"I'll get right on it."
"Thanks for taking care of this for me," she waved the glasses in the air.
"No problem." Jackson accepted a cola from the housekeeper.
Tightening the belt of her robe, Kelsey darted back to her bedroom, knotted her hair back behind her ears, dotted just a little makeup on, and then threw a cotton pantsuit on. Not as conservative as she had been, but she didn't want to scare him away completely.
Jackson was about to leave as she came out of her bedroom again. "Oh, why don't you go ahead with the investigation, Jackson? It sounds like he's taking the bait."
"As you wish. And the other investigations?"
Kelsey thought of all the other candidates. None of them could compare to Nick. "That might be a good idea."
He was out the door when he turned to look at her. "Don't be so uptight about all this. He's only one man."
A man capable of raising her blood pressure, Kelsey thought. "I know, but he's the right man, Jackson."
"Then maybe you should let him see the real Kelsey O'Sullivan."
A shiver ran down her spine at the exciting possibilities that conjured, but she squashed them. "I don't think so. He laid down the rules, and I'll abide by them. He wants to do this really quickly and get it over with. I can't risk changing things now."
"You know best," Jackson agreed, doubt etching his face.
Kelsey refused to give into that knowing expression. "I hope so."
Once Jackson was gone, she felt herself coming down with a severe case of the jitters. She couldn't deny that men made her nervous. She remembered all the embarrassing, dumb things she had done as a young woman trying to impress a man. Apprehension tingled through her.
Men were a mystery to Kelsey. Her first and only marriage had been a complete disaster. She had been so frightened, and such a klutz. After a year, and an earth-shattering miscarriage the marriage was over. Now she was older, wiser, and desperately longing for a child. She prayed God she would succeed this time.
She glanced in the mirror for a long moment. She was no longer the young awkward girl who accidentally bumped waiters into swimming pools at dinner parties, and sat on guest's hats. But her confidence in her social graces still lagged.
The doorbell rang, and her stomach knotted. Taking a deep breath, she answered it. At the sight of Nick Leonetti, her heart took flight.
He had been handsome upon their first meeting, but the virile man standing in front of her now seemed even more impressive. Today, he wore a bright yellow oxford shirt and black jeans that hugged his narrowed hips. He looked so—Italian! The sight of him took what little breath she had away.
He looked as if he had just stepped out of the shower himself, his oh-so-thick hair still damp. Her fingers itched to run rampant through its blackness. His dark eyes penetrated through her, and his smile melted her reserve. Terrified of her giddy reactions, Kelsey realized she was already smitten. But she'd never let him know it. Perhaps years down the line, she could tell her beautiful daughter just how gorgeous her father was.
Other thoughts, sensual and provocative, slid into her mind. Kelsey could have gone all her life without thinking about going to bed with Nick Leonetti. At least she tried to convince herself of that, but the thought of their having a child together brought images of making love front and center. What would it be like to lay beside his golden torso, to kiss those well-formed lips, to be the center of his intense attention even for a brief interlude? Probably nothing short of heaven . . . she told herself.
"Nick, you're very prompt." Her voice trembled, as she stepped back to let him in. Not too close, she cautioned herself.
He strolled past her, and she inhaled his tantalizing cologne. Not over-powering, just manly—and sexy.
Her eyes slid to the back of his jeans. Feeling guilty, she knew she shouldn't be looking, but just once, while he had his back to her. Nice buns! She sighed, her heartbeat quickening.
"Would you like lemonade? It's rather hot today."
"Sounds good." He nodded and glanced about, a strange expression on his face. Perhaps he didn't like her place. Maybe he wasn't impressed by her mother's taste in exquisite paintings, and modern art forms? Kelsey eyed the room, a replica of a Better Homes and Gardens living room. It certainly impressed most of her guests. But Nick barely gave the hallway and living room a glance.
"I'll be just a moment, with the lemonade."
She headed for the kitchen perplexed. She could feel his eyes on her now, and she wondered if he was assessing her like she had him?
When she joined him by the patio, with a tall glass of lemonade in her hand he was scanning the magnificent view of the Hudson.
"Nice place," he commented.
He meant the view, she grimaced. Hadn't he bothered to notice the beautiful flowers she had cultivated on her window sill?
She wondered if he found her pretentious. She'd tried very hard to live an average life, to have a moderate home, with all the comforts, but not necessarily luxurious.
Their fingers grazed each other as she handed him the glass, and they both jumped.
"Uh, thanks, I like it. I've lived here nearly three years. I just love the view" She noticed he was still looking around. "Why don't we sit down?"
She followed him to the leather couch, pretending a calm she didn't come close to feeling. She noticed him staring at the bearskin rug in front of the fireplace.
When he finally sat on the couch, he eyed her closely. She smoothed her pants. Keep it impersonal, she reminded herself. "So," she drawled, claiming his attention once more. "You've reconsidered my offer?"
Nick nodded, but didn't say a word, his eyes glued to the floor.
"So—"
"So," he let out a long breath, his eyes found and held hers for a long moment.
"I've been thinking a lot about your offer," he said after a long moment, his eyes still not connecting with hers. "It didn't sit well with me at first. You really hit me over the head with this—job—as you call it. I guess because you took me by surprise. Then I got to talkin' to some of the guys down at the garage about it. The way they all talk this could be a very impersonal kind of thing. I mean no contact. Nothing personal."
"As impersonal as you want to make it," Kelsey reassured him, grateful for the opportunity, but still feeling let down.
"All done in a clinic, with no further contact."
She felt as if someone had slapped her in the face, and hot, surprising tears stung her eyes. Her hurt surprised her. Yet she refused to display the slightest emotion in front of him. Her emotions had been riding on a roller coaster lately. Why should she take it personally? He wasn't.
She knew she wasn't a knock-out; Ralph had certainly pointed that out often enough. Kelsey stared at her clenched hands and suddenly unclenched them.
After a minute of silence, he cleared his throat. "Ms. O'Sullivan?"
"Please, call me Kelsey," she insisted, shaking herself from her reverie. Honestly, if she didn't keep her mind on what he was saying, he might walk away and never come back.
"Kelsey," he repeated, rolling it off his tongue as though he had just tasted it. She couldn't tell from his hooded expression if he liked her name or anything about her. Not that she cared.
Eyeing her thoughtfully, he said, "There is just one thing. I gotta know why you want this baby so bad."
"It's important to you?"
"Very."
Kelsey released her breath slowly, wondering just how much she should tell him. The old pain rose within her, sharp and bitter choking her words from her. "I've always wanted children, Nick. I suppose most women do. But maybe more so for me. I was an only child, and the loneliness was quite unbearable. My parents led a busy life. Don't get me wrong, they loved me, but they never realized how much they isolated themselves from me. My father was a career man, my mother a socialite. I've always wanted to share my life with someone, to give all I have. I've tried marriage, and that wasn't for me. I've come to the conclu
sion that I'm better suited for motherhood than marriage."
"And that's it?" He watched her intently.
She stared deep into his midnight eyes, and then sighed heavily. "No, it's not." She gestured with her hand in the air. "You're very perceptive. I can't fool a man like you, can I? You want the whole story. All right, I'll be honest with you." She stood up and turned away, unable to face him. "I lost a baby once." Her voice faltered. "During my marriage. Ever since then I've felt—incomplete, a failure, somehow. I can run a company practically by myself, but the rest of my life has been a miserable failure."
She turned and found Nick's eyes on her again, wide with what looked like surprise.
"Naturally, I can give a baby everything—money, education, a future. But most of all, I want to give my baby love. I want the experience of sharing my life with someone."
An unsettling compassion filled Nick's eyes. "Why don't you just get married again? Wouldn't that be better all the way around?"
Kelsey was shaking her head before he finished. "I'm a lousy wife, Nick. I already know that much. Ralph complained the entire time we were married. I'm a workaholic. My lifestyle is too hectic for husband and child. Obviously, I'm not cut out for marriage."
"Maybe he was a lousy husband. People can change. Couldn't you work it out with him?"
"I don't think so, we're not compatible."
"Did you love him?" His point blank question startled her. Although there was nothing in his expression to say so, he seemed very interested in her answer.
Kelsey was silent for a long while. She'd never really loved Ralph, although she'd tried endlessly to please him. He'd been too self-centered, too wrapped up in himself to care for anyone. "I don't think so. We were too young to know what love really is."
"And now, you've got all this love stored up, and no one to give it to, huh?" Nick probed.
The unshed tears threatened to overflow. Pushing them back she nodded, sharing the moment of truth with a virtual stranger. Could he possibly understand this biological clock ticking inside her like a time bomb about to explode?
"All right, why not?" he said suddenly. "It's not like the kid would want for anything, is it?" He looked away from her, his gaze scanning the Hudson once more as he stared out the patio door. His expression was guarded.
He seemed to distance himself purposely from her and what she was saying. "You're a rich woman. You can afford to give a child the best. And you're willing to subject yourself to humiliation and degradation over not having a husband. Just see that you take care of our kid right. Teach it everything, not just the usual reading and writing. Love it, and don't be afraid to show it. Teach her about life. Don't leave nothin' out. Lovin' means giving of yourself, your time. You'll have to take the time. Believe me, I know. So don't hold back. That's all I ask. That is—unless I didn't check out with your detective."
"I think you'll check out just fine." She wasn't sure of this, but she did know Nick was the right man for this job. She faltered, as his eyes traveled her thoroughly. A heated rush surged through her. "And—I promise, Nick."
He stood up far too close to her, bringing an intimacy she hadn't expected. His nearness threw her off balance. The energy, the heat of the man seemed to surround her. Panicking, she backed away, knocking herself into a large bookcase. The books tumbled all around her.
Nick grabbed her against him, and Kelsey lost all thoughts as she came in contact with a rock hard man. He slipped a muscular arm about her waist to steady her. "Are you all right?" His voice was a smothered chuckle.
The firm contact took her breath away. She caught herself and smiled brightly, despite her rampaging heart.
"I'm fine, thanks." Nick's smile sent her pulse roaring through her like a run-away freight train. And the funniest thing about it was the fact that he wasn't looking at her like she was a klutz but rather a very charming woman. As though her blunder was a ploy for his attention.
His eyes fastened on her with lazy appraisal.
"You're agreeing to my request is wonderful. I guess we can get started at the clinic, Monday, unless you have other reservations." She moved away from his disturbing presence.
Composure, that's all she needed. And he seemed to be buying it. Never let them see you sweat, she thought to herself.
His gaze skimmed her, glancing down she saw that her breast jutted against the thin cotton. Belatedly she felt the electric shock a woman experiences when a man really notices her for the first time. Nick stared at her as though she had suddenly become naked—and interesting. For a moment, she thought she saw something more in his expression, but it was quickly squelched by some other emotion she couldn't define.
His glance gave her confidence.
"Just one thing." He said clearing his throat. "I don't want any further contact with you."
She outwardly flinched and he stepped closer. "No—wait! Please don't be offended. I just don't want to make this any more personal than it already is. I-I like you. You're a little uptight, but I like you. I mean, you're a nice lady. But let's just keep it that way, okay?"
"Okay, Nick," she said tightly, looking away from him. She had the sinking feeling of losing something valuable and yet she didn't know what exactly it might be.
"Nah. You don't see. "He shook his head and moved so that she had to look directly at him.
"Look." He took her hands in his for a second. Their warmth seeped into her chilling body. "If I stuck around, that's what I'd want to do. Stick around. Be here, with you and the baby. Our baby. I might latch onto you like a leach. You've made it clear you don't want a man. You've been up front from the start. I respect you for that. That's fair enough. I don't quite understand it, but at least you're honest. I want kids someday, too, Kelsey." His eyes found hers. "But I want the works. I want a wife. I can't see life any other way. Anyway, the less involved we are, the better, ya know?"
Our baby, stuck in her mind as she repeated the words.
"Y-yes, of course, you're absolutely right." She pulled her hands slowly from his and moved away, toward the entrance. The tingle from his touch still coursed through her.
The victory was hers, yet she felt numbed by it. What was wrong with her? She should be pleased with her success. "I'll get my checkbook."
"Nah. Just mail it."
"But…"
"Okay, so, I'll go to the clinic Monday. Which clinic?" he smiled at her and moved toward the door, his eyes drifting to the shirt clinging to her breasts.
"University Medical Center. Do you know where it is?"
He nodded his face a cool mask, all emotion gone.
"Thank you. I won't ever forget you, Nick Leonetti." She had the insane urge to kiss him good-bye, or at the very least say something that he might remember always. Wishing he'd do anything but extend that big warm hand of his for another impersonal shake, she withdrew mentally. Her strong reactions to him scared her. The longing to press her lips to his, to have his big hands hold her, touch her? God! Had she lost her mind?
"Likewise," he said quietly, his eyes somber, as he slowly turned and walked out of her life.
Just like that.
She stared after him a long time, not moving, feeling strangely as though part of her was going with him.
If she had met him on the street, he would never have given her a second glance. She might have admired his rugged good looks, but that would have been it. Yet Kelsey felt an unexplainable loss. She resisted the urge to run after him.
She should be jumping for joy. She had just gotten what she wanted so badly. She should be ecstatic.
Thinking of her lost baby must be upsetting her—that was it! Tomorrow she could think of Nick Leonetti and not feel bereft. Yes, tomorrow she would celebrate. But not today. No, today she'd simply miss Nick Leonetti.
She stared out onto the perfectly manicured lawns of her apartment complex. Even the beauty of the flowers on her window sill didn't sooth her senses tonight. Only a silent sadness surrounded her.
I
f her baby had lived she would have been running across the lawn today. She would have fallen and scraped her knees on the concrete and Kelsey would have kissed them better and murmured sweet things to her until she stopped crying. Kelsey's life would have been full of meaning—instead of empty.
My baby—my beautiful little baby! Oh God! Why did you take her from me? All I want is to fill the void within me. To share my love with another.
Her desire for a child had taught her a lot about herself. She was tired of corporate board meetings, and trying to prove herself in a man's world. She wanted to be a woman in the fullest sense. She wanted to be a mother.
Tears pent up for much too long spilled out and Kelsey wept openly, unmindful that Dorothy might hear or see.
She hadn't cried at the funeral. She'd been in some sort of numb trance, unable to feel anything, afraid to feel anything, afraid to acknowledge her failure.
"You have to be strong Kelsey." Her father had preached that all her life. She didn't want to be strong now. She wanted the world around her to soak up her tears and share its burden with her. She wanted to feel again—love again.
It didn't matter that she could no longer see through her glasses. All that mattered was to mourn. To finally mourn aloud, unashamed.
Finally she raised herself up from her chair, squared her shoulders and wiped her tears away. Her heart felt lighter. Dear God—had Nick Leonetti unleashed all these emotions? Had he opened the door to her freedom and her eyes to another life
CHAPTER FIVE
Nick flicked the magazine open and a full page centerfold sailed to the floor, the edges of the paper worn, the colors faded. Not that he hadn't seen them before, but somehow it seemed indecent in a doctor's office. They wanted him to do what, in where? He could watch what kind of videos? Were they serious? His gaze scanned the small room with its dimmed lights, and the soft jazz music filtering through the intercom. What had he gotten himself into?
Nick's Baby Page 6
