“It’s okay,” Jake reassured her. “Shock is hell. Most people don’t realize what it does to a person mentally and emotionally. It doesn’t end a day or a week or even a month later like everyone thinks. You’re still going through the stages of it, and as you do, a lot of emotions are involved. They come and go. I ought to know. I’ve been shot at enough, wounded enough, to be an expert on it. Hell, I could write a book about it.”
She snorted. “No kidding. Okay, I’ll cut myself some slack.”
“Good,” Jake grumbled. Somehow, he’d handle her tears. He wanted Morgan to feel safe in sharing all her emotions, good or bad, with him from now on.
“Emma loved you on the spot. I swear,” Morgan whispered, “she recognized you instantly as her father.”
“I was never so scared when I realized she was mine. I didn’t know what to do or say to her,” he admitted, and Jake smiled down into her shadowed face. Morgan’s hair hung in a dark frame around her soft face, and he threaded his fingers through that silky mass. “Thank you. I couldn’t have done this without you.”
“Emma’s a bold little thing.” Morgan laughed quietly, seeing Jake’s hope and relief. “I knew if we handled it right, she would immediately accept you. Off and on, over the past year, she’d asked my parents where her daddy was. She knew my parents were not her mommy and daddy.”
“God, she’s smart,” Jake muttered.
“Scary smart. She takes after you. What did you expect?” Morgan grinned. “In some ways, it’s going to be just deserts for you, Ramsey. Because you’re such an ongoing handful to deal with, Emma is going to test you in every possible way. She’s like a wild mustang, free-ranging, independent and stubborn. Just like you.”
Hearing her chortle, Jake gently pulled Morgan down beside him so he could kiss her. “Somehow,” he rasped, “I’ll be able to cope with Emma. I’ll remember those times and feelings when I was young.” He curved his mouth against Morgan’s smiling lips.
Jake didn’t want the kiss to end, but he knew Morgan was leaning toward him at an odd angle. He worried about the pressure on her wounded leg and eased away. Tucking her down beside him so she’d be comfortable, her head coming to rest on his shoulder, Jake felt her palm settle over his heart.
“I wanted to talk to you about some other decisions I’m thinking of making, Jake.” Morgan moved away just enough to catch his downward glance. She opened her hand against his chest. “After getting shot in that gunfight, I began to want to reorganize my life.”
Nodding, he caressed her hair. “Nearly dying has a funny way of doing that for most people,” Jake agreed quietly, seeing the concern in her eyes.
“You had left for the second op,” Morgan said, holding his stare. “I began to feel I needed to sort out my priorities, Jake. I missed Emma so much. I hated the fact I was overseas, and she was here. I didn’t get to see her that often, no matter what I did to try and come home. To be her mother…” She reached up, caressing his jaw, holding his gaze. “I loved carrying Emma for those nine months, knowing she was your baby. I loved every second of it. And birthing her…well…I’ll never forget that day…. I found myself crying endlessly because you weren’t there to see her born. You didn’t even know she existed. I was so damned guilt-ridden, Jake, I could hardly bear it. Emma turned out to be so beautiful, so much like you, that every time I saw her, I wanted to find you. I wanted to tell you.”
Jake drew in a deep, ragged breath. “I don’t know how you did it.” And he didn’t. Morgan had strength far beyond anything he would ever understand. Her mother, Cathy, had that same titanium backbone, and she had passed it genetically on to her daughter. The woman he loved was the mother of his child. The power of it shook Jake to his soul. “I’m fine with you getting out of the Marine Corps, Morgan. Your priorities have changed.” So had his, in the best of ways.
Morgan studied his shadowed, hard face. “Four months from now, my enlistment is finished,” she said.
“If you want to stay home and raise Emma, I’ll support you a hundred percent.”
“Good, because that’s what I want to do, Jake.”
Jake held her gently. Her warmth flooded his heart. “You’re one hell of a mother,” he whispered against her hair. “Emma deserves to have both her parents around.”
For a moment, Morgan wanted to cry with relief. “For so long, Jake, I’ve been at the point of the spear pushing women’s rights. I believe in it with my heart and soul. After I had Emma, I began to change. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s something else. I don’t know.”
Jake smiled against her hair, holding her. “You spent eleven years in the military doing things no one thought was within the capability of women. You’ve more than proved yourself. Now it’s time to move on. We have a daughter. And she’s beautiful. God, what a heartbreaker she’s going to be….” He laughed quietly with Morgan.
“I’m not sorry to be leaving the military, Jake. I want to be here for Emma.”
Taking her fingers, Jake pressed a small kiss on the tip of each one of them. “I have a family again.”
Morgan moved her hand across his shoulder, trying to take away some of the pain she heard in his voice. “You’ve had so much taken from you, Jake.”
His brow furrowed over the memories. “You’re right. Holding Joshua brought me full circle, Morgan.” Jake held her luminous gaze, feeling her love for him. “In that moment after he was born and I was holding him, I decided right then and there to get out of the SEALs and be a real father to my son. I wasn’t going to be gone like my father was with me.”
Grazing his jaw, Morgan whispered, “And then they were killed two weeks later. My God, Jake, that must have torn your soul apart.”
“It did,” he grimly admitted. Staring off into the muted darkness, he rested his hand against Morgan’s slender neck. “I was in shock for the longest time.” He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her hair. “When I met you that December in Afghanistan, I had never needed you more than then.”
Morgan held Jake silently, eyes closed, remembering the first night they’d made love. “I’m glad we met there. I never regretted those days together, Jake. Not ever…. Emma was created by us then. How can we be sorry about that?”
He kissed her cheek and whispered, “Emma was a symbol for us even though we didn’t realize it at the time. She was the best from both of us and she was created out of our love for one another. I have you. I have our beautiful daughter. What more do I need?”
The profoundness of his words rippled like warm waves through Morgan’s heart.
Jake read her expression and saw her tears. He kissed her brow. “The team will be stateside and I’ll be with you and Emma as much as humanly possible over the next six months. You know that, don’t you?”
Nodding, Morgan brought Jake’s hand against her heart and held it there. “We’ll make it work, Jake. We’ll find a house in Coronado. We’ll be close to where your team is located. Your platoon remains stateside for the next eighteen months, and that’s good news. You won’t ever have to rotate overseas again, thank God.” Morgan knew Jake had the sixty days of leave. They could find a rental, set up housekeeping and get everything in order before he had to report back for duty. The team would rotate out into the field for extended training exercises, and Jake would be gone for long periods of time. He’d come home on weekends whenever it was possible. And since she’d be with Emma every day, Morgan knew their daughter would handle his coming and going just fine. It was only for six months.
Sighing, Jake held her, their brows touching one another. “Emma deserves a father. You deserve a husband. You know I’ll bust my ass to get home every chance I can, Morgan. You already know the platoon will be at various training sites while we refresh our skills.”
Leaning up, Morgan curved her mouth against his. “I love you, Jake Ramsey,” she whispered. “We’re a work in progress.”
Squeezing her, Jake held Morgan for a long time, feeling her breath, inhaling her sweet scent. �
��You’ve given me back so much,” he murmured against her temple. “When I lost Joshua, I felt like someone ripped my soul in half. I was completely devastated. I know Emma can’t replace Joshua. But already, she’s healing that deep wound in me, Morgan. I can’t explain it, but she is….”
“Emma heals everyone’s heart,” Morgan said softly, feeling Jake’s loss. “If you let her, she will make your heart new just as she did mine….”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“I don’t want to lose you, Captain Boland.”
Morgan sat in front of General Maya Stevenson’s desk at the Pentagon. “I understand, ma’am.”
“No,” Maya said, smiling a little, drumming her fingers on the desk, “I don’t think you do. I respect that you are not reenlisting. I support you going home to San Diego, buying a house and raising your daughter with Lieutenant Ramsey. And I’m not surprised that he won’t reenlist, either.”
Morgan tried not to show her reaction. “Then, ma’am, I don’t understand what you’re saying.” Morgan had told her she would leave the Marine Corps when her contract was up. She tried to look beyond the carefully arranged expression on the General’s face and couldn’t.
“I’m going to throw you a curve ball, Captain. What if I make a call to the Commander of SEAL Team Three? And I asked that he hire you to work the SEAL intel desk at Coronado for the next six months while Lieutenant Ramsey is still in the military?”
Morgan considered the offer. “Ma’am, with all due respect, I couldn’t do it full-time. I want to be home to raise our daughter.”
“How about part-time? Three days a week? An eight-hour day shift?”
Morgan knew they could use two incomes to make ends meet. She and Jake had already talked a lot about their finances.
Maya smiled a little. “Consider the benefits, Captain. You’d have medical insurance. You’d be able to know where your husband was at all times.”
It was an incredibly tempting offer. “That,” she stumbled, “is very generous of you, General.”
“And I want something else from you, Morgan.”
“Ma’am?”
“You’re in the catbird seat with your wealth of combat experience. I don’t want to lose you, either. But what I need from you is something you can do from home. With your top secret clearance, you can read the sitreps, situation reports, from the field that are being filed by other women volunteers. I want you to read them, make comments and send them on to me. I need your eyes on Operation Shadow Warriors, Morgan.”
Stunned by the offers, Morgan stared across the desk at the General. Maya Stevenson was well-known for not taking “no” for an answer. She was inventive and flexible, and she always thought outside the box.
“I’d like to do that, ma’am,” Morgan said. “What I’ll miss the most is the camaraderie I have with so many of the other women…and you.”
Nodding and giving her a pleased look, Maya said, “All right, then, I’ll set the paperwork in motion to hire you as a civilian working for me when the time comes. I’ll get the Captain of the SEAL team on the horn and see if he has an opening for you. I’m sure he will. We always need good intel people. You’ll be working five days a week. Three at Coronado for the SEALs and two at home for me. You’ll be getting a good salary. I’ll have my staff get everything together, and you’ll come back here and we’ll hammer out the details. If you like the package, like the salary, we’ll shake hands and you can start to work.”
Standing at attention, Morgan said, “Yes, ma’am. I’d like nothing better.”
The General gave her a faint smile, and then she dismissed her. Making a ninety-degree turn on her heel, Morgan left. In the outer office, Jake sat in civilian clothes, waiting for her, Emma on his lap. He rose when she stepped out of the General’s office, pulling Emma into his arms.
“Well?” Jake asked as they took the steps together after leaving the Pentagon. “How did it go?” The late-September sunlight was hot and bright overhead. She was in her Marine Corps uniform of a simple tan short-sleeved blouse and dark green gabardine slacks.
Morgan smiled and waited until they were well away from the military people coming and going from the Pentagon to tell him the conversation. In the parking lot, she leaned over and kissed Emma’s cheek and then slipped her hand into Jake’s as they walked to the rented black SUV.
Jake opened the rear door and settled Emma into her car seat. And then he opened the door for Morgan, and she climbed in. He slid into the driver’s seat and shut the door. They would catch a commercial flight at Reagan National Airport and have time to discuss everything on the flight back to San Diego.
“What do you think of the offers?” she asked, watching Jake’s expression as he drove.
“More important, babe, what do you think? Is this something you’d want to do?”
“Yes,” Morgan said, rubbing her hands together. “Best of all, Jake, I’d know where you are. I know you’ll be stateside, but platoons can be out of touch with their family for two or three weeks at a time.”
He grinned and reached out and squeezed her hand. “Even better, we can talk to one another on cell phone and Skype. You can tell me what kind of trouble Emma has gotten into on a daily basis.” Jake gave her a wicked grin.
Morgan laughed. “Oh, I’m sure as she gets to know our new home, has thoroughly scoped out the large backyard, the eucalyptus tree where she wants you to build her a tree house, she’ll be operational around the clock.”
They had found a three-bedroom, single-story home near Coronado. A Lieutenant with SEAL Team Three had transferred out, and he’d rented them the house. It was only fifteen minutes to the SEAL facility at Coronado.
Jake nodded and said, “Emma takes after me. I remember growing up, my early years, I drove my mother nuts. I was only three or four at the time….”
Emma and he had become tighter than fleas on a dog. Jake didn’t know how it had happened, but it had and he was grateful for his daughter’s big heart. One day, Emma would know the whole story. For now, she was happy to have two parents.
“Yes, well, what goes around, comes around, Ramsey. Just remember that. Emma is a carbon copy of you in every way that I can see.”
“Strong genes,” Jake agreed, pride in his tone.
“Oh, I can hardly wait. Emma is going to challenge you like you won’t ever believe.” Their daughter was spectacularly intelligent, seeming to have all-terrain radar, could read their minds and was two steps ahead of both of them already.
“I remember,” Jake said fondly, “as a young kid, before my mother came down with MS, I had trouble sleeping at night. She’d come in and read to me. I remember those times, Morgan.” He glanced over at her. “I loved when she read to me. I like reading to Emma.” Because Emma was like the Energizer Bunny, not wanting to go to bed at the right time, just as he had been as a young child.
Morgan chuckled. “I’ve got a better idea, Ramsey. While you’re home with us, you get to read her a story every night?”
A grin spread across his face. “Okay. I know when I’m beat. Fair enough.”
“I’m glad you and your mother had those early times together before she fell ill.”
Losing his smile, Jake grew quiet. “Yes, those were good times I’ll never forget.” Now he could create happy memories for Emma.
“Emma can hardly wait for you to read to her,” Morgan murmured, sliding her hand across his broad shoulder.
Toward the end of their thirty days spent with her parents in Colorado, her father had offered Jake a job when he had finished out his enlistment. Jake was an electrical engineer, and in her father’s construction business, he needed one. Jake would make an easy transition from military into civilian life, thanks to her father. It also meant they would move to Gunnison, Colorado, and Emma would grow up with her grandparents nearby. They would be a family, and nothing made Morgan happier. Equally important, Jake now had a family, something he so richly deserved.
“I still can’t believe
all of this is happening,” she told Jake. “I feel like I’m in a dream.”
The pain from the past was still with him, but not as sharp as before. Jake nodded. “We’ve been downrange with one another, Morgan, but we had the heart and the steel spine to gut through it to the end.”
“We’ve been downrange, all right,” Morgan agreed. “What got us through it, Jake, was our love for one another. Love kept us connected through all those years.”
Jake picked up her hand and kissed her fingers. “And I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you and Emma.” Jake met Morgan’s glance, his expression serious. “Forever.”
*
Dear Reader,
Down Range is book two of my new SHADOW WARRIORS series. I hope you get to see the video that gives readers a taste of what this series is about at http://youtu.be/HS8riHXOACo.
Having served my country in the U.S. Navy, I’ve been working quietly behind the scenes for three years trying to grasp the SEAL personality. What is SEAL? What makes a man become a SEAL? They are the ultimate warriors on this planet presently (and have been since the Vietnam era, when they were created by President John F. Kennedy in 1962). I knew because of their black-ops nature, I probably wouldn’t be able to ever talk to a SEAL, much less interview one about this book. I wanted to, but reality told me they lived in the shadows, didn’t like media of any type, including nosy writers. They avoided “us” like a proverbial plague.
I’ve read just about every SEAL book written by a SEAL in order to understand their “type.” I ran across a book, The Intuitive Warrior by Michael Jaco, U.S. Navy SEAL, retired (http://www.michaeljaco.com). I was so taken with how different, how vibrant and alive his book was compared to other accounts. I became so excited by his heart and the experiences he recounted in his book that I thought I’d try to contact him. I never believed for a second that he would respond.
As “fate” would have it, he did. Chief Jaco, who currently works as a security contractor around the world since 2002, agreed to a four-hour interview with me. I had a ton of technical questions that were not top secret, that I knew he could answer. He was patient and tolerant, taking home my forty questions. We met at his and his wife Tracy’s home two days later and I got my questions answered. RT Book Reviews magazine (RTBookReviews.com) will be doing a four-page article written by myself on this interview in their December 2013 issue.
Down Range (Mills & Boon M&B) (Shadow Warriors - Book 2) Page 27
