by Stacy Gail
As Mama Coco greeted them at the door and shooed them inside amidst kisses, hugs and admonitions to not heat the entire neighborhood by letting the door stand open, that one phrase whirled around Sass’s tired brain. She’d never had family, but for as long as she could remember she’d always had an idea of what family should be. A family was made up of people who were always there when they were needed the most. They were the ones who offered love through both the good times, and the bad. They were one’s personal tribe.
That, more than anything, described the Panuzzis, as well as Scout and Tonya. They were her family. Her tribe.
If she looked at it that way, she had no reason to stress over whether or not she should meet with someone with whom she had the bad luck of sharing DNA. For the past several hours all she could think about was whether or not this Borysko Vitaliev thought she was so helpless she couldn’t even find an apartment or get a job without his help. She’d even wondered why he’d truly chosen to stay out of her life. Maybe she was such a disappointment he hadn’t wanted to bother.
But what this stranger thought of her didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because her real family thought she was awesome. So what if she was never going to be President, or an astronaut, or whatever the hell was considered impressive by Borysko Vitaliev’s standards? Mama Coco and Papa Bolo thought she was worthy of being their daughter, and that was all she needed.
Because they were her family.
“Sass, sweetie.”
She looked up at Mama Coco as they all sat down at the dinner table already laden with fragrant, hot garlic bread in a napkin-wrapped basket and a big pot of spaghetti and meatballs. “Yes?”
“I asked if you wanted some wine with your meal.” Mama Coco held up a bottle of red and a wine glass, looking concerned.
“Oh. Sorry, my mind was elsewhere. Yes, please, that sounds wonderful.” Actually it would sound even more wonderful if her former foster parent just left the bottle for her to nip away at. At this point, a glass seemed ridiculous.
“Your mind was elsewhere?” Pouring generous servings of the Chianti that the Panuzzis always drank with their Italian-themed meals, Mama Coco passed the glasses around before sitting down. “Everything all right? You look pale. Doesn’t she look pale, Bolo?”
“Sass is pretty as a picture as always, Coco, you’re seeing things. Here, honey,” Papa Bolo slid her glass closer. “You drink that and put a flush in your cheeks. Make your mother happy.”
“See? You want a flush in her cheeks. This means you think she’s pale.”
“I think I don’t want the poor girl being pestered for being pale just in case she’s coming down with something and she needs all the energy she can get. Drink up, hon, you need it,” Papa Bolo added, grabbing for the garlic bread basket. “At this point, it’s medicinal.”
“I love you both so much.” Sass listened to the words tumble out of her mouth, and then to the crashing silence that followed. Her cheeks began to tingle, and knew with an inward eye-roll that she no longer had to worry about looking pale. “Whoops. Did I say that out loud? Sorry, I haven’t slept in two days, I’m not myself.”
“Don’t take it back, idiot.” Across the table from her, Rude gave her a smile so dazzling it momentarily blinded her. A second later, however, Mama Coco whapped him on the arm with her napkin.
“Don’t call her an idiot. That mouth of yours, you get that from your father. Sweetie,” Mama Coco murmured, and her tone matched the softness in her eyes as she reached a hand out to capture Sass’s, “I hope you know we love you too. So, so much.”
“I do.” And it felt wonderful to let that emotion move through her like a healing wave. “The older I get, the more I see how your every action told me that you loved me, as well as all the other fosters. We were all so lucky to become a part of your family.”
“We were the lucky ones, kiddo.” Papa Bolo sniffed like he was the one coming down with something before he raised his glass and beamed around the table. “To famiglia. The most important thing in the world, and the one thing that makes a man rich beyond compare.”
“To famiglia.” Sass clinked her glass with everyone, but the toast hit her in a tender spot, and after she set her glass down she glanced at Papa Bolo. “You feel as though your family makes you rich beyond compare?”
“Every single one of you makes my life a better, happier place. A man who has a large family,” he added, wagging a finger at Rude, “is a man who’s richer than kings. You should think about that, son. You’re not getting any younger.”
A corner of Rude’s mouth curled and he glanced at Sass. “Believe me, I’ve been thinking about it.”
“What if,” Sass said cautiously, “you found out you had a baby you hadn’t planned on? How would you feel about that kid?”
“Oh, my God.” Mama Coco made a little gasping noise and did a pearl-clutching movement worthy of the big screen. Her eyes went huge behind her glasses and for one alarmed second Sass thought she might be suffering a heart attack. “Are you pregnant? You’re pregnant, aren’t you? Oh my God, she’s having a baby!”
Aghast, Sass shook her head. “No, wait—”
“This is so wonderful! Bolo, get that wine away from her, the baby doesn’t need that. Sass, honey.” Her former foster mother got up and rounded to where she sat, arms outstretched. “This makes me so happy.”
“Mom, she’s not—”
“You gotta do the right thing now, son.” To Sass’s surprise, she heard a very serious tone come from Papa Bolo, and as Mama Coco engulfed her in a bone-creaking hug she glimpsed Papa Bolo once again wagging a finger at his youngest. “You love a woman enough to make life with her, you need to make a commitment, because that’s what that new life needs. It’s what you need. Stability, family, a place where you belong. There’s nothing better than that, hand to God, so you’re going to do right by Sass.”
“Of course he’s going to do right by Sass. We didn’t raise a no-good schmuck. He knows what his responsibilities are. Don’t you, Rudolfo?”
Rude looked from one parent to another before grinning over at Sass. “Absolutely. I promise I won’t leave you knocked up and alone, Sass.”
Oh, for crying out loud. “Everyone, I’m not pregnant. What I have is a biological parent who’s come out of the woodwork, and I’m worried that if I allow him to see me, he’s going to prove himself to be a complication that I don’t need.”
Stunned silence bloomed in the room, and she couldn’t tell if it was shock that her biological family had popped up, or disappointment that they weren’t about to become grandparents again. Finally Rude stirred across from her.
“I think we’d better tell them the whole story,” he muttered, bringing her wine glass back within reach. “Otherwise they’re not going to believe us, and they’ll be picking out christening gowns and baby names by the end of the evening.”
Somewhat reluctantly Sass launched into the story, not wanting to involve the Panuzzis any more than they already were. After all, she had no idea if simply knowing the name Borysko Vitaliev was a dangerous thing or not. All she could do was tell them what she knew, with Rude helping her along the way. When she was finished, her former foster parents looked as stunned as she felt.
“A secret baby,” Mama Coco breathed, still pearl-clutching. “Oh my God, you’re a secret baby, Sass. I read about secret babies all the time in my books. It’s very common.”
“I have something to say, and I’m just going to say it,” Papa Bolo announced after draining his third glass of Chianti. “Sass, my darling little cherub, your birth mother was an idiot. Thank God you’re nothing like her.”
“Bolo!”
“What? Am I lying?”
“No, she was an idiot, no doubt about it. But you don’t just blurt it out loud like that. Sass, my little girl,” Mama Coco again reached for Sass’s hand and gave it a good squeeze. “I can’t imagine how upsetting this has been for you, finding out your birth father’s a less-than-respectable
man and your birth mother’s an idiot. I suggest you just think that you came solely from us, and leave it at that. You’re better off.”
Across the table from her, Rude burst out laughing before he grabbed up the wine bottle and emptied it out in everyone’s glass but his. “I knew talking it out with Mom and Pop would put it into perspective for you, baby. Feel better?”
“Kind of, yeah. I’m glad they know about it now.” Smiling, she nodded her thanks to him and lifted her glass to her lips. “So you think I should ignore this Vitaliev guy and just move on with my life?”
“I do.”
“I don’t.”
Everyone turned to look at Papa Bolo, who was looking into his wine as if trying to divine the future in its depths. Then he glanced up at his wife. “Before I met your mother, I had a meaningful relationship with a young lady whose father was in the Air Force. As such, they moved around a lot. He’d gotten orders to move out to California around the same time she told me she might be pregnant. In those days, that was a big deal, and even though we were both seniors in high school I was determined to do the right thing. But before I knew it, she had moved away without ever telling me whether or not there was a baby on the way.”
Rude’s brows drew together. “I never knew that, Pop.”
“Neither did I, until recently.” Mama Coco had her chin propped up on her thin hand, and she blew a kiss across the table to her husband. “Some things burrow down so deep into our souls they’re almost impossible to bring out into the light. Isn’t that right, sweetheart?”
Papa Bolo nodded his head in a way that made it seem like it weighed a ton. “About a year ago, I tracked her down on one of those social media sites and searched through her pictures. She’s a redhead, and she’d had a bunch of little redheads. Not one of them looked like they had a drop of Panuzzi blood, but you never know, right? So I sent her a message, begging her to please tell me if I had a child somewhere out there in the world that I never had a chance to raise or love. Her response…” He let out a low breath, shaking his head, before he choked up and looked away.
Rude reached out a strong hand to hold onto his father’s shoulder. “Pop. Easy, Papa.”
“Would you believe that woman laughed?” A smoldering, deep rage shook Papa Bolo’s voice, and the sound of it twisted Sass’s heart. “She responded with that LOL thing that makes me nuts, along with a bunch of smiley faces. She wrote that she’d known the next day she wasn’t pregnant, and that in the big move she must’ve forgotten to tell me. She said I was silly to waste time worrying about something that happened so long ago and that she could barely even remember the details of it all, since it was such an unimportant event—just kids being kids. Can you believe it? I carried around this fear that somewhere out there in the world was a helpless child that I had fathered, and she didn’t even have the decency to tell me that there was no baby. How could anyone do that to a person? How?”
“She was another idiot, my sweet Bolo.” Once again Mama Coco left her seat, this time to round to where he sat at the other end of the table, and put her arms around him. Watching them, Sass couldn’t help but smile. When they were in each other’s arms, Mama Coco and Papa Bolo were the visual definition of everlasting love. “You’re such a good man for carrying that concern, you know that, don’t you, my darling? That’s the mark of a good man.”
“That’s why I feel so strongly about this. Sass, you’re the daughter of my heart, so I need you to listen to me now.” He turned his attention to her, and she saw that his eyes were wet but fiery behind his thick glasses. “No matter what this Vitaliev person has done while he’s been on this earth—and from the sound of it, he’s done some terrible things—never forget that he did a beautiful thing when he gave you life. More than that, the moment he found out about you, he looked out for you and cared for you, the way a good father should look out for his child. No matter what kind of devil he might be, to you he’s been a benevolent and loving guardian angel. In fact, in recognizing that he’s a devil, he did his best to make sure you weren’t touched by what he is. Do you know how much love that must have taken for him to keep himself separate from you, his youngest daughter? His baby? Do you have any idea how much that must have devastated him to acknowledge that he was too toxic to be allowed into your clean world? I can’t imagine the pain of that.”
“That’s because you’re a good man, Pop, and you’re looking at it from that perspective,” Rude said, and his hand slipped from his father’s shoulder to grip his hand. “Borysko Vitaliev… he’s nothing like you. I mean, nothing like you. Because of that, I think you’re probably giving him more credit than he deserves.”
“Rudy, you don’t know what it is to be a father. Not yet. I swear it changes you. Your perspective on the world alters completely, because suddenly you’re looking at it through the lens of what you can do to make things better and safer for your children. It’s instinct. And right now that instinct for this Vitaliev guy is pumping even stronger, because he knows he’s running out of time to make the world a better place for his kids. Sass,” he went on, turning his attention back to her. “Do you want to meet your biological father?”
That one question arrowed right through the fatigue and confusion fogging her brain. It hit that tender spot deep inside, that place where the little girl she’d once been still lived and dreamed that someone, somewhere wanted her. “Yes. But—”
“No buts, kiddo. I know he sounds like a scary guy—I think he sounds scary, too. But this isn’t about you. Not really. It’s about doing the right thing for the man who gave you life, now that he’s at the end of his. So how about you give the guy one last chance to say hello, so that he can then say goodbye?”
The words hit at her hard, stirring up an ache that filled her all the way to her soul. From the moment Rude had told her that her biological father wanted to see her before he passed away, her thought process had been about what she might get out of it in terms of it being either an emotional benefit or detriment. Never once did she think about Borysko Vitaliev. And until that moment, it hadn’t occurred to her that just her hesitation in agreeing to meet with him was a form of rejection. A rejection, moreover, that she’d always felt she’d gotten from the mother who had abandoned her.
Nobody deserved a rejection like that.
No one.
“Okay,” she whispered as fear and hope went to war inside, with no end of hostilities in sight. “I’ll give him that chance. It might not be the smartest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m not about to let this one chance slip away forever.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
“It’s ridiculous how nervous I am.”
Behind the wheel of the SUV, Rude glanced over at Sass huddled in the passenger seat. The past twenty-four hours had been a wild rollercoaster ride, filled with anxiety and doubt, on both their parts. He still wasn’t convinced introducing Sass to the world in which Vitaliev lived was a good idea. Like Scorpio had said, her anonymity had kept her safe. But his father’s story had moved him as much as it had Sass. Because of that, he was willing to let Vitaliev get this one little glimpse of the daughter he’d never had a chance to know.
But only this one little glimpse.
The one thing he had absolutely refused to deal with was a third consecutive night of Sass not sleeping. This upheaval was wreaking havoc on her emotionally, mentally and now physically, so he’d decided it was time to do something about it.
At first things seemed somewhat under control. When they’d returned to the apartment, he’d turned on the TV to watch a football game while Sass went on a cooking binge in a clear attempt to keep from thinking about how she’d agreed to meet one of the most powerful men in organized crime. That was fine. She was even in his line of sight, so he could keep an eye on her without her knowing it. He allowed her to throw her energy into creating and then photographing honey-roasted baby carrots. And he didn’t say anything when she moved on to a vegan green bean casserole, and then the rich ciabatt
a and sausage stuffing his mother had taught her how to make.
But when she announced some time after midnight that she was going to brine a turkey, it was time to put his foot down.
And he did it by kissing the back of her neck.
He’d learned a lot about Sass during their time together. She liked sleeping on her right side while holding either a pillow or his arm to her chest. She sang in the shower. She was neat, but not enough to make him nuts, thank God. Despite being granted bathroom privileges, she was careful to ask him if he needed time in there before she started putting on her makeup and doing her hair. She really did like football, but was crazy about hockey, to the point of screaming at the TV when things didn’t go her way. She was thoughtful, funny and his favorite company to have around.
And one of her erogenous zones was the nape of her neck.
He’d discovered it on accident a couple mornings ago when they’d been getting ready to go out. She’d been digging through a drawer for a scarf when he came up and took advantage of her neck being exposed by the high ponytail she’s slicked her hair up into. Her response had been remarkable. From rushed and distracted, she’d instantly become putty in his hands.
Needless to say, that morning they’d left the apartment much later than originally planned.
Last night he’d discovered that her response to having her nape kissed hadn’t been a one-time deal. He’d pressed his lips against that golden-hued skin, then opened his mouth to draw wet, tasting circles over her nape with his tongue.
She’d sighed and dropped the large pot she’d no doubt been planning to brine the turkey in. It made an almighty bang, but she didn’t seem to even notice, as she was too busy grinding her backside into his swiftly rising cock.
What a woman.
“There’s approximately a shit-ton of things about you that drives me right over the fucking edge, Sassy,” he’d murmured against her skin as he rolled his hips with building urgency against her ass. “But the fact that you have an On button has got to be right up there in the top five of my all-time favorite things. You’re a goddamn treasure.”
