“What is the other reason?” I asked. His only answer came in the form of a wicked smile. I hissed. “Fine, have it your way, Jonathan. I don’t know what you’re doing but one way or another, I’ll figure it out. I promise.”
Leaning forward, he dropped his foot to the floor with a thud that stopped my heart. I gasped and pushed further into the cushions of the couch. Again his eyes dropped to where my pendant lay. “I hope that someday very soon, you will,” he murmured, reaching to grasp my necklace.
6
Jonathan
I woke with a start, then gasped out loud. Jonathan sat directly across from me, his right ankle propped up on his left knee. My mother’s stone felt like lead around my neck. I tried to ignore the instant anxiety that fought to close off my airway.
“Good morning. I apologize if I startled you.” Concern swam in his eyes, but I ignored it.
I scanned the surrounding area. Hospital staff were busy at work. Nurse Angela had just stopped what she was doing to answer a call—obviously not a dream.
Run, Sarah, my dad’s voice warned, but I shook it away.
The muscles in my mouth tightened. I had already had a conversation with Jonathan today, and as far as I was concerned, I was finished talking to him. Whether he knew about it or not was unimportant.
He smiled reservedly at me, which made me pause. Again, so different from my dream Jonathan and every other Jonathan I had come across.
“I thought I would introduce myself. I’m—”
“I know who you are.” I tried to say this with some level of anger, but it came out hoarse and much higher pitched than I intended. I cleared my throat. “What do you want?”
His gaze narrowed as he considered my response. “I’ve been waiting for the appropriate moment to talk to you, but there never seems to be one. I wanted to say that I am sorry for all you have been through.”
“Oh, you are?” I said icily, shooting from my chair.
“Yes.” Jonathan stood and followed me. “I admire what you are doing here—watching over Mr. Bradshaw. You have a compassionate heart.”
“And you have a cold one.” I turned on the spot, both of us stopping where we were.
“And apparently a fiery temper. Miss… can I have your name?”
“No.”
“Fine. Whoever you are, you are under the false impression that I wanted this to happen, that I wish to harm the reputation or feelings of the individuals involved in this tragedy. My heart goes out to both Benjamin Bradshaw and the family of the deceased.”
“His name was Ian,” I snapped.
Jonathan took on a reverent tone. “Yes, I know.”
“So if you aren’t trying to hurt them, why are you trying to pass blame like a coward?”
Jonathan’s lips thinned, and the muscles in his jaw flickered. The arrow labeled coward hit its mark, and despite my efforts, I couldn’t stop the smug smile that crept to my face.
Taking a controlled breath, all expression vanished as Jonathan stepped forward. My insides twisted, and a chill crept into my chest; but unlike my dream, I refrained from touching my pendant to steady myself.
“What I am saying about the accident is just pure fact,” he said. “I would be more than willing to take the blame for such an event if it had been my fault.”
Trust your instincts, Sarah, my father warned, but I swatted away the thoughts like a bothersome fly. Jonathan flinched, momentarily confused by my actions.
“It was your fault,” I hissed.
He rallied. “Then you were there? You saw the whole thing? Why are you so determined to make me a bad guy?”
“Instinct,” I said, clenching my fists. “From the first moment I set eyes on you—”
“I am quite sorry about what happened that day, with you,” he quickly interrupted, his face turning a light shade of pink.
“So you do remember our first meeting? The one where you let a fainting woman fall head first into the ground?”
“That’s not how it happened!” His hands balled into fists.
Fear rose in my chest. My shoulder muscles shuddered, but I refrained from reacting to his outburst. “The large lump on my head would suggest otherwise.”
“I had no idea who you were, and I didn’t realize what was going on until it was too late. I apologize, but if you remember, there was a lot more going on at the time. ”
“How dare you!” Fiery heat pricked at my face. “But you see, your actions and reactions tell me of your character, and I don’t believe your act one bit!”
Jonathan pinched the bridge of his nose as if trying to ease a horrible headache.
“I need you to believe me.” His words were slow and controlled. “I am so sorry. I am sorry for everything. If you could please set aside your own injury, your personal grudge against me, maybe you could judge things a little more clearly.”
Against my desire to stay angry, my reserve waivered. “I don’t care about my head. What happened to my best friend and what happens to Benjamin under my watch is all I care about,” I said, quickly realizing my mistake.
Do not give information. Information must be guarded, my father chastised me.
But why? What could Jonathan gain by knowing that information? Nothing.
“Ian was your best friend?” His question held such sweet sadness to it that I was almost convinced of his remorse, not that I would ever admit it.
Yes, Ian had been my best friend. He was so loving and trusting; so different from who I was and what I had been taught. My face flushed, and I realized with growing frustration that I was treating Jonathan the way I had been trained to treat him—the way my father had taught me to treat all people I came in contact with—with caution and mistrust.
“Sarah.” It came out before I could change my mind and before another one of my father’s ingrained warnings could stop me.
“What was that?”
“My name is Sarah,” I said simply.
“Sarah.” He gazed at me with such intensity that my breath caught in my throat. “Please, believe me, I never meant this to happen.”
“Listen, Mr…” I paused, not knowing his last name.
“I would prefer you just call me Jonathan. Can we please start over?” He took a step toward me, and I grimaced. “You come here, day after day, to administer your care to someone you’ve never even met before.” His voice turned gentle, his eyes a deeper shade of shadow as they dove into mine. “Why do you come?”
My mouth opened to answer, but nothing came out.
Frustrated, he asked more intently. “Why are you here? Do you even know?”
“He needs someone to help him, protect him,” I answered lamely.
“Protect him? From what?” When I didn’t answer, he sighed. “You didn’t even know him. With as much pain as you’ve been through, I am shocked you can even stand to be here. My only reason in trying to talk to you is to get to know someone I’ve learned to respect a great deal. I would like to become friends. Just give me the time to get to know you.”
It was a simple request but my insides turned over. “And how do you intend to do that?”
“Well, for starters, instead of ignoring me, you could just say hi.” He smiled softly. “We can go from there.”
Jonathan stepped towards me again. My pendant pushed hard against me, the stone icy against my skin. Unable to withstand the intensity of his attention, I held out my hand to stop him. “Please, I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Not right now.”
To my surprise, he obeyed my command, but his eyes didn’t cease their unrelenting penetration. “Very well. I understand. Just give me time, Sarah.” His voice caressed my name as he spoke. “All I need is time.”
Envisioning the mystery that was Jonathan, I realized the problem. In Jonathan’s case, there wasn’t just one, but two or three puzzles tossed into the same box. If I wanted to play his game, I’d have to sort through them all.
I needed to sit down. My muscles and bones creaked sti
ffly as I made my way to Benjamin’s room and back into safety. Jonathan watched me retreat. I didn’t turn to make sure, but I knew.
Nurse Angela was checking Benjamin’s vitals when I slipped into the room. “Hey, honey. Who were you talking to?”
“No one.”
7
Parking Lot Assailant
“A perfect grade.” Laith’s declaration caught my attention as he leaned over Elisa’s paper. She folded it in half, a self-satisfied smile on her face. “And quite proud of it, I see.”
“And what did you get?” Elisa asked ever so sweetly, one eyebrow raised.
“Never you mind.” Laith rested his chin on his hand, watching her.
Friday arrived. I was pleased to see that I had received an eighty-nine percent on my history paper. Not bad considering the circumstances.
After Judi’s departure, everything went back to what it had been before. Jonathan, who had been a regular participant in my dreams, was a lot more active since the night of our first meeting. Our real life interactions were now a daily thing: a ten-minute conversation in the hallway or a quiet game of chess in the lobby. When I dreamt, he was no longer a silent witness to the inner workings of my mind. He questioned every thought and image my mind generated, trying his hardest “to get to know me.” I was physically exhausted from dreaming.
“So Sarah,” Laith turned to me, interrupting my thoughts, “we’ve decided it’s time you started hanging with us more. We’re going out to eat tonight around seven. Can you come?”
I grabbed my bag from the floor and heaving it over my shoulder. “Well, I’m supposed to watch over Benjamin, but I guess I could do seven.”
Laith cocked his head to the side. “When will you let us come visit Ben with you?”
“Do you want to?” I asked.
“Of course,” he said with a smile.
But did I want to? Did I want to merge my new life and my new friends with my old life and my old pain along with it? No, I didn’t. But I did have friends now, and I needed to get out—away from school, home and even farther from the hospital.
“Maybe some other time, but I’ll see you tonight for sure.” I said.
As I walked to my car, an unstoppable smile curled my lips. I felt almost happy, and it felt good. The next hour of classes had already started, and the parking garage was empty except for a boy who leaned against the door of his red mustang. His black baseball hat covered his eyes, but his head turned as I neared watching me. The smell of his joint hit me so hard I had to hold my breath to stop from coughing.
“Hey. Don’t I know you?” he asked from close behind.
I turned around to acknowledge him, but continued walking back and away from him as he approached.
“Sorry, I don’t think so,” I said, despite the fact that I did recognize him from class. He was always in the back, asleep on his desk.
“Yeah, you’re in my English class with that prick of a teacher, Goddard. You sit up at the very front with that blonde hottie, and some other dude with a lot of mad tats. Is that your boyfriend?” His mouth turned into a lopsided grin. He took off his hat and scratched the top of his head. His blue eyes were bloodshot.
“Nope, just a friend,” I said, spinning around and walking faster to my car.
“Hey, wait!” He laughed as he jogged to catch up.
I retrieved my keys and unlocked my car, but his hand came down on the door just as I tried the handle. “Wait, I just wanted to tell you that you are the best-looking girl in that class.”
“That’s great, thanks.” My gaze narrowed menacingly. “Now back up,” I warned. My knee itched to find the space between his legs that would incapacitate him, but just as I was about to strike, he raised his hands with a chuckle.
“I’m sorry,” he said, backing away. “I just wanted to tell you how pretty you are.”
I got in my car and sped off. Jerk. This would be a story I would never let my dad hear.
A few hours later, I pulled into the parking lot of Cactus Bar and Grille.
“Did you have to park across the street?” Laith called from near the entrance.
“Almost,” I laughed. As we entered, the air of the pub pressed against me as countless bodies lounged at the bar, and filled the booths and tables. “Wow, this is packed.”
Laith opened his arms to the room. “Students on a budget. Come on. Elisa’s waiting.”
I followed Laith through the crowded area. Just as we walked past the bar, a man with disheveled blond hair put down his half-drunk beer and leaned back in his chair to look at me.
“Hey, pretty girl.” A sweaty hand grabbed me. Without his hat, I almost didn’t recognize the blue-eyed guy from the school parking lot. “Twice in one day,” he slurred. He smiled broadly at me, not hiding his attempt to look down my shirt. “I think you’re following me.”
“Think again,” Laith said from behind him.
The man whipped his head around, sight level to Laith’s broad upper body. My friend loomed over my drunken admirer.
“Hey! Tattoo guy!” He patted Laith on the chest and laughed. “Your boobs are not as nice as hers, but oh man, you and I need to talk,” he slurred. “You get to sit by those babes in class. You are the luckiest son-of-a—”
“Come on, Sarah.” Laith took me by the hand, leading me away from the bar.
“Sarah, is that your name?” the man called to me. His voice boomed above the rest of the crowd. “I’m in love with you, Sarah!”
Laith looked at me, one eyebrow pitched, as another proclamation of love was sung from across the room.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Laith said with a roll of his eyes.
We broke out into laughter as we made our escape to our seat, thankful it was in the other side of the restaurant.
“Oh my.” Elisa looked away bashfully. “I didn’t know you had such an ardent admirer.”
I shrugged. “Technically, we both do.”
“Drunken fool,” Laith hissed.
Being underage, none of us drank, but we didn’t need to. The energy of the room was intoxicating, our laugher blended with that of the others’ in the bar. I allowed myself for a small time, to forget—to forget Ian, to forget the hospital, and to forget Benjamin. After consuming over a dozen honey hot wings and at least three sodas, I was so full I felt I could explode.
Across the table, Elisa squirmed. “I have to pee!” She jumped from her seat and was gone before I could even respond.
Laith chuckled. “I’m surprised she was able to hold it for this long, but now that I have you alone… Elisa’s birthday is coming up. Actually, it’s in two days.”
I jerked in shock. “Two days? And you’re just telling me now?”
Laith grimaced. “Elisa never wants to celebrate her birthday, but it will be very simple. Grilling in my backyard with just the three of us and my dad.” When I hesitated, he added, “You’re our friend now. You’re stuck with us whether you want to be or not. So in a way, it is your duty as friend of the birthday girl to be there. Six-o’clock. No flaking. Here’s my address.”
“I can’t argue with that.” I said taking the slip of paper from him. When Elisa returned I took a last swallow of my drink before getting up and making my excuses. “I’ll see you two in class.” I pulled my wallet from my purse.
“Put that thing away.” Laith’s offended tone made me giggle. “I’ll get the tab.”
The parking lot was dark with barely enough light from the street lamps for comfort. I held my keys ready and walked to my car. A chill ran through me as a slight breeze picked up pieces of my hair and blew them into my face. Tucking the rogue strands behind my ear, I scanned the parking lot and increased my pace. Fear crept across the back of my neck.
Turn around and go back inside. My dad’s voice warned me, but instead of listening to his constant and irrational warnings, I ignored it the best I could and ran the remaining distance. As I pulled the car handle, I felt my pendant go cold before a force hit me from
behind. It slammed my body hard against the door, pinning my arms beneath me and knocking the breath from my lungs. Pain erupted in my arms and chest as real fear momentarily incapacitated me.
I could feel his hot breath against my neck. His heavy voice, soaked in alcohol, assaulted my senses.
“You’re not leaving are you, Sarah?” Hips pressed against my backside as my attacker’s fingers dug hard to find my skin underneath my shirt.
Still unable to breathe, I tried to push down his hands that were snaking their way up toward my breasts. Frustrated, he flipped me around, pinning my arms in an incredibly strong grasp as he pushed me against the car.
Even though it was dark, I could just make out the blond man from the bar. He smiled, only an inch from my face. Too late, I tried to bring my knee between his legs, but he foiled my attempt. He laughed and flashed something metal near my face.
“I don’t think you understand, love.” He placed the flat side of a blade against my cheek, and I froze. “That’s right,” he crooned. “And don’t scream. I don’t really want to hurt you.”
Fight or die. My father growled at me from inside my head.
“What do you want?” I could barely breathe from the force he pushed against my chest.
“I just want to get to know you, that’s all.” He leaned in and placed his forehead to mine. I felt his knife lift from my cheek and softly travel down the side of my arm. His dark eyes burned—black, not blue. I closed my eyes trying to think, as his lips crushed hard against mine.
“Hey!” A man’s voice boomed from far behind, strong and feral.
My attacker’s head flew back, gaze narrowed at the interloper.
That was my opportunity. I flung my head forward with as much strength as I could. I heard a sickly crack as my forehead met his nose, followed by an angry curse. I jerked my knee up again, and this time I hit my mark. I felt him crumble against me, and I disgustedly pushed him away.
Personal Demons Page 5
