When I started typing, my heart picked up for a different reason. This post was my first true attempt to mislead KATO and the reality of that slammed into me. I felt the craving start to eat at my insides, and it threw me for a moment. But I pushed on, ignoring it.
I typed in the details of the intel that the IDA had on KATO to the letter, like Simmonds had said. My heart pounded furiously when I finally pushed the post button, as if I had just run for miles. But I had only thirty seconds to log out and get back upstairs to Agent Harper’s room, and I refused to let something as stupid as a message board post put me back in Dr. March’s office.
Sam gave me a questioning look when I slid into my seat. It was one of the few times I got to class after him.
“What were you up to?” he asked.
“Nothing.” I was breathless and I used that to hide the uneasy note in my voice. “I just got held up in the bathroom.”
He studied me for a moment, then nodded. I couldn’t tell whether he believed me or not, but either way he didn’t feel the need to ask any more questions.
I couldn’t stop fidgeting in my seat. I had no idea what Agent Harper was teaching, and I made no effort to figure it out. I was sure there were more than a few jabs at me, but right then I couldn’t be bothered to care.
• • •
It took me a while to fall asleep that night, and then I found myself awake at five in the morning, sweating, shaking, and fighting the urge to throw up. I thought I had gotten it together. I thought I would be fine until my appointment with Dr. March later that day. But right then, I couldn’t ignore how much I needed the drug.
I had to get to Dr. March.
I shook the whole time as I got dressed and crossed the courtyard to the Operations Building. I had never been more grateful for the elevator. I knocked on Dr. March’s door, which was right next to the medical wing. She lived on campus and had told me that she was always on call.
“Jocelyn,” Dr. March said when she opened her door. She looked disheveled, but surprisingly alert. I didn’t have to say anything. She grabbed my elbow and led me across the hall into the medical ward. She put me in a room and immediately began the acupuncture. I exhaled audibly when she left me to relax.
When she came back, she sat down on the bed. “You shouldn’t have let it get that bad,” she said.
“I didn’t know it was,” I said, glancing up at her.
She gave me a doubtful look. “There’s no way you didn’t feel this building.” I broke eye contact and she sighed. “Look, I get what you’re trying to do. But you’re not going to beat this that way. Not with the kind of drugs you were on.”
“I thought I could do better,” I said, still unable to meet her eyes.
“You will.” She brushed a hand through my hair. “It’s just going to take some time. You’ll get stronger.” I bit my lip and stared at the ceiling. “Get some sleep. I’ll wake you before the morning schedule starts.”
She left me before I could argue.
• • •
I woke up two hours later when the door banged open. “Why the hell can’t you follow directions?” Scorpion yelled.
I sat up so fast I felt dizzy and blinked a few times to clear my head.
Dr. March was right behind him. “You can’t just barge in here! This is a medical ward!”
Scorpion didn’t even acknowledge her. “You have absolutely no business going anywhere on this campus at night!” He glared at me, his eyes livid. “Let’s go. We’re leaving!”
“No we’re not,” I said, fighting to keep my voice controlled.
“I’m not asking.” He glared down at me, like he owned me. The same way my overbearing KATO handler used to.
I was too groggy to think fast enough to fight. I used to wake up sharp and alert. Another side effect of the Gerex. Now without it I needed time to get my brain moving. “Give me a minute.”
“You haven’t earned—”
“I said I need a minute!” I could feel a headache building. I stared him down like he was a dog, determined not to be the one to blink first. “Get. Out.”
His fists were balled and his arms shook slightly like he was trying to get himself in check, yet he seemed more pissed off with each breath. When he finally got it together enough to try and argue, Dr. March took the opportunity to drag him out of the room. She shut the door behind her, and I let the quiet hang in the air, giving myself a moment to think. Then I pulled my hair into a side ponytail, splashed some water on my face, and met Scorpion in the hallway.
I was impressed to see that Dr. March had managed to get him all the way out of the medical wing. He was pacing in front of the door when I found him.
“You need to understand something, right now.” He was so far beyond angry that he had to work to keep his voice at a reasonable volume. “When I tell you to go nowhere without me, that means absolutely nowhere. Not to class, not the training room, and not the medical wing. It doesn’t matter if you cut your arm off. You can bleed to death for all I care, but you do not leave your room without me.” He scanned me from head to toe. “I don’t even see any bandages, so it couldn’t have been that much of an emergency.”
I took three steps forward so that I was in his personal space. “I get that you think you’re in charge of me, but you keep forgetting that you were the person who gave yourself that responsibility. So it means nothing to me. You don’t know everything about the situation and you have no idea why I was here.”
He ground his teeth together, getting angrier. “Then fill me in. Put my mind at ease.”
“I can’t tell you anything you don’t already know. You need to do your job, which is what Simmonds tells you to do. He trusts me enough to move around here without a constant guard.” I was in his face, glaring up at him, my eyes level with his pursed lips. I could practically see his mind searching for a comeback. “Now, are we going to train, or what?”
He glowered, then strutted down the hall without another word.
• • •
Scorpion didn’t speak to me until we got into the gym. “You don’t leave this room until I tell you to, okay?”
“When are you going to understand that you don’t get a say in where I go?” I asked.
He attempted to reply, but Cody was next to him before he could get a word out. “Is this about the stunt she pulled this morning?” he asked Scorpion.
“I didn’t pull a stunt.” My frustration level was growing. My tolerance for Cody was nearly shot, and after the last two days, I wasn’t feeling particularly patient. “And no one asked you to get involved.”
Nikki and Rachel, who weren’t standing too far away, came closer. “Don’t you dare talk to him like that,” Rachel snapped.
I moved forward to meet Rachel head on, but Nikki stepped in my path.
“Let’s go,” she said to me. “You promised me a workout today.”
“I’m not done here.” I glared at the others over her shoulder.
“Everyone is done here,” Nikki said, pushing me away. Scorpion, Cody, and Rachel were shooting me aggressive, agitated looks. She didn’t so much as glance at them. “Come on.” She backed me into the corner, away from everyone.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked. “You keep involving yourself in my problems. And your friends hate you for talking to me.”
“I’m friends with Sidney,” she said. “They’re used to this type of thing.”
I gaped at her. “You’re friends with Agent Harper?” I couldn’t picture how someone as good-natured as Nikki could be friends with that.
“Really?” she asked. “You’re judging me? The only person on your side?”
I faltered, but recovered quickly. “He’s an asshole,” I said. “And not just to me.”
“And you’ve done some pretty serious damage to my friends,” she pointed out. “Things invo
lving guns. And knives.”
I swallowed, then nodded. “Okay, fine. That’s fair.”
“I knew you’d see it my way.” She smirked and put her arms up in front of her. “We’ve got a lot to discuss. We might as well spar and get a workout in.”
I eyed her fists wearily. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
She tilted her head to the side, like I was being ridiculous. “Come on. If you keep it clean, I’ll keep it clean. I’m on your side, remember?”
“What do you mean by ‘clean’?”
“No hits to the head, and nothing that’s going to do any actual damage,” she explained. “We try to take each other down, but not hurt each other.”
Everything at KATO was a fight that counted. If you won, you got Gerex. If you lost, they kept it from you. I didn’t know how to fight for “practice.” But I found myself nodding. Nikki had my back twice this week. She was on my side—and in a way no one ever had been before. I didn’t want to lose that.
I put my hands up in front of me and bounced en garde, waiting for her to make the first move. She swung at my side, which I blocked easily. My steps were hesitant at first, but I got the hang of it. After a few minutes, I hooked the back of her leg and brought her to the ground. I stood above her, waiting for her to pop up and launch herself at me.
But instead, she laughed. I furrowed my eyebrow, confused as she reached forward holding her hand out. It took me a moment to figure out she wanted me to help her up.
“You’re good, I’ll give you that,” she said as I pulled her to her feet. “Want to go again?”
“Sure,” I said, and I meant it.
She smiled and got ready to fight. “I haven’t forgotten about your parents,” she said. “If you’re okay with going late to the afternoon training, I can meet you after your classes and we can start our search.”
“That would be great.” I was a little stunned that she remembered.
She took a shot to my bicep. “We can go back to the archives room and see what mission files and medical reports we can get access to. Then we can figure out where to go from there.”
I was surprised at how excited the prospect made me. We may not have access to everything, but Nikki knew her way around the IDA’s system better than I did. I had to believe I could use that to my advantage.
We kept sparring, and Nikki took the opportunity to start asking questions. “So, do you want to tell me what happened this morning?” I narrowed my eyes, making it pretty clear I didn’t. Nikki just sighed. “Come on, what did we say about trust?”
I dodged her punch, feeling the desperate urge to keep my mouth shut. But this was my chance to win her over. I couldn’t blow it. “I had a medical emergency,” I said.
She considered me. “That’s what Travis said. But he also said you didn’t look that hurt.”
I swallowed. “It was a different kind of emergency.” She stopped fighting for a moment, giving me a searching look. “KATO didn’t exactly give the best medical care. I’m behind on a lot of things.”
She nodded and raised her hands again. We dropped back into our dance. “Travis is pretty pissed about it.”
“I know.” It came out harsher than I meant, but I was irritated. “It’s none of his business.”
“It takes a lot to get him worked up,” she said. “He’s one of the most lighthearted people I know.”
This surprised me enough that I dropped my guard. Nikki’s fist landed in my side. I grunted, but hid most of the pain as I was trained to.
Her eyes went wide and her face was tight and apologetic. “I’m sorry,” she said. I shook my head like it was nothing, but she didn’t buy it. She grabbed my elbow and guided me over to the other side of the gym to a giant blue box. She lifted the top and I realized it was a water chest. She opened a bottle and handed it to me, then waited until I had a few sips before she said anything else.
“I surprised you,” she said.
I shook my head. “You didn’t—”
“I did.” She wasn’t buying my bullshit. “I just didn’t expect to. You were that surprised to find out Travis is easygoing?”
I let out a laugh. “He’s never been anything but a serious, guarded asshole.”
She shrugged. “He takes his job seriously, and he takes you more seriously than almost anything I’ve ever seen. But that’s not who he is; it’s just how he works.”
I fell quiet, not entirely sure what to say. So instead I changed the subject. “I should go,” I said. “I have classes soon.”
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll meet you after your classes and we’ll see what we can find out about your parents.”
“Sure.” I gave her a small smile. “Thanks.” I headed for the door, not at all surprised to find Scorpion hovering right behind me before I could even get close to it.
Chapter Eight
TRAINING PARTNER
Nikki was waiting for me when I got out of Agent Harper’s class. We crossed the courtyard to the Operations Building and went down to the archives room. The first thing I noticed when Nikki opened the door was that we weren’t alone. I’d recognize Scorpion’s broad build anywhere—even hunched over a keyboard with his back to me. He froze when the door opened, then quickly closed the program he had open, and locked the computer.
“Of course,” I said. “It’s like he’s put a tracking device on me.”
Scorpion spun around on his chair. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “I thought Nikki was getting you.”
Nikki waved from the door. “Nikki did.”
“And this isn’t your archives room,” I said. “I can be here.”
Scorpion stood up, annoyed. He pushed past me and turned to Nikki. “She’s your charity case. She’s your problem.”
Nikki rolled her eyes. “Don’t be a noodle.”
Scorpion glared at her. “Shut up.” He stepped around her, into the hallway.
“You first, noodle!” she yelled after him. She refused to give him the last word. It was pathetic and childish, and it irritated Scorpion just enough to make me happy. She shook her head after him.
“What’s a noodle?” I asked.
Nikki laughed and rolled her eyes. “It’s something that Cody started when he was at the academy. You’re probably better off not knowing the details.”
I laughed lightly. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”
She sat down at the computer and pushed out the chair next to her. “Come on, let’s get to work.”
I slid into the seat and logged onto a computer as Nikki did the same. “What are we looking for?”
“I’m going to go through medical reports, and I’ll show you where to find the mission history files,” she said. “You still probably won’t have access to most of the details, but if you sift through what you can, we might be able to piece some things together.” Nikki helped me navigate the files and before long I was flipping through my parents’ mission history. Six years of partially redacted trips and assignments. At least, that’s what my dad’s had, but there was something different about my mom’s.
“Is it weird that my mom didn’t go on any missions for the first four years she was at the IDA?” I asked Nikki.
Nikki glanced at the file. “Not necessarily. She could have been working in another department. Like operations or tech or something. But whatever she was doing during that time could explain why her file has a higher clearance level.” She turned back to her computer and left me to wonder, only to break through my thoughts a few minutes later.
“I think I found something else,” she said.
“What is it?” I leaned closer.
Nikki skimmed the report. “It’s your mom’s autopsy.” Needles ran down my spine. “When did you say she was found?”
“Simmonds said after I was taken.”
Nikki gri
maced. “Well, he wasn’t lying. She was found three years after you were taken. In South Korea near the DMZ.”
My eyes jumped down the report. “It took them three years to find her?” Nikki bit her lip, and I could tell she was holding something back. “What is it?”
She watched me closely for a moment. “She hadn’t been dead for that long when they found her. She’d been, uh”—she hesitated—“killed within days of being recovered.”
My heart dropped to my stomach. Simmonds had lied to me.
• • •
I went straight to Simmonds’s office from the archives room. Nikki tried to come with me, but I wouldn’t let her. I needed to talk to Simmonds alone. I paced the space in front of his door while I waited for him to finish up a meeting with someone else.
“Jocelyn,” Simmonds said as I brushed past the exiting agent. “Can I help you with something?”
“You lied to me about my mom,” I said. My voice was calm enough, but it was an act. He’d asked me to trust him, and I had. Now it was taking everything I had not to completely lose my temper on the person giving me a way out of KATO. I stood in front of him, tapping on the edge of the desk.
He looked confused, then the realization dawned on him. “You found your parents’ files the other night. You’ve done some more research since then, haven’t you?”
I nodded, a little surprised he wasn’t trying to hide his lie. “I wanted to know about them.”
He nodded, resigned. “What did you find?”
I wanted to be more upset with him, but he had information I wanted. I swallowed. “My mom was alive for three years after I was taken. I thought they killed her to get to me, but they kept her alive. They used her for something.”
“We don’t know that for sure,” Simmonds said. “All we have is speculation, but we never found any proof. We can’t even say for sure that KATO had her, it just makes the most sense.”
“I don’t need proof,” I said. “They took her. I know how they work. They keep people as long as they’re useful, and then they kill them. They put her in South Korea so you would find her.” I massaged my forehead, processing everything. “Today I learned that she was here for four years before she went into the field. What was she doing then?”
Crossing the Line Page 7
