Nora bent down and flashed a bright smile at the adorable little flower girl. “Thank you, and so do you. We both get to be princesses today.”
If possible, Tessa’s smile got bigger and she started twirling in her frilly candy apple red dress.
Nora rose, smoothed her hands over the bodice of her dress, took a deep breath and reached for her bouquet. It was made up of red, white and aqua flowers. “Okay, let’s do this.”
Cas and I grabbed our red rose bouquets and then we filed into the hall to meet the groomsmen and Nora’s dad. Our moms took up positions at the front of the line so the ushers could escort them to their seats up front while soft background music played. Of their own accord, my eyes sought out one groomsman in particular.
My breath caught in my throat.
Damn did he clean up nice.
The scruffy beard and messy locks from the night before had been trimmed and tamed, taking him to a whole new level of hotness. Not that the rough-and-tumble look didn’t work for him, but this slightly cleaner cut version was something straight off the pages of the dirty romance novels that filled up my kindle. That was the only action I got these days. Camden Shaw in that tux could have been any one of the sexy, alpha-billionaires from those stories. He still had that edge of something untamed about him.
This was going to be a long day.
The doors leading outside were cracked open and we all stood back as the moms were led outside where the rest of the guests were already seated on the lawn.
Camden held his arm out as the music changed and it was time for us to follow. I took it without meeting his eyes, holding my bouquet close to my chest and keeping my gaze straight ahead. I felt his warm breath whisper across my cheek as he leaned in just as we took that first step out the door. “You look beautiful, Emily.”
“You’re not so bad yourself.” Oh hell, was I actually trying to flirt with him? My cheeks heated as we continued our slow, steady march. When we reached the end of the aisle, I felt the caress of his fingers trailing the underside of my arm as we parted and took up our positions on either side of Spencer and the minister. Why had he done that? It was doing crazy things to my head and stomach.
I resisted the urge to look over at him, and kept my eyes riveted on the ceremony. Cassie and Nikoli made the same slow trek down the aisle followed by the adorable flower girl and ring bearer. Tessa ate up the attention, stopping constantly to curtsy and swish her dress around, which was a real crowd pleaser.
When Colbie Caillat’s Magic came on, the crowd stood. I looked to Spencer’s face and watched his reaction as Nora appeared. I wasn’t disappointed by what I saw. He stood there, a stunned man in awe of his bride.
Everything after that was simply beautiful and left me fighting back tears. Nora wasn’t even trying to fight it. She cried openly during Spencer’s vows and then he held her tightly after they shared their first kiss as husband and wife.
Then the celebrating started.
Everyone made it through the receiving line inside to the reception where the party started and the food and booze were served. A long table down the side of the room was reserved for the wedding party. After snagging a glass of champagne and a small plate of appetizers, I retreated away from the rest of the guests and claimed a seat at the end as far away from where I saw Camden lay his jacket over a chair as I could get.
It was a preventative measure. My brain seemed to short-circuit around him. It was best just to avoid him for the night. In the morning I would go back to Bellingham and probably wouldn’t see him again. I would laugh about how silly I acted and then forget all about Camden Shaw, because there was nothing extraordinary about him.
The only reason I was in a tizzy was because of this wedding. Everyone knows how weddings can mess with your emotions. They make girls act stupid. It’s a thing.
Tomorrow life would go back to normal.
Back to Bellingham. I was both looking forward to and dreading it. I wanted the comfort of home and what semblance of normal I’d been able to find in the last year, but other than that, not much waited for me.
I was so pathetic I’d moved out of the house with Nora and back in with my parents. I just couldn’t take being in that house anymore. I’d thought getting out would help with the nightmares. It didn’t. I still had them almost every night, but at least it was rare that I woke up screaming anymore.
I had work, but I did most of that from home these days. As I did everything, even my shopping. I found every excuse to shut myself away from the outside world, rarely venturing out, except when it was necessary to keep everyone from worrying.
I’d stopped going to my therapy sessions when after six months they’d done nothing to help with the nightmares or anxiety. Occasionally, I went to the gym with James now that he’d been discharged and had moved back to Bellingham, but after my last meltdown there, I hadn’t been back.
He wanted me to get out of our parents’ and move into his apartment. Thought it would be good for me, but I was more comfortable in my childhood home. Yet, even there I never felt truly safe.
I couldn’t even remember that feeling. Safe. I craved it. I ached for just a single night that I could turn out the lights and sleep peacefully, but it never happened. Aaron/Will and his other victims were always there with me.
There was no peace for me. In crowds of people, I felt claustrophobic and suffocated. The only thing worse than being surrounded by people was being alone. The silence. Because it was never truly silent. I could hear him. I could hear them. Hear them begging. Hear them crying. Hear them screaming. Hear them dying and I didn’t know how to make it stop.
My head was so screwed up.
How could I ever expect to let someone in and find this – what Nora had? They’d see how broken and damaged I was and know that I was too fucked up for happily ever after.
That’s what they don’t tell you about these kinds of stories. Sure, the bad guy was caught and the girl survived, but that’s all I was doing. Surviving. Whatever happily ever after they tacked on at the end was a lie. Life might have gone back to normal for everyone else, but for me, normal was now a fantasy. There was no going back, and ahead was scary as hell.
Boisterous and cheerful voices competed with the background music. The more alcohol that was served, the more the volume increased, until a tink tink rang out and everyone’s eyes flitted to Camden, who was now standing at his seat, his glass of champagne raised.
He cleared his throat once the music had been turned down and he had everyone’s attention.
Oh, it was toast time.
I grew nervous, knowing I was expected to stand in front of all these people after him and say something beautiful and witty. I’d practiced a few times in front of the mirror, but I could feel all the rehearsed words leaving me.
Camden’s speech was the perfect blend of humorous and touching. He made everyone laugh and then he made a few cry. Everyone cheered and sipped and then it was my turn.
I rose slowly, picking up my glass and fixing my eyes on the only safe target in the room. My best friend beside me who knew how much of a struggle this was for me. Her eyes shone with how much it meant to her that I was doing this. For her, I drew in a deep breath and tried to shut out all the nerves and panic at having all eyes on me.
I cleared my throat, swallowing the lump in my throat “I met Nora our freshman year in college, and at first you might have thought two girls couldn’t be more different. Nora was the quiet, smart girl that preferred her books over parties, and I, well, wasn’t. But right away I knew we were going to be friends regardless. It was obvious right away that Nora was one of those special, beautiful souls that people gravitated toward because of her kindness and sweetness and the quiet grace and confidence she carried herself with.”
Nora blinked back tears and smiled softly.
“She was real and down to earth and a true friend. I was lucky enough that she became my friend, but more than that, she became the sister I always begge
d my parents for. Sorry, James.” I found my brother sitting at the table with my parents, and smiled. A few chuckles sounded and I took another deep breath and returned my gaze to the happy couple to my right.
“Umm, this last year has been a tough one, and I know I can say for certain that I wouldn’t be standing here if it weren’t for these two. Not only did they save my life, but they’ve done so much for me, been the kind of friends that are rare. I’m so thankful to have both of them in my life. Spencer is one of the good guys. The best, in fact, and I’m not entirely convinced that he’s not Batman.” A few more chuckles.
“And the way he loves my best friend is something out of a fairy tale, even if the way their story started, wasn’t.” I swallowed thickly and pushed down thoughts of what brought them together. “I couldn’t be happier for the two of them, or more excited to see what their future holds because I know it’s going to be amazing. Thank you both for allowing me to share in your lives and here’s to many beautiful years ahead. You both deserve nothing less.”
Glasses were raised higher and then everyone drank. Nora stood and pulled me into a crushing hug. I struggled to keep back tears and then we both laugh-cried through the heavy emotions. Spencer squeezed my hand and leaned over to press a kiss on my head and then he grabbed his wife’s hand and led her over to the cake.
Once they’d ceremoniously shoved cake in each other’s faces, Spencer dragged her out onto the floor for their first dance which led into the other traditional wedding dances until more couples had joined them on the dance floor.
My eyes were so riveted to the happy couple that I didn’t notice Camden sneak up beside me and drop into the empty chair on my right.
I glanced at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. He only gave me a brief smile and then his gaze drifted to the dance floor.
I was a little slower looking away. Not only had he ditched the jacket, but he’d lost the tie and undone the collar of his shirt. He was draped casually over the chair, laid-back and comfortable. I wished I felt the same.
“They’re kind of perfect for each other, aren’t they?” He finally said after a minute.
“Hmm? Oh,” I followed his eyes to Spencer and Nora again. “Yeah, they are.”
He turned his head to me. “And now you’ll go back home tomorrow? To Bellingham?”
“Mmhmm,” I nodded.
“Did you have a good time this week? Get to get out and see much of Spokane besides the night of the bachelor party?”
“Uh, not really. We were mostly getting things ready for today. Spencer did take us to the river, though. And we went to the mall.”
He gave his head a slight disappointed shake. “That’s too bad. There’s a lot to do and explore around Spokane.”
“It’s alright with me, I um, don’t explore much anyway. I was fine with hanging out around the hotel and your parents’ place.”
I felt incredibly lame admitting that, but he nodded like he understood. From the look in his eyes, I suspected he did.
“So, you work with computers? You’re some kind of web designer?” He changed the subject.
“Yeah,” I replied with a puzzled frown.
“I asked my brother,” he explained.
“Why?” I retorted.
Still completely at ease, he shrugged. “I was curious about you.”
I wanted to ask why again, but held back this time. “A simple Google search will tell you everything you want to know,” I muttered, casting my eyes back out over the dance floor.
“No. It won’t,” he said softly, pulling my gaze back to his. “I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t read the news stories or heard about what happened from my brother. And I can only imagine the hell the media dragged you through, but I’m not really interested in what people who don’t even know you have to say about you. What happened isn’t everything. It’s one piece of your life, but it isn’t who you are.”
“Most days it feels like that’s all I am, who I’ll always be. That my life will always be defined and ruled by it.”
“It won’t,” he said with such conviction that I almost believed him.
I let out a quiet huff. What did he know about it? “Why did you come sit over here?”
“Because you were sitting here alone, staring at everyone out there like you’re on the outside of it all, looking in, like you’re not really a part of this.”
I looked away again, his observation cutting a little too deep.
“Hey,” he waited for me to give him my eyes again. “You’re here. And I get the feeling that sometimes you forget that.”
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say to that. I watched the happy couples dancing until I felt Camden rise from his seat. I expected him to walk away. Instead, he held out his hand. “Dance with me?”
I glanced at his hand warily, remembering the way his touch affected me. “No thanks.” I kept my arms folded across my middle and turned away.
He bent down, bracing one hand on the table and the other on the back of my seat. He brought his face close to mine, so close I could smell the blend of peppermint and scotch on his breath when he whispered in my ear. “You’re still here, Emily. So be here. With me. Right now.”
“I get the feeling you’re not used to hearing no much,” I muttered, daring a look into those intense brown eyes.
One side of his mouth pulled into a lopsided grin. “I’m not, but that isn’t what this is. Do you really want to sit this moment out?” He flicked his eyes briefly toward the dancefloor and then back to me. How many other moments in the last year had I sat out? More than I cared to admit and I could see the knowing in his eyes.
“One dance. Give yourself that. I can see that you want to, so stop holding back.” I’d come to expect a certain amount of arrogance from guys as good looking as he was, but with Camden it wasn’t that. There was nothing smug in his tone. Only sincerity that came from understanding. That irritated me more than if he was just being a cocky bastard.
“Look,” I bristled, “I don’t know what you expect, or why you really came over here, but I’m going to tell you right now, we’re not having slutty wedding sex. If you think that’s where this is heading because I’m lonely or depressed or whatever, then you’re wasting your time. Save it for someone else.”
His lips twitched and he raised his hands defensively. “I’d just like it noted that you’re the one that mentioned slutty, wedding sex, not me.”
I glared and he dropped the playful act. His features softened again. “All I’m after is a dance. That’s it.” He stood and offered his hand one more time.
I hesitated. “Promise?”
“I promise.”
Against my better judgement, I sighed and took his hand. I let him lead me onto the dance floor, ignoring the way my hand in his made my heart stutter.
Five
Camden
I couldn’t deny that something about her tiny, soft hand in mine felt good. Felt right. Like I’d won something precious the moment she placed her hand in mine. It was something deep down that didn’t even make sense.
I didn’t even know her, but every time she looked at me, I felt like I did. Her eyes told me so much. They were the most expressive eyes I’d ever seen. She couldn’t hide what she was feeling and when she turned her gaze on me, I was drawn in, powerless against this pull I felt.
As I took her into my arms on the dance floor, I only wished I could read what she was thinking as easily. There were some secrets her eyes kept. It didn’t take a mind reader to know that she was guarded. This girl had some serious walls up. I’d made a tiny crack tonight, getting her out here on the floor with me. For a brief moment, I allowed myself to wonder what it would be like to be the guy that got to break them down entirely and reach the girl hiding behind them.
Could anyone?
I twirled her around to the upbeat country song, thankful for the nights I’d spent out at Nashville North – the country western bar – that a
llowed me to know what I was doing now without stepping on her toes. I watched her face and the smile that tried to form on her lips. She suppressed it, keeping her head ducked and her eyes averted. I had her in my arms, but not really.
I resisted the urge to tip her chin up and force her gaze to meet mine, to be the one she let her guard down with, even if it was only for a moment.
It wouldn’t be me though – couldn’t be me. Whatever strange feelings this beautiful girl was evoking in me, were fleeting. The result of a wedding coupled with a bit too much scotch and champagne. Tomorrow we would both go back to our regular lives, on opposite sides of this state.
It was better that way. Less complicated and messy.
I doubted I could be the guy she needed anyway. I wasn’t the one for her, despite this innate response I felt to take care of her and help her find her way back from the dark.
Tonight, I would settle for making her smile. A real one that reached her eyes. I’d take a smile, hope that I made her night a little better and then walk away.
As the song ended, I spun her out and then back into my arms. She hadn’t expected it, and I nearly got my smile then, but she still fought it. She was stubborn; it was almost like she didn’t want to have fun. Or maybe she just didn’t want to have fun with me.
When the last notes faded into the next song, instead of letting her go, I shifted her in my arms and took her hand again. I wouldn’t give up so easily.
Cole Swindell’s Middle of a Memory filled the air and with my hand on her hip, I tugged her in closer than I had for the last song. I inhaled and the sweet scent of vanilla and something slightly fruity, maybe apple, assaulted me. She was tense at first, the hand on my shoulder felt awkward and her entire body was stiff. I pretended not to notice and let the music guide us.
Something finally gave and I felt her relax. Her body inched closer and I brought the hand in mine up to my shoulder. She curled both behind my neck and I set my other hand on her hip. It was like slow-dancing at prom all over again. In fact, that was probably the last time I slow-danced like this with a girl.
Tears of Blue (Shades of Death Book 2) Page 4
