The caterers finally got everything straight for the huge reception, planned at a local hotel. As big as the wedding was turning out to be, things were beginning to fall into place. The flowers arrived on time. Not one thing to delay the inevitable.
But later that same evening Kelsey held the phone to her ear and spoke to Nick very quietly from her apartment. "I'm sorry Nick. Sorry I let this go so far. I can't go through with the wedding. I just can't. And I must hold you to the contract Nick, I'm sorry."
"Kelsey, don't do this," Nick shouted into the phone.
"I should have stopped it sooner. But, it's got to stop. I can't go through with this—this farce. I won't live like that again!"
"But Kel—."
The phone went dead.
She hung up, as the tears began to fall, she couldn't wait for a reply, it was too painful.
Her mother, who was standing by the closet, putting the protective plastic over the wedding dress turned to her, her face mirroring concern.
"Kelsey, what have you done?" She asked in a breathless murmur.
"I've stopped the wedding Mother. I had to. Nick's not in love with me. He's in love with being a father. He's a wonderful man, and I had to do it for his sake as much as mine."
Mrs. O'Sullivan came to sit on the edge of the bed as Kelsey put the phone down. Slowly she wrapped an arm around her. "Are you so sure of that?"
"Yes, I am."
"I see." She was saying in that detached voice she used so often with Kelsey, but almost as soon as she said it, she shook her head, "I had such hopes for the two of you."
"Hopes? For me and Nick? I don't understand you, Mother. I really don't. I thought I knew you all these years. You are like a stranger, these past few weeks. Have I misjudged you somewhere along the line?" She got off the bed and looked down into her mother's somber face. "You've always wanted me to marry money, you and daddy made no secret of it. Nick has none. He's not into concrete. You are bound to realize. He's a construction worker. He's from a poor family; surely you've known that all along. Why are you so infatuated with him?"
Mrs. O'Sullivan smiled sadly. "It's true, at least it was. I wanted you to marry money because I thought at one time that would make you happy. I mean your ambition seemed to drive you to be rich, and successful, I knew nothing less would satisfy you. Perhaps Ralph wasn't right for you darling, but he did teach you how to feel, how to hurt. And I think you've finally learned how to love a man, because you learned how to hurt first. You are so like your father, so busy, always working. And yet, the two of you are the loneliness people in the world. When Nick came into your life you seemed to come to life again. Like you were before Ralph. You've changed Kelsey right in front of me, and for the better."
"The two of us—. Mother! What are you talking about, father lonely?"
"Of course he is. And has been for years. Only he doesn't know it." When she saw the confused look on Kelsey's face she smiled again patiently. "We've never talked much before, Kelsey. Nick has helped us in that regard, too. Oh, what a breath of fresh air he is. Like your father was to me."
Kelsey looked stunned at her mother.
"It's time; we need to talk like a real mother and daughter. It's time someone in this family opened up." Her mother took her hand. "Never be afraid to love unconditionally, Kelsey. Never be afraid to open your heart. When your father and I first met, I was from a very rich and old southern family. I'm sure you already know this. You're grandparents never made secret of it. I've never told you—but your father, however, was not a rich man. At least not then."
Kelsey interrupted. "He wasn't? I don't understand. I always thought—."
"That's my fault. You assumed we were both rich. We've never discussed it. You so admired your father—and so you should. Let me tell you what a really fine man he is. You barely knew your father's folks; they died so early in your life. He was from such a warm and loving family, like Nick." She squeezed Kelsey's hand. "But, he was just graduating from College when we decided we were in love, and had this dream of an empire he wanted to build."
Mrs. O'Sullivan's eyes glazed over in fond remembrance. "I took one look at those dreamy blue eyes of your father's and his dream became mine. I was head over heels in love with him. But my father harshly disapproved of our getting married. He said we'd live in squalor."
Kelsey's eyes widened. "How cruel. Poor father."
"Yes, poor father. Your father was a very proud man. Perhaps too proud. From that day on he was determined to prove my father wrong. Our love sort of took a backseat to that proof. Oh, he didn't mean it to, of course. He worked hard, very hard. And he made something of himself. But somewhere along the way, he forgot how to just live."
Kelsey embraced her mother, "Oh mother, how lonely for you. Why in all this time haven't you said something?"
"Lonely, yes, to some degree it was. I loved him so; all I ever really wanted was his love. But I never competed with another woman, only his work. Not many women can say that. I could live with that. And it was all for me, Kelsey, I knew that. And it meant so much for him to make good on his own. So, when he lost himself in his work, I decided to lose myself in my interests."
Kelsey nodded her understanding.
"So I devoted myself to charity work. I suppose somewhere down the line, I kind of threw myself into that, instead of making a proper home for my daughter and husband."
She glanced at Kelsey and squeezed her hand. "But it hurt so, for him to see me, and yet not see me at all. And then you and I drifted apart. Mainly because neither of us could talk to the other. I'll never understand why, Nick makes it look so easy. I was so afraid of losing the two of you I couldn't just talk to you. So we sort of became a bunch of dislocated people, your father, me, and you. But I've never really regretted it, because your father is the only man I've ever really loved, and you were our only child."
Kelsey hugged her mother to her, and cried aloud. "Oh Mother, I wish you had come to me sooner."
"So do I child. I suppose pride kept me at bay. I wronged you most of all dear. But if you'll give me a chance I'd like to make up for that," she said smiling into Kelsey's eyes. "But when I met your Nick, it was like seeing your father all over again. It brought everything back. I knew you loved him; you glow every time you are around him. And he loves you, I feel it."
"Oh mother, I wish you were right, but Nick is such a wonderfully responsible person. This whole thing started out wrong. And it's my fault."
"Can you be so sure about his feelings? Does a man have to speak the words, when actions say more?"
"Jackson said the same thing. But he's never once said he loved me, even when we . . . ." Kelsey cried.
"Is that all that's holding you back? A few little words."
"I can't live a life like I did with Ralph. I was so lonely, so alone. It's better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn't love you."
~~~
Meanwhile in Queens, Nick put the phone down slowly, his hand numb, his mouth quivering with words unsaid. Tony stumbled into his room, "Anything wrong?"
"No Tony, go back to bed. Everything is fine."
"You don't look so fine." Tony grumbled.
"A groom never looks fine, especially a day before the wedding." Nick mumbled.
When Tony went back to bed, Nick lit a cigarette. He leaned back against the wall, and listened at the quiet of the neighborhood, a good neighborhood. All thanks to one little lady. But the cigarette did no good and he stashed it.
How could she do this? Had he been too distant? Had he been so concerned about controlling things that he'd lost Kelsey, somehow? Maybe he should have stayed the night with her, when they made love. But for God's sake, her mother was in the house, how could he compromise her?
How could she desert him like this? Just like his father. Just walked out on him. Desertion! The one thing he never could get over. Loving someone that walks out on you is intolerable. Nick admitted it to himself for the first time, slamming a fist onto the ta
ble and watching the salt and pepper shaker bounce and fall to the floor. Damn!
"Dammit Kelsey, don't do this to me! To us!" He shouted aloud as a tear slipped silently down his cheek. A silent tear he refused to acknowledge. "Don't desert me."
He grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniels from the top of the kitchen cabinet and set it on the center of the kitchen table. He took a glass from the cupboard, then slouched down in a chair at the table and glared at the bottle. He hadn't cried since he stole the toothbrush, but suddenly the tears seemed harder to ignore. His finger rubbed absently at the bottle.
He wasn't weak like his father; he didn't need a bottle to help him through the rough spots. He licked his dry lips and suddenly big round tears came down like a raging storm, unabashed. Tears he had held back for years, for his father, for Kelsey. His body shook with the force of trying to keep them back. But this time he lost the battle. And the more he cried, the madder he got. He'd always heard Italians were too emotional, now he believed it. He hated men who cried.
He glanced about to see if he disturbed anyone. Nothing in the house seemed to stir. He swiped at his eyes with the back of his shirt sleeve.
His life was nothing without Kelsey, as empty as when his father had left him. Yes, he had missed his father, and he could finally admit it to himself. He had worshipped the man, a man that came home drunk too many times, a man that lost his job too many times. Still he was a man who loved his children, and kept the family together through thick and thin for years, a man who taught his son the values of life, honesty, integrity, and loyalty. And shattered every one of them in his leaving. Had the burden of his own weaknesses been too much for him?
How could a woman make you fall in love with her, and then walk out on you? She got exactly what she wanted—his baby. Dear God, he'd almost forgotten about the baby. But it wasn't the baby that made him ache as though someone had cut off a limb from his body. It wasn't the baby that made him need to cry, to rid himself of the loneliness within him. It was Kelsey. Loneliness swept through him, the same kind of loneliness that Kelsey had faced so often in her life. Whoever this Ralph character was, he must have been the biggest kind of fool to let a woman like Kelsey slip through his fingers. He had felt Kelsey's loneliness, grieved for her. Damn, he wanted her, needed her, and she didn't know it.
Then it hit him, like a huge wall caving in on him, had his father needed someone to reach out to? Had he ever told his father how he felt? He hadn't told Kelsey either.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Now his baby would grow up without him.
Then the boys from the garage came to mind. How many of them had grown up without a father, a family to call their own. Too many. He'd seen the hurt in their eyes, the shame, and the emptiness. He'd felt their sorrows, suffered with them. How many of them might have gone astray had they not gained respect for their selves. A future, that's what kids needed. All kids, his kid.
Suddenly Mama Rosa appeared in the doorway, in her robe and big fuzzy house slippers. Nick didn't look at her, just the slippers. "She called the wedding off, didn't she?"
"How'd you know?" Nick asked not bothering to look at her.
"I had a feeling. She looked too sad tonight. You gonna let her get away with it?"
"Get away with it? She called it off, Mama. What am I supposed to do?" He smiled sadly at her and her fuzzy slippers, "You know I always liked those shoes."
"You're so much like your father," his mother chuckled, and shook her head, recapping the bottle that he steadfastly refused to touch. "Nicky, you must go and tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her. A woman needs to hear the words, especially before she marries. Marry her Nicky." Mama said banging her fist on the kitchen table dramatically.
"You're right. I won't let her get away with this. She's my woman, and before tomorrow night, she's going to know it."
"Good, now go to bed Nicky, get some sleep."
And like the good son that he was, he kissed his Mama and went straight to bed.
Mama Rosa shook her head, and put the bottle of whiskey away. "My poor Nicky."
Finally she picked up the phone.
"Mrs. O'Sullivan?" She said into the phone seconds later. "Don't call off the wedding just yet. I have a feeling that something is going to work out."
The next day, the day of the wedding, Nick dressed in his black tux, feeling rested and more confident than ever, as though nothing had gone astray. He told his mother to be at Sacred Heart by eleven, and make sure Tina and Tony were there.
Halfway across town, Kelsey slept late; she had cried herself to sleep. She wanted to wipe this day off the calendar. This would have been her wedding day. She might not even get up, today, she decided as she heard a ruckus in the other room.
"That's right, Mrs. O'Sullivan, take that dress to the church, we've got to hurry or we'll be late. Father Nelan is beside himself. Dorothy, why aren't you dressed. What am I doing? Why, I'm kidnapping my bride." Nick said with a little chuckle.
Kelsey barely had time to scramble out of bed when Nick entered her bedroom, scooped her into his arms, kissed her quite thoroughly on the lips and carried her out the door.
Kelsey began to throw a fit, once she had recovered from his kiss. Nick ignored her.
"What do you think you are doing?" Kelsey demanded pounding his back and kicking her feet and legs.
"Taking you to the church."
"You can't do this Nick. You can't make me marry you," she began, but Nick turned the radio on, and glanced in his rearview mirror. Her parents were following behind, barely managing to pack the proper clothes in the car.
Nick didn't say another word, too busy dodging traffic. She arrived at the church just in time to hear the priest mumbling something about making up their minds. Nick hustled her into the dressing room where a couple of bridesmaids stood waiting. He set Kelsey down and looked deep into her eyes. "Trust me, Kelsey. For once in your practical life, trust," Nick said and left her standing agape.
Trust? Could this be about trust?
Nothing prepared Kelsey for such a jumbled up mess. Half the bridesmaids had been called about the cancellation. Her mother ran about in a tizzy, checking on one thing or another.
Kelsey's hair wouldn't stay up, so she combed it down, and then wondered as she stood in front of the mirror with the beautiful wedding dress on. "What am I doing?"
The music began only minutes later; Kelsey glanced up and realized it was too late. Panic gripped her. How could she cancel now? It was too late. Her parents had spent a small fortune on the wedding, could she dare call a halt?
Hurriedly she ran to her place, beside her father. He smiled calmly, and took her arm. No last minute reprisals from him, either? Could she go through with this, even for the baby's sake?
"I'm very proud of you, Kelsey," her father said to her astonishment.
Suddenly, the procession began and she felt her knees wobble. Her father glanced at her inquiringly, and smiled.
She couldn't do this? But Nick's last words haunted her, trust?
She walked down the long aisle, glancing at the people in the congregation, smiling at her. She wanted to bolt, and yet something rooted her to this spot. Trust?
Her family on one side, his on the other, a contrast. Jackson nodded his approval as she caught a glimpse of him, across the room. Dorothy stood next to him, tall and proud, a vague smile on her lips. Her mother nodded. They were all a blur except for Tina now, just ahead of her, her maid of honor, and Tony to Nick's side, his best man. Tears rolled down Kelsey's cheek.
Then she saw Nick and everything faded but him. How handsome he looked in his tux. Oh how she loved him at this moment. Her heart felt as though it had jumped into her throat.
A tiny hope flamed in her heart. Another tear fell.
The music suddenly stopped, her father let go of her arm, and Nick took her hand, his eyes ablaze.
The priest said a prayer, and then he asked them to kneel. Kelsey felt her whole body shake as she w
ent to her knees. She gulped back a loud sob, and suddenly, Nick turned to look at her.
"Wait," he shouted aloud. The congregation burst out with alarm, then quieted. Kelsey stiffened her face full of strange anticipation. Nick whispered something to the priest and he nodded. Then Nick helped Kelsey to her feet and lifted the veil.
"Oh God, you're so beautiful, even when you're scared stiff," he whispered for her ears only. "But I can't make you go through with this without telling you how very much I love you, Kel, and how much I want to marry you." He turned around, faced the crowd of people with a smile. "Everything is fine. I just want the world to know how much I love Kelsey O'Sullivan." He shouted to the congregation, and everyone clapped and shouted with joy.
Kelsey wiped the tears from her eyes and stared into Nick's smiling face, "What did you say?"
"I said, I love you more than my life. I'll do anything to make this marriage work. I can't live without you. But I forgot, in all my haste to give you the choice—will you marry me, Kelsey O'Sullivan?"
"Oh Nick," she cried, grabbing his shoulders for support, and looked lovingly into his face.
"Oh yes, yes, I'll marry you."
Then everything disappeared as Nick took her in his arms and kissed her thoroughly on the lips, and she melted into his embrace. For a moment there was nothing but the two of them.
The congregation seemed to sigh aloud.
The ceremony lasted another thirty minutes, and then the priest smiled and whispered, "You may kiss the bride—again!"
The reception took a couple of hours. Finally, they were in the backseat of a limo embraced in each other's arms, as rice spilled from their clothes and hair.
"I can't believe we've done it," she sighed happily.
"Now what about this name Flora, do you like it or not?"
"I-I hate it," she hesitated to tell him.
"So do I." He chuckled. "And before we go any further, are you advertising for any more sperm donors?"
She giggled. "I won't need to, now!"
He teased her lips, feeling himself grow warm, and ready for her, "What do you say we stop off at the garage on our way to Carmel. I've got a '57 Chevy I'd like to show you."
Nick's Baby Page 17
