by Heidi Swain
‘Absolutely,’ he nodded. ‘Now come on. Be brave, Lottie. Just take your time and get a feel for her. There’s absolutely no rush. Check your mirrors, listen to how the engine sounds and then, when you’re ready, put her in gear and release the handbrake.’
I took a deep breath, knowing Will wasn’t prepared to let me waste another minute, and imagining Shaun watching over me, I launched off.
I was surprised by how quickly I remembered how everything worked and given the age of the van there were thankfully no distracting dials or switches to have to worry about. Having managed two or three turns around the yard in second gear, I slowly came to a stop back outside the cottage door.
‘Well?’ asked Will, twisting round in his seat.
‘Good,’ I said, relief that I hadn’t completely forgotten what I was supposed to do with my hands and feet coursing through my already adrenalin-fuelled system. ‘Brilliant, actually.’
‘I couldn’t agree more,’ Will said heartily. ‘You’re a natural.’
‘Thanks,’ I blushed, giving the steering wheel an affectionate rub and mentally thanking the little vehicle for getting me safely out of the blocks.
‘So why don’t you lock up the cottage and drive us down the road to see George?’
‘What?’ My hands leapt off the wheel.
‘He’s barely further than my place and you can go down to Hecate’s Rest to turn around. You won’t even have to reverse.’
‘Hecate’s Rest?’
‘Yes,’
‘But that was where . . . ’
‘Lay the ghost to rest once and for all, Lottie.’
‘I don’t think so,’ I stammered, ‘and what about the ditches running either side of the road? It’s barely wide enough for two bikes.’
Will didn’t say anything.
‘You said you wouldn’t rush me,’ I reminded him. ‘You said I could do this at my own pace, in my own time.’
‘Well, there’s no time like the present,’ he said reasonably. ‘And it’s just two minutes down the road, just two teeny-tiny minutes and you’ll be free from all those fears that have been holding you back for so long.’
‘But what if we meet a tractor or something?’
‘That’s hardly likely at this time of day,’ he shrugged. ‘But there are plenty of places to pull over.’
Thinking of my resolution to ‘grab every minute’ and how proud Shaun would be if he could see me, I nervously locked the cottage, handed Minnie to Will through the window and climbed back into the driver’s seat.
‘I can’t believe you made me do that!’ I gasped, when I eventually pulled up outside George’s cottage.
We hadn’t met one tractor during the short ride, but two, and I had held my breath as they both squeezed by, gripping the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles had turned white. Pulling around the crossroads at Hecate’s Rest had felt like a doddle after that and it hadn’t been the traumatic experience I had expected at all.
‘Lottie,’ said Will, ‘you do realise you’ve just driven beautifully for the first time in God knows how long and now you can go wherever you want, whenever you want?’
‘I know,’ I laughed, grinning like an idiot and leaning over to plant a hasty kiss on his soft lips before I had time to temper my excitement. ‘Isn’t it brilliant?’
‘What’s all this then?’ said George, suddenly appearing at Will’s window before I had time to register what I’d just got carried away and done. ‘Have you gone and hot-wired Mags’s precious van?’
‘Nope,’ I beamed. ‘She’s my precious little van now!’
‘Hop in,’ said Will, who had turned the brightest shade of red, as he climbed out with Minnie in his arms and helped George into the passenger seat, ‘and Lottie will take you for a spin.’
‘Lovely,’ said George, speedily settling himself in the seat and reaching for the seat belt.
‘I don’t think so,’ I said. ‘Where am I going to go?’
‘Just drive up as far as the barn,’ said Will through the window, ‘and turn around in the yard. I’ll get the kettle on while you’re gone.’
Without another word, he disappeared down the side of the house.
‘Come on then,’ said George. ‘We don’t want the tea stewed, do we?’
The journey was almost a complete success – had I not stalled when I tried to pull out of Will’s drive when I had turned around, it would have been a total triumph – but all things considered, I was feeling remarkably proud of myself by the time we got back.
‘So how did she do?’ Will asked the second we were in George’s little kitchen.
‘Marvellous,’ said George. ‘She was absolutely brilliant.’
‘I did stall once,’ I admitted. ‘Pulling up the slope on your drive.’
‘That’s no bad thing,’ said Will. ‘Now you know how the engine sounds and feels, and how much oomph she needs to get going.’
‘Technical term that,’ winked George and I couldn’t help but laugh. ‘So how long are you planning to have this fella here as your wingman?’
‘I’ve told her I’m at her disposal for as long as she needs me,’ said Will reassuringly. ‘Isn’t that right, Lottie?’
‘Absolutely,’ I agreed, feeling grateful that he was going to respect my secret and not reveal why I feared flying solo, ‘and I really appreciate it, but do you know, I think I’ll be able to handle the roads around here. However I wouldn’t mind a bit of company when I head into town, if that’s all right with you?’
‘Of course,’ he said.
‘And if Will can’t come with you, you only have to come and get me,’ offered George. ‘I don’t mind the odd trip to town.’
‘Thank you, George,’ I smiled, taking the mug of tea and thinking what a fool I had been for putting it off for so long. I knew Shaun would be furious that I hadn’t driven because of what had happened to him. His life may have been cut horribly short but he had lived it to the full and I felt I owed it to him now, as well as Gwen and Gran, to do the same. ‘I thought I might pop to Skylark Farm tomorrow,’ I announced before I had time to change my mind. ‘It isn’t all that far, is it?’
Of course, the only time I’d visited the farm was for the Lammas party and I’d been stowed away in the back of the minivan for that particular journey and consequently my internal satnav was a little hazy.
‘Oh here we go,’ laughed George. ‘There’ll be no stopping her now.’
‘End of the road, turn left and carry on for about five miles, then left again for another mile,’ said Will. ‘It couldn’t be easier.’
‘Right,’ I said resolutely, feeling somehow even more excited than the day I moved into the cottage. ‘That’s settled. Tomorrow I’m making my first solo journey.’
I was bang on schedule on the Cherry Tree caravan now so I could certainly spare the time. I was going to drive to see Amber and ask her and Jake what they could tell me about agricultural restrictions and regulations before David came back from his mini-break with Angela, assuming they had gone somewhere together of course.
‘Excellent,’ grinned Will. ‘I’ve got to pop and see them later so I’ll tell them to expect you.’
Chapter 27
When Matt arrived at the cottage early the next morning, the van, which I had decided to call ‘Birdie’ because of her distinctive custard yellow colour, was packed to the gunnels, ready for my first solo expedition. I’d been having a bit of a tidy-up in the workshop area of the big shed while waiting for the first coat of primer on the Bailey to dry and had discovered some bits and pieces I thought Amber might like for Honey. Birdie’s surprisingly capacious interior was plenty big enough to take everything in one trip, even the little plastic slide I had managed to take apart, and as soon as the sun had appeared over the horizon I had packed everything up ready to go, including Minnie.
‘Morning!’ I called to Matt as he swung into the yard.
I unwound the van windows as far as I dared, making sure Minnie could
get her nose out but nothing else. Given the fact that Matt had been practically living at the cottage lately, it really was high time she had got used to him turning up by now.
‘Hi,’ he yawned, hauling himself and his tool bag out of the van. ‘You can’t leave her in there all day,’ he said, with a nod to Minnie who was eyeing him furtively and no doubt trying to weigh up her chances of crawling through the inch and a half of open glass I had allowed her. ‘That thing will heat up in no time, even if it is a bit chilly at the moment.’
I was none too impressed with him referring to my new mode of transport as a ‘thing’; however, he was right about the weather. For the first time that morning the air had a definite edge to it and had I not known what the date was I might have assumed it was somewhere far nearer autumn than it actually was. However, shored up as I was by the heady prospect of hitting the open road (quiet country lane actually), I let his disparaging comments about my transport pass.
‘We’re going out,’ I told him, ‘so she’ll be fine just for a minute.’
‘Out?’ questioned Matt, his eyes as round as Polo mints.
‘Yes,’ I said, laughing at his reaction, ‘out. You’ll be all right on your own here for a bit, won’t you? I’m not planning to be long.’
‘Well, I suppose so,’ he said, scratching his sun-bleached head as if I wasn’t making any sense.
‘And at least you won’t have madam here to contend with,’ I told him.
Right on cue, Minnie gave a disgruntled woof and I went to reach for the door, but Matt stopped me.
‘Are you not waiting for Will, then?’
‘Not for this trip,’ I shrugged. ‘I’m only going as far as Skylark Farm so I should be all right.’
‘Well, as long as you’re sure,’ he said doubtfully, biting his lip as Minnie let out another woof of frustration.
‘I thought you’d be happy I could manage without him,’ I said, my freshly formed confidence crumbling a little in the face of his concern. ‘Especially given the way you two seem to feel about each other. I thought you’d be pleased I didn’t need him.’
‘No, I am pleased,’ he said. ‘Of course I am, I’m just a little taken aback, that’s all.’
‘In what way?’
‘Well,’ he sighed, ‘whenever the topic of driving has come up you’ve been reluctant to even consider it.’
That was true enough.
‘And I always felt you were cajoled into taking the van on, rather than really wanting it.’
Also true.
‘If anything, you’ve looked like a rabbit caught in the headlights when considering the prospect of climbing behind the wheel.’
‘That’s because I’ve felt like one,’ I said with a laugh.
‘But now,’ he went on, ‘literally within hours of buying Mags’s van, you’re off and running.’
‘It’s only up the road,’ I said, keen to remind myself as much as him that this really was a fool-proof journey and no big deal.
‘But even so,’ he said, ‘it’s a bit of a speedy turnaround, considering you said you were terrified of driving. Or am I getting this a bit out of proportion?’
‘I know it’s all happened really fast,’ I agreed, ‘but Will took me out last night, or rather I took Will out,’ I murmured, amazed at the thought that I had found the courage to do that, ‘and everything just seemed to click into place. It was brilliant, actually.’
I was talking about far more than just doing a few runs up and down the deserted drove road but Matt didn’t know that and I wasn’t about to tell him.
‘I see,’ he said.
‘No,’ I replied, ‘you probably don’t, but that’s not your fault.’
‘Tell me then.’ He was beginning to sound impatient. ‘Explain to me what it is that I’m missing.’
I had absolutely no desire to tell him about my heartbreak over losing Shaun or how I had finally admitted to myself just how devastating and long-lasting the impact of Mum leaving me had been. Her desertion had meant I had ended up living the tiniest, safest life possible.
I could see now that I had spent literally decades jogging sedately along life’s path, blinkered to all diversions and digressions for fear of putting a foot wrong and hurting someone in the process, but that was all far too much personal information to share with someone who was fixing up my house and with whom I had shared nothing more intimate than a tipsy kiss.
‘Things have been changing for me ever since I moved here,’ I said simply.
‘What things?’
‘Everything,’ I said. ‘I just want to get on with things here now and start enjoying myself. I want to grasp my new life with both hands and make the most of this wonderful gift that Gwen has generously left me.’
‘Even if it is all in a bit of a state,’ he reminded me, ‘and is going to cost a small fortune to put right?’
‘Even then,’ I sighed, looking over towards the cottage and imagining the numbers on my bank balance rolling back to zero. ‘I’m planning to make a real future for myself here, Matt,’ I said determinedly, then quickly added, before he had time to interrupt again, ‘in spite of the initial teething problems. Cuckoo Cottage is my life now, and until you mentioned the agricultural restrictions, I thought it was going to be my vocation as well, but the jury is out on that one now.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
Matt had been looking more and more confused with every word I said, as well he might, given that he had no idea what I had planned for the caravans still stored in the shed.
I shook my head.
‘Never mind for now,’ I said. ‘But if it does end up happening, I promise you’ll be the first to know.’
Second, if you counted Amber, of course, but for the moment I’d forgotten that she and I had stumbled upon the idea in separate but perfectly timed synchronicity.
‘But perhaps I could help,’ said Matt eagerly. ‘If you just tell me what it is that you’re planning, then I might be able to find a way of helping you make it work?’
I looked up at him for a second and wondered whether perhaps I should just tell him. After all, he was a local, and a builder to boot. He knew all about the restrictions and probably came across tricky situations like this all the time, and even if he didn’t, I dare say he had a cousin or some other relative who did.
‘Maybe,’ I said, still not entirely convinced it was time to share. ‘Thank you. I’ll think about it, but if it all comes to nothing,’ I added, opening the door and pushing Minnie aside before she had gathered her wits and jumped out, ‘you’ll have wasted your time trying to help with something destined to fail.’
‘But if you do tell me and I can help,’ he said reasonably, ‘you’d be saved no end of time and worrying. You said you had business plans, didn’t you?’
‘And you said there would be agricultural restrictions to scupper them,’ I reminded him.
‘I know,’ he said, ‘but sometimes there are ways around them, room for manoeuvre, especially if you know the right people.’ I was pretty sure that was a suggestion that he might know the right people, but I still wasn’t prepared to give anything away. Our relationship was finally back on a professional footing and I was in no hurry to blur the edges of it again.
‘Look,’ I said, turning over the engine, ‘I told Amber I’d be there soon so I’d better go or she’ll be sending out a search party, but I promise I’ll think about what you’ve said.’
‘All right,’ he said, stepping back.
‘I won’t be long,’ I called. ‘Perhaps we’ll talk again when I get back.’
‘OK.’
‘And please, try not to discover any more problems while I’m gone.’
‘I’ll try,’ he called back. ‘But I’m not making any promises.’
It was a slow, but thankfully uneventful journey to Skylark Farm and I pulled into the gateway feeling suitably proud of myself for having negotiated the twists and turns without incident. I wasn’t sure if the towns
folk of Wynbridge would much care for my ‘slow and steady’ pace, but I would worry about that another day.
‘Well, look at you!’ laughed Amber as she rushed out of the farmhouse door with Honey nestled, as ever, on her hip. ‘How does it feel to finally be driving?’
‘Liberating,’ I told her, even though my hands were still shaking. ‘I feel as if I can go anywhere now.’
‘Good,’ she smiled.
‘As long as I can drive there before the rush hour, of course,’ I added with a wry smile.
As the grass was still damp we decided to leave unloading the van until later.
‘Morning, Lottie,’ beamed Jake as he appeared in the doorway with a slice of toast and a mug of coffee. ‘Fancy a spot of breakfast?’
‘Yes, please,’ I nodded enthusiastically. ‘I was too nervous to eat before I left and now I’m starving.’
‘I’ll make you a bacon sarnie if you like,’ he offered. ‘Assuming Will hasn’t eaten it all, of course.’
‘Has he been here already?’ I asked, concerned that he’d had another call-out to the farm.
‘Just a social call,’ said Jake. ‘He wanted to talk about you actually, Lottie.’
‘Oh?’
‘Jake!’ said Amber sharply, before turning to me. ‘You’ll have to excuse him. He’s hardly the soul of discretion, is he?’
‘Well, it’s hardly a secret,’ said Jake, looking puzzled. ‘Is it?’
Amber shrugged and stepped out of the way to let the Labradors, Bella and Lily, get to Minnie who was rolling about the floor, clearly delighted to be reunited with her doggy pals again.
‘I hope you don’t mind me bringing Minnie,’ I said. ‘Only, Matt’s working at the cottage today and she still can’t stand the sight of him. She gets upset if I shut her in the dining room, but I haven’t had much choice.’
Amber and Jake exchanged looks.
‘Do you mind?’
‘Not about Minnie being here,’ said Jake pointedly. ‘But I’m not sure about all this so-called work that Matt keeps discovering needs doing. Perhaps you should pay a bit more heed to Minnie’s reaction to your ever-present handyman, Lottie.’
