Tears of Blue (Shades of Death Book 2)

by Hoffman McManus, Stephanie

  Again, it was like Camden and I had a secret. I wanted to know what it would be like if I touched him. I bravely reached my hand out and set it on his wrist after he’d deposited the drink and began to pull away. He stilled and his eyes found mine.

  “Thank you,” I muttered softly and he knew I didn’t just mean for bringing the drink.

  He gave a slight nod and then went back to his end of the table. James, who had noticed the brief exchange and now wore a slight frown asked, “What was that?”

  “I was having a hard time getting the bartender’s attention so he got Cassie’s drink for me.”

  He seemed to accept my explanation. The frown lines smoothed out and he turned back to the conversation on batting averages. Then Cassie reappeared.

  “The line to the bathroom was ridiculous because there was some girl in there throwing up. Like full on, blowing chunks. So gross,” she cringed and slid back into her seat, spotting her drink. “Oh, thanks.” She grabbed it and brought the straw between her lips.

  “No problem.”

  Three

  Emily

  “I’m nervous. Is it normal to be nervous at the rehearsal dinner?” Nora was bouncing on her toes while everyone got into their positions.

  “You’re getting married. I think it’s normal,” I reassured her. Cassie stood with us where we waited for the late best man to arrive so we could get this show on the road.

  “Everything will go fine. Your mom and Mrs. Shaw have it under control. All you need to worry about is not tripping in your dress tomorrow. Everything else will be cake.”

  “You’re right. I just can’t believe tomorrow is the day. For months, it felt like it would never get here and now it’s tomorrow. What if Camden is late to the wedding too, or–”

  “Nuh uh,” Cassie stopped her. “No what ifs. Tomorrow is going to be perfect. Spencer won’t allow anything else and you know nobody wants to piss him off.” Because he’d probably shoot anyone who dared ruin Nora’s special day.

  Had Nora requested a pumpkin carriage and magical glass slippers, I have no doubt Spencer Shaw would have hunted the Fairy Godmother to the ends of the earth to make it happen. And Fairy Godmother would have been wise to cooperate, because you did not want to be on his bad side. Like I said, people that ended up there, tended to get shot.

  “She’s right. So relax. Deep breath. Camden will be here and then we can get on with the night and you’ll see that everything tomorrow is going to run smoothly.” I squeezed her hand and she gave a squeeze back.

  Damn Camden for being late anyway. It was bad enough that I couldn’t get him out of my head all week, with his cocky swagger, and soulful eyes. I wasn’t looking forward to being in his presence again this evening, or maybe I was looking forward to it too much; either way it was unavoidable given that I had to walk down the aisle on his arm.

  “Thank you guys for being here with me.” Nora got that wistful look on her face that I’d seen more than once over the course of this week.

  “We wouldn’t miss it.” I said softly, returning her wistful smile with my own. While the three of us were dealing with last year’s events in our own way, we’d all grown closer. Funny how tragic events could do that; tie people together and deepen bonds.

  Fortunately, before we could get all weepy, there was a knock on the dressing room door. Tomorrow it would be the bridal suite. Cassie tugged it open and Nikoli was standing there, accompanied by Camden and Nora’s dad.

  “We’re a go.” Nikoli held the door open so we could file out and down the hall to take up our positions just inside the big french doors that led out to the garden of Bozarth Mansion. It was a stunning location, beautiful inside and set on gorgeous grounds. Tomorrow it would be made even more beautiful by the team of decorators. No expense had been spared. Spencer had seen to it, even without Nora requesting it.

  That was the thing about the two of them; Spencer would move heaven and earth to give her the world, and yet the only thing Nora needed to be happy was him. The two of them could bring out the romantic in even the most closed off hearts.

  Which explained why my own had been behaving irrationally when I’d doubted it even still worked until now. All this wedding stuff was getting to me.

  I snuck a quick glance at Camden as we moved to the front of the short procession. His eyes turned to meet mine at the same moment. Our gazes connected and my reaction was the same as last weekend. Zing, that damn connection or pull or whatever was still there. A slight flush crawled up my neck and I became aware of the loud and steady beat of my heart in my chest. It thudded excitedly in my ears.

  He was . . . he was . . . I don’t know if I had the words, but in another life, I probably would have jumped him the first time we met.

  His dark brown eyes were keen and perceptive. Too perceptive. I was afraid every time I looked into them he could read my mind and extract all my secrets. I don’t know what I was so worried about though, it wasn’t like they were all that secret.

  When your life becomes fodder for the media, secrets kind of go out the window. Reporters, journalists and every average Joe and Jane behind a computer screen with an opinion dissected my life, and every decision I’d ever made, speculating on the events of last year.

  It was a long time before they moved on to the next story. I still got calls from networks wanting interviews. My answer was always no. There was nothing about that time I wanted to relive for the masses. It was bad enough that I had to most nights when I closed my eyes.

  I glanced away, looking straight ahead. Like I said, another life maybe and I would have batted my lashes and made some flirty comment. Not now. Now, I just wanted to make it through this wedding and then get back home to Bellingham.

  “It feels funny that we never formally met.” His voice was soft and deep when he spoke.

  I flicked my gaze back to him. “I don’t think it’s really necessary at this point. I know who you are,” I replied with a blithe detachment I didn’t really feel.

  His lips quirked in an easy smile, despite my tone. I was sure a perfect set of dimples were hiding beneath the scruff that covered his jaw. Mr. and Mrs. Shaw sure knew how to breed ‘em. The Shaw boys were like lady kryptonite.

  I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or terrified that I was having normal girly reactions to a gorgeous guy. I wasn’t completely broken like I’d started to believe, but I definitely wasn’t ready to explore these feelings of attraction any further. And I didn’t like the way he continued to smile at me, not at all put off by the frosty exterior I was presenting. He could probably see through it.

  I sighed, relaxing my shoulders a bit. “And I’m Emily,” I replied even though he already knew that. I self-consciously tucked my short hair behind my ears and averted my gaze again.

  “Well, Emily, are you ready?

  Without looking at him, I gave a nod.

  One of Spencer’s fellow secret agent buddies, Ray, who was standing in for the DJ tonight, cued up the music. His cousins, Bryan and Alex, who were doing Usher duty, pulled open the doors and held them open. Camden crooked his arm and offered his elbow. I wrapped my hand around it as we stepped onto the terrace and then descended the steps into the garden.

  “Slow down a little,” Mrs. Shaw instructed and Camden adjusted our pace until we reached the gazebo where Spencer and the pastor were waiting. We parted to our respective sides and then watched as Cassie and Nikoli followed. They got the same urge to slow their steps from Mrs. Shaw, and then Cassie was standing next to me.

  Ray switched the song and then Nora and her father emerged. You would have thought it was the real thing from the way Nora and Spencer looked at each other. The grin on her face couldn’t have been any wider, and Shaw, even as stoic and hard to read as he was, couldn’t hide the way he felt watching her make that trip toward him.

  It was sweet and romantic and nauseating all at the same time. I could ask myself when I became such a cynic but I didn’t have to.

  Somewhe
re deep inside of me, I knew there was still a girl who wanted all those things – the amazing guy, the beautiful wedding, a family, the whole fairy-tale shebang – but it was lost under all the fear and dread and anxiety I lived with on a daily basis.

  How could I ever have those things when just the thought of getting close to someone sent me into a panic? How was I ever supposed to trust anyone new again? The last time I went to the gym with my brother, one of the personal trainers tried to approach me. I freaked out and dropped the damn weights.

  All I could think about was how many times Nora and I went to the gym where Will worked, and how well he played the part of nice guy. Then of course everyone was looking at me because of the noise of the weights and I ran off to the locker room like a real nut case and had a little melt down in the shower.

  Post-traumatic stress disorder was the technical diagnosis.

  I didn’t know how Nora got past it.

  Actually, that wasn’t true. It was Spencer.

  I didn’t have a Spencer though. I had Nora and my brother and my parents and they were great, but nothing they said or did changed a damn thing. Every time I left the house it was with a sense of paranoia and a tight grip on my pepper spray. I had to sleep with a night light. I hadn’t done that since I was six-years-old. I couldn’t watch scary movies anymore. I startled at every little thing. I was barely even living my life anymore. So all this, the whole wedding thing, was a pretty far off dream from my reality.

  The pastor led Nora and Spencer through an abbreviated version of the ceremony and then we reset and did it all again and then once more just to reassure Nora and the moms.

  The longer I was stuck on Camden’s arm, the harder it was to ignore that damn charming smile. And he wasn’t content to walk down the aisle in silence. He cracked quiet jokes in my ear and offered his witty commentary. I struggled not to laugh, but it was in vain. Each stifled chuckle he dragged from me only made him try harder.

  “Why isn’t the pastor asking if anyone objects? Where’s your brother anyway? That’s his moment,” he said when we were walking back inside for the final run-through.

  I smacked his shoulder playfully, and then yanked my hand back when I realized I was being too comfortable with him. “Don’t even joke about that. Not unless you want your brother to be in a snit all night.”

  He chuckled. “It would certainly liven the ceremony up.”

  “You’re not funny.”

  “Oh, come on, you at least think I’m a little bit funny.”

  I denied it. “No, you think you’re funny.”

  “You laughed when I pretended to have lost the fake rings.”

  The straight face I was keeping slipped a little as a smile tugged at my lips. It was pretty funny. Even if Spencer disagreed. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Camden’s grin widen. “That’s what I thought.”

  By the time we headed inside to eat, I was desperate to put distance between us.

  How long had it been since a guy made me genuinely laugh? One that wasn’t my brother or my father or Spencer? I couldn’t even remember the last one. I didn’t give them the chance and I wasn’t going to give Camden any more chances to get under my skin.

  “That smile looks good on you.” Nora nudged me with her elbow. “What do you think of Camden?”

  “I’m not thinking of him at all.”

  “Of course not.” She smirked like she didn’t buy it.

  “Please don’t start playing matchmaker,” I groaned, unable to stop my eyes from darting briefly in Camden’s direction. “Besides, he lives here in Spokane and we don’t. Tomorrow you’ll be off on your honeymoon and in the morning, I’m driving back to the west side.”

  “I know,” she gave a disappointed pout. “But it’s okay for you to show interest. Maybe it won’t be Camden, but someone.”

  “It’ll happen when it happens.” Or not. I just wanted her to stop worrying about me.

  She gave my hand a squeeze. “I just want to see you happy, and I know it’s not all about a guy, but eventually you have to stop being afraid to let people in.”

  “I know.” I attempted what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “But this weekend is for you, so don’t spend it worrying about my issues.”

  “Let’s get some food.”

  Our gourmet dinner consisted of pizza, so we all filed into the fancy, formal dining room and filled our plates while the guys handed out beers. Camden pulled up a chair at the same table as his brother and Nora. I sighed and carried my plate to one of the empty round tables on the opposite side of the room. Nora frowned and started to rise from her seat, but then Cassie dropped into the chair beside me and saved Nora from having to abandon her man to save me from my loner self.

  “Weddings suck,” she grumbled.

  I lifted my brow and waited for her to explain.

  “Okay, they don’t suck, it’s just . . . all this romantic crap . . .”

  “Sucks?” I finished for her.

  “Yes. And these guys, where the hell do they come from?” I watched as she glanced over at Nikoli. I detected something in the crease of her brow.

  “Someone getting under your skin?”

  “No.” She jerked her gaze back to me. “He’s just so . . . so . . .”

  “Tell me about it,” I sighed, my wandering eyes finding their way back to a certain best man.

  “Uh oh, you too?”

  “No. Yes. I don’t know. He’s hot, and seems nice enough. And he’s funny, and did I mention hot?”

  “Yeah, you did.”

  “Okay, so normally that would be enough and I’d have dragged him into a coat closet by now, but . . .”

  “But that was before.”

  “Yeah. That was before. Now . . . now the thought of getting close to someone makes me want to lock myself in a closet and curl up in a ball. He’s Spencer’s brother and a cop for crying out loud, and still he smiles at me and my first thought is to run away. Actually, my first thought is that he has a really nice smile, but that’s even worse. And if he knew how fucked up my head is he would be the one to run.”

  “Your head’s not fucked up.”

  I arched a brow.

  “Okay, maybe it’s a little fucked up, but it’s understandable. Believe me, I get it.”

  If anyone did, if anyone could, it was Cassie. She’d dated Will/ Aaron, whatever the hell his real name was. Slept with him, not knowing what a sick creep he really was. He hid it so well. I never suspected a damn thing until that night I returned home early from a ski trip to find him leaving roses on the porch. They’d been showing up for weeks, and we thought they’d been coming from Nora’s douchebag ex-boyfriend. But it wasn’t her ex, and when I caught Will at our house, I realized he was Nora’s stalker. That’s when shit went bad for me.

  “Will changed everything,” she murmured, softly. “I still see him every night.”

  “Me too. How are we ever supposed to trust anyone again?”

  She looked as hopeless as I felt. “How am I supposed to trust myself when I couldn’t see what he was?”

  “None of us did, Cassie. Not until it was too late.”

  “Fuuuck,” she groaned. “I need a drink now.” She shoved her chair back and stood.

  “Make it two.”

  Four

  Emily

  “I think I’m going to pass out.” We were only minutes away from go time and Nora was losing her shit. Any second I expected her to go charging out the door to the garden and say to hell with waiting.

  “Just breathe.” I squeezed her hand. “In a few minutes, you’ll see Spencer and then everything will be fine.”

  “Oh God, I’m about to get married!”

  “There’s still time to make a run for it out the back,” Cassie teased.

  Nora sucked in a deep breath and let it out. “No. No way.”

  “That’s what I thought.”

  “I just can’t believe I’m getting married. Today. In just a few minutes. It feels like some sort of drea
m.” I could see the glossy sheen in her eyes.

  “Not a dream. It’s real, so no getting weepy on us or we’ll all end up with our mascara running.”

  Nora chuckled and drew in another deep breath. “You guys look so beautiful.”

  “We better, after three hours in the beauty chair this morning.” Cassie was teasing to make the moment light-hearted, but she was right. We’d been plucked, buffed, and painted like Barbie dolls. I had to admit, we looked pretty damn good, and the aqua bridesmaid dress Nora picked worked well with both our complexions and figures. A gorgeous lace bodice with layers of chiffon that flowed from our hips and swished around our knees; it was far from a bridesmaid’s nightmare. Simple, elegant, surprisingly comfortable.

  And then there was Nora. She was something straight out of a fairy tale. Spencer was going to be knocked on his ass when he saw her. I’d never seen a more beautiful bride than my best friend. She just balked when we told her so, but it was true.

  The lace and beadwork on her dress were gorgeous. A single strand of pearls rested above the sweetheart neckline. Her hair had been swept to the side in a series of curls and braids pinned in place. The gown hugged her body down past her hips before flowing out in a fit and flare style – very mermaid-esque. But was the joy that radiated from her face that truly made her stunning. She had that whole glowing thing going on.

  The door was pushed open, and in charged three of the most excited mothers with Spencer’s little cousins in tow. One of the mothers was mine. The other two were Nora and Spencer’s. They were all three giddy and immediately started fussing over us.

  “You girls look so beautiful.”

  “Are you almost ready? Everyone is taking their seats.”

  “Make sure to smile.”

  “Don’t walk too fast.”

  Six-year-old Tessa tugged on Nora’s dress, beaming up at her. “You look like a princess.”