“Can someone please tell me what attacked us?” This is what I wanted to know—the connection I needed to make. All of those unexplained attacks had to make sense. “Was it… was it a demon?” I asked, finally saying the word out loud.
And if it was a demon, and all the attacks from my past had been perpetrated by a demon, how could I get them to stop?
For a moment I wondered whether or not he would answer, but he finally responded, his expression blank.
“Yes,” Ray said, then he cocked his head to the side. “Sarah, what made you think to name your nightmare while it was morphing?”
“It was just a dream.” I shrugged, not really knowing the answer myself. “My subconscious seemed to be making a choice as to what form it would take on to frighten me. I figured that if I helped it decide, it couldn’t be as bad as what it was going to end up choosing.”
“That’s smart, but shocking that you were able to make such a logical conclusion in the middle of such a terrifying experience. But what made you name it Jonathan? Wasn’t that the boy who asked you out the other night?” Ray asked.
“It wasn’t a date.” I blushed crimson, embarrassed my friends had shared that information. “And I don’t know. He’s been in a lot of my dreams lately. Most of them, actually.”
“What?” Laith and Ray asked at the same time.
“How long has this been going on?” Laith’s voice was critical.
“Why does it matter?” I huffed.
He snapped. “Because it’s a gateway through to you! If you let them into your dreams, your mind, a demon has a stronger chance of overpowering you!” Laith’s face had turned on odd shade of red. “You need to stop him from entering. I can teach you that. How far have you let him get?”
“How am I supposed to know that?” I asked, my question sharp with anger.
“They’re your dreams, Sarah. You tell me.” Laith returned. His question reminded me of something Jonathan had once said to me… in a dream.
“They’re. Just. Dreams,” I said through clenched teeth, repeating my father’s words. I growled when I recognized the correlation.
I could allow that the thing in the forest was not human. I could agree that it was unnatural and malevolent, and I could even go as far as accepting that it was indeed a demon. But I just couldn’t believe that it had anything to do with my dreams. I had no reason to believe they were anything other than dreams. Laith seemed to be convinced they were linked, but I just couldn’t see how something that evil would ever be allowed to enter into my mind.
“What are you not telling me, Sarah?” Laith accused.
“Me?” I snapped. “What am I not telling you?”
Laith stammered, but I ignored him.
“How about you first tell me why Elisa thought that thing was after you first? Who are you that something like that would come after you?”
Laith’s mouth snapped shut, but I pushed even further.
“How do you know what I saw wasn’t just a dream? Why did Ray ask you if it had attacked in front of me? And what did Elisa recite to make it go away?”
Elisa looked anxiously toward Laith.
“Why, for that matter, does Elisa have her own room here? And if you’re truly Ray’s son, why doesn’t he seem to have a single picture of you anywhere in this ridiculously huge house?”
By the time I was finished, I was panting. I looked away from them, staring at the wall, unable to bring myself to look at anyone in the face.
Elisa cleared her throat. “Those are some good questions, and they definitely deserve answers. Would you be willing to give us some time to consider them? Maybe until after we solve the current problem?” She placed a calming hand on my shoulder.
“But I can answer your first question for you right now.” Laith said. He pulled his hand through his hair, then shook his head. “I heard it call to you, Sarah. So quietly, so possessively. That’s when you started screaming.” Laith shivered. “My immediate thought was to get you both out of there, so that’s what I did. That apparently pissed it off.” He stood abruptly, wiping his palms on his jeans. “This is all my fault. If I would have trusted you to make the right decision in the first place none of this might have even happened.” Laith shot a glance at his father and nodded.
“Stop.” I shook my head. “You couldn’t have known anything like this would have happened.”
Ray cleared his throat, “If we are giving out apologizes, I think I should add in mine. Sarah, I am sorry.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“For starters, I should have asked if you wanted to go home instead of coming here to be pestered by these bullies. I should have at least asked if there was someone you wanted to call.”
Terror rose within my chest as I realized what he was about to say.
“But surely we wouldn’t want to worry Cheryl,” Elisa said. “She has been through so much lately. To do so would be unfair.”
“Maybe you’re right about that, but her dad has the right to know,” Laith declared, jumping in to the conversation. “As her father, he deserves at least that.”
Ray nodded in agreement. “What happened tonight was serious enough that he and the authorities should have been called. As the head of this house, I feel it is my duty to—”
“I am an adult as well, and if I don’t want to call my father then that is my right.” I set my mug down on a nearby table and tried not to look as angry as I felt. “I would rather you not call the police, but if you do, I cannot stop you. That is your right. I will give them my account of the evening as it happened from the time Laith woke me, but nothing else.”
They were all watching me, curious but non-judgmental expressions on their faces. Except for Laith. Satisfaction touched the corners of his lips.
“You,” I pointed a finger menacingly at Laith. “Is this some sort of joke to you?”
“No,” he confirmed quickly. “I just wanted to see your reaction.”
“But why?” Elisa asked for me, sounding equally confused.
He looked over the details of my face moving to the thick braid pulled over my right shoulder. “I have my reasons, but you have nothing to fear, Sarah. We aren’t calling anyone.”
“I have plenty to fear!” I snapped at him, still angry that he had incited such a response out of me.
“Not from us, you don’t,” he disagreed.
“You say that now.” I fell down into the paisley chair and leaned forward, my face in my hands.
“Sarah, I have to ask. What is this effect your dad seems to have over you?” Ray asked.
I sighed and sat back to look at him. “My dad is a good man; he just tends to overreact. I can’t trust him to act sensibly and not go overboard. I’m his little girl, and he will do anything to protect me from… from whatever harm that has happened, may happen, or ever could happen.”
Ray sat in the chair across from me. “Sounds like a typical protective dad to me.” He took a sip of his drink. “May I ask you his name? I don’t believe you have ever mentioned it to me.”
“Or to any of us,” Laith murmured, but I ignored him.
I shrugged. “It’s Alex.”
“And your mother’s name?” Laith asked as he and Elisa moved to sit together on the couch.
“My mother died years ago,” I snapped, but instantly regretted my reaction. “Shortly after I was born.”
Elisa again came to my rescue, but this time I didn’t feel like I deserved it. “Laith, why are you asking her all these questions? And what does this have to do with what happened tonight?”
Laith held up a hand, giving her a look that asked for patience. “Please, Sarah, give us her name.”
“Rachel,” I whispered with a shrug. “Her name was Rachel.”
Laith and Elisa froze, while Ray suddenly stood, walked over to one of his bookshelves, and began scanning titles.
Laith continued slowly, “Sarah, have you ever heard of the name Matthias?”
Elisa ga
sped. She reached over and grabbed Laith’s sleeve, a curious and almost wild expression on her face. Laith seem to understand her unspoken question because he nodded in response. Her hand covered her mouth in effort to conceal a muffled sob that escaped her lips.
“Elisa?” I asked, but Laith continued.
“Matthias, Sarah. Have you ever, in all your life, heard someone say that name to you?”
I shook my head, then stopped. I couldn’t quite place it. As I repeated the name in my mind, a memory tugged. An argument between my father and another man I didn’t know. Had he called my father Matthias? I was so young. Was I remembering it right? Did I know that name? My heart squeezed, and warmth burned in my chest. Without thinking, I grabbed for my mother’s pendant, forgetting I had left it back at Cheryl’s.
Suddenly Elisa fell to the floor and knelt in front of me. “Ava…”
I twitched at the sound of that name. It was the name their friend Darius had called me—I could still feel his grip on my arms.
“Ava. Look at you.” Tears poured down Elisa’s cheeks as she grabbed my hands in hers. “I can’t… you’re just… you’re so beautiful.”
She continued to cry, barely coherent, as I sat in a complete daze.
“Laith, look at Rachel’s baby.”
She brought my hand to her face, her manner suddenly changing to something I had never seen before—ancient, strong and other-worldly. This was not the Elisa I knew.
She kissed the back of my hand and reached to stroke my cheek with her thumb. “Sweet Ava, you look so much like your mother. How did I not see it before?”
“Elisa, I’m not… I’m not Ava. I’m Sarah.”
She nodded her understanding. “But you are. You are Ava Matthias. Daughter to Rachel and Alexander Matthias.”
I shook my head, “Elisa—”
“And my name is Elizabeth, and I’ve known you from the time you were—”
“Elisa,” Laith warned.
Her mouth became a straight line as she did her best to ignore Laith. “There is much to tell, but all you have to do is ask to know the truth. Just ask and—”
“That’s enough.” Laith’s voice rang out loud at first, but then it softened. “This may be too much for Sarah to take in right now. Why don’t we take a step back for a moment?”
“No,” Elisa growled angrily, a sound so uncommon coming from her that I flinched in response. “She has to know the truth, Laith.” Her brows pinched together as she considered him from across the room. “How long have you known?”
She pushed off from the floor and walked the distance to him. He seemed to get smaller the closer she got to him. As she moved away, a familiar voice spoke into my mind.
The truth has been kept from you, but it cannot stay hidden much longer. You must find what needs to be found; you must accept the destiny that was meant to be yours; you must fight to protect those left unprotected; you must right what has been wronged.
“How long have you known that this girl is a Matthias?” she scowled at Laith, who broke easily under her pressure.
Was this the truth Ian spoke of?
“I… it’s not that simple,” Laith stuttered.
“Make it simple,” she hissed.
“Initially I wondered if she had become a target, but I couldn’t figure out why. When we saw her defend herself against that man in the parking lot, we both thought it was a possibility, remember? When nothing else happened, we brushed it off as mere coincidence.” He fidgeted from one foot to the other as she continued to stare him down. “Then tonight it called to her. It came after her.”
“And you still didn’t think to tell me!”
“You thought it had come after us, and I didn’t want to get your hopes up if it wasn’t her! You were so close to Rachel. I thought it would kill you to lose her daughter a second time!”
“Wait, what do you mean a second time? You didn’t know her.” My voice was quiet compared to theirs and it went unnoticed. I looked over to Ray who continued looking through manuscripts, completely unaware of any dispute going on.
“Then what finally made you realize?” she yelled.
“Rachel! Rachel used to braid her hair just like that.” He pointed to me then lowered his voice almost to a whisper. “The moment she stepped in this room… how could she be anyone else but Rachel’s daughter?”
More tears poured from Elisa’s eyes and down her face as she held my gaze.
“I found it!” Ray called out, oblivious to the emotional state of the room.
He looked excitedly at each of us, waiting for a proper response to his exclamation, but all he got were confused stares.
“Here.” He unfolded the book, pointing at some location on the page, but my vision refused to focus on the words. “Sarah, Matthias is a very ancient, very powerful name. In Hebrew it means ‘gift from God’. The Matthias was just that, a gift from God. If you truly are a Matthias… if you are truly the daughter of Alexander and Rachel Matthias, then…” A shadow crossed his face as his head jerked over to Laith, who nodded. “We have to call him.”
“I’ve already tried,” Laith said.
“Stop it!” Anger surged as I grabbed the book from Ray’s hand and slammed it closed. “I am Sarah Mathis.” I flinched at the name. Mathis—Matthias. Could my father have thought that simple substitution would be enough to confuse? I would have laughed if I wasn’t so angry.
“I know this is a lot to take in,” Laith hedged, taking a step toward me. “But we can help you. We can answer any questions that you have.”
“I don’t have any questions. You are all talking fools, and so am I, for that matter. You don’t know me, you don’t know my dad, and you especially don’t know my mother.” I glared at them, daring them to argue with me. When they didn’t, I spun on my heel and strode out of the room, dropping the book on the couch as I passed. I went to retrieve my bag from Elisa’s bed.
Elisa stood waiting for me by the front door, apparently knowing what I was going to do before I did. Compassion glistened in her eyes.
“Please stay,” she whispered, but I shook my head.
“I just need to sleep. Please let me go.”
“I cannot stop you from leaving. I am not allowed.”
I shook my head. “I’m not who you think I am.” And they weren’t who I thought they were, either.
“You are our friend. That is who you are. At least let me drive you home.”
I looked down at my bare feet, so tired and confused that I hadn’t even taken the time to put on a pair of shoes. I nodded.
She was kind enough not to speak to me during the ride home, giving me time to think. If I were a better person, I would have apologized for my conduct and for calling them fools. But I wasn’t.
Before getting out of the car, Elisa reached out to me. “Are you okay, Sarah?”
I sighed, realizing how much my words had probably stung. “I don’t know,” I whispered. “That was just…”
“I know, and I’m sorry.” She gave half of a smile, but worry rose to the surface of her face. “Just remember, we’re your friends.”
My eyes drooped heavily with exhaustion as I walked up the pathway to Cheryl’s house. It was too early in the morning to be awake, but the thought of sleep vexed me. I knew things with Jonathan, or more correctly, the demon in my dreams, were far from over. He would be there as soon as I closed my eyes, waiting for me.
Laith was right. I had let him play in my head for far too long. Now I had to get him to leave, by force if necessary.
Not bothering to change out of Elisa’s pajamas, I fell into bed. I worried for a brief moment if this was a smart thing to do without asking Laith and Elisa first, or even Ray, but before I could muster enough energy to move—
21
Cast Out
I was outside of Cheryl’s house, sitting on the bench in the front yard. The sun was setting just behind the horizon, casting a brilliant shade of orange across a clear sky. As I scanned my surrou
ndings, a movement caught my attention. Jonathan stood leaning against my favorite Ash tree in very much the same fashion that Ian had once done. I knew this was not a mere coincidence.
“I can see why this is one of your favorite spots.” Jonathan gestured.
So he was going to pretend nothing ever happened. Very well, that actually made things easier. I stood to face him.
“I want you to go,” I said.
“Okay, where would you like to go?” he asked, casually ignoring the meaning of my statement. Fine. I decided to be a little clearer.
“We will not be going anywhere. Just you. You have to leave my dreams. Get out of my head.”
He looked as if he were confused. “But Sarah, this is your dream. I’m only here because of you. I am what you want me to be.”
“If you’re here because of me, you will leave because of me. I want you to go. Now.”
For a moment he said nothing, but then he frowned. “But what if I don’t want to go?”
My shoulders dropped. Why hadn’t that worked? I thought of my friends and how I had run out on them when they wanted to do nothing but help. I wished I would have given them a chance.
“Please go,” I whispered, trying to muster a credible tone, but failing.
He pushed off the tree in one swift motion to stand near me. He looked down his nose at me. I took a step away.
“Please? What, will you beg next?” He mocked me with his tone, but as he looked over my determined face his sneer faded; his voice turned pleading. “Wait, Sarah. Let me stay.” His hand twitched toward mine, but I moved from his touch. He cringed at my rejection. “Please, don’t make me leave. This is my sanctuary, the only one I have from the agony that awaits me in the real world.”
I could feel his discomfort as he revealed a truth: a rare glimpse into his reality. I wondered if he thought I should hurt for him, should know the depth of his painful certainty, but I remained unaffected.
“Let me be here with you—the only place you’ll let me in. The only place where I am able to speak to you, be myself around you.”
Personal Demons Page 18
