Finding Summer

by Rice, Rachel E.

  Summer stared at Jackson.

  “I said all of that to say that I need a wife.”

  Summer was hoping that he would tell her what she had been waiting for all of her life. That he loved her and that he knew she was the young girl he had met years ago, and the woman who had brought him back from death.

  Instead of saying what she had longed to hear, he said, “We don’t need to discuss the dirty details of our break-up because it’s fodder for the newspaper and I’m sure they will run their usual gossip column.”

  “This may take a while Summer, or it could be over in a minute.” He exhaled. “I have problems with my memory. I haven’t been able to piece together the last few years of my life. That wasn’t the problem I had with Victoria. The problem was that we are in love with two different people. I know who she loves, but I don’t know who I love.”

  He still couldn’t remember her. And because of that, Summer was left empty.

  Summer sat quietly, searching his eyes for his answer. Can’t he see that it’s me, she thought.

  “I’m explaining this because I was asked to run for the state senate’s race. I can make a difference as a state senator, and perhaps a U S senator. It could mean I could go on to become governor of this state. Who knows where it may lead.”

  “And that’s why you need a wife, Mr. Van Hughes?” Summer questioned.

  “When did we get back to calling each other by our last names?” Jackson queried.

  “I thought it would be better, since you were engaged.”

  “I’m no longer engaged, Summer. I have no ties to anyone, which brings me to what I want to ask you.” Jackson paused and stared into Summer’s face. “Feel free to reject me, but…” He swallowed hard, “will you marry me?”

  Summer sat up and sat back in the chair. She didn’t expect to hear this. “Jackson…” He interrupted.

  “Hear me out. It will be a marriage of convenience. I need a wife and I need one such as you. You are good with people, and I need someone who knows me well enough to put up with me leaving her for long periods of time. I promise you that if you marry me, I will never cheat on you. And I will be as loving as I can be. I can’t promise you my love because I think I’m incapable of loving.”

  “You are not incapable of love,” Summer said.

  “I know we are young and if at some point you can’t take me or our arrangement, and you find someone who will love you and will give you the attention you deserve, then I will understand and we can part ways. What do you say?”

  “I don’t know. I need to think this through.” Summer’s hands went to her mouth.

  “Take as much time as you want. I’m going to sit here and wait.” Jackson looked across at her, strumming his fingers on the large desk.

  “You don’t want to make this easy for me, do you…Mr. …Jackson.”

  “I need your answer now. I have many decisions to make in my life. You speak your mind and you are truthful. And you are a good companion. If I must spend my life with someone, I rather it is with you.”

  Summer stared at Jackson. She wanted his words to be different. She wanted a proposal of marriage to be different. But nonetheless it was a proposal, and with the man she loved, and she was sure that if he ever gained his memory, he would know that he loved her.

  She wanted to be there in case he woke one night and discovered that his memory had returned. She wanted to be there to love him and comfort him and that’s why she answered.

  “Yes, I will marry you.”

  “One more thing,” he said looking at her with a sigh. “We can’t go on a honeymoon anytime soon. I have business… There is an oil and gas conference coming up in a few months and I have to be there. I’m the keynote speaker. You need to be there too because I can’t trust anyone but you.” Maybe this was the chance she needed to help him remember something of his time with her.

  “Have you ever been to Houston?” Summer asked.

  “I know what you’re doing, but it won’t work. I haven’t been to Houston and I’m not going to spend my time trying to remember something I may want to forget. Besides, I’m getting married, why should I rehash old memories? They could interfere with our life.”

  Summer thought she didn’t have a life. Jackson would be tormented by the thoughts of a past love and never be able to love her fully in the present. She concluded that she should let it all go and convince him that she’s the love of his life by being the wife he needs. Maybe one day he would come to her and they could fully love each other.

  However, she knew if he didn’t discover on his own she was the one woman he dreamed of, she would have to leave him one day. She couldn’t live with him as a friend.

  He would keep his promise of never having another woman because he was devoted to an image that existed in his conscience. She knew of the passion he felt for the nameless and faceless woman. That alone would keep him faithful, but it would do little for the passion she held for him.

  ***

  A wedding was held at his father’s estate. Jackson was relieved when Summer suggested they invite just a few friends and business acquaintances who were important to Jackson’s political career. Summer acted like the dutiful bride, inviting the movers and shakers in Jackson’s father’s circle. She planned everything down to the crystal.

  The men and women backing Jackson’s politics and his oil company in San Francisco and their spouses loved Summer because of her friendliness, and because she had traveled the world and had a level of sophistication that came from her experiences. If conversations about countries emerged, Summer could join in and contribute without being a bore. This was unlike Victoria, who thought that because her family was rich there was nothing she could learn by leaving her country or doing anything that didn’t involved shopping for clothes, jewelry, and cars. Everything Victoria wanted was in the state of California so she saw no reason to venture anywhere else.

  As Summer danced with Jackson, she felt as if her dream had come true even if it wasn’t complete.

  “You are so beautiful,” Jackson said, holding her and gazing into her eyes. When the music died he excused himself to talk to a business partner. Summer sat chatting with Tiffany.

  Carter spotted her and walked up and sat next to her, “I wish you all the happiness in the world.”

  “Thank you, Carter. I hear you and Victoria will be married soon.” Carter nodded in agreement. He knew that it was Summer who convinced Jackson not to get rid of him. He was in love with a woman who Jackson never loved.

  “Jackson is a changed man,” he said, kissing her on the cheek. “And I know it has to do with you. He appears to be so in love with you.”

  Summer thought that those sentiments were as far away from the truth as anything could be.

  After the guest had gone and they went off to bed, Jackson stood looking at Summer. He leaned forward and kissed her on her lips. She leaned into his kiss, eyes closed, and he felt her warmth. But he made a promise to her and he took a deep breath and turned in the direction of his room, and Summer walked slowly into hers and closed the door.

  The marriage had been as Jackson had described it to her, a marriage of convenience. If Jackson was anything, he was a man of his word.

  Jackson’s father woke early and walked to their door and knocked, unaware of the bargain they had struck. There was nothing he would enjoy more than seeing the young couple lying in bed together, but to his surprise, he met Summer at the door.

  “Come in, father.”

  “I’m pleased that my son is married. I want him to be happy and if he’s happy, then I am too. I suspect that there will be grandchildren soon?” He asked with a smile on his face. “But where is my son?” he inquired, eagerly looking around the room.

  “He’s in his room.”

  He looked at Summer. “What’s wrong with my son? Is there something that you’re not telling an old man?”

  “No, father, we have an arrangement.”

  “What kind of arr
angement would a young woman make with a young man on their wedding night that would separate them into different rooms?”

  “I agreed to marry him as a business arrangement. He assumed that this is the way I wanted it.”

  “Did you tell him any different?”

  “No. He’s troubled by the loss of his memory. He feels that he can’t be the husband that I deserve.”

  “You don’t deserve this coldness at your age. Why, his mother would have left me if I did what he’s doing to you.”

  “I love your son. He’s troubled. I can’t heal his mind. No one can but him.” She sat clutching her hands. “I knew what to expect. I came into this union with my eyes open. I knew that he didn’t love me. But I thought that we could find love eventually. He’s lost somewhere in the middle of his life and he can’t connect his past with his present.”

  “I would advise you to walk away from my son. Let him know that he can’t treat you as an employee. Damn it, you are his wife now. I see everything you’ve done for him.” Jackson senior reached for Summer’s hand and patted it giving her comfort.

  “He’s focused. The company his grandfather left him is thriving. He’s a leader of men, and he’s talking about running for office. It’s possible he could become the President of the United States one day. You have changed my son into the man I hoped he would become. You should have children, and that will never happen unless you consummate your marriage. I don’t want to die without seeing grandchildren.”

  “Jackson has too much respect for me. He thinks that I don’t love him and that I married him because I needed a husband but not a man.”

  “My son is an ass. He has always been one. He never listens. He’s arrogant and pigheaded. He needs someone to bring him to his senses and the only way that will happen is for you to leave him. You need to walk away from him so that he will understand he loves you and need you.”

  Summer listened to the old man.

  “I’m a man, not a young one, but I was a young man once. Jackson needs a wife and he needs a lover too.”

  She realized that he knew his son far better than she ever could. She would speak to Jackson after dinner tomorrow.

  ***

  The chef called Jackson and Summer to dinner. For months, they had people over for lunch and dinner to discuss politics, so they were never alone and couldn’t ever really talk to each other. Many nights Jackson would bring his friends and business associates home, and they would drink or work until midnight. Summer heard his footsteps on the stairs, pausing near her door but never entering. Then he would open the door to his room and collapse in his bed.

  Today was different. It was a holiday and they were finally alone, except for the chef who lived on the estate and prepared their meals.

  “This lobster is delicious,” Jackson said, looking up at Summer. “What did you do to your hair? You look beautiful.” It was the first time Jackson had noticed Summer. She was feeling like a beautiful piece of antique furniture crowded out by new furniture.

  “I always wear my hair like this.”

  “It has a special glow and your face appears different.” He moved his chair and stood. From his pocket, he took out a diamond necklace, which lay in a velvet case. “I want you to have this.” Jackson placed it around Summer’s neck. “A beautiful woman should have diamonds.”

  “Thank you, but there is something I must say, so please sit.”

  After he sat next to her, she said, “I want a divorce, or if you can’t handle that because of business, then a separation.”

  Jackson sat, breathless. He didn’t expect this. He was clearly upset. His breathing became intense. He knew he couldn’t go on with an arrangement where they didn’t sleep together. Many nights he wanted to rush into Summer’s room and kiss her and make love to her.

  Many nights Summer would dress in her sheer nightgowns in the hopes that Jackson would open her door and lay his warm body down beside her and they would embrace, and he would bring his needy, aroused body to hers, and she would satisfy him.

  She didn’t know how long it would take before he realized who she was, but she hadn’t expected it to take this long and now she wanted out. It was torture being in the same house with a man she loved and not be able to have him touch her and feel her body in the most intimate and sexual ways.

  “What is it that you want, Summer?”

  “I don’t want anything. What I need is to find myself and find someone who will care and love me.”

  “But I need you. I care for you.”

  “That’s the problem. You need me, but you don’t love me.”

  “I think I love you.”

  “I can’t live a life where you think you love me.”

  “Do you love me?” Jackson asked.

  “Yes.” Her eyes met his. “Do you think I would agree to be with you under these circumstances if I didn’t love you?” Summer asked.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you love me?”

  “What difference does it make now, since you don’t love me? Your heart is for someone else and you have locked it away for her. I can’t open that lock.” Summer wished he would lie to her, but he knew she would know the truth; besides, he detested lies. “Jackson, when we get to Houston, I will stay there. It will give you time to make excuses to whomever you need to. Tell them I’ve gone to Europe for a few months.”

  “But what am I going to do without you?” he asked, tears welling in his eyes as he tried hard to suppress them.

  “You are so busy most of the time. You don’t even know I’m around.”

  When Jackson thought of what Summer had said, he realized that she was right. He had her near him and he took her for granted as he would a beautiful painting that he passed everyday, eventually forgetting it was still hanging there.

  ***

  After the oil and gas meeting at the Marriott in downtown Houston, Jackson and Summer filed out of the conference room. Then Summer stopped. “I’m going to my room and I will be leaving at one o’clock.”

  “But where are you going?” Jackson questioned, unable to disguise his quivering voice.

  “I don’t know.” Summer tried to walk away but Jackson caught her arm. She looked at his hand.

  “But when will I hear from you?”

  “After I’ve had time to myself, and to think about my life and our marriage.”

  “I don’t want to lose you,” Jackson said with his hand still on Summer’s arm.

  “You have to lose me to find me,” she said. Jackson looked with a curious glance. “I will be gone by the time the next meeting has concluded. You don’t need me anymore,” Summer admitted.

  Jackson knew she had made up her mind and it was futile trying to stop her. Never had he felt her lack of presence before. When she was with him, he rarely thought of the gap that was left in his heart because of his loss of memory. Now, he was feeling it more than ever.

  Jackson decided he had to get information about what happened during his stay in Houston. He didn’t know what he would find, and since Summer had been in his life, he subconsciously had been avoiding the world he had left behind.

  Rushing to Summer’s room to inform her that he would seek help and get answers, he found the suite empty. Her suitcase was missing. He rushed to the closet, opening the doors; her suits were gone and there was nothing but an open safe. Looking out the window, he saw her entering a cab—he was too late.

  ***

  Summer rented a car and headed on I-10 west in the direction of her home. She would reach there in four hours. She needed time to think. Her phone rang, but she wouldn’t answer. The sun was high and the air fresh; the trees were a lush green. There had been plenty of rain this year, she thought.

  Turning off the highway onto a narrow road, she passed a row of trailers sitting on their own parcels of land. Each one was about a mile or so apart. Her small brick ranch style home stood alone, set back from the road. There was another home like hers about three miles down the road. Every
evening, she and Adam/Jackson used to walk together, stopping at the small lake to sit and try out the fishing pole.

  They never caught any fish. But a few snakes came visiting once and a deer. Those were the best times of Summer’s life, being with Adam. That’s how she remembered him. Not as the workaholic and stoic Jackson Van Hughes. Turning into the driveway and pulling up to the small home, she stopped the car and jumped out. She put the key in the door and when she walked in, she went to the window, lifting it up to get fresh air.

  Her friends David and Jane had been there to get the place ready for her. It was cleaner than she had expected and smelled of fresh lemons. She would get around to thanking them but first, she lay across the bed and fell asleep. When she woke, it was dark and the house felt empty. It was never empty when Adam was around, but he wasn’t there anymore and she felt the pain of leaving Jackson.

  ***

  When Jackson understood that Summer wasn’t in his life anymore, he wondered what it would take to bridge the gap that existed between them. He knew what was separating them and he needed to do something about it. It was he. He had been a terrible boss and more importantly, he was a terrible husband. How long did he think a young, vibrant woman would put up with his mood swings and the fact that he never approached her sexually?

  He knew it couldn’t last. But he had hoped he would find an answer to why he felt the way he did. Why was he cold to everyone, including Summer? At first he blamed it on his lack of memory. He couldn’t feel like a man because of his love for an unknown girl. The feeling haunted him. Was it the woman he fell in love with that rendered him void of feeling for everyone? He had to find out or he had to find her.

  Jackson made an appointment to speak to the doctors at the nearest hospital to understand what had happen to him. He should have done that before, he reasoned.

  Waiting in the doctor’s office, he thought about Summer and decided to call her. He knew that if he could love anyone, it would be her. Before he could make a commitment, he had to be honest with her and explain to her why he had been so distant.