by Leanne Davis
“I don’t. But I did. And I felt–”
“What?”
“Inadequate.”
“Why would you feel that?”
“Because whoever you’d date wouldn’t be like me.”
“Of course not, no one is like you,” he said, sighing as he stood up and stepped closer to her before putting his hand on her face. “No one is like you. And that’s what scares you, isn’t it? Look, just because I had other types before you, doesn’t mean anything.” He paused and shook his head. “Hell, then again, maybe it means everything.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Joelle’s head dropped down and she was unable to hold his eye contact. She was ready to bolt and the only thing that kept her there was having only a blanket around her naked body. He knew how she felt. He was just as confused as she was. But he was glad she was here. It felt better than anything he could remember. It was all a mess, and yet he brought her here, intending to start something. Wanting nothing more than her, here, with him, he never gave an ounce of thought to what would happen after the fact.
Nick grabbed her hand, deciding to advise her. She was too shy to know what to do anyway. He brought her up alongside his body.
“You’re here, we’ve done it. You might as well quit trying to undo it.”
“I’m married, Nick. Not to you.”
“I’m well aware of who and what you are.”
“I’m–”
“You’re separated from your husband. Big difference. Key difference. We’ve done nothing wrong.”
“Everything I’m doing here is wrong.”
“What do you want to do? Run out of here and avoid me as if this didn’t happen?”
“Yes. Maybe. But then, no, I don’t want that.”
“What do you want then?”
“I don’t know. That’s the problem with me being here. It’s always the problem with me, I don’t know what I want. I should leave, I’ll do nothing but hurt you.”
“I’m a big boy, I can handle this. There isn’t anything I’m not well aware of about you. So you don’t have to feel guilty, or bad about yourself. You could just... enjoy yourself. Me. Us.” He brushed a finger over her lips.
A near smile lifted her mouth up. “You have a way with words.”
He brought her around, and pushed her back towards his bed. “I have a way with a lot of things. Let me show you.”
“Nick?” she asked, her breath soft, as he came nearer to her, lying next to her. He wrapped an arm around her waist.
“What?”
“I’ve never known anyone like you.”
“Like how? Rich?”
“No. Just you, how you are with me.”
“What way? Horny?”
She laughed, a small, soft sound, and one which rarely came out of her. “Not that. Besides, that’s new. Isn’t it?”
“No. That’s definitely not new. Though I did hide it rather well, didn’t I?”
“Nick, that’s not what I was saying.”
“I know what you’re trying to do. You’re trying to thank me for being nice to you. For helping you out a few times. No thanks. I don’t need or want your gratitude. I want you here, right here with me because you’re attracted to me. Because you want me. I don’t want you here because you think you owe me.”
She shook her head. “I wouldn’t do this because I owed you.”
“Good. That’s enough for now then. We don’t have any issues.”
He kissed her before she could protest. Of course, he knew they had issues. Lots of huge, mega-issues. But he didn’t care just then. And didn’t want her to care either. Her mouth moved under his lips, easily, sweetly, and her body relaxed, falling lightly against him when he pulled her. He pushed the blanket back, and took in her body, naked and pale before him. Her breasts were small, her nipples hardening in the cold air. He ran the pad of his thumb over one, then the other. Her eyes closed, and she sighed, as her body leaned into his, and that quickly, he was lost to her.
****
Nick had never wanted to have sex like he wanted to with Joelle. And now that he had, he knew he’d been fooling himself that it was just sex he was so hot and heavy for. No. It was she. Joelle was what he was hot and heavy for. In every way. And he had a feeling this would only make his realization of that fact worse. What the hell was he going to do with her now? She was already troubled enough, how could this help her or him? But how could he turn away from it? From her?
He stayed away from her for her own good and it worked. She looked fantastic, she looked whole and healed, she even gained the weight she sorely needed. She smiled, she ate, she seemed to have a life, and her own thoughts. She seemed emotionally stronger. And he tried to convince himself that time away would make him less drawn to her. And less interested in her, less intrigued with her, and less in love.
Problem was, the absence only made his heart grow fonder. He couldn’t turn away from her. Erica might have been right, when she said he was in love with Joelle. And now he had to figure out how to handle that without scaring her off for good.
She stirred, and moved off him. She would not consider this as right, as easy, or as overdue as he did. He had to figure out how to make it so for her. Now, however, he thought she’d crave a few moments to herself. He got up, walked to his closet, found some jeans and threw them on. Assuming, she’d feel confined by her nakedness, he could start there, fix that, and get her some clothes.
“Where are you going?”
Her voice came from his bed, and sounded unsure. She huddled there, uncomfortable again, and unsettled. He came back over to sit down near her and ran a hand over her leg that was now under the covers.
“Thought you might like to shower. I’ll get you some clothes. Maybe we could go get dinner.”
“Dinner?” She repeated it as if he just asked her to perform a strange sexual act with him.
“Yeah. You know, dinner. Plates, forks, food.”
“Like a date? Don’t you have that thing tonight?”
He laughed. “That thing’s been off my schedule since you came home with me. You know that much about me, I hope. And yeah, like a date. Don’t you think it’s about time? Besides, I’m hungry.”
“Yes. But you can’t get into my place. Erica has my key.”
He hesitated. “That’s okay; I have a key to Erica’s.”
He looked away, feeling her eyes on him. “Right, of course you do. And she has yours.”
“Uh-huh. Look, there’s something I should probably tell you.”
“What?”
“Has Erica ever told you how we met?”
“Yes, your sister, Rebecca, introduced you.”
“Well, not how you think. Rebecca referred her to me when Erica was looking to buy a condo.”
“So you met through business.”
“The thing is, I uh, was involved in building and selling condo units.”
Joelle was studying him, while her brain put it all together. “As in this building? My God, you own this building? Erica’s condo? You’re my landlord too?”
“Well, kind of. Some units were sold outright, some rented, and some leased to own. Erica owns hers. I thought I’d better tell you. It doesn’t mean anything. Or change anything.”
“You own buildings?”
“Diversity.”
“Great. So I work for you, you pay my car bill, my medical costs and now you own where I live. What don’t you control with me? Is that why Erica took me in?”
“No. I had nothing to do with it, I swear to you. That was all her idea. And I control nothing of you. It just so happens we have some things in common. And also, the pool’s kind of mine.”
“What do you mean ‘kind of yours’?”
“Well, I built it for myself, but Erica uses it, my family, and you. If you want to.”
She was looking at him strangely, and her eyebrows wrinkled with displeasure. He knew she wouldn’t like to hear all of this. It made him that much more different to her, and in her m
ind, put him in control of her.
“Anything else?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you own anything else I do, or am involved with?”
“I don’t think so. Look, Joelle, none of it was on purpose.”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“So, I gather now would be a good time to leave you alone. I’ll grab your clothes, what would you like?”
She sat up finally, pulling the covers with her, and he wished she wouldn’t. She looked cute, all tiny and naked against the massive background of his bed.
“I suppose your entire family got the picture this afternoon. We shouldn’t have left like we did. And then to come here and do this.”
“Joelle, we haven’t done anything wrong. Besides, it’s our business.”
“And Erica? What if she’s there?”
“I’ll knock first. What choice do we have? You don’t want to put the wet swimsuit back on, do you?”
“No.”
“Okay, then what do you want?”
“All right. My dresser has my bra and underwear. Grab a pair of jeans from my third drawer down, and there’s a dark green top hanging off the end of my bed.”
“Any bra and panties in particular?”
“Yeah. The black ones.”
“Of course. The black ones. Let me guess, they’re all black?”
She finally smiled, completely making his heart flip. “Of course.”
He got up, ducking into a shirt as he went, and grabbing some socks out of his dresser. He felt her eyes on him as he moved around the room. He glanced at her, noticing her still damp hair was now messed up from the knot she’d worn it in to go swimming. She looked pretty sitting there, in his bed. He liked her being there, perhaps a little too much.
Finally, he was presentable. He grabbed the key to Erica’s place and left Joelle alone, hoping she intended to spend the night with him.
He let himself into Erica’s condo, which was empty. He gathered Joelle’s clothes and was halfway to the front door when it opened. Erica stopped dead, her mouth opening in surprise when she caught sight of him. He quickly tucked the clothes under his arms, as if that would change what he held. Erica looked him over, her gaze landing on the pile of clothes in his hands.
“Hello, Nick.” A smile tipped her mouth.
“Erica,” Nick said, “I was just, ah, grabbing a change of clothes for Joelle.”
Erica bit her lower lip. “Of course, you were. A change of clothes. I imagine Joelle’s quite cold by now.”
“Uh-huh,” he said as started to walk past her.
“Hey, Nick?” Erica turned her body to face him.
“What?”
“Grab her coat too. She wears it everywhere. And her purse. Girl can’t live without her purse.”
Nick glanced at Erica, and saw the smile curving her lips. There was really no denying things. “Does it bother you?”
“Not really. But it will her.”
“I know. You were right before. She needed time. Was it enough?”
Erica considered him. “You really care about her, don’t you?”
He shrugged. “I guess I do.”
“Then it isn’t too soon. You just have to convince her of that.”
“How?”
“Woo her. Woo her as you would any other date. Like you did me. You wanted to go out, so you asked, and we dated, you know, flowers, good times, show her what it’s like to feel special.”
“But she doesn’t give a shit about my money. In fact, she resents it. Hates it even.”
“I know, that’s the beauty of her. You’ll have to date her, while convincing her your money isn’t so intimidating.”
“Can I do that?”
“I think you already have. Just be kinder, back off, listen to what she needs, not what you want her to need.”
He nodded and hesitated before he finally asked, “Does she ever see him?”
“Rob?”
“Yeah. I just want to know what I’m up against.”
“She doesn’t see him. She talks to him once a week or so on the phone. And that friend of hers, Spike, came by here last week; said that Zenith had broken up. I think it’s so Rob can clean up his act. It shook her up, really upset her. I didn’t press. That’s the key with her, you can’t press her too hard. She keeps what she thinks and feels tightly to her chest. Eventually, she gets around to talking, but only when she’s ready.”
“She’s so damn young,” he finally said after taking in Erica’s observations. He knew he shouldn’t talk to his ex-girlfriend about this, but Erica was the only one who understood and cared about Joelle the way he did. “She’s way too young for me.”
Erica shrugged. “She is who she is. You love her, accept it. Get over it. Live with it. Just make sure you let her be whoever she was becoming the last few months.”
He nodded. “Thank you. For everything.”
Erica smiled. “Good luck. I think you’re up against the first challenge in your life that won’t be met easily for you.”
****
Back upstairs, he knocked lightly on the bedroom door, and entered when no response came. The bathroom door was closed, so he set Joelle’s stuff on the bed. She adjusted the covers and straightened up the bed. He went back into his closet and found a pair of pressed black slacks, a button-up silk shirt in a deep burgundy, with a wide, stylish collar and no pockets. He was tying his black shoes when the bathroom door opened. Joelle stepped out with a towel wrapped around her, that came to her shins. Her hair was brushed back, and tied at the nape of her neck with a rubber band. She glanced his way, and then stopped abruptly.
“Where are we going?”
“I don’t know; any ideas?” he asked, looking back at his shoes.
“Why are you dressed like that?”
“Like what?” Her tone was off, and he looked up, frowning. Why was she standing there as if frozen and scowling with disdain at him?
She groaned. “Up. Why are you dressed up, Nick? You had jeans on a moment ago.”
“That was just to grab your clothes.”
She shook her head, clutching at the top of her towel. It wasn’t like her cleavage was large enough to support the weight of the towel there. “God! You’re like the girl, and I’m the guy.”
He stood up and put his hands on his hips. “What do you mean?”
She pointed at him, then herself. “Look at us. I have grubby jeans and boots, and you’re in designer label slacks and silk shirt, all of which are new, this year, while mine are at least four years old. Nothing about us or our lives harmonizes.”
“They don’t have to match. These are just clothes. I didn’t mean anything. Want me to change back into jeans?”
She sighed and shook her head. “No. I don’t. You just always look the part of who you are. You always look great. I don’t. Can’t. Won’t.”
“What makes you think I care? I don’t. I just… I’ve always had a thing about my own clothes. In high school, I worked every afternoon so I could buy designer jeans because my mother tried to buy the off brand. It’s just me, and not a reflection on you.”
“You’re serious?”
“Yeah. Look, if it bothers you. I’ll change.”
“Nick, the jeans you had on had a perfect crease in them. They looked as neat as your slacks.”
“Well, I could sit on them a few times if that would help.”
Her shoulders dropped, but she shook her head with a laugh. “You always look gorgeous; it’s me who needs all the help.”
He stepped closer to her, and touched her cheek. “I don’t care what you wear.”
Her lips tilted up. “You just care what you wear.”
“Yes. I do. Sorry, it’s just a thing with me.”
“If you weren’t so gorgeous, it could become annoying.”
“You think I’m gorgeous?” His eyebrows raised with surprised.
“Obviously.”
“No. Not obviously.”
; She tipped her head back. “You’re worried about my opinion of you?”
“Of course, I am. Your past tastes were men who weren’t corporate, well-dressed, well appointed, glasses-wearing types, now were they?”
“No, they weren’t.”
“You enjoy it when I’m unsure of you?”
“Of course, I do. You’re always sure, I’m not. You really think because of how Rob looks, that he’s my type?”
“Well, isn’t he?”
“I hated you the first time I saw you.”
“Yeah, that’s helping. Thanks.”
“Because you looked so perfect standing there. So put together, successful, confident, and God, so sexy, my breath caught. I wondered who had the right to be so well adjusted, and look like you did. Then, after catching me in front of what I felt was a loser group, I wanted to melt away.”
“You thought that?”
“Yes. And every time I saw you after, I could hardly look at you because I was so attracted to you. And I didn’t understand it. Or have a clue what to do about it.”
He went completely still. “I never once knew you thought that.”
She shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I know what to do about it.”
“Just for the record, I don’t either. And there is no reading your reaction to anything, Joelle.”
“At least, you try. Rob never could read me either, but he didn’t even bother to try.”
She turned and rifled through her pile of clothes. Finding her underwear, she slipped them on under the towel, and pulled her bra on. He watched her because he could, because he always longed to have this kind of familiarity, the opportunity to simply be with her for a long time. She moved with small movements: delicate, soft, feminine, even though she tried hard not to appear so. She flipped her long ponytail out of the shirt she pulled over her head.
Barefoot, she sat on the bed as she threw her hair over her shoulder and braided it into a long tight braid. Wrapping around the rubber band, she almost tied it around her head. She pulled several cosmetics out of her purse, went into the bathroom, and returned within minutes. She wore very little this time, eye stuff, and blush maybe. He wondered what prompted her to put thick bands of it on sometimes, and hardly any at others.
