“That’s a start,” she said.
“Tomorrow it is then.”
A long, uncomfortable silence followed, where neither seemed to know what to say next. Or maybe they had said all there was to say.
“Well, I guess since that’s settled…” He rose from the couch.
“It’s been a long day, and I don’t know about you, but I could go for a glass of wine.” She knew the second the words left her mouth it was a bad idea, but she just wasn’t ready for him to leave.
You can’t force him to love you, she reminded herself. And she wouldn’t want to. She wanted someone without the relationship hang-ups, who loved her unconditionally. If that kind of man even existed.
Nathan studied her, one brow slightly raised. “Are you asking me to stay?”
Yeah, bad idea. “You know what, forget it. I don’t think—”
“Red or white?”
His question stopped her. “Huh?”
“The wine. Do you have red or white?” The hint of a smile tugged at his lips. “Because I’m partial to red.”
She shouldn’t be doing this. She was still vulnerable. She was only setting herself up to be hurt. For all she knew he could be involved with someone else now. Maybe that was part of the reason for the trial period.
Character flaws, she reminded herself. She couldn’t find them if she didn’t spend at least a little time with the man.
Just this once, and after this, she would see him only if Max was there.
“Then you’re in luck,” she told him. “Because I have both.”
Four
“If you’re sure it’s no trouble,” Nathan said, a part of him hoping she would say it was.
“No trouble.”
She walked to the kitchen and he sat back down. He wasn’t sure what the hell he thought he was doing. He came here to discuss his son, and now that they had, he had no reason to stay. The problem was, he didn’t want to leave.
Maybe it was time to admit what deep down he had known all along. He still had unresolved feelings regarding his relationship with Ana. Despite what she probably believed, ending it hadn’t been easy for him, either. Ana was the only woman who had ever made him feel like a whole person. Like he didn’t have to hide. Almost…normal. But he knew that eventually his demons would get the best of him—they always did—and she would see the kind of man that he really was. Knowing Ana, and the kind of woman she was, she would want to try to fix him. Well, it wouldn’t work. He wasn’t fixable. And the less time he spent with her, the better. Especially in situations where Max wasn’t there to act as a buffer. So why wasn’t he stopping her as she walked to the kitchen and pulled two wineglasses down from the cupboard? Why didn’t he get up, grab his coat and get the hell out?
Damned if he knew. Although he was sure good old-fashioned stupidity played a major part.
“So,” she said from the kitchen. “You said you’re up for the CEO position?”
He turned to face her. She was standing at the counter opening a bottle of red wine. “It’s between me, the CFO Emilio Suarez and my brother Jordan.”
“Your brother, huh? That must be dicey.” The cork popped free and she poured the wine. “If I recall correctly, your relationship has always been…complicated.”
“Is that the polite way of saying he’s an arrogant jerk?”
“I actually met him at a fundraiser last year,” Ana said, carrying the two glasses into the room.
“Did he hit on you?”
“Why? Are you jealous?” She handed him one, their fingertips touching as he took it from her. It was an innocent, meaningless brush of skin, but boy, did he feel it. Way more than he should have. If she noticed or felt it, too, she wasn’t letting on. She sat back down in the chair, curling her legs beneath her, looking young and hip and sexy as hell. And yes, maybe a little tired.
“I ask,” he said, “because Jordan hits on all beautiful women. He can’t help himself.”
“I believe he was there with a date.”
Nathan shrugged. “That’s never stopped him before.”
“No, he didn’t hit on me. Although maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was eight months pregnant and as big as a house.”
“Somehow I can’t see that stopping him either.”
She laughed. “Come on, he’s not that bad.”
He didn’t used to be. When they were growing up, Nathan had been his brother’s protector. He couldn’t begin to count how many times, when they were kids, that he had taken the blame for things his brother had done to shelter him from their father’s wrath, or stepped between Jordan and their father’s fists. As the older brother he felt it was his responsibility to shelter Jordan, who was quiet and sensitive. A sissy, their father used to call him. But instead of the loyalty and gratitude Nathan would have expected, Jordan learned to be a master manipulator, always pointing the finger at Nathan for his own misdeeds. At home, in school. He became the golden child who could do no wrong, and Nathan had been labeled the troublemaker. Not that Nathan hadn’t gotten into enough trouble all on his own. But after all these years it still chapped his hide.
“Jordan is Jordan,” Nathan said. “He won’t ever change.”
“When will the new CEO be announced?” Ana asked.
Not until the investigation into the explosion at Western Oil was complete, but he couldn’t tell her that. Only a select few even knew there was an investigation. The explosion was caused by faulty equipment—equipment that had just been checked and rechecked for safety—and as a result thirteen men were injured. The board was convinced it had been an inside job, and they suspected that Birch Energy—specifically Ana’s father—was behind it. The goal was to flush out whoever was responsible. But it had been a slow, arduous and frustrating process.
“We haven’t been given a definitive date,” he told Ana. “A few more months at least.”
“And how will you feel if it goes to Jordan?”
“It won’t.” Of the three candidates, in his opinion, Jordan was the least qualified, and Nathan was sure that the board would agree. Jordan used charm to get where he was now, but that would only take him so far.
“You sound pretty sure about that.”
“That’s because I am. And no offense, but I don’t want to talk about my brother.”
“Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
“Maybe you could tell me a little about my son.”
“Actually, I can do better than that.” Ana set her wine down, got up from her chair and walked to the bookcase across the room. She pulled a large book down from the shelf and carried it over. He expected her to hand it to him; instead she sat down beside him. So close that their thighs were almost touching.
He liked it better when she was across the room.
“What’s this?” he asked.
She set the book in her lap and opened it to the first page. “Max’s baby book. It has pictures and notes and every milestone he’s reached up until now. I’ve been working on it since before he was born.”
Clearly she had, as the first few pages consisted of photos of her in different stages of her pregnancy, and even a shot of the home pregnancy stick that said “pregnant” in the indicator window. And her earlier self-description that she was “as big as a house” in her eighth month was obviously a gross exaggeration. Other than looking like she had swallowed a basketball, her body appeared largely unchanged.
“You looked good,” he said.
“I was pretty sick the first trimester, but after that I felt great.”
The next page was sonogram photos—with one that clearly showed the baby was a boy—and notes she’d taken after her doctor visits. The pages that followed were all Max. And damn, maybe Nathan was partial, but he sure was a cute baby. But as Ana sat beside him slowly turning the pages, he caught himself looking at her instead. The familiar line of her jaw and the sensual curve of her lips. The soft wisps of hair that had escaped the clip and brushed her cheek. Eighteen months ago he woul
dn’t have thought twice about reaching up to tuck it back behind her ear. To caress her cheek, stroke the column of her neck. Press his lips to the delicate ridge of her collar bone…
Damn. He would have thought that over time his desire for her would have faded, but the urge to put his hands on her was as strong as ever. And for her sake as much as his own, he couldn’t.
“He’s a cute kid,” he said, as she reached the end of the book and flipped it closed. “He actually looks a lot like Jordan did at that age.”
She got up and carried the book back to the shelf, sliding it in place. A part of him hoped she would return to the couch and sit beside him, and the disappointment he felt when she didn’t was a clear indication that he needed to get the hell out of there. He should be concentrating on his son, but all he could think about was her.
He swallowed the last of his wine and pulled himself to his feet. “It’s late,” he said, even though it was barely past nine. “I have an early morning. I should get going.”
If his leaving disappointed her, she didn’t let on. She followed him as he walked to the door. “So, we’ll see you tomorrow around seven?” she asked.
“Or sooner if I can manage it.” He shrugged into his jacket and she opened the door. This would normally be the part where she slid her arms up around his neck and kissed him goodbye, and usually tried to talk him into staying the night. God knows he had been tempted, every single time, but that was always where he drew the line. Sleeping over insinuated a level of intimacy where he never dared tread. Otherwise women got the wrong idea. Especially women like Ana.
“I’m glad you came over tonight,” she said.
He stopped just shy of the threshold. “Me, too.”
“And I meant what I said before, about the choice you make. Even after this, if you decide you can’t do this, I won’t hold it against you. Being a parent is tough. It takes a ton of sacrifice.”
“It sounds almost as if you’re trying to dissuade me.”
“It’s also the most rewarding experience I’ve ever had. It changes you in a way you would never expect. Things I used to think were so important just don’t seem that critical anymore. It’s all about him now.”
He wasn’t sure if he was ready to make a child the center of his life. He wouldn’t even begin to know how. “Now you’re scaring the hell out of me.”
She smiled. “I know it sounds daunting, and it is in a way. It’s tough to explain. You’ll either feel it or you won’t, I guess.”
Or maybe it was a chick thing, because he’d never heard any of his friends with kids describe it that way.
“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see,” he said.
“I guess.”
He had the distinct feeling she wanted to say something else, so he waited a beat, and when she didn’t he turned to walk out. He was one step onto the porch when she grabbed his arm.
“Nathan, wait.”
He turned back to her. If she was smart, she wouldn’t touch him, but the damage was already done. Now all he could think about was pulling her into his arms and holding her, pressing his lips to hers.
“When we were sitting there looking at Max’s baby book,” she said, “it made me realize how much he’s changed in the past nine months.”
He wasn’t sure what she was getting at. “Isn’t that what kids are supposed to do?”
“Of course. I just…I guess it made me realize how much of his life you’ve missed already. I just wanted to say…I wanted you to know that…” She struggled with the words. “I’m…sorry.”
Wow. An actual apology. And his surprise must have shown, because she swiftly added, “I still contend that everything I did was in Max’s best interest.”
“So…you’re not sorry.”
“I did it in Max’s best interest, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a mistake.”
Maybe there was something wrong with him, but seeing her so humbled was a major turn-on. And the way she was holding his arm, standing too close, was pushing the boundaries of his control.
He leaned in slightly, just to test the waters, to see what her reaction would be. Her eyes widened a fraction and her breath caught. He was sure she would retreat, but instead her pupils dilated and her tongue darted out to wet her lip.
Holy hell.
Not exactly the reaction he’d been hoping for. Or was it? He could be realistic, or he could be smart about this. Realistically, if he leaned in and kissed her, she would kiss him back, and though it might take one night, or five nights, they would wind up back in bed together.
The smart thing to do would be to back off now while he still could, and that was exactly what he planned to do. But it wasn’t easy. “I should go.”
She nodded, looking slightly dazed. “Okay.”
He looked down at her hand and said, “Unless you’re coming with me, you’re going to have to let go.”
“Sorry.” She blinked and jerked her hand away, and by the glow of the porch light he could swear he saw her blush. Ana was not the blushing type. She was utterly confident and without shame—on the outside anyway. He couldn’t decide who was more arousing, the unflappable vixen or the vulnerable girl.
So he stepped away. “See you tomorrow.”
She nodded. “See you tomorrow.”
He started down the steps, then stopped just as she was closing the door. “Hey, Ana.”
“Yeah?”
“By the way, apology accepted.” Then he turned and walked to his car.
Ana closed the door and leaned against it. Oh my God. He had almost kissed her. He had leaned in, his eyes on her mouth…
The idea of his lips on hers again made her heart beat faster and her breath quicken. And as wrong as she knew it was, she would have let him. As if she wasn’t feeling confused and conflicted enough already.
Sitting there with Nathan, going through Max’s baby book, she got to thinking about how precious each and every minute with her son had been. The idea that she had deprived Nathan of that and, even worse deprived Max of the chance to know his daddy, made her feel selfish and thoughtless. What gave her the right? Max’s well-being? Well, suppose it hadn’t been good for him? What if she had done more harm than good? What if Max grew up with a hole in his life, in his soul?
She hated that Nathan was making her second-guess herself, that she couldn’t trust her instincts. Then there was that “apology accepted” remark. What was up with that? Did he mean it, or was he just playing some angle? Did he have ulterior motives? If she were him, she wouldn’t be so quick to let her off the hook.
You’re giving him too much power, she warned herself.
Not just that, but what in God’s name had possessed her to touch him? She hadn’t done it consciously. Until he’d asked her to let go, she hadn’t even realized her hand was on his arm. She wanted to find his flaws, but not in bed. Besides, she knew for a fact that sexually, he was about as perfect as a man could be. So perfect that it made her blind to everything else. As evidenced by the fact that when he dumped her it seemed to come out of the clear blue with no warning. They hadn’t even had so much as a disagreement. As far as she knew, everything was fantastic, them bam, it was over. Apparently there had been some problem that she wasn’t seeing.
All the more reason not to sleep with him.
Her cell phone rang, and she pulled it out of her pocket to check the display, half-hoping it was Nathan calling to cancel for tomorrow. It was Beth. Ana was supposed to call her when Nathan left, but apparently Beth was impatient.
“Is he gone yet?” she said when Ana answered.
“He left a few minutes ago.”
“So, what did he decide? Does he want to be Max’s daddy?” Beth had been convinced from the time Ana learned she was pregnant that Nathan would want the baby and would slip easily into the role of being a father. She obviously didn’t know Nathan as well as she thought she did.
“He wants a trial period.”
“What?” she shrieked. “W
hat the heck for?”
“Lots of reasons. But the gist of it is that he wants what’s best for Max.”
“Max needs his father. That’s what’s best for him.”
“Well, Nathan doesn’t see it that way. He’s not convinced he’ll be a good father. And he’s concerned about the reaction at work.”
“So, are you going to let him do it?” she asked.
“What else can I do? I can’t force him to want to be Max’s daddy.”
“But he is Max’s daddy. He needs to be there for his son.”
“I get the feeling there’s more to it than he’s letting on. He said something about having made mistakes in the past.”
“What kind of mistakes?”
“I’m not sure. It was very cryptic. I thought maybe you would know what he was talking about. Maybe something that happened in college?”
“Nothing comes to mind. The only major mistake I’ve seen him make is leaving you.”
She twisted the lock, engaged the deadbolt then switched off the porch light. “I think he almost kissed me.”
Beth made a sound of indignation. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah.” She walked into the living room and grabbed the two empty wineglasses. “We were at the front door saying goodbye and he was looking at me.”
“Looking, or looking?”
“Looking.” She carried the glasses into the kitchen and set them next to the sink. “Then he leaned.”
“He’s got a lot of nerve. Does he think having a kid together is an open invitation back into your pants?”
Yeah, about that…she grabbed the bottle of wine and poured herself a second glass. “I sort of…touched him.”
“What? Where?”
“His arm. Actually, just the sleeve of his jacket.”
“Oh.” Beth sounded disappointed, like maybe she thought it would be something more scandalous, like his fly.
Ana took a sip of wine, noticing the lip balm mark on the empty glass. That must be her glass, meaning she was drinking out of Nathan’s glass. The idea of putting her lips on the rim where his had been sent a warm shiver down her spine.
A Clandestine Corporate Affair Page 4
