by Jae
It looked good to her, all the branches evenly distributed and no brown needles in sight. But it didn’t even come up to her shoulder, so she walked on. If she was going to do this, she would do it right. Laleh would have probably selected a tree that was tall enough to be put up at Rockefeller Center. The thought made her smile for a moment.
Finally, she stopped in front of a six-foot tree and eyed it from all sides.
“A Douglas fir,” the salesman said. “They hold their needles well.”
Hope nodded. “I’ll take it.”
Half an hour later, she untied the strings that had secured the tree to the roof of her car. Sweat broke out along her back as she dragged the dense fir along the sidewalk and into the building.
Somehow, this felt really pathetic. It reminded her of the scene in When Harry Met Sally, when Sally had carried the Christmas tree all by herself because she and Harry weren’t talking. Great. Now her life was like a romantic comedy…without the comedy…or the romance.
Sighing, she lugged the tree toward the elevator.
* * *
As soon as they walked into Laleh’s tiny apartment, Jill dropped onto the couch. “Is this new?”
Laleh craned her neck to see what Jill was talking about. She hadn’t redecorated in months. Admittedly, she and Jill hadn’t spent as much time together lately—not since she had started to hang out with Hope. The realization made her feel guilty. “What do you mean?”
“This.” Jill lifted a denim jacket from the armrest of the sofa. “Don’t tell me you went shopping without me?”
Laleh hurried over, took the jacket from her, and smoothed her hand over the collar. She imagined that she could still detect Hope’s scent clinging to the fabric even though that was unlikely after three weeks. Every time she caught a whiff of it, she missed Hope even more, but she had yet to send back the jacket or hide it in the depths of her closet. “Uh, no. It’s not mine. A friend lent it to me, and I forgot to give it back.”
“A friend, huh?” Jill winked at her.
“Yes, a friend.” Laleh hoped she wasn’t blushing. “Ice cream?” She hung the jacket on the back of a chair and walked toward the small freezer in her kitchenette, hoping that her favorite dessert would make Jill forget about the jacket and its owner.
“I really shouldn’t,” Jill said. “But what the heck… I need all the energy I can get for Christmas.”
Cold air whooshed out as Laleh pulled open the freezer door. “Why? Are you and Crash doing something crazy like going bungee-jumping?”
Jill laughed. “Worse. I’m going home with her tomorrow to meet her parents and her five brothers.”
“Five brothers?” Laleh whirled around to stare at her. “Wow. And I thought I had a big family.” She turned back and took both ice cream containers out of the freezer. “So you haven’t met them yet?”
“No. I hear they’re great. Very supportive of Crash.”
Something in her tone made Laleh glance over her shoulder. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“It’s not. But…” Jill fingered a spot on her hip and then let her hand drop away. “They’re so protective of Crash. With my unpredictable future and all, I could understand if they weren’t very happy about her being with me.”
Laleh abandoned the ice cream and plopped down on the couch next to Jill. “Hey. Crash’s parents would be lucky to get you as a daughter-in-law.”
“Would your parents think so if you brought me home for Christmas?”
A nervous chuckle escaped Laleh as she imagined that scenario. Great. She’d thought spending time with Jill would distract her, but now she was back to thinking about herself with a woman—with Hope—and all the consequences that would have. “As long as you kept eating the food they heaped on your plate, they would love to have you over for Christmas.”
“You know what I mean. What if you introduced me as the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?”
“They’d be so hung up on the gay thing that they wouldn’t get around to thinking about the MS.”
“Well, Crash’s parents are totally fine with the gay thing,” Jill said. “The MS, on the other hand…”
Laleh squeezed Jill’s knee. “Give them some time. It took you and Crash some time to figure out you could have a relationship, right?”
A smile spread over Jill’s face, and her gaze seemed to reach into the past. “Oh yeah. Crash figured it out faster, but it took me a long time to believe that I could have something more than just sex with her. Great sex,” she added, and her smile blossomed into a full-out grin.
An image of Hope in the shower flashed through Laleh’s mind, hot water and suds trailing down her smooth skin, her hands following that path down.
Was it just her, or was it really hot in her apartment? She needed ice cream. Now. She jumped up and strode to the kitchenette. “Want a bowl?”
“Real women don’t need bowls,” Jill declared. “Straight from the container is fine with me.”
Grinning, Laleh carried the containers and two tablespoons back to the couch. She handed the pistachio to Jill while keeping the mint chocolate chip for herself.
They both hummed as they dug into their respective ice creams.
The combination of chocolate and mint washed across Laleh’s tongue. Yum. Why again hadn’t she liked mint chocolate chip before? Because you don’t. Hope is the one who likes it.
The thought brought another image: ice cream melting on Hope’s mouth, her tongue flicking across her full lower lip to lick it off.
Laleh slid the cold container higher up on her lap. Maybe that would help keep her suddenly overactive libido in check.
“So,” Jill said after a while, “when will I finally get to meet her?”
Spoon suspended in midair, Laleh looked over at her. “Who?”
“Julia Roberts.” Jill shook her head at her. “Your friend the doctor, of course!”
Laleh stared into her container and focused on digging out the pieces of dark chocolate, leaving behind little craters in her ice cream. “I…I don’t know.”
Jill put her pistachio ice cream down on the coffee table. “What happened?”
Was it that obvious? Laleh hesitated. She could use someone to talk to, and she hadn’t really had an intimate conversation with Jill in quite some time. Not since meeting Hope. In the last few months, Hope had been the person she went to whenever she needed to talk. She realized she’d become one of the women she disliked who completely forgot all their friends once they began a relationship with a new guy.
Hope isn’t a guy, she immediately corrected herself. And we’re not in a relationship.
Finally, she decided not to open that particular can of worms. She wasn’t ready to talk about this unexpected attraction toward another woman, and she also didn’t want to betray Hope’s trust by telling Jill about something as private as the shower incident. Besides, if she told Jill about their link, her friend would probably think she was losing it.
“Nothing,” she said, her gaze still on the crater landscape that was her ice cream. It looked exactly the way her life felt—as if there were holes in it now that she wasn’t talking to Hope anymore. “We’re just not spending as much time together. Hope is working a lot.”
It wasn’t a lie. Every now and then, she used her Hope-dar to check in on her, so she knew Hope was taking on any shift she could.
“Isn’t she taking some time off over the holidays?” Jill asked.
Laleh swirled her spoon through the slowly melting ice cream. “I don’t think so. She isn’t really into celebrating Christmas.”
“Well, if she’s not working on New Year’s, invite her over. Crash and I are having a party, and it’ll be nice to have a few people who aren’t in showbiz.”
“I will, if I see her,” Laleh said.
She felt Jill’s gaze on her, but if her friend suspected that there was more behind that statement, she didn’t say so.
Laleh licked off her sp
oon and stood. “I’m done.” Whoever had said that ice cream helped find inner peace was a liar.
* * *
When the steel doors pinged open, Hope pushed away from the mirrored wall and stepped out of the elevator. After six night shifts in a row, she felt as if all energy had been sucked out of her. The sheer volume and variety of patients coming into the emergency department on Christmas Day hadn’t helped any.
Like every year during the holidays, they had treated patients who had gotten electric shocks from Christmas lights and little kids who had swallowed parts of the tree decoration.
Maybe it was a good thing after all that she hadn’t had the time to buy decorations to put up on her tree.
When she walked up to her condo, an unexpected sight greeted her. A small present, wrapped in red paper, waited for her on her doorstep.
What the…? Hope wasn’t friends with any of the other people living in the building. Who else could have left the gift? She picked it up, looked at it from all sides, and gently shook it. Something jingled inside.
A small card was tucked beneath the blue ribbon.
Hope,
I know this can’t replace the one you had as a child, but I hope you like it anyway.
Just in case.
Merry Christmas!
Laleh
It didn’t matter what was in the gift-wrapped present. Just the fact that Laleh had gotten her something for Christmas instantly replaced her frown with a smile. Perhaps it meant Laleh was no longer angry with her. Now she was pleased that, after a long internal debate, she had sent Laleh a Christmas present too.
She unlocked the door, entered, and kicked it closed behind her.
The living room smelled of pine needles.
“Hey, tree. I’m home.” She dropped down onto the couch, not bothering to take off her sneakers, and immediately unwrapped the present. The red paper fell away, revealing a box. When she lifted the lid, her breath caught.
It was an elf hat tree topper. Reverently, she ran her fingertips over the red and white stripes. The tiny bell on the pointed end of the hat jingled at the touch.
For a moment, she covered her eyes with one hand and sat there, the elf hat pressed to her chest. God, you’re getting sentimental in your old age! It’s just a damn tree topper. But to her, it symbolized so much more, and clearly, Laleh had known that.
She got up and carried the elf hat to the tree. Even though she always told her patients not to do it, she climbed on a chair, in too much of a hurry to get a ladder, and placed the hat on top of the Douglas fir before jumping back down.
She took a step back and peered up at the elf hat that sat merrily on the tree top. It looked great. Her mother would have loved it—the tree topper and the person who had given it to Hope; she had no doubt about that.
“Thank you,” she whispered into the silence.
Music started from somewhere, and it took her a moment to figure out that it wasn’t drifting in from the condo next to hers. Laleh was humming a song—and not just any song.
She’s listening to one of the albums I bought her for Christmas!
With a broad smile, Hope plopped down on the couch and leaned back to look at her elf-hat-topped tree and to hum along with the music in her head.
* * *
Laleh sat in her parents’ living room, oohing and aahing over the presents her niece and her cousins’ kids were showing off to her. One of her new CDs was playing in the background while the rest of her family tried their best to drown out the music with their laughter and boisterous discussions.
Out of the blue, tears shot into her eyes. She clutched her chest as a giant lump lodged there.
Her mother raced over, followed by several aunts and uncles. “What is it? Is it your heart?”
“No, no.” Laleh waved away the relatives who descended on her. “I’m fine. I’m just…” She focused on the emotions filtering through their link, and a beaming smile stretched her lips. “I’m just really happy.”
“That’s good.” Her mother bent and gave her a hug. “I’m glad you liked your presents.”
“I did.” Especially the one that had been delivered a few days ago. Hope had gotten her a box set of The Walking Dead and a stack of CDs. The note that had come with the gift had made Laleh chuckle: I know I might have gone a little overboard, but if I have to listen to it too, I at least want to make sure you have some good music.
She hummed along to her favorite song of the bunch, wanting to let Hope know that she appreciated the gift. Or should she call her and wish her a merry Christmas?
She wasn’t certain what the rules of their no-contact-for-a-while decision were, and she was even less sure whether keeping their distance was actually helping her overcome her sudden attraction to Hope.
Sometimes, if she was honest, she thought it might be doing the exact opposite. She missed Hope with a fierceness she hadn’t expected.
The phone in her back pocket vibrated. She pulled it out and swiped her thumb across the screen.
It was a text message from Hope, saying thank you, with a picture.
After glancing around to make sure none of her curious relatives were looking over her shoulder, she opened the small version of the picture to its full size.
Her eyes started burning again as she stared at a selfie Hope had taken. She looked tired. Even the big grin on her face couldn’t hide the shadows beneath her eyes. Laleh resisted the urge to trace the dark smudges on the screen with her fingertips. Behind Hope, a dense Christmas tree stretched its branches through the living room, completely bare except for the elf hat tree topper.
She got a tree!
Oh, how much she longed to drive over there and see it in person. The tree. Sure. That’s what you want to see. Keep telling yourself that.
Her finger hovered over the call button, but if Hope had wanted to talk, she would have called instead of sending the text message. Or maybe Hope was waiting for her to take the first step.
But the first step toward what? Could they go back to the friendship they’d had? Did she even want to? And if not, what else did she want? Was she seriously considering a romantic relationship with a woman…with Hope?
Laleh didn’t have the answers to any of these questions, and as long as it stayed that way, she had no business calling Hope.
Instead, she texted back. Thanks for the CDs. Great music. She hesitated, both thumbs hovering over the phone, and then finally added, You got a tree.
The answer came after only a few seconds. What can I say? It followed me home.
“Yeah, sure. You big softie.” It’s beautiful, she typed and almost added, Just like you.
So is the elf hat, Hope answered. You don’t know what it means to me.
Laleh smiled and typed, Actually, I do. She had felt the very moment Hope had unwrapped her gift and found the elf hat. It was intoxicating and humbling to be the cause of such strong emotions. She loved knowing she’d made Hope happy.
This time, the answer took a few seconds longer. Yes. You do.
She sat with her cell phone in her hand, basking in the warmth of their link. It was like sitting in front of a cozy fireplace with a mug of hot chocolate. Why again was she running from this?
“Laleh joon,” her mother called from the kitchen. “Can you come help me with the faloodeh?”
Laleh stood and slid her cell phone into her back pocket. “On my way.”
CHAPTER 19
Hope grimaced as she took another sip of coffee. “And then we’ve got Mr. Schaeffer in treatment room two. He’s complaining of, and I quote, ‘the worst headache of his life,’ but he’s happily playing Plants vs. Zombies on his cell phone when he thinks no one’s looking. Take a look at his triage note.” She turned the laptop so that her colleague Tom could see it.
“Ah. He says he’s allergic to every nonnarcotic painkiller known to mankind. Yeah, right.”
They exchanged knowing glances.
“I’m pretty sure he’s shopping around for
an ER that will give him a shot of Vicodin,” Hope said. “If I were you, I’d tell him you’re worried about a ruptured brain aneurysm so you want to do a really painful spinal tap.”
Tom chuckled. “I bet his headache will be miraculously cured within a second. Is he the last one on your list?”
“Yes. But just wait until we get closer to midnight. I don’t think you’ll get bored tonight.” For once, she wasn’t working the night shift on New Year’s Eve. Just as she got up to go home, the charge nurse burst into the staff lounge.
“Dr. Finlay!” Paula looked from her to Tom, her eyes wide. “We’ve got a trauma coming in. It’s a six-year-old girl who’s been run over by a car.”
“Damn.” Tom groaned. If Hope remembered correctly, he had a son about that same age.
Hope’s stomach seemed to shrivel to the size of a tightly clenched fist. God, the poor kid. And she didn’t even want to imagine what the parents must be going through. She squared her shoulders. No time to think about that right now.
“I’ve got this,” she said, even though she technically was no longer on duty. “You go deal with Mr. Schaeffer, Tom.” She wasn’t in a hurry to get home anyway, where she would spend the rest of the evening staring at her Christmas tree and wondering what Laleh was doing on New Year’s Eve—and whether anyone would try to kiss her at midnight.
Adrenaline pumped through her veins as she rushed toward the ambulance bay, everything else forgotten for the moment.
* * *
“Time of death: seven thirty-six.” The echo of her words seemed to fill the trauma bay. She couldn’t stop staring at the little girl’s blood-matted blonde locks. With abrupt motions, she stripped off her equally bloodied gown and gloves and hurled them into the biohazard bin.
The nurses and residents stood around the gurney with stony faces. One of the new nurse’s aides was crying, tears dripping to the floor that was littered with cut-off clothes and IV wrappers. Slowly, one nurse, then a second began to move.
“God,” one murmured, “the poor parents. Especially the mother. It was her car that hit the girl. She was backing out of the driveway and didn’t see her.”
