A pair of bright, amber eyes stared back at him. Then they creased with displeasure and the perfect miniature mouth pouted. And the silence was immediately filled with the indignant cry of a newborn baby, hungry for milk.
‘I had already guessed, of course, the reason Lidia had gone into hiding,’ Giselle sighed as Bill sat in her office, holding the nowsated baby in his arms. ‘She was always so slim, but I noticed she had filled out. Here in Thailand, to be unmarried and with child is the worst possible disgrace. But I also knew I could not ask her unless she chose to tell me.’
‘Thank goodness I found her, ma’am. She was in a terrible state, hardly conscious.’ Bill took a hefty gulp of the brandy Giselle had poured him when he’d arrived back at the hotel. He noticed the glass shook as he brought it to his mouth. He had seen a lot during the war, but he knew it would be a long time before the past few hours stopped haunting him.
After the shock of finding the baby, its constant crying had dragged Bill from his heat-induced torpor. He took the tiny thing with him and ran from the house, back to the market. The flower man was reticent at first, but the exchange of further notes elicited the appearance of the ancient truck he used for transporting his orchids from the warehouse: it would now take Lidia to the medical attention she so urgently needed.
‘It is a miracle you found her when you did.’ Giselle looked at him with concern. ‘How was she when you left her at the hospital?’
‘She was unconscious … very sick. I don’t know what’s wrong with her. I couldn’t understand what the doctors were saying, you see. She was on a drip in her arm and oxygen when I left,’ Bill explained. ‘And, ma’am, when I lifted her off the mattress to carry her downstairs to the truck, there was blood everywhere …’ Bill’s voice tailed off. ‘She was soaked in it … I mean, from where the baby had come from. I don’t know whether she’ll make it, really I don’t.’ Bill caught his breath and swallowed hard. ‘At least she’s being taken care of now, not alone in that stinking room.’
‘Do they know how old the baby is? It looks pretty small to me.’ Giselle eyed the bundle asleep in Bill’s arms.
‘Her cord’s not dropped off yet, so I’d say only a few days. The doctors checked her over, then handed her to me. I think they thought I was … her dad.’ Bill blushed and looked down at the baby. ‘I don’t know a lot about these babies, more used to calves on the farm, but this little one seems fine and healthy to me. She’s certainly hungry for her grub, that’s for sure.’
‘And she’s beautiful,’ Giselle’s eyes softened, ‘beautiful.’
‘Yes. She is.’ Bill’s eyes misted over as he glanced down at the baby. ‘But tell me, ma’am, where do I go from here? What do I do with her?’
‘Mr Stafford, please, I really couldn’t tell you. Perhaps for now, whilst Lidia is so ill, you must take care of her baby. And then, when she is well, decisions can be taken.’
‘Excuse me for saying, but I know nothing about babies. What do I do with the … mess she makes? They changed her at the hospital, but –’ Bill wrinkled his nose – ‘I can smell she’s not clean now.’
‘I’m sure we can find some towelling napkins and milk. She can sleep with you in your room – we have a bassinet somewhere in the store …’
‘And what if Lidia doesn’t get well, ma’am? What do I do then?’ Bill knew the shock was getting to him. He felt fearful, panicked and unprepared to be responsible for the welfare of a newborn baby.
Giselle sighed. ‘Really, Mr Stafford, that is not a decision I can have a part in making. Lord Crawford – perhaps he should be told?’
‘No, ma’am, I can’t do that. We agreed there should be no contact, in case it was intercepted. If her Ladyship ever heard about this …’ Bill cast his eyes down at the baby. ‘They’re expecting one of their own soon.’
‘Lord Crawford has been a busy boy, hasn’t he?’ Giselle raised an eyebrow. ‘ Alors! It is left to you to clear up his mess.’
‘I’d put it more kindly than that,’ Bill replied defensively. ‘He couldn’t help falling in love. And it’s clear as the stars in the sky Lidia still loves him.’ Bill hesitated, a little overcome. ‘She thought I was Harry, that I’d come back for her, just as his Lordship had promised. I felt right guilty not saying I wasn’t and all, but I didn’t want to upset her any further. She was that ill. Oh, dearie me,’ he gulped, ‘you’re right, ma’am; what a mess, what a bloody mess.’
Bill drained his brandy and the two of them sat in silence, lost in their own thoughts.
‘It is so very sad,’ sighed Giselle eventually. ‘This little one is yet another casualty of the chaos and pain this war has left behind. But, Mr Stafford, you must think practically. If Lidia does not recover, there are orphanages here who take such children.’
Bill shuddered. ‘Let’s hope she does recover. Mind you, then I’ll have to explain to her that she will never see his Lordship again, that he is married already, with a babe on the way in England.’
‘I do not envy you, Mr Stafford. But I am sure you will handle it well. Please tell Lidia, when you see her, that I send my love. And now I will organise some more milk for that bottle, napkins and a bassinet.’
‘Thank you.’ Bill stood up, the baby in his arms, feeling exhausted from the trauma of the day. ‘I am grateful for all your help, ma’am.’
Giselle followed him towards the door. ‘My dear Mr Stafford, we must all do the little we can.’
*
In the following week, Bill had no choice but to learn fast how to care for Lidia’s baby. Laor, the cheerful, capable Thai maid who cleaned his room every day, proved invaluable. She showed him how to feed, wind and change the baby, and giggled when she watched Bill fumbling with the napkin pin. He began to know the baby’s routine, understanding she cried when she was wet or hungry, or had something Giselle called colic – often at five in the morning. He took pleasure in relieving her pain, patting her back until she burped, feeling her tiny body go slack and her little head fall contentedly on to his shoulder. Then he would crawl back into bed, exhausted, and wake only when the babe cried for her next feed at around eight.
He visited Lidia in hospital every morning, taking the baby with him. She was still unconscious, her temperature raging, and the nurses looked at him with sympathy as he changed and fed the baby on a mat by her bed. Giselle asked her Thai deputy manager to telephone the hospital and speak to a doctor: Bill learnt that Lidia had suffered a serious haemorrhage after the birth. The doctor said the prognosis was not good. Lidia was still bleeding and infection had taken hold in her womb. She was on powerful medication to stem the infection but, at present, she was not responding.
Bill sat with her, using the cloth placed in the bowl of water by her bed to cool her burning forehead, but it seemed such an inadequate gesture. Sometimes she stirred, opened her eyes for a few seconds then closed them. He knew she was unaware that he and the baby were there.
Bill was getting desperate. His ship sailed for England in three days and he had no idea what he should do if she didn’t regain consciousness before he left. He did know, however, that she would be in no fit state to care for her child for many weeks to come.
Laor had shown him how to settle the baby in a Thai-style sling, and Bill set off with the baby in the sling to spend the afternoons with Priyathep, the flower man. Together they visited the main flower market in Bangkok, choosing the plants he wished to take back to England with him.
As they trundled through Bangkok’s hot crowded streets, Bill learnt from his new friend about caring for and cultivating orchids. He knew this knowledge would prove invaluable. Priyathep’s family had been growing orchids in their nursery in Chiang Mai for three generations, gathering them from the mountainous jungles that surrounded their village. Priyathep had promised to ship any new species they found in future straight to Wharton Park.
During these expeditions, the baby slept peacefully against his chest, only crying if she was hungry or dirty. Bill felt
foolish and self-conscious at first, but was surprised how soothing he found the warmth of her tiny body against his.
‘She nice baby,’ Priyathep said one day. ‘No trouble. You good Daddy.’
Bill had felt a surge of pride.
‘You are good, and right beautiful, sweetheart,’ Bill murmured as he changed her proficiently one night, her amber eyes staring up at him with such trust it made his heart break. He picked her up from the bed and kissed the top of her dark, downy head. He rocked her gently and she snuggled into his shoulder. ‘What am I going to do with you, little one?’ he sighed in despair as he lay her down in her bassinet. She looked at him and, perhaps it was his imagination, but he was sure she smiled, before bringing her fist up to her mouth and sucking it for comfort as she closed her eyes.
*
With two days left before his ship sailed, and Lidia still unconscious, Bill knew he had to start making plans.
‘Do you know of a kind family who would take her here in Bangkok?’ he asked Priyathep, as they began the delicate task of packing the orchids into crates.
‘No. People here too many babies. Not enough money or food. Mummy die, baby go to home for orphan,’ Priyathep stated bluntly.
Bill sighed. ‘Do you know of one?’
‘I know, yes, but not nice place, Mister Bill. Too many baby, maybe four in one cot. Smell too.’ Priyathep wrinkled his nose. ‘Baby get sick there and die. No good.’ He eyed the baby, who was sleeping in a shallow crate lined with a blanket whilst Bill worked. ‘No future for her here if Mummy die.’
After a sleepless night, Bill went to the hospital as usual, and found a smiling nurse by Lidia’s bed. She pointed and said something in Thai. Bill saw Lidia’s eyes were wide open, looking enormous in her thin, grey face. His heart skipped a beat – he hadn’t expected this and was unprepared. Lidia’s eyes focussed on him and immediately filled with fear.
‘Who are you?’ The voice was weak and hoarse. ‘Where Harry? Did I dream he come to me? Why you have my baby? Give her to me!’ Her arms struggled towards the baby, tightly held against Bill’s chest in her sling.
The nurse turned and comforted Lidia in Thai, then helped remove the baby from the sling and settle her in the crook of one of Lidia’s arms.
Lidia fired questions at the nurse and the woman answered whilst Bill stood by, powerless. He knew the moment had come. He would have served another year in Changi rather than face it.
When the nurse had left, Lidia turned to Bill, her eyes blazing with anger.
‘Why you tell nurse you are father of baby? You are not! Who are you? Tell me!’
‘I swear, I didn’t say that, Miss Lidia. I can’t speak Thai anyway. I think they just thought I was, because I brought you here. I’m Bill Stafford, Lord Harry’s friend. He sent me to Bangkok to find you.’
‘Harry? He is … not here?’ The fear and anger drained from Lidia’s eyes and they filled with tears. ‘But I saw him, he came to me … he held me … I …’
‘Lidia, it was me that came to your room. Harry isn’t here. He’s in England. I’m sorry, really I am, but there it is.’
‘No, no, I see him … I fight to stay alive for him … he came back for us,’ she moaned, closing her eyes as tears nudged from the corners and down her cheeks.
‘Lidia, I – he loves you. He loves you so much. You mean the world to him, really you do.’
‘Then why he not here now? He promise, he promise me he return to me,’ she moaned quietly.
‘His father died. He has to run his family estate in England. He would be here if he could, I swear.’ Bill knew everything he said was a feeble, unworthy attempt to comfort a woman who could never be comforted.
‘He will come soon?’ Lidia asked, her voice no more than a whisper, now that her small burst of energy was spent.
‘He can’t come here, Miss Lidia. That’s why he sent me.’
‘Then you are here to take us to England …’
Bill could see Lidia was fading.
‘You get some rest, Miss Lidia,’ he said, reaching for her hand. ‘I’ll stay right here with you. We’ll have a chat later and I’ll tell you everything.’
‘He will come. He love me … he love me …’
Lidia’s voice tailed off as she fell asleep.
For the next two hours, Bill sat by Lidia’s bedside, his heart breaking at the sight of her reunited with her daughter and dreaming of a future which could never be theirs. When the baby woke, hungry, Lidia slept on; Bill eased her from Lidia’s arms, fed and changed her, and put her gently back.
When the sunset cast an eerie, sienna glow through the windows of the ward, Lidia stirred. A nurse appeared with a doctor and indicated that Bill should leave.
Outside, Bill bought himself a beer and a bowl of noodles, and sat on the steps of the hospital to eat. Despite his years of suffering at Changi, he doubted he had ever felt so hopeless. And alone.
An hour later, Bill was allowed back on to the ward. Lidia was propped up on pillows, looking painfully fragile, but her eyes were more alert, her countenance calm.
‘Please, Mister Bill, sit down.’ She indicated a chair. ‘The doctor tell me you very kind. You bring me here, take care of my baby and visit every day. He say you good man.’
‘I’ve done my best, Miss Lidia. And she –’ Bill indicated the baby nestled in her mother’s arms – ‘is a sweetheart.’
Lidia smiled down at the baby. ‘You think she look like her daddy?’
Bill thought she looked just like her mother, but he nodded anyway. ‘Yes, she does. And all this time, I’ve wanted to know what her name is?’
‘Jasmine. Her name Jasmine. Harry, he tell me his mother grow it in garden in England. It grow here too. It is beautiful plant with beautiful smell.’
‘I love it too, miss,’ Bill agreed. ‘And it’s a fine name.’
‘I hope Harry will like it. And you are Bill –?’
‘Stafford, Miss Lidia. I was in Changi with Lord Harry. We got each other through, really …’ Bill grimaced at the memory. ‘But, at home in England, I’m his gardener.’
‘Gardener?’ Lidia raised an eyebrow. ‘He send gardener to find me?’
‘He knew he could trust me, Miss Lidia. I’d do anything for him, really I would.’
Lidia’s eyes softened. ‘Yes, he very special man. I cannot wait to see him and show him our baby. I understand now from his letters he cannot come here. His father die. So, you come to find me and to take me to Harry in England, yes?’
‘Lidia, I –’
‘But I cannot go to England now, Mister Bill.’ Lidia shook her head. ‘Doctor tell me there is much damage inside me from baby, I must have immediate operation. Before, they cannot make, as I too ill and they think I die anyway. They say maybe many weeks before I okay. If I okay. So, we must wait before I can go on long journey.’
Bill swallowed hard. He knew how brave she was being, how ill she really was. ‘Miss – I mean, Lidia – I …’
He faltered and she read the dread in his eyes.
‘What is it?’
‘Oh, miss, I don’t know how to tell you. I’m …’
‘He does not want me any more?’ Her face was alight with pain.
‘No, he loves you, miss, more than anything. It’s not that … I –’
‘If he loves me, everything is okay, so you must tell me, Mister Bill, what has happened to my poor Harry.’ She looked at him, her implacable belief in mutual, undying love giving her a stoic resolve that only made Bill feel more inadequate.
‘Perhaps I should come back after your operation, when you’re feeling stronger,’ he offered. ‘I don’t think it’s right to tell you now.’
‘Mister Bill, I have nearly die. And I may die in operation, or after. Doctor already tell me this. It is tomorrow,’ she added. ‘There is no time. So, you must tell everything now. Please, Mister Bill,’ she pleaded, ‘I must know.’
‘I – oh, miss …’
Lidia reached out
a small, shaking hand towards him in comfort. ‘I see it is bad. I am prepared. Do not worry. I know he love me and that is all that matters. Tell me, please.’
So Bill – who seemed to have such paltry inner strength compared to the woman whose life he was shattering – did so. He spoke the words he had dreaded and watched as her face betrayed no emotion, though her hands clenched and unclenched in despair. And then Bill looked at the tiny, precious testament to Lidia’s overwhelming love, lying asleep in her arms. And knew he could not tell her the whole story and announce the news of his Lordship’s other imminent arrival, far away in England.
‘So, there it is. Harry is married and, with his father gone, he has all the responsibility resting on his shoulders. I can’t tell you how sorry I am, for both of you, Miss Lidia. He meant to come back to you, really he did, was going to tell his wife everything and ask for a divorce. But even he knows now he can’t. He told me to tell you he’ll love you forever,’ Bill finished. ‘Believe me, Miss Lidia, he’s right miserable, he is, just like you are. I am … so sad for both of you.’
Lidia stared straight ahead; catatonic.
‘Does he know of baby?’ she eventually asked in a whisper.
‘No. He doesn’t.’
Lidia nodded. Bill could see her thinking.
‘He cannot have me. Even if I live.’
‘No, Miss Lidia, with the best will in the world, he can’t.’
‘Maybe he have his child, if he knew?’
Bill knew the answer, but Lidia’s face was becoming greyer by the second. ‘Oh, miss, I doubt it,’ he replied feebly.
‘I want you to ask him if he take our child.’ She reached for him suddenly and tugged his sleeve. ‘I want you send telegram tonight. Ask him. Please, Mister Bill, you must. I have no time, I must decide what is best for Jasmine whilst I can.’ The urgency was mining all her strength; her hand fell from Bill’s arm and she closed her eyes. ‘I do not matter. I have looked at death already and maybe it is destiny I will leave this earth soon. But our child … our baby … should not suffer. Harry will not let that happen. I know he would not. You must take her to him … take her to her father …’
Hothouse Flower Page 39
