by Tracy Brown
“No, that’s not what I’m saying,” Mrs. Hudson clarified. “I’m glad I married him. He was a good provider, just like your father. The bills were always paid, and he always gave me money. And when he died, he left me with a big inheritance. This house, the car I drive, and the jewelry I wear are all because of him,” she said. “But I wasn’t in love with him. I married him for money, and that was wrong.”
Raleigh listened closely, then said, “But you didn’t make him marry you. He wanted to.”
Mrs. Hudson nodded. “That’s true. But a real woman makes her own money. She doesn’t use a man for his money.” She exhaled her cigarette smoke. “I didn’t make my own money. Neither does your mom. That’s where we went wrong.”
Raven shook her head in disappointment. “Mommy’s not a real woman.”
Mrs. Hudson laughed. “Yes, she is. Don’t get me wrong. A man should provide for his family. That’s his job as a man. Don’t ever settle for a man who doesn’t contribute to your family financially and otherwise. But it’s important that you have your own money, too. You have to know that if a man leaves you, you can provide and take care of yourself and your children. Even though your husband may take care of you, you have to always make sure that you take care of yourself. ’Cause if he leaves you, you don’t want to be stuck with nowhere to go and no way to take care of yourself.”
The girls nodded in agreement as their grandmother continued, “Your mama loves you girls. She wants the best for you. But she’s selfish and she got that selfishness from me.” Mrs. Hudson was being honest with her grandchildren as well as with herself. For the first time, she was seeing her own actions clearly and seeing how those actions had impacted her daughter’s life. Mrs. Hudson was also realizing for the first time how what she had taught Asia was affecting her daughters. She knew that the time had come for complete honesty. “I taught your mother to take advantage of men,” Mrs. Hudson said. “Most of the time you hear about a man breaking a woman’s heart. You hear about men leaving women penniless with a whole bunch of kids and you hear about men cheating and lying to their wives. I tried to show your mother that all of that didn’t have to happen to her. I tried to show her that if she followed her head and not her heart, she could make smarter decisions that would make her life more comfortable long after her man was no longer interested in her. But sitting here, listening to you girls talk about Asia, makes me want to cry.” She dabbed at her eyes and then continued, “I didn’t realize how selfish my daughter is. She sounds just like me when I was younger. Even now. I don’t go out with any man who can’t pay my bills or finance my lifestyle. That may be wrong, but that’s the way I am. The trouble is that when you find a good man, you should be able to turn that coldness off and appreciate the man that you have.” She glanced over at her late husband’s picture on the mantelpiece. She missed him. And she realized now that she had not appreciated the good man she had. “I know that your mama loves you. She loves your father, too. She just doesn’t always show it the best way. You have to excuse her for that.”
Raleigh shook her head. “Ain’t no excuse for that, Grandma.”
Mrs. Hudson smiled. “Yes, there is. She didn’t have a good role model to follow. All the things she does to your father are things she watched me do to my husband. So that’s her excuse. She’s only doing what she was taught. Now with you young ladies there will be no excuse. You can recall this conversation right here when you become grown-ups. Remember what I told you about appreciating a good man.”
Raven frowned. “What did you say again?” she asked innocently.
Angela Hudson laughed. Having her granddaughters around had been such an annoyance for her in the beginning. But now she was so happy to have them there. She smiled at little Raven. “Okay,” Angela said. “I’ll tell you one more time. Don’t let a man take advantage of you. A good man will contribute to his family financially and emotionally. Don’t settle for less than that. But if you find a man who treats you nice and takes care of you, you have to appreciate that man. Show him and tell him that you appreciate him. And most important of all, don’t forget this part of the lesson, ladies. Always be able to take care of yourself. No matter how much money or status your man has. It’s important that you have enough to take care of you, no matter what. Got that?”
All three girls nodded. Rasheeda smiled. She had expected her grandmother to defend Asia and to condemn Rah-lo. But Angela Hudson had pleasantly surprised Rasheeda. She walked over to her grandmother and hugged her. Raleigh and Raven followed suit and the three of them embraced her in a big group hug. Mrs. Hudson couldn’t help giggling at her silly grandchildren. “All right, all right!” she said. “Enough of this mushy shit. Let’s go get some of those Ralph’s Italian ices you guys like.” They quickly let their grandmother go and ran to get their shoes on. Mrs. Hudson smiled. Asia had no idea what a blessing she had in her children. Angela planned to point that out to her daughter the next time she spoke to Asia.
Asia and Nina sat in the lobby of the Embassy Suites enjoying the free drinks that were served to guests of the hotel each day at six o’clock. Asia had picked Nina up at the airport that afternoon and filled her in on the previous days’ events. “We have more in common than I thought,” Asia said to Nina. Asia sipped her red wine and nodded her head. “That bitch Celeste has both your man and mine wrapped around her finger. Ishmael played you. Rah-lo played me, too.”
Nina agreed. “I knew Ish was a dog when I met him. I just loved him anyway.” Nina took a long sip of her Rémy and set her glass down heavily on the table.
Asia watched Nina closely. She was tossing back drinks like they were water and she was clearly feeling the effects. Today she looked lovely in a simple black T-shirt and a pair of jeans. Her hair was pulled back by a black headband, her baby hair slicked down to perfection. Asia looked across the table at Nina. “This shit ain’t over,” Asia said. “If you love Ish, don’t give up on him,” she advised. It was like the blind leading the blind, her giving advice to Nina. “I’m damn sure not gonna give up on my husband.” Asia was on her third glass of wine, and she was feeling slightly tipsy.
Nina shook her head, reeling from the news that Ishmael had been fucking with his best friend’s ex. “I knew he loved her. Ishmael admitted to me that he had feelings for Celeste. It was a long time ago. Back when we first got together and we were trying to see if we could be happy together. I told him about how I used to strip for a living. It was late one night and we were both talking about how we grew up. We were really honest with each other that night and he admitted to me that he used to want to be with Celeste. I told him that I thought he had feelings for her because of how they looked at each other. They used to play around a lot. And I caught them getting ready to kiss one time. I knew there were feelings between them. Ish said that he had a lot of respect for Rah-lo as his friend, so he would never cross the line. But he felt that if she gave him a chance he could be better to her than Rah-lo was since he was married to you.” Nina took another sip of her drink before continuing. “But I thought that shit was over after all these years. I thought he got over her.”
Asia nodded, paying close attention. Nina was getting drunk and spilling more details than Asia had ever known.
“When Rah-lo was locked up, Ish used to drive Celeste upstate to see him. He used to come to get her and his whole face would light up when he saw her. When he looked at her it was like all the rest of us weren’t even there.” Nina paused, reflecting on the memory. “All of us hated it, but Charly was the most vocal about it. She let it be known that she saw what was going on. We all saw it. Ish had it bad for her, and she felt the same way. I don’t know why I thought I could change his mind.”
Nina was a pretty girl, but to Asia it seemed that she was very sad and needy. She seemed so consumed by—even depressed about—the fact that Ishmael was through with her. Asia didn’t see that she was behaving the same way. “Damn, I had no idea, Nina. I thought Celeste was only in love with Rah-lo
. Up until yesterday I had no clue that she wanted Ishmael, too. She’s a scandalous bitch.”
Nina nodded in agreement. “She definitely wanted Ishmael, too. I could tell when I had a fight with Robin. Robin and Charly had ganged up against me. They were hating on me. Mad ‘cause Ishmael wanted me and not them. And I had got into a fight with them outside the shop. Celeste called me and Robin into her office. She yelled at both of us for making a scene in front of the shop. Then she told Robin to leave so that she could talk to me alone. When we were alone she asked me why I was dealing with Ishmael knowing that he had been with Robin and with Charly. She said, ‘Ishmael doesn’t love you.’ I took that shit personally ’cause who the fuck is she to tell me who loves me and who don’t?”
Asia listened closely. This could be good news for her. Now that Celeste was focused on Ishmael once again, maybe Asia could get Rah-lo to come home. She excused herself briefly and went to replenish their drinks. She came back, sat down, and crossed her legs.
Nina kept talking. “I told her that he didn’t love her, either. She didn’t like that shit.” Nina was letting the liquor talk for her. “I told her, ‘Rah-lo loves you. That’s all you need to worry about.’ She got real defensive then.”
Asia was feeling defensive also. She wondered if this drunk bitch knew that she was telling Rah-lo’s wife that he loved another woman.
Nina kept right on talking, though. “Then she told me don’t bite the hand that feeds me. I remember that bitch called me sweetie like she was better than me. I quit right then and there. I should have beat the shit out of her.” Nina took a long sip of her fresh drink. “She was right, though. Ishmael never loved me. I can see that now. But why did he waste my time? I could have found a man who would love me for who I am.” She took another swig of Rémy.
Asia watched Nina unraveling and felt sorry for her. To Asia it seemed that Nina was drowning in her sorrows. She kept talking about Ishmael as if she would die without him. Asia had gotten what she needed and she was done with the pitiful woman who sat across from her. She had her own problems to focus on. She had to get her own man to come home where he belonged. Nina could go drown on her own now. Asia asked, “What are you gonna do now? You think this stuck-up bitch Celeste will be with Ishmael now?”
Nina shrugged her shoulders. She felt more alone than she ever had before. She had no family, no friends, and she was hurt that the man she loved no longer wanted her. She excused herself and went back to the bartender for a refill.
Asia watched Nina get another drink and couldn’t help feeling sorry for her. She was a sad sight as she staggered slightly on her way back to the table.
Asia drank the rest of her glass of wine and folded her arms across her chest. “I have to go see Rah-lo in a little while, so I guess I’ll wait for you to finish your drink.”
Nina looked up at her. “Oh. Okay,” she said. She swallowed the rest of her drink easily and placed her glass back on the table with a thud. “You can go.”
Nina was so accustomed to people walking in and out of her life now. She had been enjoying venting to Asia. But obviously Asia was done listening.
“Are you going over there to confront him?” Asia asked. She had given Nina Celeste’s address at both her home and job. Asia figured that with Nina and Ishmael keeping Celeste occupied, she could focus on Rah-lo without any unwelcome distractions.
Nina nodded. “I’m going there right now. I want him to look me in the eye and tell me why he hurt me like this.” She shook her head. “Him fucking with Robin was bad enough. But to come all the way to Atlanta to find Celeste … he just never should have wasted my time all these years.” Nina blinked back tears, unwilling to fall apart publicly. Asia stood to leave and Nina followed. The rain was coming down hard when they parted ways in the parking garage, both of them hell-bent on getting answers.
“I’m gonna go back to New York today,” Ishmael said as Celeste sat staring out her bedroom window lost in thought. She turned to him and looked him over. He stood with his bags packed by his side and his hands in his pockets. Ishmael was so damn handsome. After Rah-lo had left last night, the two of them had retreated to separate corners of the house. Celeste had gone into her room and locked the door, feeling like her sexual encounter with Ishmael had been a terrible mistake. She told herself that the alcohol had caused her to spread her legs for him, but in her heart she knew that it was more than that. Seeing Rah-lo so hurt had broken Celeste’s heart. She hated that she still loved him so much.
When Rah-lo left, Celeste realized just how much she wanted him to stay. She had a connection with Ishmael that was undeniable. But it was nothing compared to the intense love she still felt for Rah-lo after all this time. She had lain in bed wide awake, thinking about her history with Rah-lo and with Ishmael and about the future she might have with Bryson. She was filled with regret. She regretted allowing Ishmael to come to Atlanta to visit her. It had caused them to take their flirtation to the next level and Celeste realized now that that was not what she wanted. She couldn’t be in a relationship—physical or otherwise—with Ishmael when she still loved Rah-lo. Seeing how hurt he was had hurt her as well. And what about Bryson? she asked herself. How could she still feel love for a thug like Rah-lo when she had the man of her dreams digging her back out on a regular basis? It wasn’t just the sex. Bryson had the total package, and Celeste wondered if she would be foolish enough to risk that for Rah-lo.
She nodded at Ishmael’s announcement. “I think that’s for the best.” She looked back out the window feeling conflicted.
He walked over to her and sat down next to her. “I guess we say good-bye now, huh? You shut yourself in your room last night after he left and I sat there waiting for you to come to me. You never did. So I guess it’s safe to say it’s a wrap, huh?”
Celeste looked at him. She reached for his hand and held it in hers. “I care about you, Ishmael. I really, really do. You are very special to me. So is Rah-lo, but in a different way. I was so crazy about him once. I think I might still be crazy about him like that. And you … you and I … I just think I want to leave us at friendship. Anything else would be too complicated for me. Being with you after being with him for so long just seems kind of … twisted.”
Ishmael understood. He wasn’t happy about it, but he understood how she felt. He nodded. “If you ever change your mind, I’ll come running back,” he said.
Celeste looked at him and had to fight back tears. She threw her arms around his shoulders and hugged him tightly. Then she kissed him softly on his luscious lips. He caressed her cheek affectionately and stood to leave. “Let me treat you to breakfast before I go. I wanna have one more meal at a Waffle House before I go back to New York.” He forced a smile. “Afterward I’ll come back and then we’ll say good-bye.” He was dreading that very much.
She smiled at him and nodded. “Let’s go.”
They walked outside and headed for the parking garage arm in arm. This would be a bittersweet meal for both of them. Celeste knew in her heart that this was good-bye. Seeing Ishmael again after today would be too painful. Ishmael knew it, too. This meal would be an unspoken farewell between them. As they walked to the parking garage, neither of them noticed the gold Ford Taurus parked across the street.
“What are you gonna do now?” Celeste asked. “Go back to Robin?” She forced a laugh.
Ishmael shrugged. “I don’t know. I think she might be the best one for me. She makes me feel good. She has a good head on her shoulders; she’s smart, motivated, and all that. Plus I like her son a whole lot. I never thought I would be into a kid like that who wasn’t mine. But I really like Shorty. Maybe me and her can make it happen. We’ll see.
“Take it slow, Ish. You’re a good man. Make sure that the next girl you give your heart to deserves it.”
Ishmael smiled at her. “Ditto.” He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. “Promise me you’ll never settle for second place again. Not with anybody.”
&nb
sp; She nodded and wrapped her arm around Ishmael’s waist as they strolled along. “I promise.”
Nina sat in her car, furious. She watched Ishmael holding Celeste, walking with her as if he was head over heels in love with her. Nina was so angry—and drunk—that her hands trembled as she gripped the steering wheel. She had expected to come here and have a confrontation with Ishmael and Celeste. But before Nina could even put the car in park, she saw Ishmael and Celeste walk out, saw him hold her close. And now the two of them were walking along, talking and gazing at each other without a care in the world. Nina was blinded by her fury. She hated Ishmael at that moment. Hated Celeste, too. Nina put her foot on the gas just as Ishmael stepped into the street to cross it. She wanted to kill that womanizing bastard—and his little bitch, too!
The Taurus accelerated toward Ishmael and Celeste so quickly that they almost didn’t see it. At the last second, Ishmael shoved Celeste out of the way, causing her to fall backward onto the sidewalk. The car hit Ishmael at eighty miles per hour, sending his body flying through the air. He landed several feet away, falling hard with a lifeless thud, and Celeste screamed in horror. Ishmael wasn’t moving. Nina had barrelled down on Ishmael with such speed that she lost control of the car. Gripping the wheel tightly, she attempted to make a sharp turn at the corner only to slam head-on into a utility pole. The twisted wreckage smoldered far from where Ishmael’s body lay motionless in the street. Celeste got up and ran to where Ishmael lay. She frantically dialed 911 from her cell phone. Several passersby stopped and tried to help resuscitate Ishmael. Others ran over to Nina’s car, hoping to pull her to safety. But Nina was dead, her open eyes staring back at her would-be rescuers in wide-eyed shock. Sirens could be heard in the distance and Ishmael’s pulse was weak. Celeste could only sob and talk to Ishmael reassuringly as the paramedics swept in to try to revive him.
