‘Yes,’ Harry nodded. ‘I’ll be taking the passage home.’
Giselle raised her eyebrows then sighed. ‘Harry, I understand, but I will be sad to see you go.’
Harry put both his hands on the desk and leant towards her. ‘Giselle, I am going home because I must do the decent thing and explain in person what has happened to me. But then, as soon as I can, I shall return. So, I would be awfully grateful if you could hold open my job at the bar. I will be gone no longer than three months.’
Giselle removed her reading glasses and stared at him in shock. ‘Harry, are you sure? It is a lot to give up.’
‘I love her, Giselle, and I can assure you that giving up my heritage will be a blessed relief. I’ve never been cut out for the job anyway.’
‘And your wife?’ she asked softly.
‘I can’t live a lie. Is that fair on her? How can I give her what she deserves from me when I’m in love with another woman?’
‘You will tell her the truth?’
‘Yes.’ Harry mentally gritted his teeth. ‘I must. It’s only fair.’
‘You understand how hard it will be?’
‘I do. But I’m jolly well going to do it.’
Giselle’s eyes softened as she looked at the determination on his face. ‘Then I will be glad to welcome you back here when you return.’
‘Thank you. And now,’ he added, ‘I must tell Lidia.’
That evening, when Lidia had finished for the day, Harry sought her out as she was leaving the hotel.
‘Darling, we need to talk. In private.’
Lidia shook her head. ‘No, Harry, I must go now. My mother leaves for Japan tomorrow. Tonight, I must say goodbye to her and my brothers and sisters.’
‘Oh, darling.’ He knew this would be hard for her. ‘Then tomorrow?’
‘Yes, from tomorrow I will be staying at the hotel.’ Lidia sighed. ‘Oh, Harry, my brothers and sisters still think I come with them to Japan. My mother refuses to tell them I do not.’
‘I’ll be here for you,’ Harry soothed, wanting to take her in his arms, ‘but we must speak.’
Her eyes darkened. ‘You have something bad to tell me?’
‘Bad … but also very good, I promise. Lidia, come to my room. I have spoken to Giselle, she will turn a blind eye, as I am now an employee,’ he added, desperate to have her alone so he could hold her in his arms as he told her.
‘You are employee?’ She opened her eyes wide in surprise. ‘We speak tomorrow. Goodbye, Harry.’ She waved as she hurried away. ‘Play well tonight.’
‘I will,’ he muttered as he walked back inside, praying he wouldn’t lose her once she knew the truth.
40
When he had finished playing in the bar the following night, there was a soft tap-tapping on his door.
Lidia hurriedly came in, checking for prying eyes. She closed the door swiftly, locked it and ran to his arms.
‘My darling girl, I have missed this,’ he said as he held her close to him. He felt her sigh heavily. He pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. ‘Have your family gone?’
‘Yes,’ she whispered into his shoulder.
‘Was it dreadful?’
‘Oh yes. My little brothers and sisters cannot understand why I am not coming with them. They cling to me and cry and cry.’ Lidia’s eyes filled with tears. ‘It is such hard decision to make.’
‘I know, my darling, I know. Come, let us lie down and hold each other.’
He led her to the bed and, as he held her and stroked her gently, tracing her perfect features, she talked to him of her pain.
‘Harry, is it right that I must continue to tell a lie to my grandparents?’
‘Sometimes, Lidia, you can tell the truth to hurt and a lie to protect. I believe that’s what you have done. But it is you that will carry the secret, and the burden of that.’ Harry spoke with all his heart, thinking he could not tell her about his marriage now, when she was so vulnerable. And perhaps she didn’t need to know anyway …
A lie to protect …
Surely he could go home, do what he needed to and return to her, free forever?
Harry tried to find the words to tell her what he must.
‘My darling, do you believe that I love you?’
She looked up at him, her amber eyes innocent and trusting. ‘Yes, I do, Harry.’
‘And do you know that I am prepared to give up everything to be with you? Forever?’
Her eyes saddened suddenly. ‘No, I do not know this. But I do not care to ask about future before, as I may not want to hear answer. I try to take beauty of each day. That is Buddhist way. If you have something sad to tell me, not tonight, Harry, please,’ she begged.
‘Sweetheart.’ He held her tighter against him, her closeness and vulnerability producing an automatic stirring in his loins. He ignored it. ‘I am so sorry to talk to you of this tonight, but we are running out of time. It is a little sad, but it has a happy ending. I promise.’
‘I understand,’ she said, knowing she must hear what he had to say. ‘You talk.’
‘Well now.’ Harry took her tiny hands in his and held them tight, like a talisman. ‘I am going to tell you about me.’
Lidia’s eyes were full of dread, but she nodded. ‘Okay.’
‘You see, in England, I am the son of a lord, which I suppose is something like a prince to you here in Thailand.’
Her eyes widened. ‘You are royalty?’
Harry thought how to phrase it. ‘No, but my family was given a house and a title many hundreds of years ago by a king, in return for their bravery and support. Where I live in England, we have the grandest house, and many people working for us on our land, farming it.’
‘Ah,’ she nodded, ‘you are nobleman.’
‘Exactly. And when my father dies, as his only son, I must take over the responsibilities for my estate.’
‘I understand.’
‘Lidia,’ he went on, ‘I never wanted this life. But it is what I was born to and, up until recently, I have accepted it is what I must do.’
‘Family is everything,’ she answered simply.
‘Well, it is –’ Harry stroked Lidia’s hair –‘and it isn’t. When I was in Changi, so many things changed for me. I understand now that this life is very short and can disappear in the blink of an eye. We must make the most of the special things we are lucky enough to find. And I have found you.’ He looked down at her, drawing her eyes up to meet his. ‘Last night, when you had to say goodbye to people you love, was it partly because of me?’
In her innocence, Lidia did not hesitate. ‘Yes,’ she said, ‘of course.’
‘Well, in one week, I must do the same. I must return to England to tell my family I no longer wish to carry the responsibility of my heritage. That I have fallen in love with a woman here, and wish to return to Thailand, to be with you for the rest of my life.’
Her eyes filled with panic and Harry was quick to reassure her. ‘I will be gone no longer than three months, then I will be back, free to be with you, here.’
Harry was used to Lidia falling silent and expressing her thoughts with her eyes. He watched them closely as they went through a gamut of emotions: fear, sadness, sudden happiness and, finally, uncertainty.
Eventually, she spoke slowly, thoughtfully. ‘Harry, you must think carefully about this. Giving up your country and your family and your home is big decision. I know about this. I have done it, but at least I have more here than you will. Perhaps,’ she sighed, ‘when you get to England, you decide you wish to stay.’
Harry shook his head vehemently. ‘That will not happen. I cannot live without you,’ he said simply.
‘Maybe I come to England?’ she suggested.
Harry chuckled and shook his head. ‘My darling, you cannot live there, you would not survive. You are a –’ he searched for the words – ‘hothouse flower. You bloom in the heat of your homeland. I would never ask you to sacrifice your native land for me.’
Lidia was silent for a while then said, ‘But you would do this for me?’
Harry sighed, trying to find words she would understand. ‘For me it’s different. I have been in the Far East for four years now. I am used to the climate and the people.’ He reached for her hand and squeezed it. ‘Please understand, it is no sacrifice. It is what I want. To be here with you, to marry you one day, if you will have me. And to watch our children grow up in the land they belong to. Surely this is what you want too?’
‘Yes, but …’ Lidia shook her head, ‘it is big sacrifice for you to make. For me.’
‘Darling,’ he comforted, ‘we belong together. And I can fit into your world far better than you could ever fit into mine, I promise you.’
‘So,’ Lidia braced herself, a sanguine expression on her face, ‘then you must go home. And I will wait until you return.’
Harry grasped her tightly then kissed her.
‘I will return,’ he promised, cupping her face in his hands. ‘Believe me, darling, I will.’
‘I believe you because I must,’ she said with a sigh, then smiled. ‘Now, I would like you to tell me about your life in England. I want to hear who you are.’
So Harry held her in his arms and told her about himself, his mother and father, and England. He described the icy-cold winds that blew through one’s bones in the winter, and the balmy summer evenings, however rare they were, that made the winters worthwhile. He told her of his school, of joining the Army and how much he had hated it.
And then he ground to a halt, because anything further would have meant mentioning Olivia. He was now convinced his marriage was something Lidia need not know about.
Lidia’s eyes had grown wide as he talked. ‘Maybe one day you can take me there. Show me your mother’s hothouse and all the beautiful flowers that grow in there. Does she have orchids?’ Lidia asked.
‘No, I don’t believe she does,’ admitted Harry.
‘Then when you go home, I will send gift of some orchids for her. You can tell her they are from me; from your Hothouse Flower,’ she smiled.
‘Oh, Lidia.’ Harry could contain himself no longer and kissed her. ‘I love you, I love you so very much.’
She became pliable in his arms as he undressed her, and she rose with the same urgency as he, knowing now how little time they had before he left.
Afterwards they fell asleep, exhausted by the emotional roller coaster of their dual existences and the complexities of trying to unite them.
Just before dawn broke, Lidia rose and kissed him gently.
‘Harry, I must go to my room before anyone notices I am not there.’
‘Of course.’ He pulled her face to his and kissed her hard. ‘Believe me, my angel, my beautiful flower, I will not let you down.’
‘I know,’ she said, dressing silently.
‘I love you,’ he whispered when she turned to leave.
‘I love you too,’ she replied, closing the door behind her.
In the next few days, as Harry’s departure grew closer, they seized every moment to be together. He would meet her in her lunch break, when they could only talk, though the mere touch of each other was a comfort to them both. At night, when Harry returned from the bar, Lidia would be waiting for him in his room. They made love less urgently now and, as Lidia’s confidence grew, she delighted in finding new ways to please him.
Harry felt there wasn’t one inch of her he hadn’t kissed and caressed. He knew intimately every fold of skin, every crevice that made up her perfection. Even though she was little over five feet, her body was in proportion, her upper torso short, her slim hips gently rounded, leading to her long, honey-coloured legs and the perfect, tiny feet, which he could fit into his hand.
They would lie together afterwards, still touching and stroking, talking languidly of their hopes and dreams for the future.
When she left him in the morning, Harry dozed contentedly. He understood now why the fellows with him in Changi had reminisced on the pleasures of lovemaking. He flushed at the thought of the swift, mechanical coupling he had experienced with Olivia. It was like comparing a bleak January in Norfolk with the warmth, colour and lushness of a day in the sun here.
Harry knew without a doubt he had found what he had been searching for. Up until now, his whole existence had seemed pointless, his recent suffering only amplifying the futility of life. Yet, in a matter of weeks, he and his world had changed irrevocably. He now looked to his future with happiness and hope, and, having made the decision to return here forever, he felt calm and accepted the pain this would inflict on himself and others.
No longer did he feel every sunrise simply heralded another day to be endured. For the first time in his life, he felt truly happy.
The day before Harry left Bangkok, he braved his claustrophobia and took a tuk-tuk to a street market a couple of miles from the hotel. He bought silks for his mother and Olivia, and, for his father, an exquisite Chinese pipe, fashioned out of ivory. Then with his last few baht, he chose a tiny silver ring for Lidia; it had an amber stone that would match her eyes.
Harry had already played his last night in the bar, leaving him free to spend his final evening with Lidia. They took a boat upriver to a small restaurant on the opposite bank, its wooden platform stilted so the water slapped gently beneath their feet. By the soft light of Chinese lanterns, Harry took Lidia’s hand across the table.
‘Darling, I have something for you. It’s for me to make a promise to you that very soon I will be back with you forever.’ He opened the box and placed the amber ring on her fourth finger. ‘I want to marry you, as soon as I possibly can. Will you?’
Lidia’s eyes filled with tears. ‘Harry, ka, you know I say yes.’ She looked down at the ring, smiled and held it out in front of her to admire it on her finger. ‘It is the most beautiful present I ever receive.’
That night neither of them slept. They made love and talked of the future and of where they would live when he returned, both relishing each moment and knowing it was their last night together for some time.
‘You know I’ll write every day, don’t you?’
‘And I write to you?’ said Lidia. ‘You give me your address.’
Harry had already considered this. He reached into his bedside drawer and brought out a piece of paper. ‘This is where you must write to.’
She read it, then stowed it carefully in her basket.
Harry had given her Bill’s address. He trusted his young sergeant implicitly; the bond which had formed between them was unbreakable. He remembered the dreadful days before their capture, when Singapore was falling into the Nips’ hands and their battalion was surrounded by Japanese soldiers, far better prepared for jungle warfare than a few fellows from North Norfolk. Harry had bowed to Bill’s superior military instincts, as he deferentially suggested the best plan of action to save their skins.
One morning, Bill had spotted a sniper lurking in the thick vegetation. Five minutes later, a hail of bullets had hit the small band of exhausted British soldiers, immediately taking out four of their party. When all had gone quiet, Harry had stood up, dazed, his ears still ringing from the gunshots. Bill had pounced on him and thrown him to the ground, whilst a volley of bullets meant for him whistled past and hit a banana plant.
‘That was a close shave, sir,’ Bill had breathed, still shielding Harry.
In return, Harry had done something for Bill. When they reached Changi, he had recommended Bill and his gardening ability to the Nips as the man to tend and organise the ever-expanding cemetery. This placement undoubtedly saved Bill’s life. Whilst men were taken away to the north in their thousands to work on the Burma railway, Bill had kept his head down and got on with the gruesome job of burying his comrades, and the Nips had left him alone.
Now Harry needed Bill again. He was the only man he could trust: someone to receive Lidia’s letters and post Harry’s replies. Whilst he was at home, there was no need to hurt Olivia unnecessarily by flaunti
ng his love for another woman, and he could not afford for her to chance upon their correspondence.
Harry let out a deep sigh and Lidia looked at him with concern. ‘What is it, Harry?’
‘Nothing, my darling, other than I’m dreading leaving you.’ He reached for her and took her back into his arms. ‘At least I’ll know that you’re safe here at the hotel whilst I’m away, so that’s a comfort.’
‘Yes, I will be safe and dreaming every day of your return.’
Morning came all too soon. When Harry was dressed, he put his arms round Lidia and held her tightly.
‘My darling, please believe me when I tell you I love you with my very soul … and I will come back for you.’
She looked up at him, her face calm. ‘And I will wait for you here.’
41
England
1946
As the early morning mist cleared and a weak sun broke through the clouds, Harry snapped the locks closed on his suitcase and went out on deck to watch as Felixstowe came into view. The purser had said it would be an hour until the ship docked; an hour before he must face the grey shadows of a former existence he barely remembered.
Even though it was late May and quite mild for England, Harry shivered in the morning breeze. He had endured an agonising month on board, contemplating how he should break the news to his parents and his wife. As the outline of Felixstowe appeared, Harry’s nerve began to fail him. He knew he must remain calm, determined, and be impervious to any emotional entreaties to stay.
He only had to picture Lidia’s beautiful face and her perfect, naked body beneath him, as they made love. No matter what the cost, he could not let that go.
Olivia sat in a dreary dockside café with other nervous wives and parents awaiting the return of loved ones. As she sipped her watery tea and thought how much she hated powdered milk, she wondered whether she would even recognise her husband.
When Bill had returned a few weeks earlier, Elsie had come up to the house the following day and broken down in Olivia’s bedroom.
‘Oh, miss, his hair has gone completely grey and his skin sags like an old man. His legs are like twigs, they are, but he’s got this huge belly on him, which makes him look like he’s expecting twins. He says it’s the rice that did it for him, that all the men in Changi were the same.’ Elsie had blown her nose. ‘I could cope with that … I mean, I’m just grateful that he’s home and alive. But it’s the way he stares, like he’s somewhere else. Like he hardly knows me.’
Hothouse Flower Page 33
