She pushed open the door in the wall and Harry spied the rows and rows of well-tended vegetables. It was triple the size it had been when he left.
‘This is impressive, Olivia.’ He could not bring himself to say ‘darling’. ‘How did you manage without Bill?’
‘I’m not sure,’ she smiled, ‘one just does manage. Jack did as much as he could and at least it meant we could provide the patients with wholesome food.’
Harry glimpsed the hothouse, the sun glinting off its glass, in the corner of the garden. He walked towards it.
‘Unfortunately, the hothouse did not fare so well. It was stripped of flowers and came into its own for growing tomatoes. Bill has been hard at work since he returned, restocking and planting, and it’s slowly returning to its former glory. I think it comforts him somehow.’
‘Shall we?’ Harry indicated the door.
‘Of course, if you would like to,’ Olivia agreed.
Harry pushed the door open and was immediately assailed by a strong fragrance that evoked only one thought: Lidia.
For a second, his head spun and he staggered slightly.
‘Harry, are you feeling all right?’ Olivia took his arm anxiously.
He brushed her away. ‘Don’t!’ he said sharply, then regretted it. ‘Sorry, I …’ His voice trailed off and he walked away along the rows of flowers. He stopped with surprise in front of a tray of orchids. ‘I don’t remember these ever being here.’
Shaken by Harry’s brusqueness, Olivia replied carefully. ‘No, Bill brought them home with him. I am amazed they survived the journey, but apparently Bill tended them every day and they have positively bloomed since they came here.’
‘Bill has always had a natural affinity with plants and I must say orchids are incredibly beautiful.’ Harry stooped to sniff the fragrant scent, allowing himself to drown in memories of Lidia for a few seconds. He stood upright. ‘They grow like billy-o everywhere in the Far East, especially in Thailand.’
‘So Bill tells me,’ said Olivia as the two of them left the hothouse and walked back towards the house. ‘Despite the awful time of it you both had, he said it was a beautiful part of the world.’
‘Oh yes,’ muttered Harry, ‘it was.’
After dinner that evening, Harry climbed into bed beside Olivia. And, despite himself, took her in his arms and made love to her. Her body was all wrong: so much more rounded and fuller than Lidia’s, her skin a startling, unfamiliar white and, worst of all, she smelt so different. Nevertheless, by closing his eyes and allowing his frustration to fuel his ardour as he slammed into his wife, he could take himself back to Thailand, and to Lidia.
Afterwards he lay next to her, guilty and apologetic.
‘I am awfully sorry, I hope I didn’t hurt you. I am … rather out of practice,’ he lied.
‘No, Harry, you didn’t.’ Olivia had taken his violent approach as passion, and was amazed and gratified.
‘Good.’ He kissed her on the cheek and then, disgusted with himself, climbed out of bed. ‘I will sleep in my dressing room tonight. I’m awfully restless just now and often get nightmares. I don’t want to disturb you. Goodnight, Olivia.’
‘Goodnight.’ Olivia blew him a kiss as he walked across the room. ‘I love you,’ she whispered, as the door shut behind him.
Harry pretended he hadn’t heard and walked through to his dressing room. He sat down on his narrow single bed, put his head in his hands and wept silently.
*
In the morning, Harry walked across the park to the hothouse, having been unable to slip away and meet Bill as planned the day before. Bill was nursing his orchids at the far end, his Bakelite radio filling the air with soothing classical music.
He smiled when he saw Harry. ‘Hello, sir. How was your first night home?’
‘Fine.’ Harry shut the hothouse door behind him. ‘Sorry I didn’t make it down here for that cup of tea,’ he apologised.
‘Under the circumstances, I wasn’t expecting you to. I know how everyone wants a bit of you when you first arrive home.’
‘Yes.’ Harry needed to come straight to the point. ‘Bill, you haven’t received any letters for me at your cottage, have you?’
Bill shook his head in surprise. ‘No. Why should I?’
Harry walked over and sat down on the small stool at the end of the hothouse.
‘The thing is, Bill …’ Harry swept a hand through his hair, not knowing how to begin. ‘Can I trust you?’
‘With your life, sir, as you well know.’
‘Exactly. And if I tell you the story of what has happened since I left Changi, it will be with my life,’ Harry said emphatically. ‘I need your help, Bill, but it’s a lot to ask of you.’
‘You know you can count on me, sir.’
‘I rather fear what I have to say will shock you.’
Bill continued calmly watering his plants. ‘After what we both went through in the past four years, I doubt anything you might tell me will shock me. So, fire away, I’m listening.’
‘Right then.’ Harry gathered his courage and slowly began to tell Bill his story. He told him of Thailand, and playing at the Bamboo Bar, and finally of the girl with whom he had fallen irrevocably in love.
‘I simply can’t live without her, Bill,’ he ended, relieved to be speaking the words out loud. ‘And I mean to give up my life here at Wharton Park and return to Bangkok as soon as possible. I was never cut out to be lord and master anyway. And, in the meantime, I’ve given Lidia your address so she can write to me without Olivia finding out.’
He was breathless with emotion and looked up at Bill, who was still tending his flowers. ‘I suppose you think I am a ghastly fellow to betray my wife and family like this.’
‘I don’t think that at all, sir. I think you’ve fallen in love. It’s not your fault she lives on the other side of the world. As you know,’ Bill met Harry’s eyes, ‘my Elsie was all that kept me going in Changi. And if she lived on the other side of the world, I’d go to her.’
‘You would?’
‘I would. Having said that, I’m not already married to another, with the weight of responsibility you have.’ Bill scratched his head. ‘Reckon your news will be a rare old shock for your family. Especially with your father so sick. They’ve all been counting the days till you came home, so you could take over running the estate. Don’t know what they’ll do if you go, sir, I honestly don’t.’
‘Stop calling me “sir”, will you?’ said Harry irritably. ‘When it’s just the two of us, Harry will do nicely.’ He immediately hung his head. ‘Awfully sorry to snap, Bill. I’m just rather apprehensive, as you can imagine.’
‘You must be,’ Bill agreed with a sigh. ‘Wouldn’t like to be in your shoes, and that’s for certain. Anyhow, for my part, there’s no problem with them letters you mentioned. Although I’ll have to put Elsie on to it, if they’re going to be arriving at our house, like.’
Harry was horrified at the thought. He knew how close Elsie and Olivia were. ‘Can she really be trusted to say nothing to my wife?’
Bill nodded. ‘Yes, if I tell her not to. She’s the best keeper of secrets I’ve ever met.’
‘But surely it puts her in such a difficult position?’
‘I’d say it does, but it can’t be helped now, can it? And if you don’t mind me saying so, I wouldn’t like her to see them letters arriving at our cottage from the part of the world where I have just spent the past four years, and think it was me who’d got myself a girlfriend. And that you and I had cooked something up.’
‘No,’ Harry agreed, ‘I can see that. Well,’ he sighed in acceptance, ‘if Elsie has to know, she has to know. And I am hoping it won’t be too long before I can come clean and tell my parents and Olivia of my plans. Even in the past twenty-four hours, I have felt as though I should burst if I don’t.’
Bill whistled. ‘As I said, I don’t envy you, I really don’t. She must be worth it, your girl.’
Harry stood up and gave
a small smile. ‘She is, Bill, she is. Right, I suppose I had better be getting back. I will pop in with a letter for Lidia and a few bob for you to post it for me. And perhaps it’s best if you bring her letters here and leave them under the orchids over there.’ Harry indicated a tray.
‘If that’s what you suggest,’ Bill nodded sagely.
‘Jolly good. Thank you, Bill. Once again you’ve come to my rescue.’ Harry turned to walk towards the door.
‘If I could say one thing …’ Bill ventured, and Harry turned back.
‘Of course, Bill. You know how much I value your opinion. Although nothing on earth could make me change my mind.’
‘I’m not going to try and do that. I can see it would be pointless. What you feel for her is written all over your face,’ Bill said softly.
‘Good. Carry on then.’
‘I was only going to say that it’s taken me a bit of a time to get comfortable again here. It was thoughts of home that pulled me through, that’s for certain. But since I’ve been back,’ Bill tried to find the words to explain, ‘it sounds stupid, I know, I’ve missed things about that funny life we made for ourselves out there. And, more than anything, I’ve missed the place: the heat, the scents of them flowers that grew everywhere, the lushness of it all … and the blue sky above us, framing the picture.’
They were both silent for a while, lost in the past.
Finally, Harry looked at Bill, and gave him a grim smile. ‘I miss those things too, but it’s not all that which is taking me back. I only wish it were that simple,’ he added with a sigh, and left the hothouse.
After Harry had left, Bill continued to tend to the flowers, thinking about what Harry had said and how he would put it to Elsie. He knew she adored Olivia and would not take kindly to betraying her. And, of course, if Harry did as he had suggested he would, Bill had no idea what would become of them all on the estate.
That evening, he told Elsie he needed her to keep something secret.
‘Of course I promise not to tell, if you say not to,’ she said, studying his worried expression. ‘What is it, Bill? Just get on and tell me, why don’t you?’
When Bill had explained the situation, Elsie sat pale and motionless, an expression of shock on her face. Eventually she said, ‘You don’t think he’s really going to do it now, do you?’
‘Yes,’ Bill nodded. ‘I’m sure he is.’
‘But it’ll be the end of the estate if he does. And of us,’ she added grimly. ‘Who’s going to run it if Master Harry leaves? There’s no one else, and I know from Miss Olivia that things are that bad. The farm needs restocking, the machinery is worn out and the house needs all sorts doing to it.’
‘Well, Master Harry said he’d suggest to Lord Crawford that the estate could be handed over to a cousin who’s about the same age as Harry.’
‘That won’t be possible. He means his cousin Hugo, but he was killed in North Africa about eighteen months ago.’ Elsie shook her head. ‘There’s no one else.’
‘I see,’ Bill sipped his tea. ‘I suppose no one has told Master Harry about this yet?’
‘No. Well, it’s not the kind of conversation you have on the first day home. Although, from what Miss Olivia says, Harry wasn’t close to his cousin, so he’s probably not even thought to ask. You never know,’ Elsie’s face brightened a little, ‘the news might make him change his mind. Surely he wouldn’t leave his dying father and his mum alone to run Wharton Park, would he? Because as sure as eggs is eggs, Olivia won’t stay here once she has heard the news.’ Elsie clasped her hands together in despair. ‘After all them years of waiting for him, and he betrays her like this!’
Bill sighed. ‘Sweetheart, it really isn’t our business and –’
‘Yes it is, Bill!’ Elsie was angry now. ‘Because that fool of a young master has made it ours by telling you!’
‘Yes. You’re right. It’s a bad business all round, but what could I do?’ Bill asked her.
‘You could have said no,’ Elsie snapped.
‘Elsie, come now, you know neither of us can refuse when we’re asked to do something for the Crawfords. They give us our livelihoods here.’
‘I’d say this goes beyond the call of duty, Bill. It makes me sick to my stomach, it does! How I’ll face Miss Olivia tomorrow, I don’t know.’
‘I’m sorry, sweetheart.’ Bill moved to give Elsie a hug, but she pushed him away.
‘You do as you must, Bill, and pass him them letters. But as for me, I want no part in it and I don’t want to talk about it again.’ She rose from the table, slung her cup into the sink and went out into the garden, slamming the door behind her.
43
Harry heard about the demise of his cousin Hugo over lunch that day. His father imparted the news in his usual unemotional manner and, although Harry tried not to let the shock show in his demeanour, Adrienne noticed immediately. She reached across the table and put her hand on his.
‘I am sorry, Harry. You were fond of him. But there is some good news,’ she comforted. ‘Hugo’s wife, Christiana, was pregnant before he left for Africa. She has had a dear little boy and they have named him Charles, after his grandfather. You see? Life does go on.’
‘How old is the child?’ asked Harry.
‘Almost two now.’
Harry’s heart sank. A toddler could hardly run the Wharton Park Estate.
Christopher yawned loudly and Adrienne immediately stood up and went to him. ‘Time for your rest, my darling.’
‘Fuss! Fuss! Fuss!’ he complained as Adrienne helped him up and led him to the door.
‘When I have settled your father, the three of us will take coffee on the terrace together, oui? It is such a beautiful day again.’
‘Actually,’ said Olivia, ‘I have to go to Cromer. There’s some final paperwork that needs filling in on my Land Girls. One can’t end a war without paperwork, can one? Do you need anything, Harry?’
Harry shook his head. ‘No, thank you, Olivia.’
‘By the way,’ she added, ‘a Major Chalmers telephoned here this morning. He was checking on your safe return and your health. I said you would telephone him back. The number is written down.’
‘Right,’ Harry breathed. ‘Thought I would have to report back soon.’
‘Well, I rather think your mother wants to talk to you about all that sort of thing.’ Olivia kissed him on the top of his head as she passed him. ‘There is a lot for you to catch up on here, as you can imagine.’
Adrienne joined him on the terrace for coffee a few minutes later. Harry thought he may as well get the ball rolling as soon as possible.
‘Mother, just how sick is Father?’
‘Chéri, I think you can see for yourself how frail he is,’ said Adrienne quietly, passing him his cup.
‘What exactly is the prognosis? I mean, Olivia said that if he was careful, he should be able to have a few more years, but …’
Adrienne took a sip of her coffee. ‘Harry, I am so sorry to be blunt when you have only been home one day, but you must know the truth.’ She sighed and reached for his hand. ‘Your father is dying. He had a serious stroke not two months ago, which has left him numb down his left side. That is why he struggles to walk.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘Oh, my Harry, I apologise that I must tell you this so soon, but we have very little time. He could leave us at any moment and, before he does, as his heir, you must speak with him and learn about running the estate.’
‘I see.’ Harry lifted his cup to his mouth, struggling to control the shaking in his hand.
‘Olivia and I have done our best, but all the paperwork and finances – your father has always taken care of them. There are many matters now outstanding, mais,’ Adrienne sighed, ‘there is very little money left in the estate accounts. Olivia and I have arranged the staff wages for the past few months, so I know how very bad things are. Mon dieu, Harry, things could not be worse.’
Harry agreed silently with his mother’s statement. He cleared his th
roat and asked, ‘But how can I run the estate? I am due back in the Army any day.’
‘Non, Harry,’ Adrienne said firmly. ‘There will be no more Army for you. You are needed here, to put the estate back on its feet. We have one hundred workers whose livelihoods depend on you. So you are to be invalided out. Your father has organised this. And I am sure you will be glad of it, n’est-ce pas?’
As he sank further into a morass of despair, Harry felt glad of nothing. And he resented the way decisions had been made for him. After the strictures of imprisonment, he had just started beginning to make them for himself. He had forgotten that, here, his life was not his own. He opened his mouth to speak but, realising whatever he said would sound angry and bitter, he shut it again.
Adrienne studied her son’s drawn face as he sat silently opposite her, staring off into the distance, his eyes full of misery.
‘Chéri, I understand how you must feel about coming home to the news of your father’s bad health. At least you have the luxury of spending some time with him before he dies. And, Harry,’ Adrienne comforted, ‘Olivia and I will help you with the task you have ahead of you. The best decision you ever made was to marry her. I have nothing but praise for her, she has been truly magnifique, and I do not know what I, or Wharton Park, would have done without her.’
The best decision you ever made, Mother, thought Harry bitterly.
He jumped to his feet, unable to sit with her any longer. ‘I do apologise, Mother. It has all been quite a shock and I need some time alone. I will take myself off for a walk.’
‘Of course. Je suis désolée, chéri,’ she called after him as he walked swiftly down the steps from the terrace and away from her.
Harry walked fast, his breathing coming in short, uneven bursts. He ran from the cloying perfection of his mother’s garden and kept going until he reached open fields, swaying with green-eared corn.
He threw himself down on to the rough ground and let out a scream of agony and frustration, beating the bare earth like a toddler and crying Lidia’s name to the skies. Then he wept uncontrollably, for the girl he knew he would never stop loving and the future he had wanted so much.
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