by Ts McKinney
I frowned. “And I love you, too, Baker.” Shit, the problem was worse than I’d even suspected. Despair lurked in his eyes. “Baker, I need you to go inside the house, remove all your clothing, and kneel beside the front door. Wait for me there.”
He took a deep, faltering breath. “It’s okay, Seth. We don’t have to.”
“Do as you’re told, please.”
Without looking at me, he climbed out of the car, made his way to the front door, and went inside. I sat there…waiting. Never in my life did I imagine finding myself in this position, so I wasn’t properly prepared. Not properly prepared might be an understatement. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.
I’d never wanted it before. With Baker, it was all I could think of.
Would I be pushing too hard? Moving too fast?
Not only was I the only man Baker had ever had sex with, I had a feeling I was the only serious relationship he’d ever been in. Well, we had that much in common-the relationship part. I’d been so caught up in what I was doing…what I wanted…that I hadn’t paused long enough to see that the man I loved was hurting.
And he was hurting because of me.
Satisfied that I’d given him enough time, I climbed out of the car and made my way to the front door. I’d already texted William, our housekeeper, to ensure that everything was in place, so at least I wouldn’t have that to worry about. That left only a half a million other worries floating around in my head.
I stepped inside to find Baker naked and kneeling, just as I’d requested. His chin rested against his chest in a submissive pose. Knees were spread, and hands clasped behind his back. His posture and posing were perfect. His cock was limp.
So his body was perfect, but his heart and soul weren’t playing along.
I’d never been angrier in my entire life. Angry at myself for letting him get to this point. I should have explained. Fuck, I’d thought that since I was happier than I’d ever been in my life, he would feel the same. For the past three weeks, I’d taken my eyes off the prize.
I would never do it again.
I moved to stand in front of him and put one of my fingers beneath his chin to lift his face. He was, even with sadness lurking in his blue eyes, the most beautiful creature on the face of this earth. How could I have ever gotten so fucking lucky to have won his love?
“You aren’t happy, are you, Baker?” I asked softly.
“Of course, I am,” he lied.
“Why aren’t you hard for me?”
He tried to drop his head, but I wouldn’t allow it. “Honesty, Baker. Remember? With our games, one must always be honest.”
He closed his eyes slowly and then opened them again. “Because I’m angry with you. I’m afraid. I’m confused. I…I think you aren’t happy with me anymore, that you’ve grown tired of me.” Another blink. “And I think you might be seeing someone else. That’s why I’m not hard…Sir.”
Seeing someone else? My knees nearly collapsed as his words seeped into my soul. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. I was pretty sure my heart stopped beating.
A tiny part of me wanted to be angry with him. How could he doubt how much I loved him? The remainder of me placed the blame where it belonged. With me.
“You think I might be seeing someone else, yet you’re still here…kneeling for me?” I asked, finally finding my voice.
“Always,” he answered. “As long as you’ll have me.”
“As long as I’ll have you,” I repeated softly. “Well, let’s try to figure out how long that will be, shall we?”
His blue eyes shot up toward mine, anger flashing before it quickly dimmed into hurt. My Baker had been there for a split second. The fiery, feisty Baker that ripped my heart right out of my chest when I’d least expected it. Sad, insecure Baker just wouldn’t do. “Kiss my cock, Baker,” I ordered.
Another flash of anger, but it diminished just as quickly as he leaned forward and placed a kiss on the front of my pants. I stepped back and said, “Crawl to the bedroom.”
“What?” he hissed, a remarkably ugly frown knotting his brows.
I bit back a smile, thankful that feisty Baker couldn’t stay hidden for very long. God…I hoped he loved me as much as I loved him.
“I’m sorry; I thought I’d spoken clearly. Crawl down the hall to the bedroom.”
I watched the battle waging within him. He didn’t want to do it, but he didn’t want to disobey either. Silently, I wondered which one would win. My Baker or the Baker I’d created with my lack of proper attention. He started crawling.
Damn it!
Tears threatened to pool in my eyes as I watched him crawl toward the hallway. We’d taken ten steps forward in Miami and a hundred steps back in Colorado, not what I’d dreamed of. He’d made it one fourth of the way down the hall when he paused, sat back on his heels, and muttered something unintelligible. Hope sprang up inside of me as I walked past him.
“Did I tell you to stop, Baker?” I asked.
He took a couple of deep breaths and said, “You know what, Seth. If you want somebody to crawl down the hall, you can do it your fucking self! No, better yet, why don’t you get whoever you’ve been sneaking around on the phone and computer with! Get them to crawl down your fucking hall because I’m not doing it. Fuck that!” He gracefully stood up and glared at me. “That’s something a sub would do and we both know I haven’t been that to you since Miami!”
I continued to look at him, my heart swelling with pride and love. His chest heaved with fury and his eyes flashed defiance. I loved him so fucking much.
“There he is,” I whispered softly, a huge-ass grin on my face. I know I had to look like a total fool but didn’t give a shit. Love was beautiful, regardless of how stupid it made you act at times.
Frowning, he hissed, “What the hell does that mean? I’ve been here all along, Seth. It’s you who’s been absent from this relationship, not me.”
I crossed my arms and faced him. “I don’t believe I’ve been absent, Baker, but I do apologize for my actions over the past few weeks. I’ve been…distracted.”
He snorted. “Yeah, noticed that.”
“I have a present for you in the bedroom, Baker. I’d like for you to go into our room…but don’t touch the gift. There are some things I need to say before you open it.”
Baker straightened his back and stared at me long enough that I nearly squirmed. I had imagined this night hundreds of times over the past several weeks, but in all my fantasies, it was nothing like this. Of course, with Baker, things had never been what I’d expected, and I suspected it would always be that way.
Finally, he said, “If there’s another man in there and this is your way of asking me for a threesome, so help me Jeezus, I’m going to kill you slowly, Seth. I mean it. I don’t share.”
“Neither do I,” I answered.
“Fine,” he snapped.
“Fine,” I answered.
After another two-minute staring contest, he walked past me, toward the bedroom. My heart pounded, and my palms felt sweaty. I was literally dizzy with a mixture of terror and happiness. This could go so right…or so wrong. I followed him into the bedroom, nearly bumping into him when he paused at the doorway.
A large package, wrapped in white with a giant red bow on top, sat in the middle of the bed. I watched as he eyed it like it could be a bomb of some sort. After a few seconds and hopefully concluding that the present wasn’t something dangerous, he walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.
“On the bed or floor?” he asked softly. A cute blush painted his cheekbones.
“Bed,” I answered.
Wondering where to start, I paced back and forth in front of him for a few seconds. He was angry and thought I was cheating on him. That needed to be dealt with straight away. “Why would you think I’m cheating on you, Baker? I committed my heart to you in Arizona.” I smiled. “Hell, I committed my heart to you in Miami, but wasn’t man enough to admit it to you. Why, babe? What have I d
one?”
I could see he struggled and, again, I wondered which Baker would make an appearance. Hoping to help, I added, “I love you, Baker Daley.”
“Why won’t you take me into your playroom, then? You handle me like some kind of fragile butterfly that might get my wings damaged if you fuck me too hard!” He took a deep breath, clearly on a roll after he’d gotten past his initial hesitation. “You’re on the phone with somebody, whispering about something you don’t want me to hear. That makes you look guilty. When I walk into the room, you slam your laptop shut like it has the winning lottery numbers on it and you’re afraid I’ll see them! I…I know that I’m inexperienced and probably not anywhere close to the best lay you’ve ever had, but I thought I’d made it pretty damn clear that I’m willing to give anything a try. It’s…it’s like you aren’t even giving me a chance, Seth,” he accused. His eyes filled with tears when he said, “You’re everything to me and I want to be that for you. If you’ll just give me a chance, I think I can give you what you need. I…I just need that chance, Seth. Why aren’t you giving it to me?”
This time, I felt the tears streaming down my face. I’d never been in love before; I didn’t know how to handle situations like this. I had no clue how to fix my fuck-ups. Honesty…just like I’d told Baker earlier.
“You’re already everything to me, Baker,” I said. “What don’t you think you’re giving me?”
“Sex. Submission.” He quickly answered. “Those are the two things that I can give you, but you aren’t allowing me to do either. Submission is something I’m good at and I’ll learn to be better at the other.”
If he got any better at it, he’d kill me.
“What do you think my role is in this relationship?”
“Huh?”
“You said that I wouldn’t take you to my playroom, correct?” He nodded. “It’s because the doctor says you have an injury, Baker. It’s my privilege to take care of you in every possible way. I’m not here just to fuck and dominate you. I’m here to love you, Baker, and loving you will sometimes mean taking care of you when you’re sick. It’s been my honor to do things to help you heal.”
He frowned.
“I also question my own ability to…hold back and not be too rough while you’re injured. Your safety has and will always be my top priority.”
He held his hand up. “Oh…no, no, no. We aren’t turning this around on me…making it my fault! I see what you’re trying to do,” he accused. “You’re distracting me by saying all those things you know I want to hear. It isn’t going to work, Seth,” he huffed. “What about the phone calls? Computer shit? What about those?”
He looked quite pleased with himself…and hurt at the same time. “What disciplinary number are you on right now, Baker?” I’d been collecting disciplinary points since our first day in Arizona. Once the doctor did finally release him, he wouldn’t be sitting down for a full month.
“Three hundred and twelve…not that it matters, I guess,” he answered.
“Make that three hundred and thirteen, please,” I countered. “Baker Daley, I’m in love with you. You stole my heart from me when I wasn’t looking, and I don’t ever want you to give it back. I’ve planned this night for several weeks…which led to my being distracted…and whispering on the phone…and computer secrets. I’m sorry, babe. I turned something that should have been one of the most beautiful nights of our lives into something that ended up being hurtful to you. Please don’t ever doubt me again, Baker. I love you. Only you. Always you.”
He tapped his fingers against the bedding. Both hands.
“Well…I kinda feel like shit now,” he mumbled. Looking up at me, with those bewitching blue yes, he asked, “You want me to go back and crawl down the hall?”
Even with the tears streaking down my face, I burst out laughing. Only he could do that to me. It was Baker Daley from that first day and always would be Baker Daley. “I ought to make you,” I answered between laughs.
“You were trying to piss me off, weren’t you?” he asked.
“Yes, babe. I didn’t like the sad Baker. I like my sassy Baker. I thought the ‘kiss my cock’ would do it, but you held out longer than I expected.”
“Do I still get my present?” he asked playfully. “Cause if it’s a puppy, we need to get it out of that box. I don’t see any air holes and it isn’t making any noise.” He winked at me. “Permission to open present, Sir?”
The coward in me wanted to run and hide. The Dom in me answered, “Permission granted.”
Like we hadn’t just been involved with our first huge fight and he hadn’t accused me of cheating on him only minutes earlier, Baker scrambled to the middle of the bed and grabbed his package.
“Wow. That’s a tiny puppy,” he said. “It doesn’t weigh anything.”
“Just open the damn present, Baker,” I growled. Patience, especially under intense pressure, had never been my strong suit.
I noticed his hands trembled as he unraveled the red bow. Right before he removed the lid, he looked over his shoulder and said, “I love you, Seth Wilkinson. You made my world a better place to live in.”
The box was intentionally large. The gift was small…but gigantic in emotional value. I waited, breath held, as he lifted the lid and stared into the box. He stared. And stared. And stared.
I couldn’t hold my breath any longer…nor could I force air into my lungs.
Finally, he slowly reached into the box and pulled the titanium collar out. His back was still to me as he held the commitment of my devotion and pledge to love and protect him for all the days, nights, minutes, and seconds he belonged to me. When I couldn’t wait any longer, I asked, “Do you know what it is, Baker?”
He nodded but didn’t turn to face me.
It was too soon. I’d pushed too fast…wanted too much from him…wanted all of him.
I’d given up all hope for a happy ending to our night when I saw a tear drop from his jaw and onto the collar. He turned and looked at me and tears streaked his handsome face.
“You want me? Just me?”
“You. Forever…just you.”
“It’s beautiful, Seth.” His blue eyes were glued to the titanium collar. It was nearly an inch thick and decorated with engraved letters and numbers. His initials on one side, mine on the other, and a large W in the center. On one side of the back clasp was the date we’d met and on the other side was the date we’d first made love.
“Can I wear it now?” he asked.
“I would love for you to wear it now, but I’d also like for us to have a commitment ceremony, as well. I want everyone to know we belong to one another.” I sucked in a deep breath, suddenly even more nervous than I’d been minutes ago. “I mean, I never really asked you how you felt about being collared, but I’d hoped…”
Baker scrambled from the bed and shut up my rambling with a passionate kiss. When we broke apart, he whispered, “I’ve never wanted a collar before, even laughed at people who did. When I opened that box, though, and saw what was in it…my heart nearly exploded with happiness.” He grabbed both sides of my face and said, “Yes, Seth! Yes, yes, yes! I want your collar…to belong to you and only you.”
I kissed him again and whispered, “Always mine, Baker.”
He dropped to his knees in front of me and ordered, “Put it on me. Now.”
“Three hundred and fourteen…for trying to boss me around,” I joked as I locked the collar around his neck. It had been made just for him, with much whispering on secret phone calls about proper measurements and engravings, so it fit perfectly. I felt my eyes pool with tears again when I stepped back to see how perfect and beautiful my collar looked wrapped possessively around my sub.
“Perfect,” I whispered in complete awe. “I’m so sorry, Baker. Sorry that I’ve made you worry. If what we shared was nothing more than a Dom/sub relationship, I think I would have picked up on your concerns, it’s what I’ve been trained to do. When love enters the picture, though, it mak
es things so much…more. I found myself more focused on our future together than your immediate needs. I’ll work diligently to mesh those two worlds together, to make our time together as complete for you as I possibly can.”
“Totally forgiven,” Baker whispered. “I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have doubted you or, if I did, I should have talked to you about it.”
I cleared my throat, feeling nervous once again. “There’s…uh…another present in the box. Just lift the fabric the collar rested on.” Shit, my palms were sweaty and there was a good chance some heart palpitations were happening inside my chest. It was just that I’d never wanted anything so badly in my life.
Still on his knees in front of me, Baker said, “Another one? Is it important…because I thought since I was already down here, wearing my sexy collar, I could just unzip your pants and…”
“It’s important,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure if it was the look on my face or the sound of my voice, but his playfulness disappeared and he was back on the bed before I blinked.
I watched as he carefully removed the fabric covering. This time, his entire body trembled when he reached his hand into the box for a second time. When he turned to face me, my gift in his hand and a shocked expression on his face, I was the one on bended knee. “Baker Daley, will you marry me?”
He looked at me with the sweetest smile on his face, tucked the ring into his fist, lunged through the air, and tackled me to the ground. I barely had time to register his movements before I was flat on my back with the man of my dreams straddling me.
“Why, yes…I think I will,” he answered. A tear leaked from his eye and dropped onto my cheek. Untucking his fist, he held the ring out to me and ordered, “Put this one on me, too.” He blinked and another tear dropped to kiss my skin. “You put it on me, and I’ll never take it off.”
Epilogue
Baker
Samantha smirked at me. “A collaring, Baker?” She tapped her chin thoughtfully…with a heavy dose of smart-assery. “If I recall correctly, I remember a sub I used to have that made fun of the very idea of allowing someone to collar them. Did you know him? His name is Mr. Eat-His-Words.”
