Shipping Sharon

by Daisy Dexter Dobbs

  Chapter Nineteen

  "Okay, see ya, Wilson," Norman called to his cousin as Big Willy walked to his steer-horn bedecked car. "Don't forget to call me right away and let me know if Sharon accepts your proposal."Sporting a self-satisfied smile, he closed the door and turned to find Keller standing a foot away from him, arms folded across his chest and a no-nonsense look blazing in his eyes. Naturally, Norman giggled.

  "I think I've got this thing pretty well pieced together, Norman, but now you're going to fill me in on all the particulars."

  "Sure, Keller, sure." Norman licked his lips and glanced at his watch. "Hey, what do you know about that?" He chuckled. "I'm late for an appointment. Sorry--gotta go," he said, reaching for the doorknob again.

  "You're not going anywhere, buddy," Keller said, firmly seizing Norman's arms and steering him back into the family room.

  "But my appointment--"

  "But nothing. It's after ten o'clock. There is no appointment, so don't even start with me, Norman. You and Rudy and Maisy and I are going to sit here all night if we have to until I get the whole story. Understand?"

  "Yeah but, Keller, I--" Norman winced as Keller strengthened his grip. "Okay, okay! You don't have to use brute force. I'm an easy-going kind of guy. I'll tell you anything you want to know."

  "That's better," Keller said as they turned the corner to the kitchen and family room area. "And none of your many-layered tall tales, you hear?"

  Norman breathed in an audible gasp of mock horror. "Are you suggesting that I've been less than truthful with you, Keller?"

  "Mr. Stanley, I'm suggesting that you're a bona fide liar and pretender of the utmost magnitude. In other words--I'm wise to you, Norman."

  "Utmost magnitude, huh?" Norman looked up at Keller, cocked his head and flashed a winning grin. "Hey, thanks for the compliment. I appreciate that."

  Keller opened his mouth to speak, paused, and broke into laughter. "You're lucky you're so damned likeable, my friend."

  In the family room, Rudy was half-carrying, half-dragging a very intoxicated Maisy from the kitchen floor to the loveseat in the adjacent family room.

  "You're wonderful, Rudy. You know that?" she slurred, patting Rudy's chest as Keller and Norman rounded the corner.

  "Thank you, Maisy. I like you very much, too."

  "It's too bad you're gay--why are all the good guys always gay?" She frowned. "Except for Norman. He's not a good guy. He's an evil troublemaker."

  "He doesn't mean it, Maisy. He tries to do the right thing. He cares about you very much. Norman is a good man--just a little bit cuckoo."

  "Amen to that," Keller said, laughing.

  "He needs somebody like me to take good care of him and keep him out of trouble," Rudy finished.

  "So, uh . . . that was on the level? I mean about you and Norman being . . . eh . . . together?" Keller said.

  "Rudy's my main man," Norman said, walking over to the big German and patting him on the shoulder. "Thanks for going along with things and not giving me away to my cousin, Keller. It would have been ugly, trust me."

  Maisy slapped her hands over her ears and shrieked. "I thought I told you never to say those words again, Norman!"

  "I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw you, Norman," Keller said, "but I know what you mean. I suspect that your good ol' boy cousin's intensely homophobic."

  "You have no idea," Norman said, shuddering and rolling his eyes.

  "Ya, Big Wilson thinks gay people should be chopped up into sausages and sent on a rocket to another planet," Rudy added. "That's why Norman and I must act very strong and macho when Big Wilson is around. And that is why I, how did you say it . . . sucked Maisy's face, at the restaurant. Believe me, Keller," he said, placing his hand on Keller's arm and transmitting an earnest expression of honesty, "I did not enjoy it--it was only my duty to do it."

  "Hey!" Maisy said, rolling onto her stomach and propping herself up on her elbows.

  Rudy turned a shade of deep pink and shrugged.

  "Don't get your garters in a knot, Maisy," Norman said. "You know Rudy didn't mean it that way."

  "I'm not wearing any garters. Anybody wanna see my brand new fancy lace underpants?" Maisy said, giggling as she began to inch the back of her dress up on her thighs. "I bought them just for our date tonight, Keller. And I'm wearing a matching fancy bra, too!"

  "Is that so?" Chuckling and arching an eyebrow in amusement, Keller walked to Maisy and took her hand away from her dress. "I'd love to take you up on your offer, sweetheart, but this isn't the right time." Patting her behind, he winked, smiled, and sat on the edge of the loveseat next to Maisy.

  "Okay--you just let me know when, and I'll show them to you. Okay?"

  Keller threw his head back and laughed. "That's a deal. But first, let's order some food from someplace 'cause I'm starving." At the word, food, Hershey interrupted with a vigorous bark. "Don't worry Hershey, I'll make sure you're not left out." He scrambled Hershey's fur and scratched behind the dog's ears. "Then the three of you pranksters can spill your guts about this wild propaganda you've been trying to pass off as fact." He looked at Rudy, Norman, and Maisy. "So get comfy, everybody, because we could be here a long time."

  "Uh-oh," Maisy said. "We told some real whoppers, Keller. Didn't we, Norman?"

  "I'm quite certain you did." Keller said with a slow grin.

  "But it was all for a very good reason." Maisy shifted on the loveseat and positioned herself so that her head was resting on Keller's lap. "Because I love you," she said, before indulging in a bellowing yawn and drifting off to sleep.

  ***

  "So, Keller, that's everything, I think, "Norman said about two hours later, splitting the last slice of pizza with Hershey and savoring it. "The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

  Sipping the double espresso Norman made for them in the machine he'd bought for Maisy at Christmas, Keller sat back and smiled with a peculiar gleam in his eye.

  "So, you guys concocted this whole half-baked scheme just so Maisy and I could have a chance at a relationship, huh?"

  "I swear to God, Keller--that's the only reason. And Maisy didn't want to go along with any of it. I sort of forced her into it." He shrugged and laughed. "She needs a little bit of expert guidance in these matters." Norman rose from his chair and brushed his hands together. "Well, it's time to go," he said, rising and stretching. "Ready Rudy?" He shook Rudy's arm to wake him.

  Rudy came to with a start. "Huh? Oh, ya." He yawned. "I am ready to go home now." He looked to Keller and Norman and said, "Did you tell Keller the truth about everything, Norman?"

  Norman nodded. "Yup, I did. I know you probably don't believe me, Keller, but everything I told you is the God's honest truth."

  Keller rose and stretched. "I believe you, Norman. It's too unbelievably ridiculous and farfetched to be a lie." He laughed. "Hey, do you think she's going to be sick?" Keller said, motioning towards Maisy.

  "I don't know. Probably. The girl's not a drinker--contrary to what you've witnessed." Norman laughed. "Maybe I should stay here with her."

  Keller shook his head and stroked the sleeping Maisy's hair. "No. I'll stay with her. I want to be here when she wakes up so she knows everything is okay between us."

  Norman expelled a sigh of relief. "Great, because she thinks you're going to hate her and walk out of her life because of all of this. And she'd kill me."

  "Are you kidding? Hell, I've been trying to think of a legal way to get rid of my sister ever since we were kids!" Keller broke into laughter. "Your plan was pretty ingenious, Norman--a bit convoluted and probably unnecessary, but brilliant all the same."

  That's what I kept trying to tell Maisy. Trust me, I told her. Trust me."

  ***

  "Oh, I'm having one of those wonderful dreams again."

  "Nope. This is real life, sweetheart."

  "Keller--is that really you?"

  "Uh-huh," he said gently, stroking his fingers through her hair,
>
  Maisy fought to come out of the fog of alcohol-induced sleep and fixed her gaze on Keller. "No. You can't be here. You hate me now. I'm never going to see you again because of all those terrible things I did--because Norman and I fixed it so that Sharon would be--."

  "No, Maisy, I don't hate--"

  "Oh! I know. I'm dead. I remember now. I committed chocolatcide." She peered at Keller dreamily. "And if you're here, then I must be in heaven." She snuggled her head into Keller's lap and closed her eyes again. "Thank you, God," she said, before falling asleep again.

  * * *

  Chapter Twenty

  "Yes, honest, I really feel okay, Norman," Maisy said into the phone. "Nope--I never got sick. Keller even made me coffee this morning before he left. He had to go to the winery because there are people scheduled for the tours today. And he wants me to meet him there for the last tour late this afternoon. Can you believe it? He doesn't hate me, Norman! He doesn't hate me!"

  ***

  "As the wine rests, sediment drops from the new wines to the bottom of the tank or barrel," Keller explained to the small tour group as Maisy hung on his every word. "The red wine in barrels absorbs tannin from the wood and the minute amounts of oxygen from the air that will give them character and nudge them towards maturity."

  "What's the difference between white zinfandel and red zinfandel?" one of the tour members asked.

  "Well, despite the popularity of white zinfandel, the grape that all zinfandels are made from is really red. The red skins are removed to produce a paler blush color wine. The current batch of our zinfandel is made from 70-year-old vines in California and aged about a year in wood before being bottled."

  Maisy took in her surroundings--they were surprisingly cavernous, with areas dug out of the rock, and the cellar was somewhat chilly. The scent was woody and earthy and wonderful. This was the first time she'd been below the old mansion in the actual wine cellar. It was unbelievably clean and full of tanks, bottles and barrels and looked just like something out of an old movie. Her gaze fell on Keller again. He wore faded blue jeans and a denim shirt--and looked scrumptious as he and his fresh-faced college-aged assistant, Amanda, poured samples from some of the barrels using something that looked like a cross between a hypodermic needle and a meat-baster. Maisy wore jeans, too, just as Keller had asked her to do--although he wouldn't tell her why. He also asked her to be sure to bring her fancy undies. Maisy blushed as the faint memory of what she'd said about her bra and panties the night before came trickling back.

  "Nothing like making a complete ass out of myself," she muttered under her breath.

  "Did you have a question, ma'am?" Keller asked through a smirk.

  Maisy looked up with a start. "Oh, um, yes. I," she paused, glancing at the others in the group. She cleared her throat and went on, "I was wondering what makes so many of your wines award winners."

  Keller smiled. "You need quality going in to have quality come out," he said. "I can't change grapes, but I can try to steer them in the right direction by reducing acidity through blending. My objective is to achieve balance and harmony among the components that will provide a pleasant tasting wine with a pleasing finish." Keller's gaze lingered on Maisy for a moment before he addressed the rest of the group. "Uh . . . that ends our tour for this afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you all enjoyed it and learned a little bit about how wine is made. Amanda will lead you back to the tasting room and wine shop upstairs where you can sample several of our wines and make any purchases you might like."

  As Maisy followed the group, Keller grasped her arm and held firm, holding her back.

  "Aren't we going upstairs with the rest of them?" she asked.

  "Nope. Amanda will take care of everything. Then she'll lock up and leave--and we'll have the place to ourselves."

  Keller smiled at Maisy's apprehensive expression, stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle.

  "So," you're really crazy about me, huh?" he said, tugging her close and rocking her to and fro. "Head over heels, I'd say."

  Maisy drew in a gasp. "Why Keller Chaney--of all the conceited, arrogant--"

  Keller broke into laughter and turned Maisy to face him. "Listen, Natasha. The time for playing coy with me is far past. Remember, I know all about Operation Shipping Sharon. And I know that you and Norman put on those pitiful, ridiculous disguises so that you could eavesdrop on Sharon and Big Willy."

  Maisy cringed and curled her lip. "Oh, you know about that, huh?"

  Keller nodded. "Norman spilled his guts last night while you were passed out on--"

  "I was not passed out, Keller. I was . . . sleeping."

  Keller paused and laughed. "Right, while you were sleeping after your failed attempt at chocolatcide."

  "My what?!" Maisy was about to read Keller the riot act when she paused and then slapped her hand over her face, groaning. "Oh jeez . . . I remember." "Yup. Like I said, you've got to be mighty stuck on me to go to such extremes." Keller laughed harder.

  Blustering, Maisy stuttered and stammered. "You don't understand. I never meant to . . . I mean, it wasn't supposed to . . ." Giving into a growl of frustration and embarrassment, she finally stamped her foot and turned to leave. Keller caught her, whipped her around, and drew her into a solid embrace. She struggled valiantly at first, only to melt as he planted a trail of kisses along her neck.

  "It's okay, Maisy. I'm extremely flattered," he whispered into her ear. "I've never had anyone do anything quite so remarkable or so wonderful--or so crazy," he chuckled," just because they wanted to be with me." Maisy opened her mouth to speak and Keller placed his finger against her lips. "I still can't believe the incredible lengths you and Norman went to to pull this thing off. But I'm awfully glad you did."

  "You . . . you are? You mean, even knowing that we were trying to get rid of your sister?"

  "Are you kidding?" Keller shook his head. "Maisy, I've been trying to get rid of my loud-mouthed, witchy, buttinski sister ever since I could form a complete thought." He reveled in a bit of devilish laughter. "Don't get me wrong--Sharon's my sister and I care about her, but she drives me freakin' nuts--always has. We just never got along--always clashing and butting heads. And, I guarantee you, she'd never, ever be content to stand by and allow you and me to grow close, Maisy. She'd do her damnedest to break us up. You and I both know that, right?"

  Maisy smiled and nodded. "Let's just say that I can't foresee Sharon and I ever burying the hatchet--unless it was in each other." She erupted into laughter.

  "The only logical solution," Keller said, "is to ship her butt out of here--with a guy that she's perfectly matched with."

  Nodding enthusiastically, Maisy laughed. "Sharon and Big Willy are cut from the same cloth, that's for sure. In fact, they're so perfect for each other it's downright frightening." She looked into Keller's eyes and smiled. "Okay, I'll admit it--I did have a small part," she held her fingers an inch apart, "in all of these schemes to get you and me together, Keller, but I'm not the one who engineered it all. That was--"

  "Say no more." Keller held up his hand. "No one--but no one--except Norman Stanley could have hatched a string of harebrained plots like these. But I have to give the guy credit--it all came together and worked. And you know what?"

  "What?" She stood close and ran her fingers up Keller's shirt.

  "He cares about you a great deal, Maisy." Keller brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them. "Norman may be kooky and crazy--or, cuckoo, like Rudy said--and his plans may be far-fetched, but the guy's got a heart of gold and he really wants to see you happy."

  "I know." Maisy chuckled and nodded. "He's been so good to me ever since I started as a student at his travel school. And he saw me through the whole terrible experience with John. And we were dieting buddies as I lost all that weight--I couldn't have done it without him. Yes, Norman makes me crazy," she laughed, "and sometimes I swear to God I could kill him, but I love him dearly."

  Come on," Keller said with a
twinkle in his eye, leading Maisy to a set of gargantuan arched oak doors. "I've got something special to show you."

  Maisy hesitated.

  "Trust me," Keller said, breaking into laughter.

  "Trust me?" Chuckling, Maisy hit the heel of her palm against her head. "Uh-oh. Where have I heard that phrase before? You've obviously been spending way too much time with Norman."

  Keller unlocked the doors and pushed the massive, heavy slabs of wood open to reveal an underground haven like none Maisy had ever seen before.

  Taking in the tiny waterfall, the plethora of plants, the exquisite lighting, and the massive carved rock furnishings, including a vine-covered bar and stools, she gasped and placed her hand to her chest. "Oh, Keller, this is magnificent. It's like something out of a fairy tale."

  "I didn't even realize it was here when I bought the place years ago. Everything down here was a mess and the doors were hidden behind a mountain of debris. After clearing everything out to start getting the cellar ready for the winery, I discovered the doors and what was behind them. The guy who originally built this place must have had this grotto fixed up as some sort of a retreat for himself, I'm guessing."

  "I love those lights. They look like they're very old," Maisy said, fingering one of the ornate torches.

  "They used to be gaslight torches and somebody along the way had them converted to electric. This is the room I use that's just for me. It's my special little corner of the world, where nothing can bother me and stress doesn't exist. It's like I walk in here and all my cares dissolve."

  Maisy touched his sleeve. "I can see exactly why you'd feel that way. This is like a little bit of paradise."

  Keller turned towards her and tugged her close. "I've never brought anybody else here before, Maisy," he whispered into her hair.

  Maisy swallowed hard and smiled up into those warm pools of chocolate in his eyes. "I'm honored that you'd share it with me, Keller." She held his gaze and time seemed to stand still. And then their lips came together, locked in a kiss that sent vibrations through every nerve ending in her being.