by Leanne Davis
“Rob’s what to you?”
“We grew up together. We ran away at seventeen, and we’ve been together ever since.”
“Why didn’t you stop me that day?”
“From choking him? I told you, I didn’t know he hurt Joelle. I didn’t know she was even gone. He deserved it. If you hadn’t done it, I might have.”
Nick sat back, looking fatigued. The man was almost likeable, if only you could ignore the worry that he might suck the blood from your neck if you turned the wrong way.
“Why are you here today?”
“To make sure Joelle’s okay. Rob wouldn’t listen to me about letting Joelle just be. So I came to make sure she was okay.”
“You expect me to believe you’re here strictly for her welfare?”
“Yes. Aren’t you doing the same?”
“Yes. But I’m not Rob’s best friend. And Rob? Do you plan to do anything about him?”
“I have. I’m trying to take care of Rob, get him some help. It’s slow going. I’ll get there though.”
“And Joelle? Where does she fit in while you try and fix Rob’s life?”
“I was hoping you’d keep her.”
Nick lowered his glass. “That’s odd coming from you, Rob’s best friend.”
“Doesn’t mean I’m deaf or dumb to what he’s been doing to Joelle. Right now, it seems you’re what is best for Joelle. And the funny part is, Joelle’s absence is what’s best for Rob. He needs to get sober, but it hasn’t happened, and now he’s nearly at rock bottom. Losing her will do it for him.”
“She told me once you were her friend.”
“I am. But I’m also Rob’s. So if I know she’s okay, I can focus on helping him.”
“You don’t seem like you’d be—”
“I know. But you can’t always tell people, can you? You don’t seem like someone who would have looked past Joelle’s looks either , but you did.”
“No. I guess you can’t tell from just looking at someone,” Nick said, eyeing Spike up and down.
They heard a door slam and Nick stood up, his chair knocking into the wall. Christ! Did Joelle just take off with Rob? No. Rob came through the door and signaled to Spike, while scowling at Nick. They stared at each other. Hard. Nick fisted his hands, thinking how easily he could come across the table and sink one into Rob’s face. Rob just glared at him.
“She’s staying. Take care of her,” Rob said as he turned and walked out.
Nick let out his breath. Well, holy fuck. First Rob came, and Joelle resisted him… and now Rob was telling him to take care of her? He considered for a split second, that maybe, Joelle was right and Rob was not all evil. Maybe if he ever became sober, he would be a different man. The man she once loved. The man she once thought deserved her love.
Whatever. That wasn’t his problem. And he intended for it never to be Joelle’s problem again either.
Nick got up. Joelle’s bedroom door was firmly shut. Thank God, Rob was leaving. He felt extra grateful, however, because now he knew Joelle was staying.
Chapter Twenty-One
Erica followed Nick into the living room after Rob and Spike left. She was watching him with an odd look on her face.
“I didn’t expect that to be Joelle’s husband, or her friend.”
“She isn’t exactly you, Erica. You have noticed her hair, haven’t you? Her clothes? Her makeup? Her tattoos? She’s not from our world.”
“I noticed. I thought that’s what would keep her away from you.”
“What do you mean? Away from me?”
“Oh, Nick, you choked her husband. You left him black and blue. You don’t do things like that.”
“Of course, I don’t. I’ve never had anything like this go on with anyone I care about.”
“How old is Joelle?”
“Twenty-three. Why?”
“It’s just, she’s so young. To be married, to be so abused, to be so vulnerable. I wonder what would have happened to her if you hadn’t come along.”
“But I did. And I don’t intend to let anything more happen to her.”
“She’s messed up right now. You get that, right?”
“Obviously.”
“But I like her.”
Nick glanced at Erica. “I like her too.”
Erica choked back a laugh. “No. You love her. You look at her like she’s the only woman you’ve ever seen. The hair, the makeup, the clothes, the tattoos even, you don’t see them. They disappear to you. She wasn’t Trina’s little friend you were helping, that made you choke Rob. You did that for the woman you’re in love with.”
Nick stiffened, and gaped at his girlfriend. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’ve been with you long enough to know you’re passionate about only two things: your family and your company. And now her. You’re passionate about her. That is the only way you’d have lost control and put those bruises on Rob, fighting for her so much, just to get her out of that situation.”
“I’m not in love with Joelle,” Nick said, his voice level and calm.
“That’s just it! The calmness, the casualness with which you treat me, and everyone else, disappears with her. You become inflamed around her. Intrigued. In love, Nick. You become a man in love whenever she’s around.”
Nick got up and started pacing. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“It’s okay. I don’t hold it against you, or ironically, her. Joelle doesn’t have a clue about what she wants in her life. But I realize that I do. And it’s not to evoke lukewarm feelings in my boyfriend. I want a boyfriend that loves me and feels passion for me, and that’s not you.”
“Are you dumping me because you think I love someone that I don’t?”
“I am.”
“This is crazy.”
“No, it isn’t. I finally saw how you would be in love. She does it for you. I don’t. Funny thing is: I don’t think you do it for me either.”
Nick stopped pacing and frowned as he shook his head. “You’re wrong.”
“No, I’m not. But you need to listen to me on this. I know what’s best for Joelle right now.”
“Which is what?”
“Me. I’m best for her right now. You need to stay away from her. She needs to figure her life out, without all you men tugging her in five different directions. She’s so confused, pushed and pulled, any decision she makes right now will be the wrong one. She’ll come to resent whoever she ends up with, and whoever pushes her.”
“I can deal with her hating me as long as she’s out of that situation.”
“But I’m the one who can help her right now. Look, I don’t have a clue what Joelle should do with herself, but I think I could help her get there. Give her time, Nick; let her decide what she wants.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I want to ask Joelle to be my roommate. And from there, we’ll let her see who she is.”
“You want to be roommates with the girl you think I’m in love with, and therefore have dumped me over?”
“Crazy, isn’t it?” Erica said, smiling.
“Yes, it is. It really is. You can’t mean all this.”
“I do. And you’re not arguing about it. You know it’s a good idea.”
“Yes, Joelle living with you is a good idea.”
“And you staying away from her?”
“You’re serious?”
“Yes. It’s best for her right now. She’s drowning under the pressure. Let her be. Let her come to you of her own free will, not as her savior. Give her enough space, and she’ll come to you; she just doesn’t know it yet.”
Nick eyed Erica skeptically. “You’re really serious about all this?”
“Yes. I am. Now promise me.”
“Okay, I’ll stay away from her if you think it’s best for her. But I’m not in love with her.”
“You’re beyond in love with her. But go ahead; deny it. Use the time to come to terms with the irrefutable fact th
at you do love her.”
“She’s twelve years younger than me.”
“So?”
“She has five tattoos and a husband who wants her back as much as I want her safe.”
“No, as much as you want her. We made it through one giant hurdle tonight; she didn’t go home with Rob. She stayed here, and sent him packing. That’s something. That’s big.”
“We? How can it be ‘we’ when you’re dumping me? This makes no sense.”
Erica smiled and put a hand on his cheek in a soft caress. “Oh, it makes perfect sense. We dated until something better came along. Your better just needs more time.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You do, too,” Erica said as she turned and picked up her coat to walk to the front door.
“You’re really serious about this?”
Erica smiled. “Yes. Goodbye.”
The door shut behind Erica, leaving him standing there, staring after her in shock. He’d been dumped. What the hell? With a sigh of defeat, he sat down. Now, what the hell would he do with Joelle? And what the hell did he feel about Erica? He let out another sigh. She might be right. He wasn’t all that hurt. He was pissed. He didn’t like her telling him he had feelings for Joelle. He didn’t want to have feelings for her. And now he’d lost his girlfriend over these supposed, dead end, imagined feelings?
It certainly was a strange evening, starting with Joelle, and ending with Erica.
He jumped when a cushion suddenly smashed down on his head. He stood up to find Joelle holding one of his couch pillows and glaring at him. What was wrong with all the women in his life?
“What the hell did you do that for?”
“You kissed me.”
“So you hit me with a pillow? That’s real mature. After everything that’s gone on tonight, that’s what you’re mad about?”
“Yes. You ruined everything.”
He couldn’t begin to follow the logic of that, much less, the drama. “How did I ruin everything when I no more than pecked you on the lips? Christ, I kiss my sisters like that.”
“That was in no way how you kiss your sisters, and you know it. That was wrong. You have a girlfriend and I have a husband. And yet all this time, we’ve done nothing wrong. We were like friends, boss-employee, but not anything else.”
“Like what?”
“That, you know, cheating, turning all this cheap and wrong. And making it so I can’t take anymore of your stupid help and stupid money because now it’s gone to that level. So you ruined everything.”
She threw the pillow back at his couch. Her little body was practically shooting sparks as she started pacing the hallway behind the couch.
“You need to calm down.”
“Calm down? I need to calm down? I don’t have to do any such thing. You’re going to have to tell Erica what we did. Where is she? We’ll tell her right now.”
“Erica isn’t here, but if she were, she would have heard everything by now anyways. But for your information, Erica already dumped me, so there’s one thing fixed.”
Joelle stopped up short, her eyes wide. “She dumped you? What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything. She wasn’t happy with me. Thought I wasn’t passionate enough about her.”
“And you let her leave?”
Nick almost laughed and nearly shook Joelle; he wasn’t sure which to do. He was so baffled by her, he didn’t know what to think, feel or even say. “I didn’t let her go. She dumped me. But to reassure you, she didn’t seem any more put out than if she’d told me she was off to the grocery store. And she isn’t anymore into me than apparently, I am to her. According to her, we make better friends than lovers. And she’ll be back tomorrow for you, so you can get the truth from her if you don’t believe me.”
“She’s still talking to me? She doesn’t blame me for staying here?”
“No. Quite the contrary. She wants you to live with her. Not me. Like it’s some kind of custody dispute. No wonder you two hit it off so easily, you’re both crazy.”
“She wants me to live with her?”
“Yes.” Nick kept the rest of Erica’s reasons out of it.
“She likes me then? Not just as your tag along?”
“Yeah, Joelle, she likes you. And not because she has to or pities you. Like I said, you’re both half crazy.”
“I’m not crazy.”
“You’re not? Of everything you had to endure lately, the only thing you manage to finally get good and angry about, and show some damn gumption about, is my having barely kissed you? How can that be what finally gets you upset? I don’t get it. Rob can allow what happened to you and have the gall to show up here, and you say hardly anything about it, or even about him. Yet, I barely kiss you just once, and that’s what you freak out about?”
Joelle quit glaring as he spoke and her wounded, naive look returned to her eyes. All the cleansing, and liberating anger had leeched out of her. Her body sagged as if she’d been wrung out, with nothing left to keep her going. She turned and started back down the hallway. He walked around the couch and caught her by her sweatshirt hood before she could get past him.
“Hold it. Not this time. We’re finishing this. You’re going to tell me something about this; what this was tonight. You’re going to tell me why Rob can do anything to you and I can do nothing.”
She pushed his hand off her and her stance went rigid. “Leave me alone. Quit pushing me again.”
“No. Not this time. This time, you’re going to answer me. You started this particular conversation. Now finish it. You’ve called me every name you can think of, told me to fuck off, accused me of buying you, seducing you, ruining your life on multiple occasions; and now you’re going to tell me, why you can tell me off, and not Rob.”
“Because you won’t hurt me!” The words seemed to leak out of her mouth in her sudden flash of anger. “I can say what I need to say to you and you let me. It’s safe with you, it’s safe to talk to you, yell at you, and I don’t understand why that is, or why it’s okay. And I don’t know why it’s not okay for me to talk to Rob. Or tell him off. Or leave him. Or go back to him. And I don’t know why I don’t know what to do.”
He stepped back, as Joelle seemed to need more space and watched her tormented face. She wanted to leave Rob, Nick felt it in his bones, she just couldn’t admit it yet. She was scared. She was a victim still. She needed time. Time he could give her. Finally, he said, “What did Rob say tonight?”
“He said he was sorry. That when he saw me, he was high, and had flashbacks of his own mother cowering from his father. He erroneously thought I was afraid of him. It kind of makes sense. But then, it’s not right. I know it isn’t right. But I don’t know what to do.”
“What did he want from you?”
“For me to come home.”
“What did you say?”
“That I was never going home. Not to that house. The band. Or that situation.”
“Good. That’s good, Joelle.”
“Is it? What does it mean? I have nowhere to live, Nick. And I can’t live with you.”
“No. But you can live with Erica.”
“Maybe.” Joelle looked away.
“And me kissing you, it isn’t like we had sex.”
“Is that what you wanted?”
“Tonight? No.”
“I need my job now more than ever. I need you to just be my boss. I need for it to be legit.”
Nick stopped up short. Shit. She was reaching for self-respect, and ownership of something substantial in her life, and all she struggled against was Rob when she was at home and Nick when she was at work. Right now, all she had was the job he gave her. The job he controlled if he wanted to. That was what Erica was talking about; he had too much power over her.
She’d gone from Rob controlling her emotionally, to Nick, by accident, controlling her physical and financial wellbeing. His help cost her much more than she expected. And that was why she’d
gotten so angry at him. Angrier than she got at Rob even. He wasn’t supposed to be like Rob, but in some ways, the circumstances made him so.
“I told you once before: your job’s not on the line for anything personal. Your job is between you and Steve Applebaum. He has the only authority over you.”
“Really?”
“Really. Look, I see what you’re saying. I overstepped by paying for your car and the hospital bill; I was controlling you like Rob does. When I merely intended to help you, instead I was taking over for you. I didn’t see it before, but I do now. I’m backing off. I promise. Just… go live with Erica. Stay there. Be safe. Be free. Figure out your life, your marriage and yourself.”
Joelle regarded him, searching for an ulterior motive. Finally, she said, “I’m going to work tomorrow. I decided to say I was in a car accident to explain my bruises. No more hiding.”
“Good. You shouldn’t hide.”
“Okay, then.”
Joelle turned towards her room. “Hey, Joelle?”
“What?”
“You’re not alone anymore. You have Erica. And you have me. You’ll always have me, even if you don’t want to see me right now.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to.”
He smiled. “You don’t want to see me right now.”
She looked at him, then away. “No, I don’t. But thank you. For everything. Right down to now. Just… thank you.”
“Don’t thank me anymore. Just get better. For me. For yourself.” For us. He didn’t say it. He didn’t voice his hope for her to get better so someday he could tell her he just might be in love with her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Erica’s offer to live at her place was the only reason Joelle didn’t feel like she had to go back to Rob. Erica was happy to give Joelle the ability to take her time, precious, wonderful, liberating time. Despite Joelle living in Erica’s beautiful condo, only two floors down from Nick’s penthouse, it might as well have been a few miles. Erica’s condo was every bit as opulent, expensive, and elegant as Nick’s, but with feminine appeal and softness. It had soft lines with lemony and other citrus colors in the main living room, as well as the kitchen. Bright whites and lots of light filled up her entire condo. It was like waking up in a sunroom every day and symbolically a mirror reflection of Erica’s personality.
