“Menya zavout, Jessica,” she answered, remembering some of the Russian she'd learned when she and Jarred had considered adopting from Russia years earlier. “S kem ya gavaryU?” she asked in return. If the lady wanted to know who she was, she should get the same courtesy.
“Jessica, who are you talking to?” Kayne cocked his head curiously, but made no move to take the phone from her.
“I don't know.” She glanced at the caller ID which showed an unknown number.
“Shto?” she asked into the phone. The lady had asked something, but she'd missed it, along with her name.
“Mozhno Sasha Dobrescu?” the woman said, clearly impatient.
“Sasha, she wants to talk to you.” Jess fought not to giggle and failed. When they were signing the marriage license in court, Jess had learned Kayne’s middle name was Aleksandr. Anyone who followed NHL hockey knew Alexander Semin’s nick name was Sasha, a common Eastern European pet name for Alexander, or even Alexandra as in Olympic figure skater Sasha Cohen’s case.
Kayne glared at the phone. “No, that's fine, keep talking, this is too good. I had no idea you spoke Russian.” He gave her the first genuine smile she’d seen from him all day.
“Tell that ungrateful bastard of mine I wish to speak with him,” the woman said in heavily accented English.
His mother? She knew he had one, she'd never thought of asking him anything about her.
***
Kayne groaned and took the phone. Just what he needed. He put it on speaker and laid it down. “Allo, Nina.” Kayne made his tone as cold as possible. “What do you want?” Why the hell was she calling him after all this time?
“I am your mother, show some respect.” She huffed out an indelicate breath. “Were you ever going to tell me you took another wife, or more importantly that you have found my granddaughter? Do you have any idea what it's like to get a call from...someone like Valentin Krysin, demanding to know why I did not inform him that his granddaughter lives? Men like that are not someone you want as an enemy.”
The very mention of Krysin's name infuriated him. “She is none of Krysin's business, or yours, for that matter. Especially not after what he said to me the last time I spoke with him.” They are dead, do not waste your energy mourning them. Forget about them. Move forward. Find another wife, start another family. Live your life.
“He wouldn’t even take Oksana home.” Regardless of what she'd done, she had deserved to be buried in her homeland, the place she'd so desperately loved. She deserved to be some place that her mother could tend her grave, because God knew, Kayne couldn't even step foot in that cemetery.
Jessica started easing away, and though they'd been pretty frosty to each other, Kayne’s natural inclination was to reach out and pull her to him. He wrapped his arm around her, anchoring her in place at his side. She tensed and held her body rigid at first, but after a couple moments, she relaxed into him. And she fit. There was no other word for it. She fit him.
Nina sighed. “Why do you hold on to the past so tightly, Sasha?”
Good question. Maybe because he never wanted to experience the bad shit again. Kayne drew a long shuddering breath. He wasn't going to think about his childhood, or Oksana, or anything else. He'd already done too much of that today.
“I finally took Krysin's advice. I have a new wife and family. And so now, I want to forget the past.”
“You should have done that long ago. Oksana was never worth the energy, and the child would have been better off having stayed lost.”
“What do you want?” He hadn't heard from the bitch in years. She'd been nowhere to be found when the kids and Oksana had died. Not that she'd ever been any significant part of his life. No, that honor went to the Dobrescus who’d taken him in when Nina abandoned him at age twelve. God, he needed to call Ben and Luann. He'd been afraid to get their hopes up, only to have to tell them he had no rights to Gracie. Now though, he couldn't wait to let them know.
“I want to see Tasha. So does her grandfather.”
“Absolutely not happening. Ever! I want nothing to do with any of you. I have to go.” He hung up.
Jessica patted the hand he still anchored at her waist and pulled away. She sat quietly playing with her food, taking small sips of the soup occasionally.
“I was a little surprised when I couldn't find any cans of soup in the pantry.” He tried for light conversation. “You should have seen the look on 'Sabella's face when I asked her.”
***
Jess smiled, she knew that look. Isabelle giggled. “Mama, he didn't know soup goes in the freezer.”
“Sweetie, in most houses it doesn't. It does here because I make it and freeze it, but a lot of mommies don't have time to do that, so they buy it at the store, in a can.”
“Yes, you guys are very lucky to have a mama who can be home with you all the time. It's excellent, by the way.” He pointed at his bowl with his spoon.
“Thanks, but they aren't home with me all the time. That schedule on the refrigerator will give you an idea. They have dance, music, gymnastics, and play dates each week. Oh, and Polly watches them for a couple hours each day.”
He walked over and studied the schedule. “Looks like you two keep Mama busy. I think she needs more than a few hours off, after all of this.”
Jess bristled. “I'm not sitting around getting a pedicure and eating bonbons.” She knew she was already on edge and should just keep quiet, but she didn't want him thinking she dumped the kids off somewhere while she went shopping or got her nails done. “On Mondays, I volunteer at Darcy's Kids, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I help out in Ash and Maddy's classes, in that order. The second Wednesday of the month is the school board meeting, but that's at night, I'm the secretary. And the third Thursday of the month...You know what, I'll give you a copy of my schedule.”
“You're going to have to, because you lost me back at Darcy's Kids. What is that?”
“Darcy used to work for the Parks and Rec department. She saw a need for an after school program for kids that...well, are on the borderline of needing intervention. For various reasons their parents struggle to provide the basics of life. The kids come after school, and she gives them snacks and then dinner before they go home, and they all get breakfast and lunch at school for free during the school year.”
Jess took a breath and slowly let it out before continuing. Darcy’s Kids was a cause she was very passionate about. “She finds clothes for them, makes sure they all have jackets and good shoes and warm clothes in the winter. They get medical and dental care when needed. She goes and picks many of them up to take to church on Sunday. Helps their parents find services to keep their power on, or a roof over their heads, running water, food, clothes etc. She's a really awesome lady. I started working with her years ago, and while I know I don't really have the time, I can't force myself to stop.”
Kayne leaned forward, his gaze intent. “And this is on top of running a business and raising four kids? Exactly when do you sleep, Jessica?”
“Jess. Only strangers call me Jessica.”
Kayne nodded. “Fair enough.”
“To answer your question, sleep's overrated.” She shrugged. “And honestly, the business just pays for this place.”
“I don't understand.”
“I used the money I got from... Jarred's wrongful death compensation…for upfront costs of building this place. But now, the business pays me back with interest. And a big chunk goes to college funds set up for all four of the kids. I don't do the event planning full time. I book less than half of what I could. I'm not in it to get rich; I do it because I like it, and I want my kids to have every opportunity I can give them. But I try really hard not to sacrifice time with them.”
Kayne studied his empty bowl for a moment. “I'd like to sit down and go over finances. I know I can't cover as much as I'd like to, but I want to contribute as much as possible.”
“I don't want your money, Kayne.” Jess stood and carried her bowl to the sink
. “Weren't you listening? I don't need it.” God, had he even heard a word she'd said?
He followed her and set his bowl into the sink with a loud clank. “I sure as hell am not going to live here for free. I’m not one of your charities.” He leaned in close. “I will at least cover Gracie's and my expenses.”
Jess nearly lost it right there. She turned to the kids. “Isabelle, will you take Gracie upstairs and put your shoes on? We need to go to the store and get a birthday present for the party tomorrow.”
“Okay!” Isabelle said excitedly.
“Gracie pick present, a'kay?” Gracie asked Isabelle.
“You can help pick out the presents, okay?” Isabelle said.
“A' Kay!” Gracie bobbed her head enthusiastically and followed her sister out of the room.
***
Jess whirled to face Kayne the moment they were gone, her face fuming. “Get one thing clear, here and now, Kayne Dobrescu. Children in this house will be treated equally, regardless of how you feel about the rest of them. I grew up in a house where it was unbalanced. You have no idea what it feels like to realize you're not wanted, but just tolerated because someone has no choice but to do so.”
Jess brushed the hair out of her face with a shaky hand. “I swore I'd never let that happen in my house again. Ever! I know she's your daughter, and I can't stop you from walking out of here without looking back after the ninety-days is up. But while you're here, you are not going to hurt the rest of my children any more than you will be when you try and take Gracie away from them.”
“Whoa, wait, what are you talking about?” Kayne was taken aback by her anger and her assumptions.
She threw him a disbelieving look. “I'm not an idiot, Kayne, and neither are you. You know full well the only reason Judge Johnson forced us into this marriage was because he realized he had to give Gracie to you and couldn't stand hurting me.
“I know you don't want this any more than I do, but I will do whatever it takes to make you happy. Do anything you ask of me as your wife, and, when that's not enough, I won't ask questions. I will look the other way and not say a word over your activities outside this house, because I can't stand the thought of losing Gracie. The only thing I'm asking of you in return… no, I'm begging you…Do not make me watch my children be raised the way I was.”
Jess stormed out without giving him a chance to respond, even if he could have formed a coherent response. Jesus Christ, what the fuck had Jarred done to her? And the damn judge; he'd known her past, and he'd preyed on her fears to force her hand.
God, they'd all walked away winners today, and yet at this moment, it felt like everyone had lost.
Kayne took several deep breaths and slowly let them out, then did the only thing he knew to do. He picked up the phone with a trembling hand and dialed a number he hadn't called in almost two years.
“Kayne. Good to hear from you,” the familiar voice answered warmly.
“Hey, Pop.”
“Son, what's wrong?” Ben's voice came across loud and clear.
“I think I made a huge mistake.”
EIGHTEEN
By the time Jess reached the nursery, she’d managed to compose herself somewhat. She changed Gracie and grabbed the diaper bag, then took the hidden stairs down to her room. Their room. Part of her felt better for having laid everything on the table, and part of her regretted losing her temper. But she'd meant what she said—she'd do whatever he asked of her, except when it came to the treatment of the children. The kids had thankfully been too young to truly notice the way Jarred had doted on Isabelle and ignored Ash and Maddy, but they'd notice it now, because all of them had hero worship when it came to Kayne. He'd set a precedence, and they'd expect him to continue interacting with them all the same.
When they reached the garage, Kayne was standing at the door, staring at the security monitor. A frown wrinkled his brow.
Damn it! She needed to give him access to the house. Jess ducked in front of him to access the master file. She found his profile and changed his status so that he appeared as a green “family” dot instead of red “stranger” dot, and then gave him full rights to the house with a code, so he could come and go at will.
“Pick a six digit code.” She refused to look at him.
Kayne stepped up behind her, reached over her shoulder, and typed in a number. He pressed “OK,” then did it again when prompted.
Jess was fighting to stand still and not fidget. He was so close she could feel his body heat seeping into her. Could smell his aftershave, a scent so subtle it reminded her of the forest after a hard rain, when everything was fresh and new. One way or the other, he was going to break her heart before this was over. Hell, he was already doing it.
She had to clear her throat before she could speak. “You'll remember it?”
“How could I forget? It's somebody's birthday.” He looked down at Gracie.
“You know her real birthday,” Jess whispered. Why hadn't that occurred to her? Of course he knew her real birthday, and God, she was going to cry in front of him. She looked away, blinking furiously.
“How did they handle that?” Kayne’s brows furrowed in confusion.
“I made an educated guess.”
He cocked his head curiously. “What did you guess?”
“I picked October fifteenth.” Jess shrugged.
He nodded slowly. “Interesting choice.”
“Are you going to tell me what it is?” she asked when he didn't say any more.
“But then you'd know my pass code,” he said teasingly.
In no mood for his humor, Jess held on to her composure, barely. Of course he had no idea how hard she'd deliberated over what birthday to use. It had taken her weeks to settle on the fifteenth. Jess merely nodded. “Come on, girls. We need to hurry if we want time to look around at the toys.”
“I'd like to go along.” Kayne opened the door to the garage and held it for her.
No, no, no, no! She frantically thought of a way to discourage him. “We're just going to Wal-Mart for a little girl’s birthday gift.”
“I'd still like to come, if that's okay?” He reached down and took Gracie’s hand.
Jess nodded again. She would have preferred some time away from him, but couldn't very well say so. Of course he wanted to be with Gracie, and Gracie wanted to be where the action was.
Kayne settled himself behind the wheel. “Two minutes.”
Jess furrowed her brow in confusion. “Excuse me?”
Kayne shook his head. “Elven-fifty-eight pm, October fourteenth. I can't believe how close you were.”
Her heart twisted, thinking about that date. “I didn't listen.”
“What did you say?” He glanced her way then back to the road.
“You have no idea how many times I nearly used that day, felt compelled to, but I just couldn't.”
“Why?”
Jess glanced back at the girls to confirm both had the headsets on and were watching a movie on the DVD player. “For over a year, Jarred and I tried to get pregnant, and finally it happened. He was so excited—we both were. We'd all but given up. In fact, I hadn't even realized I was pregnant until I was nearly eight weeks along.”
She took a deep breath and slowly let it out before continuing quietly. “Everything was going great, according to my doctor. I went in for my twenty-eight week visit, and they did the ultrasound again. This time she was cooperative, and I found out it was a little girl. I already had a name picked out. I wanted to start decorating a nursery, but Jarred kept putting it off, so one weekend while he was away, I went and bought the stuff to start painting. I was up on the ladder cutting in the edges with a paint brush and fell. I thought I was okay. I thought I'd managed to defy the odds, but two days later I gave birth.” She paused. “She was stillborn.”
Jarred had been nowhere to be found. He'd been “rock climbing” with buddies. Jess had later learned he'd been with his current girlfriend. “Her birthday was October fourteenth,�
�� she added quietly.
***
Kayne wanted so badly to reach over and take Jessica’s hand, but now he didn't know how to act around her. He’d known there had to have been a reason she and Jarred had adopted, but he hadn’t known what.
“What was her name?”
“Amy Sarah. It means ‘Beloved Princess,’” Jessica whispered.
Kayne glanced over in time to see a single tear break free and trail down her cheek when she closed her eyes. Fuck, that tore him up. He'd accused her of having no idea what it felt like to lose a child, how wrong he had been.
Kayne searched for something to say. The best he could come up with was, “Oksana had no interest in picking names for the kids. I didn't do a very good job—they have little meaning.”
“A name means nothing to a child. All they care about is being loved and wanted.”
Something Kayne now knew to be a very important thing to Jessica. Being wanted. Cherished.
“Am I supposed to call her Tasha now?” Jessica leaned her head against the glass, staring out her window.
“Why did you pick the name Grace?”
“Jarred had burns over most of his back and legs. His spinal cord had nearly been severed by shrapnel from the car exploding. It had even nicked his heart in several places. But he'd stuffed her in the front of his turnout jacket and curled up around her, putting her between his body and the mountainside. She didn't have a scratch on her.”
“There but for the Grace of God go I.” He managed to squeeze the words past the lump currently lodged in his throat. Jarred had literally sacrificed himself.
“Yes,” Jess whispered.
“We’ll leave it as Grace. I wouldn’t take that from her, Jessica—Jess—or you. Besides, it's the only person she knows herself to be.”
“Thank you.” This time she actually met his gaze. And there was the kind, gentle countenance that he'd first seen in her eyes shining back at him. His chest constricted, and he had to look away. He couldn't risk allowing himself to get attached.
“What time do the kids get out of school?” Kayne needed to step away from the emotional minefield they were traipsing through. Everything was too raw today. For both of them.
Razing Kayne Page 15
