by K J Harlow
“You like her, don’t you?” Tozuck asked, a knowing smile on his face. “Starlotte, I mean.” Yoshi opened his mouth, closed it and nodded. “Poke can be a little crabby, but once he hears the data I got for him, that’ll soften him up. When I tell him that I personally repopulated the star maidens in the cave, Starry is as good as yours. He always had a soft spot for conservation.” He gave Yoshi a thumbs up.
A glimmer of hope dared to burn. Find the Grand Stone? Check. Find Tozuck? Check. The only things left were to help Starry learn an offensive move, get in her pants then get the hell out of here.
31
Not All As It Seems
“I don’t trust him.” Flick murmured.
Yoshi flicked a glance in front. Tozuck was walking in lockstep with Starry and Suzy, recorder in hand.
“What do you mean?” He asked.
“I mean I don’t trust him.”
“Why?”
“Girlfriend intuition. It’s hard to explain.”
Yoshi raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to distrust the people you haven’t known for very long. It’s natural.”
“I trusted you pretty soon after I met you.”
“Yeah, because I wasn’t like Carl.” His throat tightened up as memories of the fisherman’s crushing ass reared their ugly buttocks. “So what, are you saying Ivan reminds you of him?”
“No… not really…”
“If you don’t trust him, I’m going to need some legit reasons why.”
Flick combed a pink fringe in front of her face behind her ear. “He says Novaria found him and defeated all of his girlfriends.” Yoshi nodded. “Did he say that happened at the entrance to the Caverns? Because that was where you said you found his lab coat, right?” She let this percolate in his mind for a while. “Then there’s the gun you found. You pulled it out when you were trying to find the digital box thing. He shoved it into his bag really quickly. Has he given it back to you? And another thing I just realized: he says all his girlfriends have fainted. Has he shown us?”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Yoshi asked.
“I don’t know, but he just seems more interested in us than he does his own girlfriends.”
“He’s collecting data for his research, Flick. He’s probably catching up because he was ‘side-tracked’.”
“Fine. Maybe the last one wasn’t as relevant. But you can’t deny that I don’t have a point with the first two.”
“I can actually. Novaria destroyed my GF-wiki. She probably hates all technology because she saw Team Boom use guns to kill all the Starlottes off. He quickly hid the gun in case she saw us with it and proceeded to obliterate us.”
Flick crossed her arms. “OK. And what about the lab coat?”
Yoshi shook his head. “You know what? I’m going to ask him now.” He jogged ahead. What does she expect me to do, leave him behind?
“Ivan.”
“Oh hey. Thanks again for lending Starlotte to me. Poke’s going to love this data.”
“Poke was the one who lent Starry to me in the first place,” Yoshi said with a chuckle. “And you caught her too, so that he could have direct access to raw data.”
“Nah. I caught her to protect her from Team Boom and to send the message to Poke that I’d need a toolset to fix the recorder. It was just pure luck that those bastards and I were interested in the same girlfriends.”
Yoshi nodded, ignoring Flick’s pointed stare as she walked past them, catching up with the other two. “I was meaning to ask you, where did you lose your lab coat?”
Tozuck focused on a point on the wall, running his fingers through his dirty, unkempt hair. “It was a few hundred yards inside the Celeste Caverns, I think. Again, those fuckers in white. I swear, they are spineless. Ganged up on me, taking my girlfriends on two-on-one in Brawl Mode. It was lucky they were piss weak.”
“Could you describe them to me?”
“I can give you names. They were…” He furrowed his brow. “Fred and Charlie.”
Those were the grunts in Winza Six!
Tozuck was watching him closely. “Why?”
“I stumbled across them in Onyx. They were… causing trouble, but my girlfriends took them down.”
A shadow passed over Ivan’s face. “Flick, slow down, you’re too far ahead!” Yoshi turned back to him. “It’s good that you had some Repels on you. We’re getting through the Caverns a lot quicker not having to escape from every single wild girlfriend we see.”
Flick must have backtracked; her light once again illuminated his lopsided smile. “Yeah. If that wasn’t bad enough, those two had the nerve to take me on in a fistfight, as well. Well, I wouldn’t really call it a fistfight. Neither of them could throw a punch, but I did have to lose the lab coat before I could get away.”
Yoshi relaxed. Looks like Flick’s girlfriend’s intuition needed some recalibration. The pieces were starting to fall into place. Team Boom was responsible for ongoing illegal mining in the Celeste Caverns. That explained why Gonzales and the grunts were able to get to Onyx so quickly after Carl kidnapped Felicity and brought her to Winza Six.
“May I see your girlfriends? I know you said they’re all fainted, but trainer to trainer, I’m curious.”
“Yeah, why not.” He undid his trainer’s belt and held it flat against his palms. “I don’t want to call them out, but you can view their basic stats.”
Yoshi nodded. He observed all six rings locked in their sockets. Their names, levels and HP details faded in:
Bubblina
Level 15
HP: 0/48
Sophie
Level 15
HP: 0/49
Patricia
Level 16
HP: 0/53
Crystal
Level 17
HP: 0/55
Bridget
Level 15
HP: 0/45
Labby
Level 15
HP: 0/45
A water-type, flying-type, electric-type, rock-type, ground-type and a dark-type… “That’s a pretty decent team, really balanced.” Yoshi nodded, impressed and envious at the same time. “Anyone meeting you for the first time would think that you’re a trainer, not a lab assistant. What’s a Bubblina?”
Tozuck looked away. “It’s… one of the starter girlfriends, along with Vara and Charmaine.” Tozuck watched the realization dawn on Yoshi’s face.
“You’re the other trainer from this year’s cohort?” Yoshi spluttered, pointing at him. “But you work for Poke! Isn’t that a conflict of interest or something?”
Tozuck was now openly embarrassed. “I graduated magna cum laude at the University of Ohno last year. Applied for PhDs and got the position under Poke at Topaz. I always had an interest in being a trainer too, so the Professor and I struck up a deal. I would be included in this year’s cohort and get one of the starters, as long as I helped him collect data all over Ohno.” He shrugged. “I… like having my fingers in many pies.”
Yoshi’s arms were crossed and he was shaking his head slowly. “I always wondered who the third new trainer was. Hey, where did you catch a Labby from?”
“You were totally right, Flick. He’s a fraud.”
Her eyebrow arched triumphantly. “See? Girlfriend’s intuition.”
“He’s Poke’s lab assistant and moonlights as a trainer… or is it the other way around?”
“Huh?” Yoshi spent the next few minutes explaining the revelations Tozuck had shared with him. “Wait, so he’s a PhD student and a trainer?” Yoshi nodded enthusiastically. “Of course he has to be a trainer! He needs girlfriends to defend him while he’s collecting data in the field,” Flick said.
“Yeah, but you’re missing the point. He’s got the water starter, Bubbl–”
Repel’s effects wore off!
Wild Bridget appeared!
The ground-type girlfriend burrowed up in front of them, clawing at the air in protest of Felicity’s light.
“Hold tha
t thought. Starry, go!”
The star maiden dashed into the battle circle, alerting the Bridget to her presence.
“Starry, get back!”
She zipped back into the ring. “Hey Yoshi, send me out!” the cave bat squeaked. “Flying-types are immune to ground-type moves! She’s literally got nothing on me.”
For a second, he thought about denying her just to be spiteful. He saw Ivan watching from the edge of the battle ring, arms crossed. Rise above, Yoshi.
“Alright, go Suze!”
“Yes!” She flew into the ring, much to the Bridget’s chagrin. She bared her teeth, contemplated running away but stuck to her guns. She jumped up, dove back into the dirt then exploded back up a few feet away from that cave bat.
Bridget used Dirt Burst!
Whether it was because this Bridget was a higher level than the ones Yoshi had faced earlier, the two dozen dirt balls were the size of baseballs and flew faster at the dark/flying type. Suzy turned side on and raised an open palm to them, making no attempt to dodge.
Before Yoshi’s heart attack could even begin, the dirt baseballs seemed to strike an invisible barrier an inch away from the Bridget’s fingertips. They hung suspended in the air for a few seconds, then thudded into the ground.
Dirt Burst has no effect on Suzy!
Yoshi shook his head. Physics-defying girlfriend battles still boggled his mind. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought he was in some sort of handheld video game. He pointed at the mole girl.
“Suze, use Claw Swipe!”
“With pleasure,” she said, a sardonic glint in her eye. Continuing the ninja-ness from the dodge that wasn’t a dodge, she crouched down, extending one leg out. In a blink, her nails grew to nine inches in length. Winding herself up, she sprung up, landing a strike from head to toe against the hapless ground-type before coming around for seconds.
Critical Hit!
“You caught one of her yet?” Tozuck asked. Yoshi tore his eyes away from the wild girlfriend’s HP bar and shook his head. Tozuck opened his fist. “Here, take them. I’ll get some more in the next town.”
You have received 3x Empty Rings!
“Are you sure?” The two trainers watched Suzy perform another totally unnecessary dodge against the wild Bridget’s second attack, bending over backwards until she was almost parallel to the ground.
“Yeah, go on. You might want to swap her out for a weaker girlfriend in case she lands another critical.”
“Nah, she’s having too much fun,” Yoshi grinned. “Suze, Claw Swipe one more time!”
The bat girl did her best wolverine impression, landing a cross strike on the Bridget’s body. Her HP dropped to 30%. She tried to run out from the battle ring, but Suzy was too quick, cutting off her escape route with a deft flap of her leathery wings.
“Alright, I’m going to give it a shot.”
Wearing one of the rings on his left index finger, he pointed it at the despondent cave mole. The blue light struck her being, she flickered and zipped inside. Yoshi and Ivan stared at it, watching the crystal light up once… twice… three times…
You have caught Bridget!
Error! Cannot find GF-wiki!
“Oh shit! My GF-wiki! It was destroyed by Novaria!” Yoshi moaned, putting his hands on his head.
“Don’t worry,” Ivan said coolly. “Once you get a new one and register it to your ID, you can sync it with your GGN account at a Mr. Pampers and restore everything.” Yoshi looked at him. This guy had an answer for everything.
The ring started glowing white before exploding in a soft puff of light. “My ring! Where’d it go?”
Ivan looked at him with amusement. “…To your GGN account? Global Girlfriend Network?”
“Oh right. Hehe. That was… my seventh girlfriend in total.”
He shrugged. “Seventh but not the last. Ready to keep going?”
Yoshi nodded. Flick was some distance away, chatting with Suzy in hushed tones. She was way off about Ivan. Sure, he didn’t out himself as one of the trainers from this year’s Topaz cohort, but it wasn’t a huge deal. With Asshat and Spence, he felt he had to talk himself up. There was something about Ivan that made it easy to be his naïve, dorky self around him.
As they kept walking closer and closer towards the end of the tunnel, Yoshi started daydreaming. Every year trainers far and wide made their pilgrimage to Amethyst City, the capital of Ohno. There, they would enter the Merah League, pitted against trainers from all walks of life all vying for the title of the undisputed Girlfriend Master.
Only Girlfriend Masters were invited to challenge the Supreme Four, Ohno’s four most powerful trainers who had travelled Ohno – and possibly beyond – in a bid to find other trainers worthy of engaging them and their girlfriends in battle.
He threw a glance at Ivan walking beside him. Life rarely gave you what you wanted – his journey so far was proof of that. Still, if he could choose, he would absolutely love it if he could meet this new friend of his in the final round of the Merah League – and beat him. Wouldn’t that be nice?
32
Team Boom
Flick couldn’t stop staring at the Grand Stone Shard spinning an inch above her palm. It pulled the light emanating from her body and reflected it into rainbow-colored spears that rolled across the cave walls.
“Any chance we could go back and ask Novaria for another one?” she asked, entranced by the mystical stone.
“Not happening,” Ivan said flatly.
“Yoshi?” Flick asked, tearing her gaze away to make puppy dog eyes at her trainer.
“Nope. Priority now is getting out of this cave. I’m starting to feel claustrophobic. Besides, you heard her. Team Boom’s mined it all.”
She pursed her lips and sighed. “You’re right. Starry?” She let it float above her hand for a bit longer before pushing it back to its rightful owner.
“What did Novaria mean when she said it gave you guys more power?” Yoshi asked.
Starry combed a stray strand of navy hair behind her ear and stared into the crystal, as if looking for answers in its depths. “I don’t know. I… don’t remember how to use it.”
“Didn’t she say that star-kin could use the Grand Stone in its raw form?” Yoshi probed. “Do you think it might help you learn a new move?” The star maiden didn’t respond to the question. “Ivan,” Yoshi said, glancing at the man in the lab coat. “Did Novaria reveal any secrets to you in the throes of passion?” He jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow.
Poke’s research assistant averted his head and pushed his slipping glasses up. “No.” An awkward silence ensued as Yoshi realized that his big mouth had gotten him in trouble again. Should I apologize? He shook his head slightly. No, that would only make things worse.
“The star-kin pray – prayed – to the Grand Stone,” Suzy said, rustling her wings noisily next to Starry. “I have – had – some Starlotte buddies I used to spar with. After praying, they either got stat increases or level increases.”
“What about new moves?”
“Well indirectly. If they were at the right level, they could get stat increases along with a new move.”
“Did they say what they prayed for?”
Suzy furrowed her brow as she too looked into the Grand Stone Shard. “They can’t explain it. Not they don’t won’t, they can’t.” Seeing her soon-to-be ex-trainer’s perplexed expression, she forged on. “All they told me is that the Grand Stone granted them what they needed when they needed it. It wasn’t like a genie or something; they didn’t have wishes in mind. When the time came, they would open their heart, quieten their mind and let the connection form between them and the Stone.”
“Sounds a bit hokey to me,” Yoshi said.
“There are some things in this world we aren’t meant to understand. The more knowledge we have, the more we have to ensure it doesn’t trap us,” Ivan said, his voice barely audible.
Sheesh, this conversation was taking a dark turn. In a pitch-bl
ack cave, that was the last thing he needed.
“I thought you were a scientist,” Yoshi snorted, “not a philoso–”
Wild Suzy horde appeared!
“Damn it! Did the Repel wear out already?”
Ivan pulled out the canister, observing the meter on the side. “No… it’s just not as effective when 100 girlfriends all appear at the same time.”
They had turned a corner to search for loot in a closed-off space and came upon a large group of cave bats inside. One by one, they turned to face the intruders. They hissed and screeched at them, until one of the ones closest to them noticed Yoshi’s Suzy standing amongst them.
“Sister!” she squealed, skipping towards her. Yoshi’s Suzy stood there stunned, accepting her embrace.
“Sister,” Suzy said breathlessly, “why are you here? I thought you all had been buried when our cave collapsed.”
The wild Suzies were jostling around, each trying to get a glance of their captured sister standing with her trainer. Yoshi’s glance darted from one to another. Level 26, level 24, level 21, level 23, level 24… this is bad. The strongest must have survived and have come back for revenge.
“Many of us were, but most managed to escape. Mother wanted to find you, so we all went looking for you. She has something important to tell you.”
“She already told me,” Suzy said bitterly. “She said I wasn’t a true cave bat, that I was a freak.”
“About time you realized that,” the wild Suzy said with a smirk. “Still, she wanted to tell you herself so she’s come all the way here.”
Suzy stared incredulously at her sister. “Wait… she’s here now?”
A flurry of wings and claws set Flick off. She inadvertently pulsed her brightness up to a five, sending screeches of pain bouncing all around the cave.
“Flick, no!” Suzy said, far too late.
“Aaargh!” the wild one wailed, clutching her eyes, “we’re not letting you get away this time. Girls!”
