I brushed the backs of my fingers across the coarse stubble on his face before I slid my hand back and weaved my fingers in his thick locks. I rose onto my knees and closed the space between our mouths. I kissed him softly and held it there, hoping I wasn’t making a big mistake, but not even really caring if I was. Just this, right here, was worth it.
His lips parted mine and breathing him in was like taking a shot of the strongest liquor. It warmed my insides and made me light headed. His warm, rough hands found my waist beneath the tank top I’d worn to bed just before he took control of the kiss and deepened it. His touch was like a branding iron that seared me all the way through to my core. It was possessive and protective all at once, and when his fingers dug into my flesh, I felt the word mine almost as if he’d said it aloud. He was marking me in every way. I felt lost and found in the same instance.
I wound my fingers tighter in his hair and pushed him down onto the mattress, going with him. His hands and lips roamed my body with the familiarity of a lover who’d known me intimately for more than just one night. He knew all the right ways to touch me and drag the pleasure out of me with shuddering breaths.
We became a tangle of limbs on the bed, bits of clothing tossed aside one by one as the ache and need built. Our touches and kisses became more frantic and desperate with each second that passed until he was inside me and we finally found that connection we both craved like a drug. Once we did, there was no rush, only the desire to wring the most pleasure from the other, and make it last as long as possible.
When we both finally collapsed in a heap, sweating and still panting, I felt boneless and light as a feather. He was the only thing tethering me down and keeping me from floating away like a kite caught by a gentle breeze.
When I closed my eyes, I could almost hear the hum of my body as I started to come down from the pleasure high. We both lay on our backs, the only sound, that of our breathing, but his thumb traced light circles on my thigh, sending tingles out from that spot.
When strength returned to my muscles, and I finally felt able to move again, I rolled onto my side and looked up into his gaze, still darkened with traces of desire and something much more intense.
“Will it always be like that between us?” It didn’t seem possible that this feeling could last. Over time it would fade, the fire would die down and then what?
“No,” he shifted onto his side and pressed his lips to my forehead. “I get the feeling it will only get better.”
Better?
Was that even possible?
“That might kill me,” I breathed.
His soft chuckle breezed across my skin. “But what a way to go.”
He was not wrong. It would indeed be a very satisfying way to go.
“Now get some sleep.” He curled his body around mine, holding me close.
Nestled in his arms, I closed my eyes and something settled over me. I opened them again. “Camden,” I whispered.
“Hmm?” he mumbled, his eyes opening and finding mine.
“You can turn off the light.”
“You sure?”
I nodded. “That was the deal remember. You make me brave and I make you french toast.”
A soft smile touched his lips and he rolled over and flicked the lamp off, plunging the room into total darkness. I waited for the panic, but never felt it. I breathed out deeply.
“I’m getting the better end of that deal,” he murmured against my hair as his arms came back around me “Because, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You’re already brave, Emily.”
I wasn’t, but maybe I could be.
I was almost asleep when his voice stirred me awake again. “Will you tell me about the nightmares?”
I breathed in and out. My chest rose and fell. My throat felt tight, and I swallowed hard.
“Sometimes, I’m back in the basement of that cabin. Sometimes I’m running through the woods. Sometimes I’m in my own house. But he’s always there. I always see his face, and I can hear his voice. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the sound of his voice.
“He used to talk to the girls after he’d kill them. And sometimes he would talk to me. About why he had to kill them, why they deserved it. Why I deserved it. And about Nora and what he was going to do to me once he didn’t need me anymore.
“In my dreams, he laughs and taunts me because he’s going to kill me. Then he does. No matter how fast I run, or how hard I fight, he wins. He wraps his hands around my throat and squeezes, and I think, this is it. I’m dying. It’s all finally going to be over. And then I wake up. And it’s not over. Because I’m still living it.”
While I was talking, he’d taken my hand in his and started softly tracing his fingertips over the back of my hand. It was soothing and gave me the courage to keep talking.
“Sometimes, when I wake up, my first thought is that I wished he had killed me.”
“Emily,” my name fell from his lips on a broken whisper.
“No, it’s okay. I don’t mean it. I don’t want to die. It’s just that I’m so tired of being like this, of feeling this way. And I’ll live with it the rest of my life. Every time I speak it’s a reminder.”
“What do you mean?”
“He strangled me so hard and so many times that he caused permanent damage to my vocal chords. That’s why my voice is so low. It wasn’t always.”
“I didn’t know.” His hand slid up to my neck and his fingers lightly caressed the column of my throat. “I wish I could take it all away. I know that I can’t, but I wish I could.”
So did I.
Nineteen
Emily
“Mmm, what smells good?” Camden sauntered into the kitchen, looking so damn fine in nothing but a pair of pajama pants, just after seven.
“French toast. And bacon,” I grinned, tipping my chin up to meet his kiss.
“Mmmmmm,” he groaned again, wrapping his arms around my waist, as I flipped the french toast in the skillet while the bacon sizzled on another burner.
Unfortunately, the perfect start to our morning was disrupted. Seemed the smell of bacon was powerful enough to draw Spencer and Nora from sleep as well. I’d expected as much, which is why I’d cooked enough for everyone. It was just that once Cam was holding me there in the kitchen, I kind of wanted to bask in it, and maybe get in a few more kisses and other things before we weren’t alone.
Camden was still wrapped around me at the stove, pressing kisses and nibbling on my neck and shoulder when the newlyweds came down.
“Well, aren’t you two cozy.” I could hear the smile in Nora’s voice before I spun around and saw the grin she wore. Too caught up in Camden and what he was doing to me, I hadn’t heard them sneak up on us. I wiggled out of Cam’s arms. He was reluctant to let me go. I suspected, unlike me, he’d heard them coming and just hadn’t cared about being caught. It wasn’t that I did care, exactly. I didn’t plan to keep it a secret. I just would have liked to talk to Nora about it again first.
I bit my lip and gave her a timid smile, avoiding looking at Spencer altogether. “I made breakfast.”
She was still grinning stupidly. “We smelled it. Looks delicious. I’m just surprised you’re not burning it. You looked a bit distracted when we walked in,” she teased.
I shot her a glare, before turning back to the stove and pulling the first batch of french toast from the pan and stacking it on a large plate.
Camden chuckled and then touched his lips to my temple before walking over and joining them at the breakfast counter while I pulled bacon from the pan and started cooking the next round of french toast.
“Hey Em, this way we can still be sisters,” Nora continued her teasing as she poured herself a cup of the coffee I’d brewed, “without me marrying your brother.”
“Can we not talk about you marrying James,” Spencer grumbled. For obvious reasons, he hadn’t been down with my not so secret desire to see my best friend and brother settle down someday.
Of cour
se, I abandoned that right away once I saw how good Nora and Spencer were together. Spencer was still a little touchy about it, though. Especially since at one point James had pretty much asked Nora to choose him over Spencer. Somehow, he and my brother had managed to put it behind them and work together.
“That’s why this should make you happy. I get Emily as a sister and get to stay married to you,” Nora reasoned playfully with her husband.
“Woah, woah, slow down there, you’re acting like we’re already getting married,” I said, flipping the last of the french toast.
“As long as I don’t have to hear any more about how incredible the sex with my brother is, I’m happy.”
Eyes wide, I spun around, the spatula pointed at Spencer like a weapon. He wore an evil grin. Apparently, he was still holding a grudge about Nora and my brother.
“Wait, she was talking about how incredible the sex was?” My eyes darted to Camden who was grinning like the cat that caught the canary.
“No, I was not,” I snapped.
“She was. Walked into the kitchen to hear her gushing all about it to my wife. Lost my appetite entirely.” Spencer winked at me.
I jabbed the spatula at him again. “For that, I am going to burn your breakfast.
They laughed and I was sure my cheeks were flaming red. I couldn’t hardly look Cam in the face when I went and sat down across from him once we’d all dished up.
“Hey,” he said softly, drawing my eyes to his. He was smiling tenderly and rose slightly out of his seat to lean over the counter and lay a chaste kiss on my lips. “Would you be less embarrassed if I went on and on about how sex with you is the best sex of my life too?” Now he was grinning again as he dropped back onto his seat.
I slammed my face into my palms with a groan. “Nooo, that would not make me less embarrassed.” I lifted my face. “And I didn’t say you were the best sex of my life,” I shot back.
“But I was, right?”
“Well there was that one guy back in college,” I pretended to get all dreamy thinking about this pretend college lover. Truth was, no one in college, or after, or ever, had even come close.
Camden frowned with a bite of bacon halfway to his mouth. This time I grinned and winked. He shook his head softly. “You’ll pay for that later,” he whispered.
I was looking forward to it.
After breakfast the guys tried to help with the cleanup, but Nora and I shooed them out of the kitchen for a little girl talk while we cleaned. She was happy and maybe even a little overly-excited for me, but once she got all of the teasing out of the way, reasonable, level-headed, rational Nora returned.
“Tell me you’ve thought this through, because yesterday you insisted this wasn’t what you wanted.”
“I know I said that, and I meant it, but you were right. I was scared and my reasons were excuses. Last night Camden gave me a few better reasons to stop being scared and give this a chance.”
“These reasons he gave you, did you both have your clothes on?”
“Yes,” I laughed. “We didn’t take our clothes off until later.”
“Okay. I just want to make sure your head is in a good place and you’re not going to bolt again when the sex wears off and it gets real.”
“It’s already real for me Nora.” It got really real last night when I opened up. I was under no delusion about that and I was serious that I was done with being scared. Well I was still scared, but I was done running from the things that scared me. I told Nora as much.
“I’m really glad to hear that. And despite all the teasing and giving you a bad time earlier, I am happy for you. I haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time. Whatever happens or doesn’t, I think this is a huge step for you.” She nudged my shoulder with hers. “You’re taking back your life, and it’s about time.”
Yes it was.
The guys were dressed and in the living room with the sports channel on when we finished in the kitchen.
“It’s not even nine, how can there already be sports on?” Nora dropped into Spencer’s lap with a pout.
“That’s the great thing about paying extra for the sports package,” Camden informed her. “There’s always some sporting event on, and when there isn’t, they’re still talking about sports.”
“Besides watching sports,” Nora sighed, “what’s on the agenda today?”
“I need to check in with the guys and do some work. You can go into town with me, or hang out here.” Spencer then looked to his brother. “You’re going to be around today right?”
“Uh, well, I planned to take Emily out for a ride, but Nora can tag along.”
“No, that’s okay. I want to go to town anyway. After you finish your work, we can find something to do.”
While Spencer and Nora worked out their day, I sat on the arm of Cam’s chair. “A ride?”
“Yeah, I thought we’d take the horses out. It’s not far to the river. We can pack food or something if you want.”
“Like a picnic?” I smiled.
“Sure, whatever,” he chuckled.
“Okay, I’m in.”
I dropped a quick kiss on his cheek before I hurried off to beat Nora to the shower.
Spencer and Nora left shortly after she’d showered and dressed, giving Camden and I bit of privacy before we headed out as well. He had me on my back on the couch almost before Spencer’s truck was out of the driveway.
“How are you feeling about everything?” He held himself over me.
I hooked my fingers in his belt loops and tugged him down closer to me. “Really, really good.” I lifted my head and met his lips as he leaned in for a kiss.
“That’s good,” he mumbled against my mouth and then neither one of us said anything for a few minutes. The kiss was on the verge of turning into something else when he pulled away. He brushed a few stray tendrils of hair out of my face. “I’m sorry about this morning, at breakfast. We didn’t really talk about how we wanted to tell them.”
“It’s okay. I wanted to stab your brother with my fork there for a minute, but they both seem okay with this. Nora is more than okay with it, and right now I’m too happy to care about much else.” I locked my hands behind his neck and pulled him down to me once more and then we lost several more minutes enjoying each other there on the couch.
It was with a groan that Camden broke away again. “As much as I’d love to stay right here, Jack is expecting us to come get the horses, and we still have to make food.”
Together, we packed sandwiches and snacks into an insulated cooler bag, along with bottles of water and a few chocolate bars I found. “Lunch and dessert,” I smiled.
It’d been a while since I’d been on a horse. Knowing how the saddle would chafe my legs, I’d opted for jeans instead of shorts, despite the hot sun that was making its way higher in the sky. I had a lightweight tank top on, and being from the west side of the state, I lacked Camden’s nice tan. I found a bottle of sunscreen and covered my arms and shoulders. A sunburn might get in the way of sexy fun times later tonight.
Jack and his wife Mary lived not far up the road in a big beautiful home, very similar to Camden’s, with their two boys, whom I also met. The youngest was a senior in high school and his brother a sophomore at Gonzaga University. They were all extremely friendly, and I wasn’t sure Camden and I were going to make it out of there without being forced inside for coffee and banana bread.
I wouldn’t have minded, except that once Camden took me into the barn and I got a look at the beautiful creatures in there, I was even more excited for our ride. Thankfully, Camden politely turned down the offer to come in, saying he wanted to get going before it got even hotter.
Camden introduced me to Gypsy, his black and white Appaloosa first. “She’s a spitfire this one. Wild for sure, won’t let very many people ride her, but she’s a good girl.” The beautiful mare snorted and whinnied, nudging her nose into Camden’s hand. He stroked her affectionately and then gave her a few pats before he led m
e to the next stall.
“I’ll be riding Gypsy today, and you will be riding this fella. His name is Titan. He’s a bit older and not as wild. My mom usually rides him when she and my dad come out.” He was a beautiful cinnamon color with a dark, almost black mane. He sniffed and snorted at my hand when I held it out, and then began nuzzling it.
“He’s beautiful. They’re both beautiful.”
“I have one more you can meet. I’ve only had him a few months, and he can be a bit wild and unpredictable, even more-so than Gypsy. I haven’t had much time lately to get him comfortable with being ridden. Josh, Jack’s oldest, has taken him out a few times.” He led me across the barn, where a gorgeous white horse stuck his head out over the stall.
“This is Ares.” When Camden stuck his hand out, Ares whinnied and snorted and became antsy in his stall.
“He looks like a young horse.”
“He’s about two years old,” he confirmed, patting the over-excited colt. “Are you ready?”
I nodded. I was more than ready.
“Okay, I’m just going to let Ares out first and then we’ll saddle up.”
He turned Ares loose in the penned off area behind the barn, and then went about packing and readying both our saddles before we led Gypsy and Titan out the front of the barn.
Twenty
Camden
Once Emily got comfortable in the saddle, you couldn’t tell that it had been years since she’d been on a horse as she’d informed me. She was at ease with Titan and he with her. Gypsy behaved herself for the most part as well as we trotted along at a nice pace and I led us to one of my favorite spots.
The smile never left Emily’s face, and for the first time since I’d met her, she almost seemed carefree. The grace and gentle strength she carried even behind the haunted look and the darkness that sometimes crept up in her features, was beautiful, but this lighter Emily, with the smile that overtook her entire face, was one I wanted to see more often. When she closed her eyes and tipped her face to the sun, and was basked in its light – golden hair shining, cheeks just a little bit rosy from the warmth – I caught a glimpse of just how gorgeous she truly was.
Tears of Blue (Shades of Death Book 2) Page 17
