Unn’s room was tidy, and Siss immediately thought there was something strange about it. Two small lamps made it bright. All kinds of newspaper cuttings had been hung on the walls, and a photograph of a woman so like Unn that there was no need to ask who she was. After a while Siss saw that the room was not at all strange; on the contrary, it was very like Siss’s own.
Unn looked at her enquiringly. Siss said, ‘It’s a nice room.’
‘What’s yours like? Is it bigger?’
‘No, about the same.’
‘There’s no need to have anything bigger.’
‘No, there isn’t.’
They had to make small talk for a bit before they could get going. Siss sat on the only chair, her trousered legs stretched out in front of her. Unn sat on the edge of the bed, swinging her legs in the air.
They pulled themselves together, looked at each other searchingly and took stock. This was not so simple – for some mysterious reason. They were embarrassed as well because they wanted each other’s company. Their eyes met in understanding, in a kind of longing, yet they were deeply embarrassed.
Unn jumped down on to the floor and pulled at the door handle. Then she turned the key.
Siss started at the sound and asked quickly, ‘Why did you do that?’
‘Oh, she might come in.’
‘Are you scared of that?’
‘Scared? Of course not. It’s not that. But I want us two to be alone together. Nobody is to come in now!’
‘No, nobody is to come in now,’ repeated Siss, beginning to feel happy. She felt that the bond between Unn and herself was beginning to be tied. Back in their places they fell silent again. Then Unn asked, ‘How old are you, Siss?’
‘Eleven and a bit.’
‘I’m eleven, too,’ said Unn.
‘We’re about the same height.’
‘Yes, we’re almost the same size,’ said Unn. Even though they felt drawn to one another it was difficult to get the conversation going. They sat fingering objects within reach and looking about them. The room was snugly warm. It was on account of the roaring stove of course, but not that alone. A roaring stove would not have helped if they had not been attuned to one another.
In this warmth Siss asked, ‘Do you like living here with us?’
‘Yes, I like being with Auntie.’
‘Yes, of course, that’s not what I meant. I mean at school and – why do you never … ?’
‘Look, I said you weren’t to ask me about that,’ said Unn curtly, and Siss had already regretted the question.
‘Are you going to stay here for good now?’ she asked quickly. Surely that couldn’t be dangerous? Was there some danger here? No, there couldn’t be, but she didn’t feel quite safe either; evidently it was easy to go too far.
‘Yes, I’m going to stay here,’ answered Unn. ‘I have nobody else to stay with now besides Auntie.’
They sat in silence again. Then Unn asked searchingly, ‘Why don’t you ask about my mother?’
‘What? Siss looked away at the wall as if caught. ‘Don’t know,’ she said.
She met Unn’s eyes again. It was unavoidable. So was the question. It had to be answered because it was about something important. She stammered, ‘Because she died last spring, I suppose. That’s what I heard.’
Unn said clearly and loudly, ‘My mother wasn’t married either. That’s why there’s no -’ She stopped.
Siss nodded.
Unn went on, ‘Last spring she fell ill and died. She was ill for only one week. Then she died.’
‘Yes.’
It was a relief when this had been said; the atmosphere felt lighter. The whole district knew what Unn had just told her. Auntie had said all this and more when Unn arrived last spring. Didn’t Unn know that? Still, it had to be talked about now in this beginning of the friendship that was to be forged. There was something else, too. Unn said, ‘Do you know anything about my father?’
‘No!’
‘Nor do I, except for the little Mother told me. I’ve never seen him. He had a car.’
‘Yes, I suppose he did.’
‘Why should he?’
‘Oh, I don’t know – people often do have cars, don’t they?’
‘Yes, I suppose so. I’ve never seen him. There’s nobody else besides Auntie now. I shall stay with Auntie for ever.’
Yes! thought Siss, Unn would stay here for ever. Unn had a clear pair of eyes that held Siss fascinated, just as they had done the very first time. There was no more talk about parents. Siss’s father and mother were never mentioned. Siss was sure Unn knew everything about them; they were simply at home in a respectable house, Father had a respectable job, they had everything they needed and there was nothing she could tell her. Neither did Unn enquire. It was as if Siss had fewer parents than Unn.
But she did remember siblings.
‘You have brothers and sisters, don’t you, Siss?’
‘No, there’s only me.’
‘That’s very convenient then,’ said Unn.
It occurred to Siss what Unn’s remark really meant: she was going to stay here for ever. Their friendship lay open before them like a smooth path. Something important had happened.
‘Of course it’s convenient. It means we can meet even more often.’
‘We meet every day at school as it is.’
‘So we do.’
They laughed briefly at each other. This was easy. It was just as it should be. Unn took down a mirror that was hanging on the wall beside the bed and sat down again, holding it in her lap.
‘Come over here.’
Siss did not know what this was about, but she sat beside Unn on the edge of the bed. They each held a corner of the mirror, held it up in front of them, and sat without moving, side by side, almost cheek to cheek.
What did they see?
Before they were even aware of it they were completely engrossed.
Four eyes full of gleams and radiance beneath their lashes, filling the looking-glass. Questions shooting out and then hiding again. I don’t know: gleams and radiance, gleaming from you to me, from me to you, and from me to you alone – into the mirror and out again, and never an answer about what this is, never an explanation. Those pouting red lips of yours, no, they’re mine, how alike! Hair done in the same way, and gleams and radiance. It’s ourselves! We can do nothing about it, it’s as if it comes from another world. The picture begins to waver, flows out to the edges, collects itself, no it doesn’t. It’s a mouth smiling. A mouth from another world. No, it isn’t a mouth, it isn’t a smile, nobody knows what it is – it’s only eyelashes open wide above gleams and radiance.
They let the mirror fall, looked at each other with flushed faces, stunned. They shone towards each other, were one with each other; it was an incredible moment.
Siss asked, ‘Unn, did you know about this?’
Unn asked, ‘Did you see it, too?’
At once things were awkward. Unn shook herself. They had to sit for a while and come to their senses after this strange event.
In a little while one of them said, ‘I don’t suppose it was anything.’
‘No, I don’t suppose it was.’
‘But it was strange.’
Of course it was something, it had not gone, they were only trying to push it away. Unn replaced the mirror and sat down with apparent calm. Both of them kept silent and waited. Nobody tried the handle of the locked door. Auntie was leaving them in peace.
Apparent calm. Siss was watching Unn now, and she saw how Unn was controlling herself. Her heart gave a jump when Unn said abruptly, enticement in her voice, ‘Siss, let’s undress!’
Siss stared at her. ‘Undress?’
Unn seemed to be glittering. ‘Yes. Only undress. That’s fun, isn’t it?’ She began to do so at once.
Of course! Suddenly Siss, too, thought it would be fun, and began taking off her clothes in a rush, racing with Unn, to be ready before Unn.
Unn had the lead and was first. She stood shining
on the floor.
Immediately afterwards Siss stood, shining, too. They looked at each other. The briefest of strange moments.
Siss was on the point of making the sort of racket that presumably was expected of her and looked about her for something to tackle. She got no further. She noticed Unn’s quick glances, something tense in her face. Unn was standing very still. For a moment it was there, then it was gone. Unn’s face was happier, easy and pleasant to look at.
At once she said, as if happy in a topsy-turvy way, ‘Ugh, no, Siss, it’s cold after all. I think we’d better dress again at once.’ She picked up her clothes.
Siss stayed where she was. ‘Aren’t we going to kick up a row?’ She was ready to turn somersaults on the bed and perform similar antics.
‘No, it’s too cold. It doesn’t get warm enough indoors when there’s such a hard frost outside. Not in this house.’
‘But it is warm here, I think.’
‘No, there’s a draught. Can’t you feel it, too? When you stop to think about it?’ ‘Maybe.’
Siss thought about it. It was true. She was a bit cold. The window-pane was covered with rime. Out of doors there had been frost for an eternity. Siss snatched up her clothes as well.
‘There are plenty of things to do besides running about naked,’ said Unn.
‘Of course there are.’ Siss wanted to ask Unn why she had done this but found it difficult to begin. She let it go. They put their clothes on again without haste. To tell the truth, Siss somehow felt cheated. Was this all?
They sat in the same places as before, the only places there were in the little bedroom. Unn sat and looked at Siss, and Siss realized that there was something that had not come out after all. Perhaps it might become exciting. Unn did not look happy any more. What had happened just now had only been a flickering of the eyelids.
Siss became nervous.
‘Aren’t we going to find anything to do?’ she asked when Unn failed to take action.
‘What should we do?’ said Unn abstractedly.
‘If not I must go home.’
It sounded like a threat. Unn said quickly, ‘You mustn’t go home yet!’
Oh no, Siss didn’t want to either. She was really trembling with eagerness to stay.
‘Haven’t you any pictures of where you lived before? Haven’t you an album?’
It was a bull’s-eye. Unn ran to the bookshelf and took out two albums.
‘This one is all of me. Me all the time. Which one do you want to see?’
‘Everything.’
They turned the pages. The pictures were of somewhere far away, and Siss did not recognize a soul, except when Unn was included. She was in most of them. Unn provided brief comments. It was like all other photograph albums. A radiant girl peeped out from the page. Unn said proudly, ‘That’s Mother.’
They looked at her for a long time.
‘And that’s Father,’ said Unn a little later. An ordinary youth standing beside a car. He looked a little like Unn, too. ‘That’s his car,’ said Unn.
Siss asked, half afraid:,’Where is he now?’
Unn replied discouragingly, ‘Don’t know. It doesn’t matter.’
‘No.’
‘I told you, I’ve never seen him. Only his picture.’
Siss nodded.
‘If they’d been able to find Father, I don’t suppose I’d have come to Auntie,’ added Unn.
‘No, of course not.’
Once more they looked through the album with just Unn in it. She had been a splendid girl all along, thought Siss. Then they came to the end of that, too.
What next?
They were waiting for something. She could tell by Unn’s silence. Siss had been waiting for it all the time, so tensely that she started twice as violently when it finally did come out. Now it came tumbling as if out of a sack.
After a long silence Unn said, ‘Siss.’
The start!
‘Yes?’
‘There’s something I want -’ said Unn, flushing.
Siss was already embarrassed. ‘Oh?’
‘Did you see anything on me just now?’ asked Unn quickly but looking Siss straight in the eyes.
Siss became even more embarrassed. ‘No!’
‘There’s something I want to tell you,’ began Unn again, her voice unrecognizable.
Siss held her breath.
Unn did not continue. But then she said, ‘I’ve never said it to anyone.’
Siss stammered, ‘Would you have said it to your mother?’
‘No!’
Silence.
Siss saw that Unn’s eyes were full of anxiety. Was she not going to tell her? Siss asked, almost in a whisper, ‘Will you say it now?’
Unn drew herself up. ‘No.’
‘All right.’
Again silence. They began to wish Auntie had come and tried the door.
Siss began, ‘But if –’
‘I can’t. So there!’
Siss drew away. All kinds of notions raced pell-mell through her brain and were rejected. She said helplessly, ‘Was this what you wanted?’
Unn nodded. ‘Yes, that was all.’
Unn nodded as if relieved, as if something was over and done with. There was nothing else to come. At once Siss felt relieved as well.
Relieved, but as if cheated, too, for the second time that evening. All the same, it was better than hearing something that might frighten her.
They sat for a while as if resting.
Siss thought: I’d like to go now.
Unn said, ‘Don’t go, Siss.’
Silence again.
But the silence was not to be trusted, nor had it been any of the time. Here the wind came in sudden, capricious gusts, quick to change direction. It had dropped, but here it was again, unexpectedly, making her jump.
‘Siss.’
‘Yes?’
‘I’m not sure that I’ll go to heaven.’ Unn looked away at the wall as she said this; it was impossible to look anywhere else.
Siss went hot and cold. ‘What?’
She must not stay here. Unn might make up her mind to say more.
Unn asked, ‘You heard what I said?’
‘Yes!’ She added quickly, ‘I must go home now.’
‘Home?’
‘Yes, or I’ll be late. I must get home before they go to bed.’
‘They won’t go to bed yet.’
‘I must go home, so there.’ She hastened to add, ‘Soon it’ll be so cold my nose will drop off on the way.’ She was forced to talk nonsense in her perplexity. Somehow she had to get out of this. She simply had to run away.
Then Unn giggled as she should at what Siss had said, readily joining in the joke. ‘You mustn’t do that,’ she said, ‘let your nose drop off,’ glad because Siss had changed the subject. Again they felt they had avoided matters that were too difficult.
Unn turned the key in the lock. ‘Sit down. I’m only going to fetch your clothes,’ she said commandingly.
Siss was on tenterhooks now. It was unsafe here. What might not Unn say? But to be with Unn! For ever. She would say before they parted: You can tell me more another time. Whenever you like, another time. We couldn’t have gone further this evening. It had been a great deal as it was. But if they were to go further it would make things impossible. Home again as quickly as she could.
Otherwise they might get involved in something that would shatter it all for them. Instead they had shone into each other’s eyes.
Unn came with her coat and boots and put them down beside the roaring stove. ‘They might as well get warm.’
‘No, I must go,’ said Siss, already putting on her boots.
Unn stood without speaking while Siss bundled herself up against the frost. It was no use talking nonsense any more about her nose freezing off. They were tense again. They did not say the things that are usual in parting: Won’t you come again soon? Won’t you come to me next time? It did not occur to them. It was all embarrassing and dif
ficult. Not spoiled in any way but far too difficult just now, face to face.
Siss was ready.
‘Why are you going?’
‘I told you, I must go home.’
‘Yes, but –’
‘When I’ve said I must –’
‘Siss –’
‘Let me go.’
The door was unlocked now, but Unn was barring the way. They both went in to Auntie.
Auntie was sitting in her chair with some kind of handiwork. She got to her feet, just as friendly as she had been earlier that evening.
‘Well, Siss are you leaving us already?’
‘Yes, I think I ought to go home.’
‘No secrets left?’ she asked teasingly.
‘Not this evening.’
I heard you lock the door, Unn.’
‘Yes, I did lock it.’
‘Well, you can never be too careful,’ said Auntie. ‘Is anything the matter?’ she asked in a different tone of voice.
‘The matter? Of course not!’
‘You’re so cross?’
‘We’re not a bit cross!’
‘All right, never mind. I suppose I’m getting old and hard of hearing.’
‘Thank you for having me,’ said Siss, trying to get away from Auntie who only teased them and made them look stupid and knew absolutely nothing at all.
‘Wait a bit,’ said Auntie. ‘You must have something warm before you go out into the cold.’
‘No thank you, not now.’
‘You are in a hurry.’
‘She has to go home,’ said Unn.
‘Very well.’
Siss drew herself up. ‘Goodbye, and thank you very much for having me.’
‘Thank you for coming, Siss. Now you must run to keep warm. I can see it’s getting colder and colder. Black as pitch, too.
‘Why are you standing there, Unn?’ insisted Auntie. ‘You’ll be seeing each other in the morning.’
‘Yes, we shall!’ said Siss. ‘Good night.’
Unn stood in the doorway after Auntie had gone in. Just stood. What had happened to them? It felt as if it was almost impossible to part. Something strange had happened.
‘Unn …’
‘Yes.’
Siss jumped out into the cold. She could easily have stayed longer. She had plenty of time, but it was dangerous. Nothing more must happen.
Unn remained in the open doorway, where the cold and the warmth met. The cold moved past her into the living-room. Unn seemed not to notice.
The Ice Palace Page 2
