“Because I live in the real world and not inside a fairytale.”
“There are no heroes in this world?” Dear gods. No wonder everyone here was so unhappy. “But, without heroes, how do you…?”
“Jane.” A rat-like man in a blue apron interrupted Slade’s baffled question. The human male glowered disapprovingly, the flickering, buzzing lights overhead reflecting off his bald head and giving it a moist sheen. Slade was unsure why the citizens of this world wanted their buildings filled with electricity. Most of them looked better in the dark. “You can’t be hanging out with your friends during business hours.” The man complained, gesturing towards Slade. “We pay you to do a job around here.”
“He’s not my friend, Mr. Anderson. He’s a customer.”
“No, I have decided you are worthy of my friendship.” Slade offered magnanimously. He gave the other man a decisive nod. “I am Slade, King of the Vampires and Jane Squire’s dearest friend.”
Jane Squire closed her eyes like she was in pain.
Mr. Anderson jotted something down on his clipboard, his pointy face still set in a sour pinch. “This is the last time I’m warning you, Jane. Keep your freeloading theater buddies out of here or you’re fired.”
Slade felt the need to defend the woman. “There is no need to be so harsh, human. She has organized much ice cream for you and worked hard this night. Apologize to the lady.”
Jane Squire shot him a strange look.
Mr. Anderson’s beady eyes somehow squinted up even smaller. “Watch it Fabio or I’ll boot your pretty boy ass right out the door.” He went stomping off towards the cash registers.
“Dickhead.” Jane Squire muttered under her breath.
Slade’s eyebrows soared. Surely that tiny male hadn’t just threatened the greatest Vampire warrior ever born. He glanced down at Jane Squire, thinking he must have misunderstood. “What is a Fabio? Did he just challenge me to a duel?”
All Vampires possessed a more primitive side that they had to suppress. Unlike so many supernatural creatures, Vampires overcame their animalistic impulses through reason and intrinsic honor. It was a constant struggle, though, even for someone of Slade’s remarkable abilities. The Dark Instincts didn’t care about his innate nobility. They just told him to chase after Mr. Anderson and break his bones, one by one, for the insult.
And for mistreating Jane Squire.
“Ignore Anderson. He’s just jealous that you’re so,” she scanned Slade up and down, “shiny, while he’s just an ugly, bitter, little troll.”
“He’s a Troll?” Slade relaxed. “That explains it, then. They are always disagreeable creatures.”
Jane Squire let out a tired sounding sigh and led the way into produce. “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question, sir?”
“You may call me Slade, human. I have honored you with my friendship.”
“Are you under a doctor’s care, Slade?”
Slade brightened. “Damien is a doctor. We used to be mortal enemies, but now I’m staying at his home.”
“And I’m guessing his ‘guest room’ has padded walls, right?” She pinched the bridge of her nose, knocking her glasses askew. “Do you know your doctor’s cell number or should I call the hospital or…?”
“Damien has given me the number for his wireless phone machine.” Slade searched his pockets. “His wife, Karalynn, wrote it down for me, along with their address.” He handed Jane Squire the yellow slip of paper. “She was concerned that I would become lost in this city. I have been to Chicago before, but not in this century. Where I come from, it is 1894.”
“That’s a new one.” Jane Squire studied the row of numbers. “Well, why don’t I give Doctor Damien a call and he can come get you, before you lose me my job.”
Slade would think she’d welcome an opportunity to find employment elsewhere. He’d only known the woman ten minutes and he already saw that she was wasted here. After all, some instinct had pushed a man as mighty as himself to talk to her. He still didn’t know the precise reason, but it surely meant she was more important than the rest of the humans in this tedious place.
“I have no wish to return to that small apartment.” He informed her. “It has naught but six bedrooms. I am used to more palatial living arrangements.” He hesitated. “Besides, I needed to get out into the night and escape those ‘commercials.’ Buying human food seemed a welcome distraction.”
“TV commercials?”
“Yes, one came on the picture box, showing photographs of sad kittens and asking for money to save their small lives. The sorrowful music and broken whiskers were heartrending. Of course, I wished to help.” Slade shook his head. “I called the kittens to pledge many rubies, but they only take donations from a Card Master. I do not qualify as a Card Master.”
“They wanted your Master Card number?” Jane Squire guessed.
He nodded. “I explained that I was a King, which must be a higher status than whatever a Card Master is, but it was to no avail. My spirits were much dampened. No doubt the poor kittens have starved to death by now. Your world is filled with so much misery.
“That’s true.” She studied him for a moment, looking like she wanted to say something else. “You like cats, huh?”
“Oh yes. My grandmother is a cat.”
Jane Squire gave a startled laugh at that statement. She quickly tried to hide it, casting a wary glance towards the front of the store and Mr. Anderson, but she couldn’t contain her mirth. Her gray eyes danced with amusement, her mouth spreading into a wide grin. It completely changed her unremarkable face. When she smiled, her ordinary features were transformed into something approaching pretty.
Slade felt a surge a satisfaction that he’d made the woman happy. He wasn’t sure how he’d done that, but it was still a triumph. So many times, people smiled at him without meaning it. They just wanted something from him. Jane Squire was genuinely delighted.
“Sorry.” She struggled to regain her composure. “I just didn’t expect you to say your grandmother was a cat. I probably should have, given the rest of our conversation, but it caught me off guard. How does that work exactly?”
“She is a shape shifter from beyond the stars. Not many know of her secret identity.”
“I’ll bet.”
“Though she has forsaken me to live in my ex-palace with my ex-wife on the ex-isle of my birth, I still love my grandmother and her feline brethren.” He paused. “Traitor that she is.”
“That’s very generous of you.”
“I know.” Slade agreed.
She shook her head. “You really should join a theater company when they release you from the hospital, because you’re great at improv.”
Slade had no idea what improv was, but he was confident Jane Squire was right about his skill. There had never been anything he wasn’t “great” at. He gave a gracious nod, accepting the compliment.
Jane Squire focused on opening boxes of fruit and Slade focused on her.
“Do you have a mate?” He asked, once again noticing the woman’s toffee colored locks. They were drawn back in a ponytail with spiraled tendrils looping to her shoulders. Supernatural beings didn’t have curls, so the feature was always appealing and exotic. Many creatures coveted humans for their hair, desperate to possess females with such blessings. Looking at Jane Squire, he understood why.
“You mean am I married? No.” Gray eyes watched him suspiciously. “Why do you ask? Because, I don’t date actors… or Vampires.”
“I am not asking to date you.” Slade scoffed. “Kings don’t court peasants.”
She snorted sardonically. “Tell that to Prince Charming.”
Slade disregarded that odd statement. He had met no royalty in this world, so he wasn’t certain who this “Charming” man was. Surely, no one important. He kept his attention on Jane Squire. “If you worked at it --perhaps buying suitable dresses, and wearing lipstick, and getting rid of those gods-awful glasses-- I think you could find a tolerable stable boy or bel
l-ringer to claim you. Then you could leave this life of drudgery. You’re a plain girl, but you’re not as unattractive as you first seem.”
“Thanks. That’s very encouraging.”
“You’re welcome.” Slade was pleased that he could help. He began selecting some apples and dropping them into a brown paper bag. “I am an expert on this subject of physical perfection, you know. I was voted the handsomest Vampire in the world every year for the last millennium.”
“Really?” She sounded surprised.
Wait… why did she sound surprised?
“Yes, really.” He snapped, affronted by her apparent shock over what should be obvious to all. “It was barely even a contest.”
She gave a noncommittal nod and sorted through a large carton of bananas, piling them on a display.
Slade scowled. “You think another male should have won?” He interpreted. The woman was out of her mind to claim such a thing. It was nearly laughable.
Nearly.
“Who could even compare to me?” He demanded.
“Well, I’ve never met another Vampire. If you say you’re the best looking one, I guess I have to believe it.”
He wasn’t appeased. “You should believe it. If we were back on the Vampire Isle, you’d see for yourself.” He brooded for a beat. “Not that I ever wish to ever see the Vampire Isle, again. Let them all rot with their usurping Werewolf king. I will find another land for myself.”
“Good idea. In fact, you should probably get started on that, right now.”
“Get started?” He repeated blankly.
“Yeah. Go out there and conquer yourself a new kingdom, Slade. Don’t let anything keep you from your destiny. …Which is out of my store.”
Slade blinked, amazed by the perception of her words. The woman toiled in this life of squalor, yet she alone understood his grand purpose. He saw now why fate had brought him to this supermarket and placed this nondescript creature before him. No doubt this was why Jane Squire had been born in the first place. So she could be here to guide Slade, King of the Vampires, to his glorious future.
This was the moment where he made the leap from mere king to legend.
It was about time.
Deep inside, he’d begun to question everything he’d always believed. Doubts plagued him. Telling him that he was unworthy. Destined to fail. Stupid and weak. Now he realized that his recent misfortunes were all part of a larger design, leading him to a better path. Talking to the human, Slade suddenly saw the truth.
The Vampire Isle had been too small. Too safe. Of course, the gods would have bigger plans for a man such as himself. Slade was made to take risks and inspire timeless tales. Why had he not thought of that before? This was his opportunity to prove he was worthy.
This was his only chance.
“You are right, Jane Squire.” He whispered, filled with a renewed sense of purpose. “I must find a new kingdom to rule.”
“Great. Good luck with that. And thanks for shopping at Iversons.”
Chapter Two
INT. ROLAND’S BLACKSMITH SHOP- NIGHT
ROLAND, the hero of our story, manfully does blacksmith stuff by torchlight. He’s shirtless and looking yummy. His dark hair is sweaty, but in a sexy way. His dark eyes are soulful and dreaming of bigger things. Above all, he’s got a smoking hot body. The subtext should tell audience that this kid is way too handsome to be poor. He should be played by someone in his thirties, who’s portraying someone twenty-two, who’s behaving like he’s sixteen.
ROLAND
(In a Scorsese-like voiceover)
As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a king. I was born a lowly blacksmith, but I somehow sensed that I was destined for immortal royalty. At first, I thought I’d achieve it with my music. I had a really awesome band going, with these other two guys and an Orc named James. (Actually, James was kind of a dick, but whatever.) We were called “Roland and the Infinites.” Or maybe “The Blacksmyths.” We hadn’t completely decided on a name. But --I’m serious, man-- we coulda been huge.
Anyhow, then I learned that killing the Werewolf was my sacred calling or some shit, so I said, “Sure, dude, sign me up.” I was all about the questing. It’s just the kind of hero I am.
But, why take the risk, you ask? Why challenge Fang when I was already so close to rock super-stardom?
Well, wait until you check out the killer rack on the princess I get to bang, bitches!
Film Script- “From Here to Infinia”
“Where the hell have you been?” Damien, last of the male Wizard-Warlocks, was waiting to pounce as soon as Slade entered the apartment. “I told you not to wander off, didn’t I? This Chicago isn’t like the old one. You don’t understand how things work in this world.”
“I am not a child.” Slade retorted. “I am stifled in this box and the night beckoned me. I sought refuge in it, as any Vampire would.”
Damien scowled, his black eyes missing nothing. “You were watching those damn Humane Society commercials again, weren’t you?” He guessed.
Slade didn’t want to dwell on the poor kittens. “Your sister recommended that I go to the grocery store to clear my head.” He informed Damien, striding towards the kitchen with the brown paper sack. “We were out of taco supplies and apples.”
“What do you care? All you eat is holy water and blood.”
“I was being helpful and gathering them for you.” Slade shot back. The sorcerer was endlessly frustrating. No wonder so many people had tried to kill him. “I am a perfect, selfless, and thoughtful houseguest. How many times have I told you this?”
“About as many times as I’ve pointed out that houseguests are usually invited. You’re more like a squatter.” Damien scanned the small bag in Slade’s hands. “So where is the taco stuff?”
“I forgot it.” Slade waved aside such petty concerns. “I was distracted by a vision of my future.” He smiled. “Amalie was right. My brief sojourn to the supermarket has opened my eyes to my greater destiny.”
“Let’s hope it involves you moving into a hotel.” Damien stomped after him. “And why the hell would you listen to my sister? You know Amalie’s always up to something. If she sent you to the store, she probably has some spell up her sleeve.”
Damien’s younger sister was a Witch. She was forever plotting some new trick, but Slade found her to be a sweet girl. Amalie always had negative things to say about Werewolves, which was a definite mark in her favor.
“Your sister simply made the suggestion.” He defended gallantly. “She asked me to fetch tacos for dinner and some apples for her new project. Which I’ve done. …Except for the taco part.”
“Close enough, Slade. Thanks.” Amalie skipped into the kitchen, her black hair twisted into two braids. Her bright green shirt read, “Still Kissing Frogs.” She snagged one of the blood red apples from him and took a large bite. “These are about to come in super handy.”
“I don’t even want to know how. I’ll just pretend that you’re baking a pie.” Damien checked his watch and swore. “Hang on.” He pulled out his small phone box to send a “text.”
Damien had been in this world for months and had picked up on many human habits. Much to Slade’s consternation, the sorcerer seamlessly blended into the twenty-first century. Working as a doctor… Expecting a child with his loving mate… Rarely blasting anyone into goo with his powers, anymore… Damien was right where he belonged.
Slade wasn’t.
He doubted he would ever get used to the baffling technology and the staggering lack of magicks here. His Vampire abilities weren’t welcomed, yet he had no human skills to attain suitable employment, either. Each day he searched the want ads, but no positions were available for “Beloved Monarch of a Mystical Land.” What else was he qualified for?
Even if he could find a worthy role in this world, he wouldn’t want to stay. He disliked the noises of this future Chicago. Everything was so loud and mechanized. “Cars” were especially annoying. They spe
wed smoke and honked their horns at him. Where did all the horses go?
And why did no one speak to each other? Aside from Jane Squire, the humans here went out of their way to avoid conversing. Who wouldn’t want to talk to Slade? He was majestic and fascinating and kind to all! Instead, these humans scurried from place to place, shunning contact that wasn’t conducted over a computerized screen. Back home, all the supernatural beings knew Slade. They waved as he passed in the street or gratefully welcomed him when he joined them for some rousing war. He was used to being surrounded by his people.
Now he was the only Vampire in the world.
It was lonely.
“Wonderful.” Damien muttered at his phone box. “Because of you, I’m going to be late meeting Kara Lynn at Lamaze.”
“Why do pregnant humans need classes on how to breathe?” Slade would never understand that, but much of this place was a mystery. “And why is your scheduling mistake my fault?”
“Because, you’re the reason I’m late, dumbass. I was out looking for you. Again.” Damien shoved the small contraption into the pocket of his black suit. “I just hope you didn’t tell anyone you were a Vampire this time. There are only so many clean psych evaluations I can fake for you.”
Slade was silent.
Damien’s eyes narrowed. “You told someone, didn’t you? Damn it! I’m suddenly remembering why I spent several centuries trying to behead you, Slade.”
“Well, I am a Vampire. Did you wish me to lie?”
“Yes, I wished you to lie! I’ve explained fifty times, they don’t have supernatural beings here. Not unless they’ve hitchhiked in from another world. The humans think you’re insane when you tell them the truth!”
Slade shook his head. Damien, like most sorcerers, had been born slightly evil. Slade forgave him for his weaknesses. Not all creatures could suppress their Dark Instincts and rise to the level of Vampiric enlightenment. Still, Slade had to abide by his own superior moral code.
Vampire Charming Page 2
