And Sadie? The invisible but ever-present Sadie. If she had been here, what sort of night would it have been?
‘Maggie?’
They were all looking at her.
‘Your turn.’
‘For what?’
‘To make your wish for the year ahead.’
‘Sorry. I was miles away. You go next, Gabriel. Come back to me.’
He was back behind the camera. ‘I’m working. I’m also not family. So I’d rather watch, if you don’t mind.’
‘You’re almost family,’ Juliet said.
‘Come on, Gabriel,’ Miranda said. ‘It’s just a wish.’
He was silent for a moment and then held up his glass. ‘I wish for truth and happiness for everyone here.’
‘Truth and happiness,’ the Faradays echoed, holding up their glasses.
‘Maggie?’ Leo asked.
‘I second that.’
‘Oh, come now, Maggie,’ Miranda said. ‘Just because you’re engaged doesn’t mean you can’t think for yourself.’
‘I’m not copying Gabriel. I want the same thing. Truth and happiness.’
They made the toast a second time.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Maggie was awake when the courier called to the house early the next morning. She had been awake most of the night.
She’d had a visitor to her room just as she was about to fall asleep the night before. And then another. Then another. The different conversations had filled her head with so many thoughts it had been hard to relax again.
The first to arrive was Miranda. She’d knocked three times on Maggie’s door, come in, sat on the edge of her bed and cut straight to the chase. ‘Maggie, I’m worried about Gabriel. Something’s not right about him. About this whole situation.’
Maggie sat up, switching on her bedside lamp. She wished again she could tell her the truth, but she couldn’t. Not yet. She laughed instead, deciding to make light of the question. ‘Miranda, stop it, would you? Just because I made a mistake with Angus doesn’t mean I’m going to do it again.’
‘I’m concerned you’re in a vulnerable state of mind at the moment and I’m worried he’s taken advantage of you.’
She heard a faint slur in Miranda’s voice. Her aunt had drunk a lot of wine at dinner. Maggie imagined the fallout if she was to tell Miranda the truth right now. She would be outraged to think she’d been conned. She’d tear strips off Leo first, then off Maggie and Gabriel too, for being part of it. She would probably storm off in a temper. Eliza would more than likely follow. Leo would be so upset. Any chance of bringing Sadie – if the woman in Dublin was Sadie – back to Donegal while they were all gathered together would be ruined. Maggie had to keep up the pretence.
Miranda was still talking. ‘I just want you to be careful. It’s all been so quick with Gabriel. You don’t even mention him – in fact, you refuse to tell us any details about your life in New York – and then here he is. He’s able to give up his work at a moment’s notice. He won’t answer any direct questions —’
‘That’s why you’re suspicious. You’ve met your match for once.’
‘I’m suspicious because I love you very much and I don’t want to see you hurt again. Don’t rush into anything. Get to know him better. Listen to your own instincts.’
‘I don’t need to have any instincts. I have a mother and four aunts thinking for me.’
‘Four?’
‘Four. You. Juliet. Eliza. Sadie.’
‘Three working aunts. As for your mother protecting you, she wouldn’t notice if you came home engaged to a meerkat,’ Miranda scoffed.
‘She would so. Clementine is a wonderful mother.’
‘When it suits her, yes. When she can fit it in between research projects.’
‘That’s not fair.’ Maggie realised then that her aunt was quite drunk.
‘We all have a share in you, Maggie. We all helped raise you. Which is why I know I have every right to talk to you like this.’
‘You don’t have a right. I’m not a child any more.’
‘You don’t stop being my niece just because you’re old enough to vote.’
‘I’ve been making my own decisions for years. I’ve managed on my own the past three months, haven’t I?’
Another scoff. ‘In a rent-free apartment in one of the best areas of Manhattan that a friend of mine loaned to you, because you are my niece. That’s not managing on your own, Maggie. That’s being looked after.’
Maggie wasn’t amused any more. She was angry. ‘Were you like this with Sadie?’
‘Like what with Sadie?’
‘Bossy? Controlling? Insulting?’ She didn’t know what had made her ask the questions, but they suddenly seemed important.
‘Well, well, the little mouse that roared.’ Miranda smiled to take the sting out of her words. She wasn’t completely successful. ‘What makes you say that? Don’t tell me you and Sadie have been secretly meeting all these years, have you? Having little bitching sessions about how mean all of us were to her?’
‘Is that why she left?’
Miranda stood up then. ‘I have no idea why she left. But I can tell you why she didn’t come back. Because she was the smartest one of all of us in the end. She chose freedom over family. I sometimes wish I’d done the same thing.’
Maggie barely had time to take in all that Miranda had said. Five minutes after she left, there was another knock at her door. It was Eliza.
‘Maggie, are you awake? Can I come in?’
Eliza had never needed alcohol to fuel her strong opinions. Maggie knew within a second she was about to hear a few of them now. She would never have admitted it to anyone, but Eliza had always been her least favourite aunt. It seemed so childish to think of them in terms of favourites, but she’d always had a faint stomach-ache when she was sent to Eliza’s. It wasn’t that she was cruel or mean. She’d just never been much fun. Eliza saw the world and life as something to be endured and worked through. She had been bad enough when she was a personal trainer. Since she had become a life coach the advice and pronouncements had multiplied.
She sat on the chair beside Maggie’s bed, her face solemn. ‘Maggie, I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been worried about you since I got here, and there just doesn’t ever seem a chance to talk to you during the day.’
‘What are you worried about?’
Eliza leaned forward. ‘You don’t seem to have much direction in your life at the moment. No goals, no ambitions. You have a true gift with numbers, Maggie, and I would hate to see you waste it. I just wanted you to know that I’m here for you if you want to sit down and talk through your options. Reassess your career to date. Explore new avenues. Make serious plans.’
Maggie suddenly wondered what Eliza would say if she were to tell her to mind her own business. Instead, she surprised herself, and her aunt, with another question. ‘Have you ever done anything spontaneous, Eliza?’
‘Pardon?’
‘Have you ever made a mistake, or done something you’ve regretted? Been swept off your feet, fallen head over heels in love?
‘Why do you ask that?’
Maggie realised that she truly wanted to know. If Eliza was going to come and lecture her, then Maggie wanted to voice a few opinions of her own. ‘It’s just you are the most controlled person I have ever met in my life. The most organised. The most together. And I was trying to imagine how you would cope if you were to do something out of character – like fall in love at first sight, or make a rash decision about something. Throw caution to the wind.’
Eliza didn’t answer.
‘Sorry,’ Maggie said, abashed. ‘It’s none of my business.’
‘I forget sometimes that you’re an adult now, you know that. Yes, Maggie. I have made rash decisions. I have thrown caution to the wind. And I have been in love. I still am in love.’
‘You are? Really? Why haven’t we met him?’
Eliza didn’t answer.
Something occ
urred to Maggie. ‘Is it a her?’
‘No, it’s a him. The same him I’ve been in love with for twenty-six years. We’ve been together for thirteen of those years.’
‘Together? Are you married? And none of us knew?’
‘You can have love without marriage, Maggie.’
‘But why don’t you bring him home? Why haven’t we met him?’
‘Because I don’t want you to. Because that would change everything. I don’t want to hear anyone’s opinions about him. I don’t want to see him putting up with Leo’s waffle, Miranda’s insults, Juliet’s mothering —’ She stopped there. ‘I’m not risking it.’
‘Could I meet him?’
Eliza shook her head. ‘You don’t need to. He doesn’t need to meet you either.’
‘But we’re your family.’
‘Yes.’ Eliza seemed to come to her senses then. ‘Maggie, I don’t want you to tell the others what I’ve just told you. Not Clementine. Not Gabriel. I don’t even know why I told you myself.’
‘I won’t. I promise.’ Maggie was genuinely shocked. Eliza, of all people, having a secret love affair. There were a dozen questions she longed to ask.
It was too late. Eliza had returned to her businesslike self. She stood up and smoothed down her silk dressing-gown. ‘But think about what I said. If you need to talk about your work goals or your career path, I’m always here for you, okay?’
‘Thanks, Eliza.’
‘You’re welcome. Good night.’
Maggie wasn’t surprised when Juliet arrived, ten minutes later. She knocked gently on the door. ‘Maggie, are you awake? Up for a little chat?’
‘I’d love one.’
Juliet came over and sat beside Maggie’s bed, straightening the covers, tucking the sheet around her the way she had often done many years ago. ‘I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. There’s been a lot for you to handle the past few days. But I’m so glad you’re here. And I’m so glad to meet Gabriel.’
‘I’m glad to be here too.’
Juliet started stroking the bedcover again. ‘Maggie, there’s just a couple of things I wanted to say to you, in private.’ She paused. ‘It’s about marriage. About relationships. I’ve watched you and Gabriel and you obviously get on so well, and that’s great, but do you feel like you can stand your ground with him? That your opinion matters? That you’re sure about him?’
‘Well, I think so, but it is early days.’
‘But you’re engaged, so you must love him. Well, you clearly do and he clearly loves you —’
‘He does?’
Juliet laughed softly. ‘Don’t sound so surprised. He wouldn’t have proposed if he didn’t. He did propose, didn’t he? Or did you propose to him?’
‘It was kind of a mutual agreement,’ she said. She imagined telling Juliet the truth. ‘Actually, it was Leo who proposed for us both.’
‘Have you talked about children yet, Maggie?’
She was taken aback. ‘It’s a bit soon, don’t you think?’
‘It’s not. It’s not too soon. You’re already twenty-six and you know that a woman’s fertility decreases every year after she turns twenty-five. You need to find out as soon as you can if there will be any difficulties.’ Another pause. ‘You know that Myles and I aren’t childless by choice, don’t you?’
Maggie nodded. She’d never asked Juliet directly but she had heard talk about IVF treatments over the years.
‘We left it too late, Maggie. I left it too late. If we had started trying earlier, then there might have been time to sort out any problems we had. You’d have cousins, maybe lots of cousins.’
‘You wanted lots of children?’
To Maggie’s shock, Juliet’s eyes filled with tears. ‘As many as I could. And I couldn’t even have one.’
She put her arms around her aunt, held her close, shocked and sad at once. She had never thought that Juliet would still be so upset about it. She must have known for years. Surely she was used to the idea. And she and Myles had a great life; their business so successful, travelling all the time… She tried to say all that, to console Juliet, and was shocked when her aunt pulled away from her.
‘None of that ever mattered to me, Maggie. It mattered to Myles, not to me, and I went along with it. I stupidly, foolishly let him make the decisions and now I’m left with what? Nothing. A perfect kitchen and an empty life. I don’t want that to happen to you. I couldn’t bear it if you went through what I did.’
‘But, Juliet, Miranda doesn’t have kids, Eliza doesn’t. It doesn’t have to be everything —’
‘Not to them, perhaps, but it was to me. It still is to me.’ She sat up straight then. ‘I just wanted to give you my advice. If you want children, Maggie, don’t put it off. Men don’t understand what it means to a woman. They’ll talk about it from an intellectual or financial point of view, and it’s not that kind of decision, it’s pure emotion and feeling. Men don’t think like that.’
‘But Myles —’
‘Maggie, I may as well tell you. You’ll all know in a few days, anyway. I’m leaving Myles. We’re separating.’
‘You’re what?’
Juliet explained about the note that would be waiting for him at their house in Manchester.
‘But why didn’t you say anything to anyone?’
‘There’s enough talk in this family as it is.’
Maggie didn’t know what to say to that. ‘I’m sorry, Juliet. I always really liked Myles.’ She truly had.
‘I’ve no choice, Maggie. I can’t forgive him and I can’t forget so I’ve no choice. Please don’t make the same mistake I did.’ Juliet abruptly stood up and left the room.
Maggie sat up in her bed for some time afterwards. She wasn’t imagining it. Things were different this July. Her aunts had never spoken to her like this, told her these kinds of things. But she had never spoken to them as she had tonight either. She’d never stood her ground with Miranda, challenged Eliza or spoken so honestly to Juliet. Had she also just missed a perfect, important opportunity? Should she have asked each of them about Sadie? Told them she knew the truth? Watched them react?
Maggie didn’t wait for Clementine to come to her. She went to her mother herself. She stepped quietly down the corridor, avoiding the creaking floorboard, and slipped into her mother’s room at the front of the house. It was bright with the moonlight through the open window. Clementine always slept with her curtains open.
Maggie spoke in a whisper. ‘Clementine?’
‘Maggie?’ Clementine sat up immediately. ‘Is everything all right?’
‘Can I hop in with you for a minute?’ It was the same sentence she used to say when she was little.
Clementine smiled, obviously remembering it too. ‘Of course you can.’ She lifted the bedcover and Maggie slipped in beside her. She hadn’t been in the same bed with her mother since she was a child. She wished she hadn’t left it so long. It was as comforting now as it had been then.
Clementine didn’t switch on the light. She just turned on her side and smoothed the hair back from her daughter’s face. ‘What is it, Maggie? What’s wrong?’
Maggie wanted to tell her everything, about Leo’s plotting, about the fake engagement. It didn’t feel right to hide things from her mother. She wanted to tell her she knew all about Sadie. She wanted to ask her what that had been like, how Clementine had felt when she was missing, whether she had forgiven her sister. She wanted to ask her why she hadn’t been told the truth all these years.
But she thought of the fallout again and it stopped her. Clementine wouldn’t be as dramatic about it as the others, but she would be upset. It would cause a row with Leo. And they needed everything to stay as it was for a few more days, just in case Sadie did want to come and join them…
‘What’s up, Maggie?’ Clementine asked again.
‘I’ve had a few visitors tonight.’
‘A few aunts, do you mean?’
Maggie nodded. ‘All three of them.’
‘Like Three Wise Men bearing gifts?’
‘Not exactly gifts.’
‘Oh dear.’ Clementine tucked her pillow behind her and smiled. ‘I might be wrong, but did Miranda have a few things to say to you about Gabriel?’
‘How did you know?’
‘She’s been talking about nothing else since she got here. Don’t listen to her, Maggie. You know your own heart and mind. I’ve hardly had a chance to talk to him, but Gabriel seems lovely. He’s thoughtful, he’s clever and he obviously cares about you.’
‘You like him?’
‘From what I’ve seen, yes, I do. What did Eliza have to say about him?’
‘It wasn’t Gabriel she was concerned about.’ Maggie hesitated. ‘Do you think I should have another job by now?’
‘No, not yet. You don’t know what you want to do yet, do you?’
‘No.’
‘Why rush into it, then? You take all the time you need.’
‘And do you think I should have children as soon as I can?’
‘Before you get married?’
‘While I’m young.’
‘Is it something you and Gabriel are talking about already?’
‘Not yet, no.’
‘Well, wait and see. If you want to and if you can, wonderful.’
There was another question she needed to ask. ‘You don’t regret having me, do you?’
‘I have never regretted having you for one minute. Not even for one second.’
‘You don’t think you could have done more with your career? Had a different sort of life, if you weren’t tied down with a baby?’
‘I’ve done everything with my career I could have wanted to do. I’m still doing that. Because of you, Maggie. I couldn’t have done it without your understanding.’
Those Faraday Girls Page 45
