by C. S. Bills
“Now,” Keanu took up the conversation again as Soantek directed her, “he wonders if he might have been wrong in his original belief.” Soantek ducked his head in respect, dipping his paddle quietly as they moved along.
He is already good with the skin boat, Attu thought. His years of paddling the large canoes have given him strength and a sense of the movement of the water. He’ll make a fine seal hunter. And his mind is open to think of our world in new ways. I would not be a man of honor if I didn’t also welcome the chance to see in a way different from my people’s beliefs.
“I thank you for your willingness to consider our ways,” Attu said, nodding his own head. “Fuva.”
He turned to Keanu as they continued following the skin boats in front of them. “What troubles me about the idea of water and fire containing spirits is that the Nuvik believe something must be alive to contain a spirit. Animals, birds, and fish have hearts that beat, blood that flows, eyes that see, and they can feel. Even plants have lifeblood. All these beings grow and change, making more of their kind in the way each does...” Attu hesitated. “But fire and water?”
“How can water and fire have spirits when they are not alive?” Keanu asked. “I wanted to know the answer to that question, also.” She glanced back at Soantek, paddling steadily behind her. He motioned for her to tell Attu what he’d obviously already explained to her.
“Soantek’s people say water and fire are alive. That is how they can contain spirits.”
“Ai?” Attu stopped paddling and looked with disbelief at Soantek and Keanu. “How can you say that?”
“Think about it,” Keanu said. “Does not water move? Does it not pass from the Here and Now into the Beyond of the above, rising as mist in the night, then falling again as new water from the sky?”
Keanu had apparently memorized something Soantek had told her. She sounded like she was repeating words taught to Nukeena children when they became old enough to understand. Still, Attu listened.
“Water follows the cycle of birth and death, just like the other living beings you have described. And does not fire need to eat? Does it not grow and change? Can it not be created, live, and die?”
Attu was stunned. “I never thought of either fire or water in that way before.”
Soantek smiled at Keanu, then Attu. He spoke rapidly for a moment to Keanu before she said, “Soantek says, ‘All I ask, Brother, is that you think about it. Consider what I’ve said. See if I’m right.’”
“I will,” Attu promised. They paddled for a short while longer, then Attu gave the signal for Suka to begin looking for a beach where the Clan could spend the night.
Chapter 20
“It takes many seasons to learn to direct an animal once you’ve learned to safely enter and exit its mind.” Attu and Soantek sat a bit a part from the others that night, so Keanu could instruct them. “Even the smallest of living creatures has a will, and to take over that will is difficult. There are spiritual considerations that must also be followed.”
“What those?” Soantek looked concerned as he leaned in to hear Keanu’s answer above the others talking around the fire.
“You must not ask an animal to do something that would cause it harm. To do so risks that the animal, and future generations of its brother and sister animals, will avoid man all together.”
Attu nodded, glancing at Soantek, who also looked satisfied with Keanu’s answer.
“But that training won’t happen for a long time,” Keanu continued. “First, you must learn to enter my mind safely, always being able to leave it at will. Once you can enter my mind safely, you must practice the containment of your Here and Now mind within mine, working to build a strong covering over it to keep you safe, before you can even begin to try blending with an animal’s mind. I think it will take you at least a cycle of seasons to learn this.” Keanu leaned forward, the firelight playing light and shadows across her pale face.
“An entire cycle of seasons?” Attu saw by Soantek’s expression that he, too, was disappointed and frustrated.
“Soantek may learn faster. He’s already had many seasons of practice blending with the spirits of fire and water. I would think he would have significant control already.” Keanu looked between the two of them.
“But–” Attu started to protest.
“You know how dangerous this is, Attu. I’ve been thinking about how to train you ever since I realized you had the Gift and had no natural control of it like I gained while growing up. Your mind has to be trained. It took me my whole childhood, slowly gaining power along the way. When you somehow gained my Gift, you got it as I have it now, but with no training. If your mind has not been trained to stay within itself, you will not just blend with the animal, you will lose yourself in its mind. Perhaps forever.” Keanu studied Attu. “But you already know that.”
Keanu said something to Soantek, and his face calmed. “Ai,” he agreed.
It is easy for you to agree, Soantek. You’ve not been waiting moons for this. I have. And yet, now that it’s time to begin, just thinking about trying this terrifies me.
Attu took out his knife, rubbing its hilt against his skin leggings as he tried to find the words to tell Keanu what he needed to say about how afraid he was. A lifetime of tradition was hard to break, but Attu knew he had to acknowledge his fear and share it with Keanu, or it might build up, only to overwhelm him when he least expected it.
“I’m thankful to the spirits that you will help me, Keanu. You could have said no to protect yourself. And I wouldn’t have blamed you for it. But I’ve been struggling so much. I don’t know how much longer I will be able to win each day’s battle with this Gift. One day I may not have the will to stop myself from entering the next bird I see flying overhead as my spirit pulls on me to go... to fly... And at night I’m afraid I will lose myself if I dream again. I am terrified to do this, and terrified not to do it.”
Attu abruptly stood, turning his back on Keanu and Soantek and moving away from the fire and the others. He walked far down the beach, letting the pine-scented air slowly cool his emotion. The moon was rising above the trees, full and round and white. Occasional clouds scudded across its face, and as they did, the sand in front of him darkened. Attu sensed a change in the weather. Probably by the end of next sun they would have rain and large waves.
I’ll have to make sure we find good shelter somewhere along the shore before too late in the day, he thought. We must not get caught with the women and children in choppy water.
Attu knew his mind was sliding away from his fear onto safer thoughts, but he couldn’t stop himself. He let it go.
The trees grow almost to the high tide on this narrow beach, but we found enough room to erect our few shelters and build a fire. I don’t know if areas of rocks lay ahead or if we will be able to find another beach when we need it.
There were gaps in Soantek’s knowledge. He’d been drifting with the others far out in the ocean for many days after the attack of the killer whale fish and had never traveled along this part of the coast. Bashoo had just been up the coastline with Tingiyok and Rovek. They knew about how far it was to Broken Rock Bay and some of the more obvious landmarks, but they’d traveled much faster, covering in less than a day what Attu knew would take his people two or more. They hadn’t needed to look for a safe landing around every bend.
A sound behind him caused Attu to turn around. Someone was loping up the beach, and by the length of his strides, Attu guessed it was Suka. He waited for his cousin.
“Are you all right?” Suka asked. “Rika woke up, and when you weren’t there, she came to our shelter looking for you.”
“Didn’t Keanu tell you I’d gone up the beach?”
“No. There was no one by the fire. It was out.”
Attu turned to walk back with Suka, letting him catch his breath.
Now I’ve worried Rika, too. What was I thinking?
To walk away from my fear, at least for a short time, Attu answered himself.
And it worked. But at my woman’s expense.
I’m fine, Attu mind spoke to Rika. He showed her his thoughts, his feelings.
Rika gave him back a mental picture of their warm shelter and her welcoming arms.
Thank you. I’m coming.
“You got that look on your face you get when you’re mind speaking. Everything all right now with Rika?” Suka asked.
“Yes.”
“Why did you just leave everyone like that?” Suka scuffed his feet along the wet sand near the water’s edge. He’d let Attu have the higher ground. It made the cousins seem about the same height as they walked.
“My spirit seems to be racing ahead of the pace we’re traveling.”
“That’s a lie.”
“Yes, I guess it is. You know me well, Cousin.” Attu slowed the pace even further.
“Something is troubling you?”
“Many things.”
“The women? The responsibility for all of us? I know you feel it all the time.” Suka looked at him, his face serious. “I respect you for your leadership. You know that.”
Attu nodded, but said nothing.
“I know it’s hard. All the pooliks coming, and the trouble between Veshria and Keanu. Having to travel slowly, and the difficulty of finding places to make camp. And we’re heading to an unknown place, counting on it to be sufficient for us, knowing that when we get there it will be too late if you’ve made the wrong choice–”
“We all made that choice, not just me,” Attu interrupted. He sounded surly and tried again. “I appreciate your concern, Suka.” Attu kicked at a loose stone in his path, sending it flying into the water with a plop. He thought of his mother, who was feeling better now, but who still had occasional cramping. She tried to hide from him so he wouldn’t worry. It made him worry more.
“So what is it?” Suka asked.
“Keanu told me tonight that I can’t even begin to try to use the animal mind-blending Gift until I do beginner’s practice for at least a cycle of seasons. And even trying to learn to use it is terrifying. Up until now, once I realized I had a Gift, I needed to use it soon afterwards,” Attu said. “Sometimes I’ve misunderstood something, especially things I Saw in a dream, but I’ve always needed to use what I know almost as soon as I know it, at least to plan ahead, to make good decisions. If I’ve been given the Gift of mind-blending, won’t I need to use it soon?”
“You did use the Gift of Seeing the future shortly after you got it, to decide whether or not to allow Soantek to make the sacrifice to come with us, rather than telling Keanu to go with him,” Suka said. “You would have made a decision without it, but having that Gift made it easier for you to decide. You were leaning toward telling Keanu to stay with Soantek and the Nukeena, even though you need her so much to teach you.”
Attu looked at his cousin. “You knew I was considering that?”
“Of course.” Suka shrugged. “It’s always been easier for you to be the one sacrificing something for others than to accept it when others are willing to sacrifice for you.”
Attu walked for a while, thinking. “You’re right, as hard as that is to admit. I felt guilty just thinking of Soantek leaving his Clan because of me.”
“But you let him because of the vision.”
“Do you think I made the right decision?”
“Of course. If the Clan needs to See ahead to the north, Keanu can enter an animal and do that for us. What more could a Clan ask for? It was a great decision, bringing them with us.” Suka looked up the beach toward their shelters. “Race you!” he said as he started running back to camp.
“Hey, what about giving a hunter fair warning!” Attu grinned and pelted after his cousin.
The wind picked up the next day just as Attu had suspected it would. Ubantu and the other older hunters agreed they needed to find a landing early. Thinking of his conversation with Suka, Attu asked Keanu to See through an animal and find a place for them to camp for the night.
When Keanu looked beyond, to the edge of the rocky shoreline they were passing, Attu wondered what she was doing. Her gaze became fixed on a seal sunning itself on one of the large flat rocks they were passing.
Attu had thought she’d find a bird.
“I don’t like to fly unless I have to, especially in this wind,” Keanu said aloud. Attu didn’t know if she’d read his thoughts or was just commenting to explain her choice to him.
Her gaze became fixed, her body rigid in the skin boat as if she were a frozen corpse on the Expanse. It was an eerie feeling, watching her in that Between state, and Attu thought about how he’d frightened Rika, how she’d called him back to himself by the fire.
“No wonder she was terrified,” he whispered to himself.
Soantek kept paddling, keeping their skin boat moving steadily forward with the rest, as Keanu remained motionless in front of him. Occasionally, her eyes blinked. Attu realized it must be a reflex to keep them from drying out in the wind as they travelled.
Keanu was gone for a long time. Attu grew worried. Soantek kept glancing furtively at the back of Keanu’s head. Attu and Rika paddled beside them. Rika kept a close eye on Keanu, nodding or making motions to Soantek to let him know she thought Keanu was all right, but that she was still gone.
Attu was just about to splash water on Keanu or try to shake her back to herself when Keanu’s body jerked, and she took in a great gulp of air. She shook out her hands, rubbed her face, and smiled at them all.
“Just up ahead, not the first point but the next. There is a place for us to camp there. I saw wind and storm moving in from the north. It will hit shortly after we land. We should hurry.”
Attu called out the word, and they picked up the pace, moving toward the landing place Keanu had seen.
Coming around the point, Attu could see storm clouds gathering to the north and west of them, far out on the horizon, but even as he watched, they grew closer. The waves picked up, and he pushed their skin boat faster, moving to the front of the Clan where Suka, Farnook, Rovek, and Meavu were paddling.
“We need to hurry,” Attu said. “Make for the calmer water around the point.”
“Watch to the north,” Meavu said. “The storm is unpredictable.”
A flash of lightening proved to be greater encouragement than Attu’s call had been, and his people raced to the beach around the point, hunters leaping from skin boats as soon as they reached shallow water, pulling them up as far as they could without bumping the rocks and gravel. Everyone helped each other, some lifting women and children out of the boats while others carried the boats up into the nearby trees, out of the increasing wind, where they could be tied safely.
“Lash them up and down in line with the trees on the downwind side,” Ubantu called to Soantek. Soantek followed his advice, and soon his skin boat was tied like the others, odd vertical growths on the trunks of the largest trees, their bottoms against the bark so the wind would flow around them and past.
“Good. Sabotta,” Bashoo said, imitating Ubantu and the other men with his own skin boat. Attu watched as he lifted it by himself, placing the heavy two-person boat against the tree and holding it there while Rovek circled the ropes around it.
“Build your shelters farther into the forest,” Yural was instructing the women as Attu approached. “On the east and south sides of the trees. This is the worst wind we’ve had yet.” She was shouting now, but the other women seemed to have heard her.
Ubantu stepped to his woman’s side and began lifting the poles for their shelter. Yural reached up to help him, but Ubantu said something to her, and she sat, watching and looking worried.
Attu moved to where Rika was beginning to construct their shelter. He lifted one of the supports for her. “Father won’t let Mother build the shelter,” he said, fixing the pole in place.
“I told him not to let her lift anything heavy anymore. I think that is what has caused her cramping.”
Attu nodded, taking more of the weight of the pole Rika wa
s lifting from her.
“I’m young and strong, don’t worry about me,” Rika said.
“I can do the rest,” Attu said. “Can you check on Yural again?”
“All right.”
“No, Suanu, not there!” Meavu called out and lifted the support Suanu had placed, walking away with it and forcing Suanu to follow. Brovik’s head was barely visible over the back of Suanu’s hood. For a moment, Attu was back on the Expanse, watching the mothers work while their poolik’s bright, dark eyes shone from behind the fur of their mother’s heavy parkas. Suanu’s was lightweight but still held the boy safely.
“What, Cousin, did you See something?” Suanu looked to Meavu, her voice filled with fright.
“Look up.” The tree Suanu had wanted to build her shelter next to was dead. A good strong wind and...
“Oh,” Suanu said. “I was in such a hurry, I didn’t see it. I’ve never built a shelter this far into the trees before.”
“There is much I can teach you that we women have learned as we’ve traveled north,” Meavu said as she helped Suanu move her shelter away from the dead tree and closer to her own. “I know it’s very different from the grasslands.”
Suanu laughed. “As different as the Expanse was from all this.” She motioned with her arms. “And traveling like this is different from when we stayed with the Seers. There’s much I need to learn. And I can help you when your baby comes.” Attu watched as Suanu smiled at his sister. Meavu had paused in her work for a moment, and she was lightly stroking Brovik’s dark hair as the poolik slept.
Even in this wind and the commotion of setting up camp, he sleeps, Attu thought as the two women chattered on about what it was like to be with child. Attu heard Meavu ask Suanu something about Brovik, but he couldn’t follow the conversation in the wind. I’m just glad Meavu is keeping an eye on Suanu and Suanu is already offering her help. We’re going to need her.
“Your mother is doing well,” Rika said, catching up to Attu as he walked back toward their shelter with firewood. “I asked her about Veshria, and she agreed with me that Veshria has seemed more sad than angry these last few days. She hasn’t heard Veshria yell at Keanu since the last time we were all by the fire before we left. I guess that’s the best we can hope for, for now. Everyone else is settling in, and all the other women are fine.”
