by Nerys Leigh
She raised her face to look up at him. “You’re proud of me for poisoning a man?”
He couldn’t prevent a smile creeping onto his face as he imagined Dunbar running for the privy as if his life depended on it. “Very, very proud. Just remind me never to let you cook when you’re angry with me.”
A smile warmed her eyes and she rested her forehead against him, her shoulders quivering. He clamped his lips together, but it wasn’t enough to suppress the laughter that bubbled up inside him. A few seconds later they were both laughing so hard he could barely breathe. They clung to each other and laughed until his cheeks ached and he had to stop to gasp for oxygen.
Her giggles fading, Jo touched her palm to his cheek.
He placed his hand over it, holding her warmth against his skin. “You don’t have to do anything alone. I’ll look after you, if you’ll let me.”
She shook her head a little, whispered, “Oh, Zach,” and closed the distance between them.
Her demanding kiss caught him by surprise and it took him a few moments to catch up. The fiery intensity with which she kissed him flooded him with heat and he leaned into her, drinking in her passion, reflecting it with his own. A vague thought crossed his mind that it was inappropriate for him to kiss her like this after the trauma she’d suffered, but by that point he didn’t want to stop. He wasn’t sure she’d let him. This kiss was different to all the others they’d shared, a maelstrom of emotion that made him dizzy. He wanted her, all of her. He wanted her body, her mind, her heart and her soul. For the rest of his life.
When they finally parted, he was breathing hard and his heart was thudding in his chest and if he’d thought there was the slightest chance she would have said yes, he would have fallen to his knees right there and begged her to marry him.
She brushed her fingers down his cheek, her expression serious. “Don’t fall in love with me, Zach.”
He was pretty sure it was too late for that. “Okay.”
“I mean it. Don’t.”
He flashed her what he intended to be a self-assured grin, although the cockiness was all fake. At that moment, he wasn’t even sure his legs would support him if he tried to stand. “No falling in love. Got it.”
She rolled her eyes. “You are so infuriating sometimes.”
His fake grin transformed into the real thing. “Just part of my charm. Um... while we’re not falling in love, could we keep doing this? The kissing, I mean. Because kissing you is...” he swallowed, “pretty much my favourite thing in the world.”
A smile tugged at her lips and she looked away, but he didn’t miss the pink tinge to her cheeks. He couldn’t quite believe his eyes; Jo was blushing. And even better, it was him who’d made her blush.
“It’s passable,” she said.
He leaned against her back and rested his chin on her shoulder. “You’re a terrible liar.”
She turned her head to look at him, bringing her mouth enticingly close to his. “I’m a fantastic liar.”
“Not about kissing.” He leaned closer.
She placed a finger over his lips. “Not here.”
He swivelled his eyes around the room. He’d forgotten they were in her bedroom, alone, sitting on her bed, with the door closed. He may even have locked it, he couldn’t remember.
“Oh, yeah.”
He reluctantly drew back and stood. She was right, they shouldn’t be doing this in here. So where could they be alone more often, where no one would bother them? He was going to have to put a lot of thought into this.
“Are you trying to think of other places we can go to kiss?” she said, raising an eyebrow.
He couldn’t be that transparent, could he? “Maybe.”
Her answer made his heart flip. “Good.”
He pushed his hands into his pockets and tried not to smile like a lunatic. “I’d better get back to work. Will you be all right by yourself? You can come down to the lobby with me if you’d like. Or I could close up early and we could stay here. Not kissing.”
She smiled. “You go. I’ll come down in a bit. I’m all right now.”
He hoped she was. She seemed better than she had been.
He backed towards the door. “I’ll see you down there. If you need anything, just shout.”
She nodded and smiled.
Opening the door without taking his eyes from her, he stepped into the hallway, said, “Well, bye,” and closed the door.
Bye? He slumped against the wall and rolled his eyes. Then he smiled.
He raised one hand to his still tingling lips, pretty sure he’d be feeling that kiss for the next week or more. Maybe it was the danger they’d shared, the fear of losing each other, that had prompted her to kiss him in that way. Whatever it was, it had pierced his heart more surely than Cupid’s arrow ever could.
Looking at her door, he placed one hand onto the wooden surface. He would never let anything happen to her again. He was well and truly head over heels in love with Josephine Carter and he would do anything and everything in his power to protect her, and the baby she carried.
And one day, he would convince her to be his wife.
~ ~ ~
When Zach had left, Jo flopped onto her back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling as the mattress bounced beneath her.
It was all too much.
The look in his eyes tonight, the fierce protectiveness and tenderness, it was more than just having fun. What was happening between them was becoming too real, too intense.
Too much like love.
What was she doing?
She was selfish for leading him on, making him think they could have a future. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him. For the first time since she was eleven, she felt cared for. She felt safe even now, even after the attack, and she knew it was because Zach was downstairs.
She wished with all her heart it had been him she’d come to marry. She couldn’t imagine she’d have had any trouble fulfilling her marital duties with Zach, and then he would think the baby was his. Except then she’d be lying to him and, despite a life spent telling more falsehood than truth, she wanted to be honest with him. He deserved that much.
She slid her hand down to her stomach. She couldn’t think of a better father for her child than Zach.
Pressing her hands over her face, she rolled onto her front and groaned into the pillow. What was she supposed to do now?
Zach would pray.
The thought came to her out of the blue, but she didn’t know what to do with it. She couldn’t pray. She didn’t believe in God.
It was true that she had prayed when she thought she was going to die, and she had survived. But maybe she would have survived anyway, and it was just coincidence that she had found the hotel at just the right time for Zach to save her.
So when did coincidence become faith?
Would it really be so bad to try praying, just in case it helped?
Huffing out a frustrated breath, she pushed herself up to a seated position, crossing her legs and resting her elbows onto her knees. Was she really considering this?
Yes, she was really considering this. Things were that desperate.
A laugh almost escaped at that. In her lifetime, she’d been threatened and terrified and homeless and penniless, endured good times and very, very bad times, but she couldn’t remember ever being so desperate, short of a life or death situation, when she would seriously consider praying. Zach was twisting her around and spinning her in circles until she didn’t know which way was up anymore. She should have been annoyed at him for that, and yet she wasn’t. If anything, it made her adore him even more.
Sighing, she closed her eyes and whispered, not wanting to risk anyone overhearing her, “Dear God.”
Was that an appropriate address for a higher power that may or may not exist? Zach called Him Lord, and sometimes Father, but she didn’t feel comfortable with either of those. God wasn’t her lord, and He certainly wasn’t her father. So God would have to do.
> “Dear God,” she began again, “I don’t know if You exist, but I suppose if You do, You know that and You can hear me anyway.” She sighed. That didn’t seem like a good start.
“Anyway, first I should thank You for saving my life after Gabriel threw me out. If You do exist, then that was definitely Your doing. Thank You that Zach was here to help me, and for keeping me and my baby safe. Thank You for protecting me tonight as well. If I hadn’t got away, Dunbar could have...” She stopped, not wanting to think about what could have happened. “Anyway, thank You. And thank You for Zach.”
It seemed she had a lot to be thankful for lately, more than she would have thought. If nothing else, at least praying seemed to make a person recognise the good things in her life.
“He’s a good man, but You would know that better than anyone. I guess that’s down to You a lot, since he’s always praying and wanting to do Your will. I’ve never met anyone who talks to You as much as he does. And that’s why I’m talking to You now. Although I guess you know that, too.”
It took some getting used to, talking to Someone who already knew everything she was going to say.
“Truth is, I don’t know what to do. I know what I want to do, but if things develop with Zach, it’ll just end up hurting both of us.” Looking down at her stomach, she placed a hand onto it. “I know what I did with Clive was wrong, and I’m sorry. And I don’t know if this is some kind of punishment, bringing Zach into my life right at the worst possible moment. I don’t even know if You have anything to do with any of it. But if You do, please could You tell me what to do? For him? I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m not strong enough to stay away from him, even if all I get is a couple of months. So please could You work it all out?” She looked up at the ceiling. “Thanks for listening, if You’re really there.” She cast around for more to say but couldn’t think of anything, so simply ended with, “Amen.”
Closing her eyes, she waited for a few seconds, although she wasn’t sure for what. A sign? A feeling? An angel visitation? A deep, booming voice from Heaven giving her instructions? When nothing happened, she shrugged off a twinge of disappointment. What had she been expecting?
Standing up, she looked down at her dress. It was covered in dirt from the road. In the wake of the incredible kiss she and Zach had shared, the attack had receded to the back of her mind. Now, the memories returned, bringing with them fear. Her terror as Dunbar slammed her against the building, his hand on her throat, hissing threats. Her desperate fight to break free. But most terrifying of all was when he’d aimed his gun at Zach. The thought of Zach being hurt, or worse, ripped open a void of horror inside her she felt she could drown in.
But Zach was safe. And so was she, with him here. Lifting her head and shaking off the fear, she went to the wardrobe and took out a clean skirt and blouse to change into.
While he was here, she wanted to be with him. Until she couldn’t anymore.
Chapter 27
Jo woke the following morning feeling surprisingly refreshed.
She’d gone to bed expecting to not be able to sleep after Zach went home, but slumber had come quickly and she hadn’t woken the entire night. And now she felt... peaceful. It was unexpected.
Maybe the prayer had helped after all. Not that she was entertaining the idea of God’s existence any more than she had been the previous day, but maybe just the act of praying had helped her. Except that made no logical sense at all. She sighed as she swivelled her legs from under the covers. Of late, logical sense seemed to be eluding her.
She dressed quickly, picked up her towel and soap, and opened the door. And almost tripped over the pair of legs stretched across her doorway.
Zach was slumped in a chair to her left, his feet propped on another chair to her right so his legs created a barrier across her door. A blanket was draped over his lap and a pillow propped beneath his head, forcing him to curl half sideways to fit into the narrow chair. It looked not at all comfortable, although he was fast asleep.
Leaning against the doorframe, she studied his face with the tangled strands of red curling across his forehead and cheeks. An overpowering urge swept over her to wake him up and kiss him senseless. Smiling, she pulled the door shut without a sound and stepped carefully over his legs. No kissing senseless until she’d washed and, most importantly, brushed her teeth. And done other things, she thought as a wave of nausea hit her.
When she returned from the bathroom fifteen minutes later he was still asleep, although one foot had dropped to the floor. Leaning over him, she pushed his hair out of the way and pressed a kiss to his forehead. He drew in a deep breath and his eyes opened to blink blearily at her.
“Good morning,” she said.
A sleepy smile sidled onto his face. “Good morning.”
“I thought you were going home last night.”
“I wanted to make sure you were safe.”
Their faces were only inches apart and she cupped his cheek and leaned even closer. “Thank you.”
He pulled her into his lap as their lips met.
“People will see us,” she murmured, tangling her fingers in his hair and running a line of feather-light kisses along his stubble-roughened jaw.
He tilted his head to allow her better access. “Well if you’re trying to get me to let you go, you’re going about it in completely the wrong way.”
She reached his lips again. “Mm hmm.”
The clearing of a throat startled them apart.
Jo scrambled from his lap, her cheeks heating. As soon as she was up, Zach bolted to his feet.
Mrs. Sanchez stood a few feet away, hands on her hips and eyebrows raised.
“Uh... we were...” He darted a glance at Jo. “I slept out here, I swear.” He lifted the blanket in his hands as evidence.
Mrs. Sanchez pointed a finger at him. “You, get down to the kitchen.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He dropped the blanket onto the chair and picked it up. Casting a wistful look at Jo, he headed down the corridor towards the stairs.
Mrs. Sanchez turned her mildly disapproving gaze on Jo.
“I didn’t even know he’d slept here until I came out just now,” she said. “He only did it because he wants to keep me safe.”
Mrs. Sanchez sighed. “I know.” Her expression softened. “I like you very much, Josephine, and I can tell you have a good soul. But Zachary, he’s a strong man, but deep inside is a lonely little boy who grew up without a mother. Señor Parsons is a good father, but a boy needs a mother’s love too. Please don’t break his heart.”
A sudden ache clutched at Jo’s chest. “I don’t want to. The last thing I want to do is hurt him.”
Mrs. Sanchez smiled. “Good. Then don’t.” She squeezed Jo’s shoulder as she walked past. “Come on down for breakfast. I’m making soup.”
Jo sagged against the wall as she watched her go. If only it was as simple as just not breaking his heart. Then maybe hers wouldn’t need to break either.
Chapter 28
Zach strolled through the wide double doors at the front of Parson’s Livery & Sales Stable, breathing in the familiar smell of hay and horses.
“Morning, Amy,” he said, walking up to the stall where she was spreading new hay on the floor.
She glanced back at him and smiled. “I didn’t know you were coming in today.”
“I came to see Pa. He around?”
“Out the back somewhere. I think he’s working on the new fence. I heard what happened last night. How’s Jo?”
“She seems to be okay.” More than okay, if the way she’d kissed him when she found him outside her door was anything to go by. “I stayed there last night, but that man didn’t show up.”
She stopped forking the hay and turned to him, eyebrows reaching for her hairline.
He almost laughed at her expression. “I don’t mean I stayed with her. I was outside in the hallway. I slept in a chair. She didn’t even know I was there.” He rubbed at his back. “I’m still sore.”
Her mildly disapproving look faded. “I imagine she was pleased when she found out you’d been there all night, keeping her safe.”
Feeling his face heat at the memory of the kiss, he looked down. Land sakes, was he blushing?
Amy erupted into giggles. “You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m going.”
Even though Amy was two years younger than him, he sometimes felt as if she was turning into a big sister. He left the building to the sound of her laughter, glad she couldn’t see his smile, and headed out into the corral behind the livery.
He’d practically grown up in this place, spending his boyhood with his father looking after the horses, playing with his friends in the hayloft, riding every day after school. He knew that one day he’d inherit it. Much as he loved it, though, he wasn’t sure he wanted to spend his life running a livery. That was why he was working in the hotel, and why he’d worked building the railroad before that. And on a farm before that. And why he had an enduring dream of going to San Francisco and trying out life in the big city. Although that dream was currently being superseded by the dream of settling down with Jo. His whole outlook on life changed when it came to Jo.
He spotted his father on the far side of the field beyond the corral, working on the new fencing. They had two fields fenced in on the land behind the livery building, but the new business they were getting now had led to the necessity for more space. It was good to see. Just a few weeks ago, Zach had been worried for his father and the livery, but everything was looking much more hopeful now. The arrival of the five mail order brides on the train five weeks previously had had effects no one could have foreseen, least of all him.
He climbed over the fence and jogged across the field closest to the livery, stopping to greet his own horse, Misty, who walked over as soon as she saw him.
“How you feeling, sweetheart?” he said, rubbing her nose when she nuzzled against his shoulder. He moved to her side and ran a hand across her swollen belly. “Won’t be long now. You’re going to make such a good mother.” The foal shifted beneath his touch and he smiled. “You know, in not too long I might have a little one of my own.” He shook his head at the thought. “Can you imagine? Me, a father.” The movement of his hand stilled. “A father.”
