by Elana Brooks
“Okay.” He sat back and regarded her steadily. “So we wait. I believe there’s nothing to fear. That our soul bond can become a real one, not just something forced on us in an emergency. But we’ll take all the time you need.”
From the way she could suddenly breathe much more easily and her pang of regret was overshadowed by a great wash of relief, she knew it was the right decision. She’d have a few more days, at least. A few more days to bask in the warmth of his affection before he found out the truth. Before he discovered the essential lack in her that would drive him away. Maybe she could keep putting him off for a long time. It would depend on how badly he wanted—
Suddenly suspicious, she peered at him. “Are you just saying that because you’re not really interested? You asked me if sex was what I wanted, but you never said whether you wanted it. Do you?”
His gaze was steady on hers. “I do. I want to make love to you, Beverly. So much it’s all I can do not to grab you right now and—yeah.” He laughed, but she didn’t doubt for a moment he was serious.
“Oh.” She bit her lip. “We can, if you really want it that much. I’d hate to think I was making you unhappy.” Maybe it would be better for him to get it over with. Maybe it was cruel of her to let him keep hoping.
He shrugged with a wry smile. “It will undoubtedly be good for me to be patient. Besides, I have an idea. You’re worried that you won’t be able to open up your soul to me during sex, right? But if we’re in our astral forms, that won’t be an issue. It will be just our souls; our bodies won’t be involved.”
She blinked, her heart racing. “Can we do that? In astral form?”
He quirked his eyebrows. “We kissed. I thought it worked pretty well. Astral forms feel what physical bodies feel, pretty much. And there are advantages. Without actual contact between our bodies, you can’t get pregnant, and neither of us can catch anything. Which is good, because I don’t think anyone’s invented an astral condom yet.” His laughing eyes invited her to share the humor.
Oh, it was so wonderful to be able to joke around with him this way. “Astral forms are malleable, right? So you could just think one up. Like imaging different clothes.”
“Yes, but why bother if there’s no need?” He sobered. “It might not be quite the same. More like dream sex. Our shared imagining of what it would be like to make love. After we came back to our bodies—well, you know how the memory of that kiss feels kind of unreal?”
She compared her recollection of the kiss over Central Park with the ones a few minutes ago. “Yeah.”
“I think it will probably be like that. And the real thing—if we decide to go ahead with it—there’d still be no guarantees how it would work out.”
She thought about it for a while. What he proposed would be far safer. If she could do it at all, her soul would have to be fully involved. There would be no risk of suddenly realizing that she was failing him, that this sex was just as empty for her as every other time had been, that all he was getting was a soulless body. There would be no risk of him discovering too late her soul was absent, of her making him suffer one more meaningless, degrading experience.
“Okay. It’s a deal. Let’s do it.” She swallowed. “When?”
“There’s somewhere I’d like to take you. It’s a long way, so I think it would be safest if we leave our bodies in the meditation garden, under the care of the guardians.” He grinned. “We’ll be careful not to lose track of time so they won’t have to come looking for us.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Her heart was racing, but she thought it was anticipation more than fear.
“Not tomorrow, because I really do want you to play a game of energyball with Steve and have him get started teaching you techniques.” He tilted his head. “Huh. The idea doesn’t freak me out any more.” He flashed her a brilliant smile. “Something about tonight has made it so I’m not afraid of losing you any more. Maybe sharing those memories wasn’t such a bad idea, after all. Right afterward I wasn’t sure, but now—I feel so much closer to you.”
“Yeah. Me too,” she whispered. Oh yes, they needed to get this over with soon. Either learn that she could return what he was so obviously, overwhelmingly, able to give her—or that she couldn’t.
If—the fear shook her bones, but she forced herself to face it. If she proved to be as emotionally crippled with him as she’d always been before, she’d have to set him free. The soul bond would complicate that, but surely Rabbi Sensei would know a way to work around it. She couldn’t bear the thought of Adrian trapped forever pouring out his soul into an empty hole.
“So how does day after tomorrow sound?” He looked at her with breathless anticipation.
“It’s a date.” Her smile was tremulous.
He stroked her cheek, and she leaned into his touch. “Would you like to enjoy some more of what bodies and souls together can do? Just a little?”
“Yes, please.” She leaned eagerly to meet his lips and turned her hands loose to roam freely over his chest and back.
For a long, wonderful while they kissed. She almost changed her mind and told him she was ready now, damn the consequences, but she didn’t. She had a feeling he would insist on sticking to their plan anyway.
At length, as if they both simultaneously felt the moment was right, they broke away. Adrian refilled her water and his, and they drank and chatted about trivial things. When both glasses were empty, he ushered her out, walked with her through the never-sleeping streets and up to her apartment, kissed her goodnight at the door, and left.
Chapter 21
So this was what being in love felt like.
Adrian floated down the street toward Headquarters, surprised he wasn’t attracting stares. Couldn’t people tell just by looking at him? He felt like his whole body was filled with bright light, spilling out to haze his vision with a soft golden glow.
He loved Beverly. He repeated the words to himself over and over, experiencing a jolt of amazement every time. Everything was going to be okay. The soul bond his careless blunder had forced on them would be a blessing, not a curse. It would bring her joy, not danger, not more pain.
She’d suffered so much over the course of her life. That idiot boy in her memory hadn’t even been the worst of it, though Adrian wanted badly to rip him limb from limb for the way he’d hurt her. From everything she’d told him, he’d just been the continuation of a pattern that had started far earlier.
He wanted to hunt down each of her parents and shake them until they understood what their selfishness had done to her. How could they have had such a priceless treasure in their keeping and treated it like garbage? No wonder Beverly had trouble believing anyone could really love her. The ones who were supposed to first and most of all hadn’t.
He was going to change that. He’d show her how worthy of love she truly was. Sooner or later she’d learn that her fears were baseless, that her heart could open up and pour out great fountains of love in return. It wouldn’t be easy; she’d undoubtedly retreat behind her hedgehog spines plenty more times before she fully accepted that she could trust him. But he would persevere. All it would take was patience.
Often when he arrived at Headquarters he would run into Beverly on the street or as they entered the building and they would head up to the gym together, but today he reached the locker room without seeing her. When he emerged in his workout clothes, he spotted her waiting at the base of the stairs up to the track, ready to start their regular morning run.
He paused, savoring the chance to look at her. God, she was beautiful. How blind had he been not to see it before? Her lush curves practically glowed with health and vitality. Her face, pensively staring into the distance, was heartbreakingly lovely. He longed to throw his arms around her and kiss her until they were both breathless and weak-kneed.
But they were still coworkers, after all. Rabbi Sensei would expect him to maintain some semblance of decorum while on duty. And anyway, that wouldn’t be a very practical thing to do right be
fore a run. So he had to be content with a smile he hoped didn’t look too sappy. “Hey. Morning.”
The eager welcome on her face as she turned dazzled him. “Adrian! Hi.”
He couldn’t stop grinning. “You’re ready to go early. Not tired after our late night?”
“No.” She shrugged one shoulder, half-hiding an answering grin. “I slept well.”
“Me, too—more’s the pity.” He waggled his eyebrows to let her know he was only teasing.
Her chuckle told him she’d gotten the message. “Come on. Let’s get to work.” She sprinted up the stairs, and he followed, his steps light, his legs springy and full of energy.
He was no longer surprised at her progress. She always approached their workouts with dogged determination, and it payed off. She’d reached the point where she could maintain a jog for whole laps at a time, with only brief walking breaks in between. It was only a matter of time before her stamina matched his, even if she’d probably always be slower.
Although maybe he shouldn’t be so sure about that. Toward the end of the run, when usually her lips would be getting thin and her eyebrows drawing together as she pushed past her exhaustion, she put on a sudden burst of speed. Startled, he had to accelerate hard to catch up. She shot him a taunting glance, then put her head down and hurtled flat out down the track.
He beat her back to their starting place, but not by much. Panting, she slowed, then dropped to a walk; he matched her pace. She made a playful face at him. “One of these days I’m going to win.”
“I wouldn’t put it past you. But don’t think I’ll take it easy on you just because we’re dating.”
“I wouldn’t want you to.” She gave him a sidelong look. “We are?”
“Well, we went on a date last night, and we’ve got one planned for tomorrow. I, for one, have no intentions of stopping there. I think that counts, don’t you?”
“Mmm. Yeah.” That was all she said, but she looked happy, so Adrian took it as a good sign. They finished walking their cool-down laps in companionable silence, then moved on to the weight machines.
They continued with their daily routine pretty much as usual, just a little playful flirting and occasional lingering glances giving evidence of the way things had changed between them. Adrian wished they were free to indulge in more, but the constant undercurrent of mild frustration served mostly to add spice to their interactions. A whole day felt like an eternity to wait, but it wasn’t really that long.
By midday, though, as they headed to the cafeteria for lunch, it got to the point that he couldn’t resist reaching for her as the elevator doors closed. From the way she eagerly responded, she’d been feeling the strain, too. They kissed deep and long, stopping only when the chime announced they’d reached their floor. Adrian had to suppress a laugh at the way Beverly’s flushed face and dreamy eyes snapped into an expression of perfect innocence an instant before the doors slid open. He did his best to assume a professional demeanor as well, but doubted his performance was half as convincing as hers.
It was a good thing they’d made the effort, because Rabbi Sensei, Keiko, and Steve were waiting in a cluster just beyond the glass cafeteria doors. They broke off their conversation and hailed Adrian and Beverly as they entered.
“Ready for that energyball match?” Steve asked Beverly.
She glanced shyly at Adrian and shrugged. “Sure. If Adrian thinks I am.”
Adrian still felt a twinge of possessiveness at the way Steve looked at her, but today it was easy to shrug off. It wasn’t Steve that Beverly had chosen to share private memories with. It wasn’t Steve she had an assignation planned with. It wasn’t Steve whose hand she reached for. “I think I’ve taught her all I can.”
Steve grinned and nodded. “After lunch, then.” He turned to Rabbi Sensei and Keiko. “You two want to watch?”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Rabbi Sensei said.
Keiko smiled at Beverly. “I’d like to observe, also.” A tiny crease marred her smooth brow. “If you’re sure we can spare the time.”
“A couple of hours won’t make any difference.” Rabbi Sensei took her hand. “And if we see that Beverly’s skills have advanced to a sufficient degree, we can include her in our venture.”
“Venture?” Adrian asked. His eyes moved between the three members of the Eight. They didn’t seem worried, but he was still curious.
“Whenever the astronomy sites we monitor announce the discovery of a new asteroid or comet in the general area where we expect the Seraphim to appear, we like to investigate as soon as possible, just in case it turns out to be something we need to deal with. Keiko and I have handled those missions in the past, but with demands on our time becoming more pressing, we’ve been waiting for an opportunity to introduce Steve to the procedure so he can share the duty in the future. A few days ago a new sighting was reported, so we’re planning to go out and check on it. Since Beverly’s range should also be great enough to allow her to reach the distant parts of the Solar System where they’re usually spotted, this would be an excellent chance to teach her as well.” Rabbi Sensei turned to Beverly. “You can learn the techniques we use to navigate in deep space and become acquainted with the effects of a long absence from your body. Those lessons will serve you well in the future.”
Beverly shrugged, her expression both apprehensive and eager. “If you think I’m ready. I haven’t even been into space since that one time.”
“The energyball match will let us evaluate the current level of your skills. I strongly suspect you’ve advanced enough to handle a mission like this easily.”
“Okay, then, I guess.” Her hand tightened in Adrian’s, but he thought that was due as much to excitement as nerves.
The idea of her traveling so far beyond his own range chilled him, but he wasn’t going to hold her back because of his fears. He squeezed her hand back and addressed Rabbi Sensei. “So this is just a routine precaution, right? You don’t think it could actually be the Seraphim, do you?”
“Almost certainly not. It’s undoubtedly only a stray bit of space debris, like the others we’ve investigated over the years. Although this one is more interesting than most, since the preliminary measurements seem to indicate it’s not in orbit around the sun, but approaching on a trajectory from outside the Solar System. Steve’s visions rule out the possibility that it’s the colony ship, but it could be another scout ship, sent ahead to resume the interrupted xenoforming in advance of the colony ship’s arrival.”
Rabbi Sensei’s calmness reassured Adrian. “We should be able to handle one of those easily enough, even if it has a bigger crew than the twenty-eight on Gabeel’s ship.”
“True, but it’s not,” Steve said. “I’d have heard about it in a vision if it was.”
Rabbi Sensei held up a cautionary hand. “Unless the decision to send it was made centuries or even millennia ago, long before your lifetime.”
“Possible, but unlikely. The Captain and the Navigator would still be talking about it. You watch. We’re going to make a very long trip to look at a big rock.”
Keiko quirked an eyebrow at him. “A rock no human has ever seen before.” She grinned at Beverly. “That’s always a thrill. I even have an asteroid named after me. The astronomer who discovered it is a member of the Covenant, and I showed him my memory of what it looked like.”
“Cool.” Beverly brightened, her expression losing almost all trace of nervousness.
Keiko shooed them toward the serving line. “It’s important to eat a hearty meal before an extended absence from your body. And besides, I’m starving. We can continue this conversation over lunch.”
Adrian complied eagerly, dismissing all concern about the errant asteroid from his mind. As soon as they finished their meal, they would head up to the arena. He couldn’t wait to see Steve and the others’ reaction to Beverly’s prowess in energyball. She was going to blow them away.
Adrian emerged from his body to find Steve already waitin
g in one of the arena’s starting circles, idly tossing a ball of energy from hand to hand. Beverly’s astral form sat up on her cot. She shot Steve a worried glance.
Adrian went to her. “Don’t worry. You’ve got this.”
“Yeah.” She didn’t look confident, though, as she hopped down from the cot. “I don’t know. Maybe the two of us could take him on together?”
Steve heard her. “I’m good with that.” He flipped the ball of energy into the air and sent it zipping over Adrian’s head, so close he felt an electric tingle in his scalp as it passed. “The game might last long enough to give me a workout that way.”
“Hah!” Adrian eyed Steve challengingly. “The only workout you’d get would be jumping into your body and back out. Tell you what.” He gestured toward Rabbi Sensei and Keiko. “You want to make it even? How about the two of us versus the three of you?”
“Adrian!” Beverly protested.
Steve rubbed his hands together. “Now that sounds like a recipe for a beat down. But it’s your funeral.” He jerked his head at Rabbi Sensei. “What do you say?”
In response, Rabbi Sensei’s neat business suit shimmered and became his gi. He stepped into the arena and extended a hand to Keiko. Her clothes made a similar transformation, and she came to stand beside him in the starting circle, her eyes bright with anticipation.
Beverly hung back. “Adrian, no! Are you crazy?”
He shrugged, not trying to hold back the manic recklessness bubbling up in his chest. “What’s the worst that can happen? If they beat us, so what? But I don’t think they will.” He bounded to the starting circle and held out his hand.
She came to grasp it with a show of reluctance, but an answering surge of audacity danced in her eyes. “Okay, then. Whatever.”
Steve nodded to them. “Challenger calls start.”
“Ready?” Adrian glanced at Beverly. At her nod, he looked across to where the others waited eagerly. “One, two, three—Start!”
