by Jae
Laleh held up one hand to stop her words. “Well, I met a doctor.”
A beaming smile broke across her mother’s face, and Laleh ached deep inside, knowing that happiness would be destroyed in a second.
She forced herself to keep looking at them as she added, “It’s Hope.”
“Hope for what?” her father asked.
“Just Hope,” Laleh said around the huge lump in her throat. “Hope Finlay. I…I love her.”
“Of course you do,” her mother said, but her smile wavered. “She saved your life, and you became friends.”
“No. I mean, yes, but it’s more than that.”
By now, her brothers and several other family members had wandered over, probably realizing that something more interesting than just a search for leftover tahdig was going on in the kitchen.
Laleh wanted to run from all the curious stares, but her knees were shaking too much anyway, so she stayed where she was. “Hope and I…” She gasped for air but felt as if a weight on her chest was stopping her from really drawing breath. “We fell in love with each other.”
Sudden silence descended over the kitchen, but it lasted for only a few seconds; then everyone started talking all at once.
Laleh looked from her mother to her father, then her brothers, and finally her cousins, hoping for an encouraging smile or some other sign of understanding, but all she encountered were wide-eyed stares.
“You don’t mean that,” her father said. “You can’t mean that. You’re just confused.”
“Yeah.” Her oldest brother, Ramin, nodded several times. “You’ve been hanging out with your gay friends too much.”
Her mother stepped closer and patted her arm as if she were sick and needed comfort. “Don’t you worry about it. We’ll find the right man for you, and you’ll forget all this craziness.”
Laleh reached up and pressed her mother’s hand to her arm, stopping the patting. “There is no right man for me, Maman. I’m with Hope, and I don’t want anyone else.”
Her mother pulled her hand out from under Laleh’s and clutched her middle as if Laleh had stabbed her. A keening sound tore from her mouth. “How can you do this, shame us in front of the entire family and our closest friends?”
Tears burned in Laleh’s eyes. “I’m not doing this to shame you. I’m telling you because it hurts to have to shut you out from this important part of my life.” She sent her father a pleading gaze. “You said you hoped the magic would happen for me. Now that it did, can’t you try to understand or at least accept it?”
Her father said something, but her mother’s cries drowned out his voice. “Elahi bemiram.” She rocked back and forth. “Oh God, may I die!”
Aunt Nasrin pushed through the relatives blocking the entrance to the kitchen and looked at her sister-in-law, her hands pressed to her sturdy hips. “What on earth is going on?”
Laleh’s mother was crying so hard that she couldn’t answer, and her father hung his head. It hurt Laleh to see them react this way, as if she had just told them that she was a serial killer and would have to go to prison for life.
“Laleh thinks she’s gay now,” her brother Ramin finally said.
Laleh wasn’t sure yet if that was the right label for her, but she knew her family couldn’t grasp the finer points of sexual orientation, so she said nothing and just waited for her aunt to join her mother’s lamenting.
“Gay?” Aunt Nasrin looked from Ramin to Laleh. “Is that true?”
Her mother cried harder with every mention of the word gay.
“Nonsense. Of course it’s not true,” her father said. “She’s confusing gratefulness with love.”
Aunt Nasrin didn’t even glance their way. “Laleh?”
Laleh forced herself to look her in the eyes instead of hanging her head in shame. “Yes.” She swallowed. “It’s true. I didn’t expect it to happen, but I fell in love with Hope.”
“Stop saying that,” her father said in an urgent whisper, as if he didn’t want their guests to hear it again.
“No,” Aunt Nasrin said. “You stop it, little brother. This is exactly why you left Iran so many years ago—so that your children could be free and grow up being whoever they want to be, without fear of being persecuted or harassed for it.”
“But I didn’t come here so she would turn…” He waved his hand and lowered his voice. “…gay. How can you encourage that?”
“I’m not encouraging it,” her aunt said. “But apparently, it happened anyway, and treating your daughter like an outcast is not the way to deal with it. I don’t understand this any more than you do, but this is Laleh, and I love her as much as my own children.” She raised her chin and looked her brother square in the eye. “That won’t change.”
“It won’t change for me and Navid either,” Laleh’s sister-in-law said.
Laleh stared at her. In the three years since Jennifer and Navid had gotten married, she had never heard Jen voice her opinion so openly—at least not an opinion that wasn’t shared by her in-laws. So far, she had always just nodded to whatever Laleh’s parents said so they would accept her as part of the family even though she wasn’t Persian. Now she nudged her husband. “Right, Navid?”
“Um, right,” Navid said. At another nudge from Jen, he added, “Things are changing, Baba. One of the partners in my firm is gay. It’s not a big deal to most people anymore.”
Their father stared at him and slowly shook his head as if he didn’t know what to say to that.
A discussion broke out among her cousins, uncles, and aunts, mostly the older generation arguing against the younger.
Laleh wanted to cover her ears so she didn’t have to hear it anymore. It was all too much. She squeezed past her relatives and fled to the front door. There was no point in staying if her family would rather talk about her than to her.
“Laleh!” Her aunt hurried after her. “You’re leaving? But there’ll be bastani later.”
A faint smile tugged on Laleh’s lips. How typical. Even in the midst of a crisis, her aunt was thinking of food. “Thanks, but I lost my appetite.”
Aunt Nasrin sighed and pulled her into her arms for a warm hug. After a few seconds, she let go and glanced down at the book of poetry that had been crushed between them. “What’s that?”
Laleh held it out so that her aunt could read the title: Rumi: The Book of Love. “Baba gave it to me.” The irony of him gifting her with a book full of poems about love and then not accepting her new relationship cut deep.
“Just give him time,” Aunt Nasrin said and patted her arm.
Laleh wasn’t so sure time would help, but she nodded anyway. “Please let the others know I left. I’m not up for saying good-bye to everyone.” Before her aunt could try to hold her back, she slipped out of the house. She walked to her car, not knowing where she would go once she reached it. Her empty apartment held no appeal. There was really only one place where she wanted to be right now.
* * *
It was close to eight o’clock by the time Hope finally made it home from her night shift. All she wanted was a shower, something to eat, and then at least eight hours of sleep—after calling Laleh, of course.
Her steps slowed as she approached the front door of her condo building.
Someone sat on the tile floor, back against the wall, head bowed so that dark hair formed a curtain around the person’s features. Hope couldn’t see the face, but something—either something familiar about the posture or a sixth sense left over from their connection—instantly told her who it was.
“Laleh?”
The person looked up, and Hope’s hunch was confirmed. It was indeed Laleh.
When she saw Hope, she let out a sigh of relief and climbed to her feet.
“How long have you been sitting here?” Hope asked.
“I have no idea.” Laleh wiped her cheeks.
Every muscle in Hope’s body coiled tightly, ready to thrash anyone who might have hurt Laleh. “What’s wrong? Are you crying?”
Laleh sniffed and nodded. “I told my family about us.”
Hope had wanted that to happen for weeks, but now that Laleh had dared take that step, she instantly felt guilty. “Oh, Laleh.” She hugged her against her side with one arm while unlocking the front door with her free hand.
Once they were finally inside her condo, she took Laleh into her arms and held her. “You didn’t plan to tell them today, did you? I mean, not on Nowruz of all days.”
Laleh shook her head and then rested her cheek on Hope’s shoulder. “I couldn’t take it anymore. Everyone kept asking about my boyfriend or why I’m not in a relationship. And then my mother heard me say ‘I love you’ on the phone.”
Without letting go of her, Hope led Laleh to the couch and settled down next to her, so close that their bodies were touching from knee to shoulder. It took her a minute to gather the courage to ask, “How did they react?”
“My mother mostly cried, and my father tried to convince me that I’m just confused.”
“God, Laleh.” Hope cradled her close. “I can’t imagine what that must feel like. I never had to go through something like that.” She often wondered how her mother would have reacted to her only daughter being a lesbian. Maybe it was a good thing that she didn’t have to find out.
“At least Aunt Nasrin stood up for me.”
Phew. A bit of weight lifted off Hope’s shoulders. If her aunt had reacted badly, Laleh could have lost her job and any chance of someday taking over the restaurant. “That’s good, right? Maybe the rest of the family will follow her lead if you give them some time.”
Laleh shrugged. “Maybe.” She leaned against Hope as if she was the only thing holding her up.
A wave of protectiveness gripped Hope. “Come on. Let’s go to bed.” She wanted to hold Laleh close, with nothing between them, and watch over her until she fell asleep. Gently, she pulled her up and toward the bedroom. In the hall, she paused. “Oh. Wait.” She opened the drawer of the hall table and reached inside. Her fingers closed around a key ring.
She hesitated for a moment. This was big. She had never given anyone access to her condo like this. But the thought of having Laleh here, even if she, herself, wasn’t home, didn’t scare her—quite the opposite. It filled her with warmth. She pulled out her second set of keys and pressed them into Laleh’s free hand.
Laleh stared down at them. “What’s this?”
“Keys.”
A hint of a smile darted across Laleh’s face. “I know that. What are they for?”
“These are the keys to my condo. I don’t want you to have to sit outside again whenever I’m not here. You are welcome here any time, okay?”
Laleh closed her hand around the keys. Her fingers were trembling. “That means a lot, especially after today,” she whispered.
Not knowing what to say, Hope pulled her into a tight embrace. After a minute, she let go but kept one arm wrapped around Laleh. “Come on. There’s a comfy bed waiting.”
The blackout curtains in the bedroom kept the daylight out as they undressed next to each other. Hope’s breath hitched as fabric rustled and then Laleh’s top landed on a chair, followed by her pants. Her gaze tried to pierce the almost darkness but could make out only the shadowy shapes of Laleh’s body. Somehow, her libido found that even more erotic than having a clear view of every inch of Laleh.
Down, girl. She’s not up for anything like that right now.
Naked, she slipped into bed and held up the covers for Laleh.
But instead of cuddling close and going to sleep, Laleh settled between Hope’s thighs and started to caress her breasts.
“What—?” Hope gasped as Laleh’s fingers brushed her nipple. “What are you doing?”
“If you can’t tell, I must be doing something wrong,” Laleh said, a smile in her voice.
“No, I… God, you’re definitely doing it right.” Hope’s body already felt close to overheating as Laleh stroked the curve of one breast with the back of her fingers and then drew circles around the nipple. “Very right. I just thought…”
Laleh pressed a kiss to her lips. “We Persians have an old belief regarding Nowruz. We believe that whatever you do on this day will affect the rest of the year. So far, I haven’t done anything but upset my parents. I’d rather start the year by making love to you. But if you’re too tired…”
“Too tired? Hell, no.” Hope slung both arms around Laleh and pulled her more firmly into the V of her thighs. She kissed her until they were both gasping for breath and then grinned up at her. “Besides, if we want your family to accept me at some point, I should respect their traditions, right?”
“Oh, so you’re sacrificing yourself for tradition?” Laleh lightly pinched her nipple.
A long moan escaped Hope. “I wouldn’t call it a sacrifice.”
Laleh bent to kiss her breasts and after that, there was no more talking about sacrifices—or about anything else.
* * *
Laleh had never, ever dreaded going to work. The restaurant had been a second home to her from the moment she could walk. The staff and their regular customers almost felt like family members to her. But today she hesitated for a long time before getting out of the car and heading inside.
Gossip tended to spread quickly, so most of their neighbors, extended family, and customers had probably heard about yesterday’s events at the Nowruz party already.
Since the restaurant hadn’t opened until evening today, she had slept in and spent the day at Hope’s condo, avoiding her family. Her mother was probably camped out in Laleh’s apartment, hoping for a chance to talk some sense into her.
“Hey, Laleh,” Kelly, their dishwasher, said when she walked into the kitchen. “Happy New Year.”
Laleh stared at her. Either she hadn’t heard the news, or she didn’t care. “Nowruz mobarak to you too.”
Her aunt barely looked up from the stove, as if this day was no different than thousands of others. “Salaam, Laleh joon. Can you bring out the sabzi polo to the Farahanis? They’re sitting at table one.”
Laleh didn’t know what she had expected her aunt to say, but this business-as-usual attitude was a pleasant surprise. Despite her aunt’s support yesterday, she had expected her coming-out to affect their relationship in some way. “Sure.” She put on her waitress apron, balanced the three plates on her arms, and pushed through the swinging doors.
The conversation at table one ground to a sudden halt. The Farahanis wouldn’t meet her gaze, pretending they were interested only in the sabzi polo she was placing on the table. Usually, they asked how she was doing or how her parents were, but today, they remained silent except for a polite “thank-you” and a mumbled “nowruz mobarak” when she wished them a happy New Year.
As soon as she had taken three steps away from the table, they started talking again, probably about her.
Sighing, Laleh returned to the kitchen. She’d have to get used to being the topic of conversation for a while. When she moved to give her aunt a hand with the appetizer platters she was preparing, her cell phone rang.
She had turned it back on earlier, just in case Hope wanted to call during her break at work. But one glance at the screen revealed that it was her mother calling—again. With a flick of her finger, she rejected the call and shut off the phone.
Aunt Nasrin looked up from the dolmeh she was placing on the plates. “Let me guess. Your mother?”
Laleh sighed. “She has been calling me nonstop all day, trying to talk me out of ‘that craziness’ and telling me all about the perfect man she found for me. I don’t know what’s worse: her calls or Baba not talking to me at all.”
“Don’t worry. They’ll come around. They love you.”
“Doesn’t feel like it,” Laleh mumbled.
Her aunt arranged the pickled vegetables on the plates. “If you give them some time, they’ll figure out that their own feelings about…this relationship aren’t important. The important thing is that you’re happy.” She s
tudied Laleh for a moment. “You are happy, aren’t you?”
Laleh nodded. “Hope…she’s pretty much the opposite of me in many ways, but somehow she completes me.” As always when she talked about Hope, she felt a smile form on her lips.
“Good.” Aunt Nasrin patted her arm. “You should bring her to our Sizdah Bedar picnic in two weeks so we can get to know her better.”
Laleh took hold of the counter and stared at her aunt. “Do you honestly think that’s a good idea?”
Her aunt shrugged and spooned a bit of shirazi salad onto each plate. “It’s much harder to hate people you know well. Besides, they liked Hope when they met her on Thanksgiving. We just have to remind them of that.” She handed Laleh the first finished plate. “I’ll get Afshin to bring his new girlfriend. She has a ring through her nose that makes her look like a bull. Everyone will talk about her instead of you and Hope.”
Laleh chuckled, and part of her tension melted away. Holding the plate off to the side, she gave her aunt a one-armed hug. “Have I thanked you for your support?”
“Hush. No thanks necessary. You’re family.” Aunt Nasrin lightly pinched her cheek. “Now go and bring out the appetizer platters before the dolmeh go cold.”
Tears rose to Laleh’s eyes, and she blinked them away. Despite everything, she knew she was lucky to have a family like hers. For the first time, she had hope that her family would indeed come around, as her aunt had said. After all, Aunt Nasrin was her father’s big sister, so she had quite a bit of influence over him. It wouldn’t happen overnight, but maybe the Sizdah Bedar picnic could really be a start.
She picked up the other plates and carried them outside, her step and her heart lighter than before.
CHAPTER 28
Laleh closed and labeled another envelope and added it to the growing stack in front of her.
Just as she reached for another donation form, Jill leaned forward, looked at Laleh’s stack, and laughed. “I guess I know what’s on your mind. Or should I say who?”
“Excuse me?”
Grinning, Jill picked up the envelope on top and held it out to her.
The address was the correct one from their list of potential sponsors, but the name… Laleh’s cheeks heated. She picked up the stack, not just to hide behind it but also to make sure she hadn’t addressed any other envelopes to Hope.
