[JOE WRITES: She feels the building shake, hears Adam’s detonation. She looks up, sees the soldiers lug something out of the chopper, and it lands with a big thud on the helipad and cracks the cement and then the chopper pulls quickly away. - but no explosion yet.
Jenny
[JOE WRITES: Super short, like two or three sentence scene where Jenny approaches the huge shaped charge that has landed on the helipad.]
Clayton
[PAUL WRITES: After Adam’s detonation, Clayton Theel goes back down for his Tauras, instead of running out to safety when he could’ve made it) and big, big boom.]
Joe and I talked just now, and here’s what we’re thinking in terms of finishing, because the deadline for getting this book to reviewers is fast-approaching:
Wednesday, 9/22: Paul, Jeff, Joe write and finish above scenes
Thursday, 9/23: All complete the last two scenes and finish novel
Friday, 9/24: Finalize all bonus content, and off to Jeff for his final review.
Saturday, 9/25: Jeff goes through book, incorporating any changes
Sunday, 9/26: Jeff goes through book, incorporating any changes
Monday, 9/27: Paul goes through book, incorporating any changes
Tuesday, 9/28: Paul goes through book, incorporating any changes
Wednesday, 9/29: Joe goes through book, incorporating any changes
Thursday, 9/30: Blake goes through book, incorporating any changes
Friday, 10/1: Blake goes through book, incorporating any changes
Saturday, 10/2: Joe formats book first thing…off to my proofreader
Sunday, 10/3: Return of proofed book (hopefully not too late), update any bonus content, make absolute last changes, etc.
Monday, 10/4: Joe sends the book to Rob Siders for Kindle formatting, I send the book in 3 formats in an email blast to the troops.
Sound okay? In particular, let me know if the proposed 2-day review periods for you, Jeff and Paul, will work with your schedules.
Blake
* * *
September 22, 2010
That timeline works for me.
Jeff
• • •
Strand Has No Shame. “Part of the clown. He tasted funny.”
Paul
• • •
Heh heh. And if you look through all of my prior novels, most of which are horror/comedies, you will almost NEVER find that kind of joke. But it’s very much a Joe Konrath type of joke, so I figured, what the hell? :)
Jeff
• • •
Clay and Alice is up.
As for my comb-through of the ms, I can do any days but Monday and Tuesday. So please switch me with someone. I can do the weekend before or Wed-Thur after.
Paul
• • •
Don’t blame me for that one, Strand. It was all you. And I, for one, hang my head in sorrow at the depths you’ll plumb for a cheap laugh. Shame on you, Mr. Strand. Shame shame shame.
Joe
• • •
Are you STILL practicing medicine, Paul? Isn’t the board supposed to take your license away when you turn 90?
I kid because I love.
I can switch days with Paul.
Joe
• • •
I’m devastated. This was a serious, character-driven meditation on the horrors of modern medicine, until that unforgivable attempt to appeal to the lowest common denominator of readers.
Blake
• • •
You guys DID notice that Joe added a “Talk about a half-assed injury!” joke to Paul’s first section, right? :)
Jeff
• • •
I thought that was another one of your jokes.
Joe
• • •
Jeff - can you switch your manuscript review days with Paul? We only gave Joe 1 day to review. That would mean Paul reviews Sat./Sun, you review Monday/Tuesday.
Blake
• • •
Yep, absolutely.
Jeff
• • •
Re: Jenny scenes: Great stuff! But when Jenny asks Randall to bite her neck, we sort of stop being the anti-TWILIGHT.
Jeff
• • •
I think Randall needs to glow in that scene.
Joe
• • •
Want me to start writing a Shanna/Driscoll scene up to where the hospital blows up?
Paul
• • •
Let Jenny say, “This isn’t a Stephanie Meyer book!”
Blake
• • •
Absolutely. We still need to work Shanna’s quarantine issue out (If she’s in Q she can’t meet Mortimer)…do you kill Clayton in your scene, and did you like the idea of a painful but quick test to tell if Shanna has been infected, which keeps her out of Q?
Blake
• • •
I’ve never seen or read Twilight. Is there really a “bite me in order to stay alive” scene?
In Randall’s case, he pushes her away, so it might not be similar. But then, if it were my husband, I’d want him to bite me.
Joe
• • •
Okay, Jeff brought this up, so here’s an uncomfortable question…Jeff…have you read or seen TWILIGHT? Because if there actually is a bite me to stay alive scene in Twilight and we use it to make fun of TWILIGHT, well, that’s awesome.
Blake
• • •
How’s this?
I’m assuming Shanna’s being quarantined because she shot off her mouth, revealing she knows too much.
The kids and baby (she has no idea whose it is) would be put in with her because they ARE being quarantined.
I don’t see why the returned-to-human-form Mort can’t appear at the door and take the baby and free Shanna. He’s more than human now (who knows what powers he’s got?), so he could pull this off.
Outside, Shanna notices the army clearing the parking lot, backing away from the hospital. She sees the army helicopter lowering something to the roof. Mort says it’s a huge shaped charge and describes what it will do. (sterilize, etc.)
Shanna runs off in search of Driscoll to stop it but doesn’t get ten feet before the hospital becomes a huge funeral pyre. Mort comforts her and tells Shanna to flee.
We can fiddle with this until everybody’s happy, but at least it will give us a skeleton to clothe.
Paul
• • •
The whole concept of Twilight is that the mopey teenage girl wants the mopey ancient vampire to bite her to change her. I can’t specifically remember if “bite me to stay alive” is in there, but that’s a common resolution in paranormal romance.
Keep in mind that this is not a romantic Lugosi nibble. Randall has bloody fangs that have ripped right through his cheeks. She’s not gonna offer him her neck.
Jeff
• • •
She offered him her arm. But if you guys vote it down, we can kill the scene.
Also, “Ha ha! Jeff saw Twilight!”
Joe
• • •
In the DRACULAS 4.1 I’ve got, she offers him her neck.
That moment (not the whole scene) is total paranormal romance. We could acknowledge that, but if we’re trying for genuine emotion, that’s not the time to be winking at the reader.
Jeff
• • •
It should be her hand or arm. And it probably isn’t the right time to wink at the reader. I’ll take a look during the rewrite.
Joe
• • •
Could Mort somehow be involved with the quarantine? Working for Driscoll somehow? Or is that too far-fetched?
Joe
• • •
Yeah, far-fetched. But if he’s dressed in nice clean scrubs, he could look like he belongs and slip under the radar.
Paul
• • •
I had him do his metamorphosis in the laundry room for that very reason.
Joe
• • •
Okay. I’ll start on it.
Paul
• • •
Okay. I’ll dig in Saturday AM and flip it to Jeff Sunday night.
Paul
• • •
Re: Randall’s Last Stand
Jeff 10.0 is up
• • •
My pass is going to be the “Mad Lib Edit”, where I substitute every noun with “wiener.”
Joe
• • •
That’s the wurst idea I ever hoid!
Paul
• • •
You really mustard that one up.
Joe
• • •
Paul, don’t succumb to his evil!!!
Jeff
• • •
But he’s such a brat!
Paul
• • •
That was rather frank.
Joe
• • •
Blake and I are going to write DRACULAS II by ourselves.
Jeff
• • •
“Blake and I are going to write DRACULAS II by ourselves,” he said, with relish.
Joe
• • •
Except it’s going to be like a Spike Lee joint…DRACULAZ 2, BIOTCH
Blake
• • •
I quit. This had already gone furter than it should.
Paul
• • •
Really? You had a redhot streak going there…
Joe
• • •
Shanna’s last name…I can’t find one. I’ll stick in a placeholder and change it if anyone remembers.
Paul
• • •
I’m pretty sure it was “Wiener.”
Joe
• • •
Goddammit, that’s what I’m putting.
Paul
• • •
Then let’s change her first name to Anita.
Anita Wiener.
Joe
• • •
Randall 10.0…Great scene Jeff.
Love: They could take away his humanity, but not his fucking chainsaw.
I just put it into the manuscript.
Blake
• • •
Clay’s death…rocks big time…love Alice fusing to his hand. I think we’re all set to write the end tomorrow…Joe has about 100-300 words to write for Jenny and we’re done. I’ve put your Clayton scene into the manuscript, Paul.
Blake
* * *
September 23, 2010
I’ve read what we’ve got so far. Very nice job, everyone.
I finished the Jenny scenes, and also added to everyone’s rooftop scenes in order to make her character consistent throughout them. I wanted to have her focus be on Randall, and for Randall to know that she stayed for him. It’s in Dracula 4.2
On the promotional front, people have downloaded almost 700 free teaser copies of Draculas. Also, I heard from the publisher of Blood Lite, and Paul and I should be able to use “A Sound of Blunder” in the extras without being sued.
We’re at about 78,000 words, and we’ve written 70k of them in just five weeks. You guys are rock stars. It’s crazy how quick and easy this was to write.
Paul, can you put an excerpt from one of your ebooks into your dropbox folder to use as an extra? Maybe THE KEEP, in sticking to the vampire theme. (and yes, I know Rasalom isn’t a vampire.) MIDNIGHT MASS would work, too.
Jeff, you missed a question in the interview section.
The goal is to get this to the proofreader by next Monday, and the formatter before the end of the month.
Joe
• • •
BTW, if we do a sequel, we should call it “DRACULASES”
Joe
• • •
Not to bombard you guys with emails, but I had an idea for extras that’s obvious.
I liked Clay’s death scene, but I also dug the discussion we had about Clay surviving.
This is an ebook. So why not do both? As an extra, we could have an alternate ending, like they do on DVDs. We could even have more than one. Gimmicky, sure, but it would be fun for each of us to pen a different ending where different, outrageous things happen.
Also, remember Paul’s scene where Shanna liked firing the gun? That deleted scene that could be used as an extra. There may be other scenes too…
Joe
• • •
Shanna and the new Mort in “end scenes.” Feel free to play with this.
If we do a sequel, I think it will be far more interesting to have Clay’s father turn Shanna into a new Clay - a pissed-off, gun-toting momma out for blood.
Paul
• • •
Nicely done, Paul.
I like it, but I went in a different direction while fleshing out the rooftop scenes, and our scenes don’t quite mesh.
I dig the shaped charge concept. For emotional impact though, both Jenny’s and the reader’s, I believe it is stronger to have Jenny know it’s a bomb and that she’s going to die. I also believe we need to see the bomb go off and the hospital destroyed, and perhaps that Shanna should be the one to bear witness to it. Explaining the hospital will blow up in dialog, without seeing it sort of takes away the surprise. And not seeing it happen is sort of unsatisfying, and readers will be asking “Well, did the bomb go off? Did Jenny make it?.”
I like Shanna seeking out Clay’s dad, like Mort with the baby, and like the mystery behind Driscoll and her team,
Can all of you read the last the last few scenes on the roof, then Paul’s scene, so we can discuss? Or can I go in a play around with Paul’s version, and show what I’m going for?
This, BTW, is a perfect example of the “extra and deleted scenes” bonus features I mentioned…
Joe
• • •
What is this then?
The roof of the hospital exploded in an incandescent flare. The boom and shockwave stopped her in her tracks and she watched in horror as the windows and walls of the fourth floor belched flame and debris, followed almost immediately by the third and second and first. Every entrance, every exit blew its doors and shot flames like giant blowtorches.
And then the floors began to collapse—first the roof onto the fourth, then the fourth onto the third, pancaking all the way down to ground level in a mini-reenactment of the trade towers’ collapse, leaving only a flame-riddled cloud of smoke and dust and debris on the far side of the parking lot.
Paul
• • •
Gotcha. I just reread it more carefully. During the first read, for some reason I thought what Shanna saw was the explosion Adam caused. Adam’s explosion killed Clay, but because Shanna thought the second one killed Clay, and I thought the second was the first.
Still, I’m not sure we need the bomb explained, or that Jenny’s last thought should be one of confusion at what she’s seeing as opposed to realization that she’s dead.
Do you mind me reworking it a bit?
Joe
• • •
I’d rather forgo the exposition myself. OTOH, readers are going to wonder how this bomb did what it does. Just saying it sterilized the scene is asking for a leap of faith. Mention plasma jet and 10k degrees, and they can be pretty certain there ain’t gonna be any survivors—not draculas, not humans, not even viruses.
DRACULAS (A Novel of Terror) Page 55
