like he always did. “How are you finding that hotdog?” she asked him.
“Fantastic,” he replied, full-mouthed. More and more people, working men, were flooding into the diner. Very few women ever came into that place; West Haven was a conservative little town where the men dominated diners and were rowdy at pubs. Women waitressed and occupied themselves with other things, but Beth had a fire in her that the women of West Haven didn’t have.
For a while, she just watched Gerald eat. She wondered if it was uncomfortable for him, but she was enjoying it. Still studying him, she passed him the napkin.
“Thanks,” he said, wiping the corners of his mouth, then proceeding to pinch the napkin over his lips with both hands. “So, I’ve been meaning to ask you.” He paused for a moment, inspecting his surroundings. Beth wondered if he was thinking of the right words to say. “You wanna go out sometime?”
“Yeah.” She didn’t second guess it. “Where you gonna take me?” Even though she had given him a green light, his invitation still hadn’t registered. Beth’s heart skipped a beat; suddenly she felt more energized than ever.
“Well, there’s this really nice seafood restaurant nearby.”
“Arby’s?”
Gerald smiled timidly. “Yeah. They sort of take their fish from us. Not very interesting.”
“I like my oysters,” Beth said, crossing one leg over the other. She felt comfortable around him now, not attending to her own dull jokes. “Alright,” she rose to her feet. “It’s a date.”
Billy came shuffling into the diner; he looked flustered, generally discontented with the ambience of the place. It was chaotic, with only a few waiters, Lenny included, making beelines to and from the kitchen, carrying trays full of glasses that seemed as though they would drop at any second.
“I’ll see you later, okay?” Beth said, staring at Gerald in the corner of her eye.
“Pick you up
at eight?”
“Mhm,” she replied, walking away from him. She could still feel the weight of his eyes on her, his presence potent and distracting. She was quick to take him on for his offer, to say yes to a man she barely knew outside of two intense encounters. Something about it felt right, yet terribly wrong at the same time. Perhaps Gerald wasn’t the man that she thought he was; perhaps he wasn’t a hero but the villain. Countless possibilities, all equally as grim, bounced across her skull, tugging at her.
She decided to ignore them like she always did. She had always been impulsive, thriving in the heat and chaos of a thousand suns; now wasn’t the time to stop. Gerald’s presence was starting to mean something to her when she never thought it would. No man’s presence had ever meant shit to her. There was just something so different around him.
When Beth turned around, he was already gone. She was growing sick of the whole disappearance act, but it was all a part of who he was. He was probably out on the dock right now, she thought; he couldn’t have strayed too far.
“You’re in a good mood,” Lenny said as he passed her. She shook her head and plunged back into the rink of tables. Her gaze swam across the familiar ocean of clientele, eventually landing on a strange face. Beth narrowed her eyes at the slim-faced man sitting at a table for six.
“Excuse me, sir,” she said, approaching him with her shoulders slumped. “This booth is reserved for lunch, do you mind moving to a window table?”
The man looked up at her, his face falling into the sunlight. Beth was horrified at the long jagged scar snaking down the right side of his neck. The skin around it was discolored and obvious, causing her to look the other way. His eyes were hazel, yellow in the sun, a peculiar shade she had never come across before.
“I’m quite comfortable here, thanks,” he said, sitting up straight in his chair and pulling his denim jacket together. He sat with the confidence of a king, smiling from ear to ear, his yellow stained teeth showing through an exaggerated grin. Beth furrowed her eyebrows at him; for a while he didn’t say anything, but stared back at her with a grin plastered to his face.
