by K. H. Kate
"See you two." With that, I'm already out of the door and crossing the kitchen to get to the other side of the clubhouse.
The guest room is still rusty to look at. The thin walls make anyone passing by hear what the people are talking about inside the room. Fucking hell...I've to change her room.
"Hey, it's only a week. You will barely feel a thing, then you're up running and talking." I can hear Ginger talking. I'm too busy hearing Ginger whining to pass off a distant voice. I've heard it once or twice in a month but it's clearly not enough. I want to hear her again and again. I want to hear her say ‘help me’ yet again. So much that I'm tempted to just leave her with Ginger.
"Hu...rts some...times."
I come to a complete stop. It's funny how with only two words she has nailed me to the ground. Now I'm intrigued to know what hurts her. Me or the nightmares? Am I even an option for her?
"What hurts, hun?" Ginger is serious. Her voice comes off as a warning, cause I know Kitty has taken quite a while to answer. "Don't hide from me, Gwen. I'm not Sniper."
If there was an option to take a bullet, this will be the time. Why is Ginger saying my name now? I'm curious to know. But the fear of knowing she might hate me enough to get hurt, overpowers for me to open the door with a thud.
Both eyes take me in with visible fear. Though my eyes are on my scared Kitty, my words are for Ginger. "Leave us."
Apparently Ginger doesn't want to be involved in whatever I've to say as she leaves quickly as if the devil is on her ass. The moment her ass is out of the door, I lock the door. Thump, thump, thump.
Whose heart beats faster? Mine or her?
"Hey." Hey? Hey!? This is the only thing I fucking got?
"Are you Ok? Vixen said you were craving my company?" Mayday! Wrong thing to say. My mind screams for me to keep silent but the dam has broken. There's no leash to keep my tongue from forming words. "Why the fuck did you act like you wanted my company when you’ve been avoiding me like I’m a fuckin’ dirt?"
If her widened eyes were giving the illusion of fear, now she's only staring at me with a blank look. No anger, no confusion. Just nothing.
You fucked up- my mind screams but I can't stop fucking up.
"Now you won't even talk. So why the fuck am I here?"
Then get out- I think her eyes convey the words she can't say. Yet I'm surprised when she starts to cough loudly. Shit!
"I'm sorry. Here drink this." She takes the water greedily. After finishing the glass, she's quick to avoid my eyes though I can clearly hear her.
"I...wa...nt you he..re." Did she-
"You want me here?" Hope is a bitch. And I'm greedily asking for the bitch to make everything alright.
She nods giving me a shrug. It's not exactly everything but she's at least giving me a chance to be here for her. I couldn't ask for more.
"Then tell me." I know I'm getting desperate but I don't fucking care. "Tell me what makes you hurt."
She glances at me for a minute as if considering if I'm worth it. Then she sighs. "Th..ey come...at night."
They? "Who the fuck comes at night? I'm at your door every night!"
Shit! Shouldn't have said it. Really shouldn't have said it. Though she only gives me a smile. A worn out one, but still a smile.
"I Kn..ow."
She knows. And she's still not freaking out. Not calling me a creep or screaming to get away from her. So sighing I ask again. "Then who comes at night?"
"The...men, who...hu..rt me be...fore."
My throat is dry. My heart's beating a mile. "What did they do?"
Her eyes are back at the dark corner again. She takes a while to answer. Even then, she's shaking with something. "Tou..ched me. I sa..id no. St..ill did."
Liar, manipulator, pretender. That's what Grace is. She told me to protect Kitty from Mad Dog. She never once said who I was protecting. She never said anything about men-
"What did they do, Kitty?" I don't care if she'll close off again. I don't care if she ignores my existence. I need answers. I need to know who I am going to kill later.
Her lips tremble. My heart freezes. "Touc...hed me. Rui..ned me. Des..troyed me."
"Did you-" My voice cracks. I don't know how to ask her. "Were you raped?"
Her silence breaks me. I thought I still had something to break. I thought I was stronger than Lethal when it comes to insanity. I was the good man. The one who thinks before doing something.
Now he's gone. And I'm afraid to think if he's ever coming back.
"You a..re cry..ing." Was I? Was I through?
"Can't I?" I can't recognize the man who answers. He's too wrapped in pain to think clearly. He's whining inside. Tearing everything in his way.
"If y..ou wa..nt to." I want to yell. I want to kiss her like she deserves. I want to-leave to drag those bastards in the basement.
But I can't resist when she gives me that smile. I can't resist when she accepts my silence. And right there I know what she does to me. I know what ticks me. I know what drives me mad. And I don't resist. As I know that when things come to her-
I'm already a goner.
CHAPTER 15
GWEN
Once I remember mom say how nightmares can literally kill you, just not fast enough.
I didn't understand back then. I laughed at her face. I giggled until I couldn't. I thought she was joking. I thought they were just something you tell a ten-year kid to stop them from sneaking off to their sister's room to talk all night.
I was wrong. I was so wrong.
She was right then. Every word coming from her lips were a warning. Maybe she already knew that one day her past was going to catch up with us. Maybe she was depressed herself. If the crying coming from her room some nights was any indication.
Did they hurt her like me too?
That was a question I will always regret not asking. Not knowing what she went through when she ran from Mad Dog while she was pregnant with Grace.
"What are you thinking about?" Grace asks, giving me a smile. It's strained and fake. I know she's trying hard to make me forget about everything. About mom, about her, about...Josh.
"I'm sca..red."
I can't lie like her. I can't hide behind a face I can't recognize. And I'm terrified. So so terrified.
"Me too." She sighs. "I've had a talk with the doctor. He said your chance at getting back on your feet is 99% and I know this is me being paranoid, but I'm thinking about that 1% like hell. What if something goes wrong? God, I'm the worst sister ever. Instead of giving you hope, I'm scaring you off."
"It's...ok." Really it was. At least now I know what to expect when I get out of this operation. Just when Grace is going to say something, the door opens. If I was hoping for the nurse to take me away, I'm sorrowfully disappointed.
"Ginger wanted to see her." His voice is calm yet they take me back to the night I told him about my nightmares and the men who live in them. When I told him I wasn't really thinking what he thought about it. I just wanted to tell someone. Just let a soul know what it feels like to have someone take away your control in the worst way.
In a morbid way, I was hoping to see pity in his eyes like everyone who knew. But like every time he proved me wrong. He cried. He cried for me. Like Grace does. Like mom used to. Like I do.
"Gwen?" The redhead beside me gives me a warm smile. What did Seth call her again? Ginger. She truly deserves the name. She has an aura around her that anyone is forced to like her. Like even I can't resist when she suddenly gives me a hug.
"Aww, I know you're scared and it's natural! It will be so weird if you laugh now, wouldn't it?" Everyone shares a smile at her words. Even me, who's lurking behind a thousand unsaid words.
"Still, the surgery wouldn't be too risky considering the fact that I already made you familiar with the physical therapy." She is right. Still, that doesn't stop my mind from running a thousand miles.
Right then someone opens the door. "Who is Ms. Knight's family here?"
&n
bsp; My chest feels too tight to breathe. The impulse to let out a whimper is even stronger, but I hold them back. This isn't the time.
"I am. Is everything alright?" Grace is already standing up with a frown. I hate the worried look everyone has. Especially his.
"Grace, I'm coming with you." Debra gives me another smile and walks up to where my sister is. The nurse nods at her before turning to my sister.
"Yes, miss. You just need to sign some papers. The room is ready. We will come up in a few minutes to take her away." They leave but the words don't leave me. My fingers tingle to stop myself from feeling the crawling on my own skin.
We will take her away.
"I don't care if Mad Dog doesn't give her to us."
No, no, no...
"We will take her away."
"Gwen?"
"Boss will love a taste."
"Shit! She's havin’ a panic attack! Kitty!" The man in front of me doesn't resemble a monster but the thoughts in my mind might as well do. They are falling down the rabbit hole faster than any version of Alice did. They scream to make him understand. I'm not having a panic attack I just want...to forget.
I just want those eyes filled with cruel promises gone.
I want-I want peace.
"Kitty? Shit! Look at me. Look at me. It's Ok. Everything's Ok." I don't remember when I start to feel warm all over. There's a feeling deep inside locked when I feel hands cradling my head softly.
Blue eyes.
They become my anchor as the voices inside my head die down. They are the same salvation when someone screams for help.
"She was havin’ a panic attack. I didn't know what to do." A frantic voice calls out. The same eyes that follow my every movement. You did. You do know what to do. I want to yell, but I can't.
"I'm giving her some meds. She will be alright." A new voice says. Glancing up I notice it's someone with a white coat. Is he my doctor?
"Miss. Knight, are you ready? Can we proceed today?" he asks as if I am going to break anytime. I might have if the man in my dark corner wasn't here. So I don't bother with words. I just nod.
"Fantastic. I'm calling for help."
"Doc, can we get some more time? Alone?" Seth asks suddenly. If I'm surprised, I don't let him know.
The doctor has a weird look on his face but he nods finally. "Yes, of course."
When he leaves I don't know what to feel or who to look at. The man in front of me is unashamedly looking at me. Gazing at my secrets, my nightmares, and my soul. But that doesn't scare me more than his words.
"Did you regret it?"
Regret what? For not forgetting? For not leaving this cruel world behind? Which one are you referring to?
All it leaves is a jumbled reply. "I-I don't un..der-"
"Did you regret tellin’ me? Is this the reason you had a panic attack? Because you were alone with me. Is that it?" There's a desperate gleam in his eyes. His eyes might be on me but they are lost with his thoughts. Did he-
"Tell me, I didn't remind you of...those monsters that night. The night we-" His voice cracks alongside with mine.
No, God no. I can't regret something which brings me a little peace.
"Please tell me, that's not the reason. I need to hear it. For once. Please, Kitty." His chest is half bare and I see the tattoo of a twin serpent hissing from his skin. Such a ruthless sight yet his voice is anything but. "I would never ask you for a thing. Just this once."
"No." I don't know the woman who answers. She's too strong to be a poor scared Kitty. "I do..n't."
The visible relief in him makes a pang go to my heart. Why did he think himself as...as them? He was far too different from them. He didn't make me want to wash myself until I'm nothing.
"Then did you regret that night?"
"No. W..hy?" There's a pause until I look up to see him looking at me with a new look. I'm not familiar with that one. And I'm scared to find out what that means.
"Because Kitty, you've no idea what you've just got yourself into. Because...I can't think. I can't stop myself from knowing more about you. I can't stop thinkin’ about ripping those bastards skin off for hurting you."
The gasp doesn't even match the way my heart beats. It's beating way too fast. Why? Why'd he care that much?
"And, I admire your brave self." I've to look away when he kisses my forehead. His eyes are unfocused, his fingers leaving a burning trail of fire when they touch my trembling lips. "So much that maybe you've become my new addiction."
And, that's the last thing I heard before I was hauled off to the operating room. And that was my last thought as my body shut down. So as mom said nightmares don't kill fast, she was absolutely right.
Because sometimes maybe words are the fastest way to kill someone.
CHAPTER 16
SNIPER
"She will be alright once the surgery ends. It usually takes hours."
I don't say a damn word. Cause I know. I know she has to be alright. And her being on the operating table isn't what's making me fidget in my seat. It's what I'm going to do next, once I get the message back.
"I know she'll pull through. She's stronger than she thinks." Grace sighs staring at the closed door with deep concentration. Somehow even before my eyes glanced up I knew Ginger agreed with her.
Goddammit! What's taking so fucking long!?
My hand itches to just take out the gun and run. But run where? I don't know the Knights. I don't know the whole story. Hell, I don't even know half of the damn things that happened before. Grace would never open her mouth. That much I'm sure of.
On cue, the phone in my hand vibrates. I'm fast to leave from the keen eyes staring at me and answer the damn phone. "Hello?"
"I-I got you something, Sniper. Be ready at 5...please." Some shit never changes. The voice stutters in slight fear, that I can almost see her wide eyes avoiding mine. Fear of me.
Sighing there's nothing I can do but laugh bitterly. "I won't rip your fuckin’ throat out. So, why the fuck are you scared so much?"
I know why. But every time the answer reminds me why I have to be the good man.
"I hate you, Seth. I-I hate you. The only reason I'm helping is because Ginger insisted-" Ginger doesn't insist, she gets the job done. Either way, she continues as if another pathetic sigh didn't just leave from my lips. "Otherwise, I would have never willingly helped a murderer. You ruined my brother, our family."
She is right and wrong altogether.
I wasn't a murderer. I was a killer.
I don't murder innocents. I kill murderers.
Yet people never understood. Not then, not now. "Where do I need to go?"
"Downtown Brooklyn. There's a small bar underground. Be there at 5."
Downtown Brooklyn? So close to Mad Dog's safe house. But I don't bother letting her know. "I will be there. Thanks, cuz."
With that, I end the call. There's a frown in Ginger's face when her gaze meets mine. But it goes away, the moment she sees me patting the hidden gun in my waistband. Even she knows how far I'm willing to go to know the entire truth.
There are nurses coming out and in through the door. Everyone's face showing the worry we all feel. Is she alright? I'm tempted to ask one of them but it's already close to four thirty and if I want to unleash the burning curiosity, I gotta go.
So instead of walking towards where she is, I turn for the door away from her, but closer to her past.
***
By the time it's 5, I don't find the bar. Though I find more than that. I found someone I never thought I would see on the driveway of a hotel. I don't know if I should have warned my cousin more to keep her mouth closed but guess she forgot that she was talking to a murderer.
Or she would have never sent her so called ruined brother to me.
"Long time no see Seth." He grunts blowing smoke in the air. Days ago I would have taken a puff from him but now I only manage to give a distracted nod.
"So they say, Carter. But we both know that's not true." I'm
being petty and desperate. I know that, he knows that. His grin is cruel, when he exhales the last puff.
"Does Lethal know that you helped me escape from the slaughter that happened at my club? Or are we still hiding things?" Fuck him for reminding me. My fists clench, eyes darting from him to the hotel.
"He doesn't know." Surprise, surprise. Seth isn't as loyal as everyone thinks. "But I can't leave my family behind. The club and family...both are important to me."
"As much as important then the reason you came here to meet me?" My fingers probe to just let go. Hurt him. You've done it before...you can do it again. But I need him this time. I-I need him for Kitty.
"Frankly speaking, I didn't know she would have sent you, of all people. A scumbag." The tone in my voice is unnecessarily harsh but I don't fucking care. "But now that you're here, can we get to the fuckin’ point?"
"Whatever you say, cuz." He gives me that crooked grin again, but thankfully turns around to walk toward the hotel. It’s only when we get near towards it, that I notice it isn’t just a hotel. At the back, there’s a bar entrance. The bouncer spares us an unimpressed look before he lets us inside. Following him in, I'm surprised to see fewer people inside. This place isn't by any means for any shady business. It's too clean, too classy to be the bar she mentioned.
"Where are we?" Trust no one. That's one thing I can wholeheartedly agree with Lethal. Even if it's family.
Scowling at the people around me, it doesn't take me long to understand. The facade has always been a part of our life. The bar belongs to the upper-class businessmen, families and for only enjoying a drama-free day for the rich. But the more we walk toward the basement, the more people start to change. Some of them look rugged with bloody knuckles, some have their eyes dead, some harboring the same look we have.
We are just merely existing in this hell after all.
"Here's the bar. Let's talk." I wouldn't say it's a bar but anything that has booze, I'm in.
Ordering a beer, my attention is on Carter as I force myself to talk. "Two years ago, there was a case of a break-in and an assault on two girls. The mother was killed, she was a Devil by the way. Her older daughter saw the murder and the other...she was assaulted physically. One of them was Mad Dog and the bastard is already dead. But I want to know who the others were."
